Chapter 12: Should I tell him?

MARIANA'S POV

"Thanks again, Ren" I whisper as the burial ends the following morning. We found out that Richard died of a heart attack. But he was old already, so it wasn't very surprising. Only a few people came, Richard had always been an antisocial and he had practically no relatives "I know you really wanted to stay in Japan to watch the other matches. But you came here anyway, you're a great friend"

"Mmm" Is his awkward answer. He hasn't talked much in the entire trip. It's obvious he this is not his kind of thing, he doesn't seem to know what to say. But his presence here is enough for me. I don't even want to talk about it, I don't need some idiots telling me he's now in a better place or other crap like that. But he has been holding my hand all the time and been really nice to me. No one else could've done better.

"You are the best" I seize all his arm around both my arms "You did brilliantly"

"Eeeh…." He sounds a bit uncomfortable at my showing of affection. No surprises there "Yeah, well…" He smoothly frees his arm from my grip "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you something"

"Yeah?"

"What's gonna happen now?" He inquires quietly "Where are you going to live?"

"I have no idea" I mumble looking at my feet "But I don't have to worry about that right now because I'm going back to the Tournament"

"Right" He nods.

We enter the church near the graveyard as does everyone else here. One of Richard's relatives approaches me and fuck I can't remember her name "How are you doing, dear?" The woman asks gently, she must be in her early seventies.

"I've been better" I smile a little.

"We all have" She smiles back and then looks at Ren "And who's this young man?"

"Oh, yeah sorry" I apologize "This is-"

"I am Ren Tao" Ren interrupts, stretching his hand to the woman politely "And, you are?"

"My name is Stella, darling. I'm Richard's cousin" She shakes his hand pleased and then looks back at me "Is this your boyfriend?"

"No, he's just a friend" I smile when I see him frown in exasperation at her question.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear. You just look like you would do such a lovely couple" Heh, you tell me "So, you'll come to live with me now, if that's ok with you. That officer over there" She points at a tall guy in uniform on the other side of the room "He's got all the papers. We can make the arrangements right now, if you want"

"Sure" I agree. We walk to the man and Stella makes the talk. I glance at Ren, who gives me the thumb up. Well, everything seems to be sorted out. She signs a big bunch of papers, the officer's papers and her own copy. When she's finished, the officer leaves, she leaves the paper on a desk and turns to talk to me.

"I understand you're now staying in Japan?" She questions.

"Yes, for studies, you know"

"But right now you should be on vacation, aren't you?" Uh-oh, this doesn't sound good "Yes, July the second. It's holidays for you. How about you come home for a while?"

"Er…..yeah, but…..you see…." I fleetingly look at Ren for help and notice he's got Stella's papers and seems to be reading something. What's he up to now? "I, er… got a summer course that starts this Monday" Shit! I can't believe I'm lying to an old lady! I'm going to hell!

"Oh" She sounds disappointed. I am so going to burn in hell "Well, but you can at least stay for three more days"

"Er…. I-"

"What?!" Ren suddenly speaks up loudly. I turn around to see him still holding the papers but staring at me with wide eyes full of rage. Uh-oh again. I think I know what this is about.

"What is it dear?" Stella asks him as he leaves the papers back on the desk.

"Oh, I need to go to the ladies" I wink at Ren, hoping he'll get my idea.

"Yeah, me too, where are they" He catches on.

"Back there" She points at the opposite corner of the room.

"We'll be right back" I say and we all but run there. At the door I tell him hurriedly "I went before and they have big windows. Get through the men's room outside and we'll meet at the helicopter" He raises a bewildered eyebrow "She wants me to stay and I have ran out of excuses"

"Ok, then, but you've got some explanation to do" He growls.

"Yes, yes, I promise to explain later. Now go!" I give him a light push and, with half a glare, he goes. I run inside the ladies room and hurry to open the window. As I'm climbing outside, I hear a eh-hem´ from behind. I turn my head and find a woman goggling at me. I pause for a moment and then snap at her "Mind your own business!" And continue on my task.

