SPRING

It's been thirteen months since Momma passed on. I bet you're wondering if anything got better over time. Not a single thing.

Living with Dad and Donny wasn't easy at all. My father would give me lectures about how dating is a sin and no one would ever want to date me anyway because I'm a disguising, filthy demon. Oh how I've heard that my whole life. Except when Momma was alive, she would try to keep me sheltered from my father's words. Now no one is here to protect me. And Donny, he's gone completely off his rocker. When Dad's not beating me mentally Donny's beating me physically. If I don't do as he says I get hit. He's always saying "I love you, you know that, but this is the only way to get you under control." or "It's for your own good. If you'd just listen in the first place, Tara."

I couldn't even count how many times I contemplated suicide. But if I did, I wouldn't ever see Momma again and I can't live with that. So finally I have a shot at life. College at U.C. Sunnydale. Freedom. I pack my bags ahead of time. Not that I have many things. I bring all of my witchcraft books and spell ingredients. And my blade. Dad tried to refuse to let me go but I ended up winning the conversation, how I will never know. Donny drives me all the way up to Sunnydale. I wish we had flown instead. Alabama is a long ride. It was fairly silent though. I sat in the back seat just in case he got angry with me. When we finally arrived, I was so relieved. Birds were singing, people laughing, the sun shining down as if only to dissolve my sadness. It felt good. As if for a moment, just a moment, Momma was looking down at me and the sun was her face. I looked up and smiled at her.

A second later Donny honked the horn and yelled "Well, what you looking at the damned sky for? You think you gonna find God up there or sunthin?"

I turned to him and blinked my eyes, keeping them closed for a just long enough to take everything in, and then I turned toward campus and walked. I didn't look back. Not once.

Slowly, walking into what felt like forbidden territory, I was afraid again. What if they find out? What I am. Demon. What would they do? I kept my eyes fixed on the floor as I walked. Room 12. I made it this far, no giving up yet. I opened the door to see no one there. A black room with one bed, one dresser, and one nightstand.

"Guess I have my own dorm." I muttered to myself. I dropped the duffle bag onto the floor and sat on the bed. "Just little old me."

I gave a slight smile to the dark room. It didn't smile back. I signed up for Wicca Group hoping to find others like me out there. Just making one friend is an improvement for me. And I did. Willow Rosenberg. Sitting in a chair unlike me who was seated on the floor between two other members. I didn't catch their names though. Too busy with the red-head. She wasn't like other girls at all. She was so, so flawless. She would send me a glance or two throughout the class. Every time she did I would quiver. No surprise there. I'm a lesbian. What a surprise, huh? Not.

Then I met her. I mean really met her. We were running from these things. Demons that looked worse than me. Even though they aren't trailing too far behind in that department. But Willow, she was an amazing witch. Our power was more than I had ever felt before. That night, after the demons were killed, I went back to my dorm and inhaled deeply. Wow. That's all that came out afterwards. I was so high on magic. Or was it love? I went back the next morning, to wear I usually see her sitting downstairs. I walked up to her and she looked up warmly and smiled with a smile as bright as my mothers used to be. Oh did I miss that smile.

We talked for a while that day. And the next. And the day after that. Eventually we became closer than friends and closer than best friends. I never told her she was my lover, but she never said anything to me either. It was unspoken and unnecessary. It was love.Then Oz, her other love, came into town. It felt like the blade I kept hidden in my top drawer had come out of hiding and stabbed me over a thousand times all over my body. I felt sick in my stomach, sick in my head, and most of all, sick in my heart. This was, until she came to my door that night. I didn't know who would be knocking on my door at almost midnight. Anyway, I opened it and to my surprise it was Willow. She had a candle and that look on her face that told me she knew what she was doing. I figured she would pick him over me, but she didn't. She made love to me that night. For the first time. And for that night and that morning, I felt pure and whole. And I knew I was happier than I had ever been. Ever.

I knew the saying all good things have to come to an end. It was true. My twentieth birthday is tomorrow. And it seemed like it took forever to come. My brother Donny, my Dad, and my cousin Beth (who is a spitting image of my Dad) came to the Magic box today. I was so sad. I had been happy now for almost a full year and now it was worth nothing? I was right. My father came to bring me back. Back to that stain.

But-oh, Willow. I don't want to leave her. I was going to do whatever I could to stay. I cast a spell on the scoobies to make sure they wouldn't see my demon half. Whatever I am. Then, it all went downhill from there. It appeared that cast the spell entirely wrong in fact. Just as my father walked in. He told my friends about me and I couldn't breath. With his power, he stepped on my windpipe and laughed while he slowly killed me. That wasn't reality of course, because in reality it might have been less enjoyable for him. I fall for it every time. Every single time. But it's such an unbearable feeling! Oh make him stop it! Stop it stop it! Daddy stop it! I was screaming now.

"Tara! Baby, wake up, everything is okay." It was Willow.

I jumped up in bed. I was having a flashback. It was over. I turned to look at my girlfriend lying next to me. Tears ran down my face and splashed onto her. She took me into her arms and laid my head against her chest.

"Shhh. Tara its okay now. You are safe. She whispered in my ear."

I am now. I thought to myself. What happened tonight, my birthday night, was scary. But now everything was okay because I have my Willow tree branching out above me and the rain can never fall upon me again. Not ever.

The next morning as soon as I woke up, I took my blade that I still had hidden in my top drawer of my dresser, and mailed it anonymously to the people I once called my family. They will never cause me pain again. NOT EVER.