Notes:

-The songs "I Want Candy" "Popular" and "Girlfriend" are really super addictive. The happiness of the first two is rather obviously reflected within the first block of text. The third one just reflects weird dreams I've been having. Which relates to me not owning the HP Universe in some roundabout way, I'm sure.

-No Luscious Lucius for this chapter. I'm very disappointed, because he really only makes one more appearance without a sequel being made.

-Apologies for the lateness. Life seems to have hit me over the head with a senioritis shaped brick.

-Apologies for the shortness. Again, blame it on the brick. And the fact that prom dresses are WAY more work than they're worth.

-If you've ever seen InuYasha, check out "Puppyproofing Your Dojo" by Resmiranda. It's amazing. (And the only thing of hers that's short. The rest of the stuff is freaking amazing, but...well. Be in for a long ride if you start in on it.)

James was positively amazed that he was the first one back to the dorm – well, not technically the first. He was there before Sirius, and that was all that counted.

Upon rescanning the room, strewn comfortably with every sort of object that one would expect in a room inhabited solely by a group of boys, he found two surprising things.

The first was that there was a severe lack of Peter Pettigrew within the room. Even through the mess, it was easy to notice the boy's absence. He was sure he'd asked Pete to stay and watch for Remus.

The second, which may or may not have explained the first, was that Remus was climbing out the window with an overly large bundle of books and clothes, who promptly cursed when he saw James and lost some of his precious cargo to the lawn below.

"Remus?"

Remus shook his head frantically – James suspected that his arms would have been used, but he was carrying too much – looking rather comical. "No! Shh! I'm not here!"

James raised his eyebrows and shut the door behind him. Remus was acting even more oddly than usual. "Right. And since you're not here, I don't suppose you'd know where Peter went, would you?"

Remus cringed. "He might be silencio-ed in the bathroom."

James was sure this wasn't an appropriate time for laughter, and just barely curbed it. "Remus! That's horrible!"

Remus gave him a wholly patronizing look. "Oh, like you've never done it. Don't go all high and mighty on me now, Prongs."

"You're channeling Sirius again, you prat." The words popped out of James before he could recall them. Remus' eyes flew open wide, and the boy made it onto the broom outside the window without further incident. James called out to him, racing to the window. "Wait, no! I'm sorry! I – isn't that my broom, anyway?"

Remus winced again. "That depends," he said, evasively, hovering just out of James' reach on the windowsill.

James was sure of the sort of answer he'd receive, but he asked the question anyway. "Depends on what?"

"Whether or not you've had anything to do with what's been going on."

Of course. Life wasn't giving him any breaks today, it seemed. "Ah," he said intelligibly. "Sorry about that."

Remus bit his lip and stuck out his jaw, interpreting James' monosyllabic response correctly. "Right. That's what I thought. In that case, yes, James Potter, this is indeed your broom, and I would be well within my right to light it on fire and throw it in the lake, I do believe." He looked longingly at the dropped articles on the ground below, seemingly planning an escape route.

Trying to quell his panic with the fact that Remus simply would not do that, James reached a hand out the window. "OK. I'm sorry. Come in for a little, and I'll explain everything, I promise."

"No." Remus had actually huffed at him – in any other situation he would have commented on the extreme girliness of that action, but now was not the time.

"Moony, stop being such a stubborn prat, will you?" He reached as far as his upper limbs would allow, and pulled just a bit too hard on the back of the broom.

As a consequence, the werewolf made a distinctly girlish noise as the broom veered wildly – James had to stop himself from laughing. Remus was forced to grab for the windowsill as he fell, swinging precariously. James had a quick battle of conscience between helping Remus up or grabbing the broom from midair before it flew off. Remus saved him the trouble, climbing inside the dorm of his own strength and clearing out so James could reach for the precious Comet 260. Leaning the broom against the windowsill, James took two short steps to Remus and embraced him in what he assured himself was a very manly hug.

Remus didn't pull away, only muttering in a half-hearted fashion the words, "I hate you."