Once outside, I run as fast as I can to the helicopter. When I get there I find Ren already there, tapping his foot on the floor impatiently and glowers at me when I appear.

"What took you so long?!" He demands irritatedly.

"There was someone in the bathroom" I pant "And your room is closer"

"Yeah, right" He snatches my hand and pulls me inside with annoyance. Once inside, he forcefully pushes me down on the window seat and tells the pilot to get going. When we're finally on air, he turns to scowl at me.

"What?" I look away.

"Don't play dumb with me!" He almost yells at me.

"Ok, look Ren-"

"It's true then?" His voice shakes slightly and his scowl softens a bit into an upset frown.

"Erm, partly" I still don't have the courage to face him "What did you see?"

"Everything. Sexual abuse, for instance" He snaps his eyes shut and tights up his hands into fists "So? Is it true?" He demands loudly.

"I´m so sorry you had to find out like this, Ren" I tell him sadly "But I-"

"I ask for the last time" He hisses heatedly, but his face betrays his distress "Is it true?"

"Most of it" I respond softly.

"How could you not tell me?!" His voice shakes a bit again.

"Oh, please!" I now say angrily "As if you told me everything!"

"I´m so stupid! I should have guessed, it was so obvious!" He puts his hands in his eyes as he says this "When you told me about the Suzukis…" His hands now go up to his hair, gripping it in frustration, making my sudden irritation to fade quickly "You call that just nasty ways?!" He raises his vice again "They took advantage of you when you were only 7, for crying out loud!"

"Well, actually…" I interrupt "They almost did"

"What?" He spins around and fixes his eyes on me.

"Yeah, er, he…. I mean Jack Suzuki, was about to….. you know, but I managed to get away" I mumble silently "So that's when I ran away"

"So, he didn't manage to…" I shake my head and Ren sighs tiredly "God I so want to strangle the life out of him" He hisses and curls his hands furiously "That miserable scum…"

"You already did so, remember?" I smile a little at his indignation on my behalf.

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have! Not in that soft way!" He glares at his shoes as if there he might find the corpse to maim it.

"Well, I don't remember it being soft at all" I point out.

"Mhph! You have no idea" He replies sinisterly. Shit, he sometimes scares me a bit.

"What else did you see?"

He looks away "I don't want to talk about this anymore"

I put a hand delicately in his shoulder "Ren" I take a deep breath "That was ages ago"

"That doesn't make it any better" He whispers.

"And it's not like you had it easy either"

"Yes but that's different" He states.

"How's it different?" I ask sceptically.

"Never mind" He murmurs. I think I know what he thinks is different, but I can't deal with that right now. I'm still not strong enough. Even though I didn't cry because Richard and I weren't that close, it's still awful that I can't stay with the same people for more than a couple of years.

We both stay quiet for the rest of the flight. As I stare outside the window, I decide I'll tell the other guys about my feelings for Ren, which have increased yet more on this trip, when we get to Japan. Maybe they can help me figure out what to do.

(Five hours later)

"Hey! Glad to see you again" Yoh greets us cheerfully as Ren and I enter our house. The whole gang is there having tea on the kitchen table. I wave idly, climbing the stairs to leave my things in my room.

From upstairs I hear Ren growl "We've only been away for a night, stupid, there's no reason to be glad about" I smile at his reply. There's no one like him to cheer me up.

"Uh, what a sulky mood" I hear Ryu comment as I go back down and enter the kitchen "Trip not that good?"

"We went to a funeral, you ass" Ren responds, his voice dripping with sarcasm "How good do you think it was?" After glaring at everyone there, he swirls around and leaves the room.

"Ren!" Jun calls "Where are you going? At least have something to eat"

"I'm gonna take a bath" He calls back. Perfect. This is my chance.

"Hey, Mariana" Horohoro speaks up "Was he this much of an idiot all the trip?"

"No, he was great" I smile, taking a seat between Jun and Manta.

"You're kidding, right?" Chocolove gapes.

"No and as a matter of fact I have something important to tell you about him" I look down at a plate with toasts Tamao just gave me "Or rather more about me, I guess"

Sensing immediately my seriousness, Jun asks concernedly "What is it?"

