Alone in the darkness, with the full moon smiling down upon me, I sat there on my knees. I wept for every moment I had spent wasting the time of others with my bothersome presence, my tears making a small puddle between my hands which held me up weakly. I wanted to sleep, but I knew I wouldn▓t be able to even if I tried, the light cast down by the full moon would keep me awake and I would simply be lost in the silence of my tormenting thoughts. I closed my eyes, calming my still flowing tears as they continued to make wet streaks over my red cheeks. I envisioned the one thing at the moment which could have calmed me, my Sabaku no Gaara.
I imagined him standing before me, his black trench coat flowing out behind him in the light breeze, his lonely blue-green eyes watching me with a dark glare that years without sleep had made even more intense by darkening the area around those shocking eyes. Now I heard his voice, in my head at first, but then I realized that I was really hearing a voice. ⌠Ano sa. Nee kikoe masuka?■
My eyes shot open. My imagination had gotten the best of me, he wasn▓t there. Then I felt a hand grab my arm roughly and pull me up to my feet, I gasped when I saw those eyes looking into mine. He let go of me as soon as he saw that I was looking at him, I could tell he had had no intention of touching me when he had revealed himself. He watched me now, waiting for me to talk but all I did was stare. When I realized what I was doing, though, I blinked and looked down and to my left to avoid eye contact. ⌠Hello┘Gaara┘w-what are you doing here?■
I hadn▓t meant to sound rude, but I simply couldn▓t find anything else to say. ⌠Why do you look away?■ I heard him ask, sounding much less stern and perhaps slightly hurt, though it could have simply been my imagination again. ⌠Do you hate me so much that you cannot stand to look at me?■
At this I looked up suddenly coming to meet his eyes, and as I lifted my head I began to speak a bit too loudly, ⌠No!■ I stopped, seeing the lonely intensity in his eyes and I lowered my eyes once more, speaking in all but a whisper. ⌠I┘I just┘I don▓t want to see you looking at me┘Gomen┘■
He said nothing but I could feel his eyes boring holes into the top of my head, as though attempting to see inside my mind, to read my thoughts. I watched his shadow stand perfectly still, cast over me by the moonlight and I suddenly remembered something. It was a full moon, there was something about Gaara under the full moon that made him dangerous (or more so than usual). What was it?
⌠Shukaku!■ I gasped, looking up suddenly to meet his gaze once more, my eyes wide. ⌠Gaara-kun┘■ I kept my gaze locked with his, I needed to read his eyes for the answer to this question, because I knew I would not get a real answer, if any. ⌠Why did you come to me tonight?■ He was silent for a long time, I could see in his eyes that he was going over his answer in his mind, seeming as though he was searching for the right words.
⌠To rest┘■ he said finally, though I had no idea what he meant, he could have done that same thing at his home. Why risk a killing fetish and your own sanity just to find a new place to rest for the night? When he saw the confusion in my features he spoke again, ⌠Your voice calms him┘■ he almost whispered, his lips nearly touching my forehead as we watched each other▓s eyes. ⌠Sing┘let me rest┘■ The way he said it, it sounded like a request more than an order, as though he knew he was not able to order me around.
I smiled at him softly, spreading my arms warmly and welcoming him to lay his ear against my chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist, listening to the steady beat of my heart as we sank to the floor. I began humming a soft tune, trying to think of something to sing to the boy, and he laid his head upon my lap awaiting my song. I began stroking his bloody red hair as the tune to my song drifted into the tune I hummed, and I began my song.