James smiled and backed up. "You're the second person to tell me that tonight, actually."

"You ran into Lily, then?" His werewolf friend was more amused with the idea than he should have been, but James was willing to forgive him anything at this point in time.

Instead, he smiled giddily, recalling the agreement he had eked out of her. "It was amazing, Remus! You wouldn't've believed it! She –"

Remus' eyes flashed, and a sharp jerk of his head indicated that he would be the one leading this conversation. "Oh, no. You're not dragging me into another story involving the greatness that is Lily. Not until you tell me exactly what you did to Sirius."

This was not the conversation James wanted to engage in, but he steeled himself for it anyway. Because, really, it was his fault.

Not that he'd ever admit that. But the sentiment was there.

Remus heard James sigh and slump in an reluctant sort of fashion. "It was all Pete's fault, really. He...he was sure that you and Sirius were meant for each other. Got me convinced too, I'm ashamed to admit."

Remus moved to sit on a bed – Sirius', ironically. Daring James to comment with a look, he nodded. "Go on."

"So he decided that all you really needed was a...push in the right direction, y'know?" James joined him on the bed, sitting Indian style. "And we found this potion – guaranteed to make Sirius go after you."

Remus tried to avoid rolling his eyes to the ceiling and failed miserably. "And you thought you'd just give it a whirl without consulting either of us?"

James looked affronted, and took on an offensive posture. "Hey, I'm not the only one at fault here! Do you have any idea how much I wanted to kill you when I found that note you left?"

Remus yelped, then tried to cover it with a manly throat-clearing. "Excuse me? Just because you're completely irrational when it comes to Lily –"

"I'm not the one in love with my best friend!" The words rang out loudly – and Remus detected more than a hint of anger behind them.

His response was out of his mouth before he could stop it. "When did we confirm that?"

James paused and had the sense to look ashamed. He leaned back to his normal space, no longer invading Remus' bubble of personal space. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, I know."

There was a silence between them, as Remus took the time to control himself before he sent a fist towards his friend. Finally, he broke it, his voice shaking a little, his eyes on his knees.

"And what if I did like him, James? What then? Would you cut the both of us off?" He felt the edge in his voice, and didn't like the way it sounded, but he couldn't help it. "I can't imagine that you've thought this through enough to actually realize that this me and Sirius. You were just looking for the next prank, weren't you?"

"What?"

Remus was on a roll now – he had the same feeling as when he'd found the completion process to a complicated Arithmancy problem. A certain joy in comprehension. "Like you always do – you don't really care about what's going on around you, you just want the adrenaline rush that goes with an adventure. That's why you pursue Lily, isn't it? Every time she rejects you, throws a curse at you, you get a little rush."

James was immediately back in his space. "Don't turn this around on me, Remus."

He couldn't stop himself now – the answers were coming fast. He felt like he finally understood what made James tick, and it was a rather bitter realization. "You don't have any prejudices – and that's great, it makes you a wonderful person – but it's not because you're accepting. It's because you don't care, isn't it? This werewolf business, it was just another great mystery to you, wasn't it? If I didn't provide you with a monthly escapade, you wouldn't have anything to do with me."

James interrupted, looking incredulous. "Moony, that's –"

Remus, however, just kept talking over him. "Don't you dare say it's not true, James. Even this time around – you give Sirius a potion that makes him run around after whomever you choose, and all the more amusement if it's one of your friends, hm? A giant game of 'Fuck with the Lycanthrope's Emotions', that's what it was. I can't believe –"

Remus found himself cut off by a swift punch to the lower jaw, hitting the floor in a rather undignified fashion. The pain caused a flash of brilliant white in front of his eyes, but as he looked up, James had a furious look on his face, and the words he spoke were rigid.

"That's enough, Moony. You are being the most self-centered tosser I know right now, including Sirius. So what if you're in love with him? That's amazing, to find that, and I wish you both the best." The anger dissipated from his face as he helped Remus up from the floor, and his next words were quiet, and had a laughing quality to them. "Because it wasn't whoever we chose."