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" I assure her "At least not for you guys"

"Yeah, so?" Horohoro pushes.

"Well, I……I've realized recently that-" I pause to take a breath "That I- I'm, er…..in love with him" I all but whisper the last part, closing my eyes.

Silence. No one says anything. More silence. An entire minute goes by before anyone says anything. Until Chocolove breaks the silence "What?"

"Yes, exactly what you heard" I open my eyes and look up "I'm in love with Ren. I've liked him since we went to China, but just yesterday I realized I'm in love with him"

Suddenly, Horohoro laughs out loud and Chocolove joins him after a moment. "It's a joke, right?" Horo grins at me and laughs again "It's really good"

"No" I say seriously. That shuts them up.

"Wow" Jun finally says "You love him? I mean, I could tell you maybe had a sort of crush, but there's no way I would have guessed you were in love" She stares at me.

"Well, for all of your reactions at least I can be glad that I'm not being obvious" I say annoyed at their lack of help.

"I'm sorry, Mariana" Yoh says kindly "So, what are you planning to do?"

"Well, I was hoping you guys would help me with that. You think I should tell him?" Silence again. Great.

"I honestly have no idea" Horohoro frowns confused "I mean, I don't even know how he feels about you. Even worse, I can't even begin to imagine Ren with a girlfriend or a date, never mind in love"

"Yeah, Ren doesn't seem to care about those staff at all" Chocolove agrees.

"You tell me" I smile dryly.

"But, on the other hand, he seems to like you better than anyone else" Yoh points out. Yes! That's what I wanted to hear! I so much like Yoh!

"That's true" Jun coincides "He definitely puts up with much more from you than he ever did from me. He really appears to like you a lot"

"Yeah, well, we've become very good friends" I say matter of factly "The thing is" I pause to organize thoughts "I think, I mean, I think he might like me, you know, in the more than friends way. I repeat once again, I think. He's kind of nice with me most of the time. He has all this little details with me, like, he usually opens the door for me, or takes out chairs for me to sit down, you know? And he rarely insults me these days, although he sometimes can't help himself, I mean, he's Ren" I grin.

"Yes, I think I've noticed this" Ryu nods "He does give the impression to have feeling for you"

"Yeah well, it exists the possibility that he's only doing it for the sake of friendship or just trying to be a bit gentlemanly" I say logically "But even assuming, like in an alternative universe, that he did like me, I don't see how on earth he might admit it to himself, never mind anyone else" I finish. Silence yet again. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Yep, you are right about that" Manta concurs. The others nod.

"Fuck it!" Horohoro stands up and pounds his fists on the table "I'll beat the confession out of him!"

"Yeah right" I laugh loudly. He glowers and gives me the finger "No, hey, I really appreciate your concern for my feelings, but, yeah right" I grin widely "I mean, what use will you be of after he mutilates you?" With a scowl, he sits back down "So? Should I tell him?"

"Well" Ryu says "The question is what will his be reaction to your confession"

"I'll so kill him if he insults you or makes fun of you!" Jun declares angrily.

"Worry not" I smile "He's well past that. If I tell him seriously, I'm sure he'll take it seriously"

"Well, then go for it" Yoh smiles lazily.

"Yeah, easier said than done" I chuckle "We've just agreed that he wont admit he likes me and you want me to go and tell him I have an undying love for him?"

"But, you have to do something about it" Jun insists.

"Yes, I know" I sigh miserably "I'm telling him. I just need to get the courage"

"You're doing the right thing" Jun nods "Trust m-"

We all go quiet as we hear loud steps coming from the stair. Ren's coming. He enters the room, which is now in complete silence and we're all staring at him. He freezes in his way and scowls irritatedly "What?" He snaps.

"Nothing, bro" Jun says lightly, making us all to snap out and go back to normal "Here, have some juice" She passes the juice to him.

He glares at her and takes a seat between Horohoro and Yoh "Freaks" He murmurs, scowl still in place. I grin at him. God knows this is going to be difficult, but I wouldn't have it any other way.