⌠I tire from walking; the raindrops hit my face┘Out here chasing an uncatchable rabbit┘I can see deep into your eyes┘like the bubbling water in the depths of a dark sea┘You▓re calling out to me┘to me┘I▓m right here┘Where┘where should I go to satisfy these desires? ┘Let▓s head home and then tomorrow┘will you smile and say, ▓everything is alright▓? ┘I call out your name┘your name┘I▓ll give you a warm embrace┘Just close your eyes and remember our childhood days┘You make up for the areas that I am lacking┘I▓ve forgotten all about the sad times┘so, I▓m not scared at all┘Now I▓ve lived, and I feel more remorse┘somehow, I managed to grow up┘Now I feel ashamed, and I nervously sweat┘but even still I▓ve found a reason to continue the dance┘I scorch my soul┘my soul┘I▓m yelling out to the heavens! ┘If I just open that door┘that door┘I▓ll be saved┘Let▓s head home and then┘let▓s meet that rabbit on the dark side of the moon┘Let▓s head home, and then tomorrow┘we▓ll be laughing in our bare feet┘you▓re calling out to me┘to me┘I▓ll give you a warm embrace┘Just close your eyes and remember our childhood days┘I tire from walking; the raindrops hit my face┘Out here chasing an uncatchable rabbit┘I can see deep into your eyes┘like the bubbling water in the depths of a dark sea┘I call out your name┘your name┘I▓m right here┘Now, if I can just tell this to my heart┘my heart┘these desires will be satisfied┘■ JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ The next morning I ate breakfast with Kankuro, as usual, but I made no move to start any kind of conversation. My thoughts were lost in the events of the previous night, Gaara had left as soon as light began to show on the horizon and left me alone in silence. He had said nothing before he left, except for a simple, ⌠I will be expecting you┘■
⌠Ano sa! Ano sa, Tsukasa!■ I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of Kankuro▓s calls. I looked at him, my eyelids drooping slightly from lack of sleep and my eyes glazed as I was still half lost in my own mind. ⌠Are you alright? You look terrible┘■
⌠I▓m fine┘■ I said softly, looking down at the food I had yet to touch, ⌠I just couldn▓t sleep last night is all┘■ I was silent for a moment, as was Kankuro, who had responded with a simple ⌠hmm■. Suddenly a question rose to my mind that I knew would make him suspicious, but I also knew I could not ask Gaara directly. ⌠Kan-chan┘do you think he might miss me?■
⌠Huh?■ Kankuro gave me an odd look, his cheeks bulging with food and I could not help but smirk weakly at this sight.
⌠Gaara┘do you think he▓ll miss me when I go back to my village?■ I asked, dreading the answer which I needed to have.
Kankuro shrugged, ⌠How should I know?■ I sighed, discouraged, and I lowered my gaze once more. ⌠But I know one thing! I▓ll definitely miss you! I wish you could just stay here forever, Tsuka-chin!■ he said with a broad, beaming grin.
I smiled softly, ⌠Thank you, Kan-chan┘■ and then I poked at my food with my fork and sighed, I was no longer as hungry as I had been at one in the morning. ⌠I▓m sorry, I cant eat any of this┘I▓m just too tired┘■
Kankuro froze, stared at me for a moment or two and then jumped up, pointing a fork at me. ⌠You▓re too tired to eat?!!? That▓s not possible! You can always eat!■ I shrugged and shook my head slowly, feeling as though I would fall into my food face-first if I did not get some kind of caffeine into my system. ⌠That▓s it! I▓m taking you back to your motel! You need sleep!■ I paused and then grasped what he had said, delayed reactions are part of being that tired.
⌠No! I-I cant┘■ I stifled a yawn, ⌠I need to go to negotiations with Kazekage-sama! And besides┘Sasuke and Lee are back there┘and I have no desire to be around them both at the same time┘■
⌠Then you▓re coming home with me! You can sleep in Gaara▓s room, he never uses his bed anyway.■ Kankuro said, jumping up from the table, leaving some money on it and pulling me back to his house, me protesting half-heartedly the entire way.
At Kankuro▓s house he showed me to Gaara▓s room, which I stood outside of for a long time. I had not even a remote desire tucked away in the back of my consciousness to go into that room, you don▓t just go sleep in someone else▓s room without their permission, it simply isn▓t done. Not to mention I▓d be too caught up in thoughts of what Gaara may do to me if he found me in there to even get any sleep. Kankuro came from his room carrying a blanket and some pillows and paused when he saw me, still standing before Gaara▓s door. Simply staring at it blankly, eyes half closed, almost swaying noticeably back and forth like a drunk. ⌠Huh? Ano sa┘why aren▓t you already in there?■ he said, opening the door with his free hand, placing the pillows atop the blanket in his other hand. ⌠Well, go on in!■ he said, pushing me into the room.
I stumbled in clumsily, and stood in the center of the room as Kankuro made up the bare mattress that sat on a metal frame on the far side of the room. Other than the bed there wasn▓t much else in the room, the walls were bare, sort of gray-ish, and they had slight cracks coming down from the ceiling. There was a small closet on the wall to my right, and on my left there was a small window. A wooden desk, sort of like the writing desk my grandmother used to own, sat against the wall beside the door. Oddly enough, it reminded me of my own room back in Kuraigakure-minus the ramen cups and stuffed animals. I felt instantly comfortable as I laid myself down upon the bed Kankuro had made up for me, ⌠Ano sa┘Kan-chan┘?■ I said shyly as he made his way to the door.