"What?" Remus had either lost the train of conversation when he hit the floor, or James wasn't making sense anymore.

"The potion. Sirius wasn't after whoever we chose, he was supposed to go after his one true love. Which, apparently, is you."

Remus felt a thousand different emotions slice through him at once – most of them were related to joy, but the few others alarmed him. "James. This – If you're lying to me right now, so help me God, I will tear out your heart and give it to Lily as a trophy."

James spoke calmly, in a placating manner. "I'm not lying, Remus. I wouldn't do that to you, this far in."

Remus was still unsure – this couldn't be true, this wasn't happening. It was too simple, too clean cut. He'd never been this elated in his entire life. "What are the chances that you...you made the potion incorrectly?"

James laughed at him – actually started laughing at him. "You really do channel Sirius, did you know that? That's what he asked me, right after I –" James paused, seeming to think about something. "Right. I forgot. We went to the kitchens –"

"Before or after you ran into Lily?"

"Before. And he was being a real prat, you know? The potion turned him into some sort of drama prince – more than usual. He got so annoying that I," James gulped, obviously trying to think ahead to an explanation that wouldn't land him in deeper trouble with his friend, "Gave him the antidote."

Remus correctly read the expression on his friend's face. "That's not all, is it?"

James was clamoring for a way to keep the peace – and failing miserably, as it only made Remus more nervous. "No. I...he...there's no nice way to put this, Remus, and you have to understand that I don't believe it, alright? He freaked out on me, and said..."

Remus clenched his jaw, already knowing the punch-line to the joke that his life was turning into. "Said that he hates me, did he?"

James was phrasing his words even more carefully now, and Remus could see it. "Not...not hates you. That he didn't like you. Like that, I mean."

"I see." And he did. He was on the emotional rollercoaster of his life, and he'd obviously just hit the low point.

James was speaking in a frantic manner, trying to backtrack. "But that's not what the potion said, you know? He's got to be lying, Remus."

Stiff upper lip, Remus. "No, James. You're not understanding this. Maybe I am the love of his life – but that doesn't mean he loves me now. If he said he doesn't like me, then he doesn't like me. That's simply how Sirius is. There's no way around that, and I'll accept his decision."

James was once again looking at him in an disbelieving manner. "You can't mean that."

"But I do," he replied smoothly, and found the words to be true. "What do you have more faith in, James – the word of your best friend, or a potion you may or may not have botched?" He bit his lip, nodding to himself. "I, personally, will be placing my faith in Sirius, thank you."

"Remus –"

"No, really, James. I'm alright with that." He chuckled darkly. "Not that I'm going to be much of a social butterfly in the near future, but it's fine. I've got good friends, a future that's better than expected, and I shouldn't be asking for more than that."

James looked like he was going to hit him again, but didn't. "You're being an idiot."

Remus climbed off the bed and reclaimed James' broomstick. "No, I'm being reasonable. There's nothing wrong with that." He stepped onto the window ledge and straddled the broom, looking nervously at the ground below. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd really like to stay away from this place for the night."

As he swooped towards the ground, he heard James call out again. "Idiot!"

We'll see. He gathered his things from the ground quickly, then swooped back up to the window. The other boy was already lying on his bed, looking pensive, but Remus called out to him anyway. "James, may I offer some advice?"

"If it's good advice."

Remus rolled his eyes, hoping this would help to reassure the boy that their friendship was still intact. "Call her by her first name," he said, perfectly confident that James would know the 'her' he referred to. "She hates her last name – it reminds her that she's related to her sister."

James shot up, staring at Remus as though he were a god. "Really?"

"Really. And James?"

"Yeah?"

"Take care of Peter, would you?"

The yelp that escaped his friend as he sprinted to the locked door on the other side of the room was priceless.

