Remember
(All I wanna do is remember you)
"Ma'am? Ma'am, can you hear me? I need you to focus, miss. Don't try to move, don't try to speak. Just blink if you can hear me." A frantic voice breaks through the icy fog surrounding her consciousness, and she opens her eyes. The light is bright, very bright, and for a moment, she doesn't know who or where she is. The faces up above her head are staring down at her, dull, starch white masks pulled snuggly and protectively against their mouths. There is an unspoken fear shared in their eyes, and a cloud of worry and panic hangs over the room, so she eases some of it by blinking. "Ma'am? All I need you to do is relax. We're going to make sure you're taken care of." There's that voice again, but she pays it no mind. She struggles to remember, she needs to remember. Relaxing is the hardest thing she can do when she wants to remember.
Her name is Olette, she is nineteen going on twenty, and she tried to kill herself by driving her bright and shiny new car (a darling graduation -we'resosorrywehadtomissit- present from her -always- absent mother and father) into Twilight Canyon. She doesn't know who found her, or why she's even alive. She remembers getting into her bright new car with tear-filled eyes, and she remembers screaming as she drove. She remembers hitting that gas pedal and never touching the brake. She remembers going over 100 mph, and she remembers thinking she could fly as the car dove off the canyon's wall. She doesn't remember the exact reason why she decided to take that last ride. She remembers hurting, hurting so bad, and remembers it wasn't a physical pain, but an emotional one -- love, only she doesn't remember who it was she loved. She remembers a boy with silver hair and aquamarine eyes, and a laugh that sent chills down her spine, but he's just a face, a voice without a name. "Relax, just relax. Everything will come back in time," they tell her, but they don't understand. Time is the one thing you never have when you want to remember.
Spring's come, and she's been in this damn place for too long. She remembers a few things, but mostly, she has to be told. She remembers that her parents were never around, she was a wonderful student who won many awards (they show her the trophies to prove it), she had three best friends (they died just a few years before graduation), and there was a guy with a breath-taking smile, gorgeous aquamarine eyes, and beautiful silver hair. When she mentions him, they sadly smile at her and shake their heads. "We're sorry honey, but we don't know who you're talking about." She pleads for a yearbook; she'll show them he exists, that she's not just imagining him. They tell her that she doesn't need to see one yet, she's not well enough. She begs, pleads, cries for one while they just look at her, that sad look in their eyes, and she knows they're probably thinking, "Poor girl's gone insane." She's not insane, damnit, and if they would just give her the damn yearbook, she'd prove it. They slip a needle full of tranquilizer in her arm, and coo quite lovingly, "Hush, it'll all be better soon." Her last thought before darkness embraces her is being quiet will never accomplish anything when you want to remember.
It's summer before they show her a yearbook. She flips frantically through the pages, searching everywhere, anywhere, for any picture of him. She doesn't find one, but she notices a page has been torn out. She asks about it, and again, she is shown that same sad smile and is told she ripped it out. She knows they're lying, but she's learned that outbursts mean tranquilizers, so she keeps her thoughts to herself, and tells them that she remembers ripping it out, and wasn't it a one of those questionnaire things? They nod and pat her on the head. They tell her she's getting so much better, and bites her tongue. They walk out of the room, and she laughs. They don't understand that getting better is hard if you can't remember.
.It's August the 15th and she remembers everything about him. His name was Riku, he had aquamarine eyes, silver hair, a breath-taking smile, and she loved him. She remembers why that page was torn out of her yearbook. She remembers why she was hurting that night so long ago, and why she had gone to Twilight Canyon. She remembers everything – tearing out that "In Loving Memory of…" page, running from her house, crying, hating herself for not saying "I love you," or even a goodbye, and driving off the edge of Twilight Canyon. She remembers he's dead, and she's alive, and suddenly she's full of regret, and they walk in to find her hunched over crying, the tears full of regret, sadness, anger and hate. They slip her another dose of tranquilizer and pat her soothingly on the arm, whispering in hushed tones, that everything's going to be okay once she remembers, and she tries to tell them that the thing she wants is to forget. As she falls into a deep sleep, she thinks it's so hard to forget when all you can do is remember.
(but it's so hard to do)
for: non cause it's horrible
notes: was just to kill writer's block
disclaimer: yeah, it's not mine
character: Olette, & hinted Rikulette
reviews would be lovely