James had released Peter with utmost expediency, but the small boy still refused to speak to him. Instead, he had gone straight to sleep, not even wanting to hear the conversation that had followed. It was a small sort of anger that Peter indulged in from time to time, and the Marauders had learned to let it simply run it's course. After all, they were all mates, and were therefore allowed some amount of animosity from time to time, no questions asked.

Sirius never returned to the dorms – this worried James more than anything else. And since Peter had refused to speak to him because of his extended stay in magically induced unconsciousness, he'd stayed up for more than half the night waiting for his other friend to return.

It really only meant one of two things – that Sirius relapsed and really had run off to the mountains, intent on winning Remus' favor, or that he was planning something else.

James was willing to bet that it fell more towards the lines of 'planning something else'.

He really, truly hoped he was wrong – after all, the last thing Remus needed right now was another exhibition.

James realized that he'd begun to take personal stock in this particular romance between friends – like it was some sort of personal vendetta. He was sure that Remus would comment about it having something to do with his never-ending chase with Lily, but he wasn't so sure.

What Remus had said to him, for those few seconds – that he was merely looking for an adventure, no emotions involved – had really stuck. He wanted to believe that Remus was wrong – who wouldn't? – but it was still bothering him.

James fancied that his conscience had taken it upon itself to prove Remus wrong.

So now – now it was personal. He'd see this thing through to the end, with only one possible outcome.

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were going to fall in love with each other.

No exceptions.

Peter Pettigrew was beginning to worry.

After he'd woken up, he'd found James still fast asleep – and was completely unable to wake the other boy up. This wasn't a particularly abnormal occurrence, and really only required that James be left alone to sleep off whatever mischief he'd gotten into the night before.

So he'd headed down to breakfast.

Upon arriving, he'd had to eat by himself for the first time in more than a year.

That was what woke him up. The last time he'd eaten alone had been the morning after the period of time under both wild and wide speculation amongst Hogwart's students under the alias of "The Incident".

Remus had been in the infirmary.

James had been talking to Dumbledore, desperately seeking solutions.

Sirius had been inexplicably missing.

Though only one of the three held constant this time around, it was more than enough to worry him. Normally they were all together, fighting over a last bit of food, frantically copying each other's homework, trying to quickly learn something for a test that day. Except, of course, for Remus, who always had it under control, and smirked at them from over his toast.

Not today. Today, undoubtedly, marked the beginning of a turning point.

Remus Lupin was beginning to wonder if there was such a thing as reverse paranoia.

He'd expected to spend the day throwing looks over his shoulders, afraid of catching the wandering look of Sirius Black. He'd expected to be distracted throughout every class, looking at him, wondering what he was thinking, wondering where he'd gone wrong. He'd expected to feel Sirius' eyes on his back in Transfiguration, where the strange boy sat directly behind him. He'd expected to break quills in frustration over the enigma that was Padfoot.

The problem was, there wasn't an enigma to break quills over.

Every class was distinctly lacking in the ball of energy that announced the presence of Sirius Black. He'd had no reason to be distracted, because Sirius simply wasn't there to distract him.

That was the source of his paranoia. The lack of paranoia was making him paranoid.

It was a very frustrating process.

As the last class started, Remus felt that he would have given anything to catch a glimpse of the black-haired boy at that moment. Something to confirm that he was still there, that he hadn't been a disturbing dream laced in his head.

However, it seemed as though Sirius might as well have been a hallucination.

With a distracted hand, he flipped open his notes and began penning down the lecture McGonagall had begun. She spared him a smile, and he weakly returned it as she looked pointedly at the open desk next to him.

He shrugged. It wasn't as though he could provide any answers.

For that, the enigma himself was needed.

Right.

That was fun.

I believe this is what we deem a 'CrapChap' – because, really, it's not entirely needed. There's no real action. No hot man-on-man sex. No explosions.

But, you know. It still takes me longer than I think it will.

Remmie-poo likes reviews. They are like chocolate, he says, in a non-aphrodisiac sort of way. And what's that? I believe Paddy-putz just volunteered to do an Irish jig for anyone who doesn't send me a death threat.

Complete with kilt.

Siriusly.