He turned toward me with a warm smile, and seemed to instantly know what I was going to say. ⌠Don▓t worry about Gaara, I▓ll let him know you cant come in today. But I wont mention that you▓re also sleeping in his bed.■ He placed his index finger to his lips and winked at me, he knew me better than any of my other friends.
I smiled, and as he closed the door to Gaara▓s room I whispered out to him, ⌠Arrigato gozaimasu┘Kankuro┘chan┘■ And with that thank you I fell into a heavy unconsciousness.
When I had finally opened my eyes from my dreamless sleep, the sky outside the window had a dark orange hew as the sun sank behind the wall of the village to hide from the rising moon in an everlasting game of hide-and-seek. I yawned widely and stretched, cat-like, arching my back and stretching my arms out before my body. I was rubbing the sleep out of my dark eyes, sitting upon the bed with my back end rested on my heels, when I heard the voices from downstairs getting loud enough for me to hear clearly. I listened intently, not meaning to be nosy, but still curious.
I heard Kankuro▓s voice, he was yelling at someone. ⌠Demo┘she hadn▓t slept all night! Come on! She was practically falling asleep in her food when we went out for breakfast!■ He was either explaining my presence to Temari, or┘I didn▓t want to think about the other possibility because it made my stomach do flips. ⌠And each time I checked up on her she was out! Like something dead!⌠ I shook my head, telling myself over and over again that it was only Temari who had probably wondered why there were no sheets on Kankuro▓s bed. Yes. That had to be it.
I was in the middle of reassuring myself when I heard the second person▓s voice, apathetic and still. Cold, yet I could hear something like jealousy in his tone. ⌠Why do you spend so much time with her?■ I froze, wanting to jump out of the window so that I wouldn▓t be found. Instead I crawled under the sheets for protection, laying my head on the pillow and watching the door as I continued to listen to the conversation.
⌠W-what?! What does that have to do with her not being at negotiations?■ Kankuro had calmed, but he was a naturally loud person so I could here him well enough. There was no response from the other man, but I knew he was probably glaring daggers at Kankuro. ⌠I guess it▓s because we▓re friends, but why do you care?■ No response, only footsteps.
FOOTSTEPS?!?! Coming my way, oh, no! He was coming to his room, I pleaded with Kankuro, in my mind, to stop the man from opening his bedroom door. Suddenly I heard fast paced footsteps and Kankuro▓s desperate voice, right outside the door. ⌠Uh, Gaara, you really don▓t want to go in there.■ No response. ⌠Seriously, Gaara, why don▓t you go┘um┘get something to eat? Yeah! Grab some money and go out for dinner, huh?!■ He sounded shaky, Gaara must have been killing him with his eyes. The doorknob turned, ⌠No! Gaara! Wait!!■
The door opened and I sat bolt upright, holding the sheet close to myself as Gaara stared at me with curiously wide eyes. We watched each other for a long time, neither spoke, but I could see Kankuro in my peripheral vision; standing behind Gaara, he looked shaky and frightened of how the red-head may react to finding a girl in his bed. Gaara said nothing, simply closed the bedroom door as he stepped into the room.
As he neared me I backed away as much as possible without getting off the bed, not frightened so much as terrified. I could feel my entire body shaking from my nerves, his very presence made me feel like an insect. He never took his eyes off of me as he walked over to the bed where I sat, and crawled over to me as I tried to melt into the wall that I had backed into. Squeaking slightly as his face came dangerously close to my own, I felt as though I might die from my nerves. He glared at me and opened his mouth, I looked away from him and shut my eyes tight, not wanting to see how he was planning to inflict pain upon my vulnerable body. But, no pain came, only calm words. ⌠You didn▓t come today.■ He said simply, I opened my eyes and looked at him in curious confusion.
⌠I┘I▓m sorry┘■ I said to his sad glare, he seemed hurt for some reason. ⌠I wanted to come┘■ I looked down and to my left, avoiding eye contact. ⌠I really did want to come┘but Kankuro insisted I get some rest┘a-and I▓m sorry for intruding on your room!■ I added suddenly, looking up at him in my nervous outburst. ⌠I-I couldn▓t go back to the motel because the only place to sleep was in Sasuke and Lee▓s room and I really don▓t want to be around Sasuke right now. So, I was going to meet you for negotiations like I always do, if only to get away from the others for a day, but Kankuro said I could sleep here. So, I▓m really, really sorry about being here. I can leave now, if you want me to.■ My rant had received an odd look from Gaara, he raised one non-existent eyebrow at me and cocked his head ever-so-slightly to one side.
⌠You talk too much.■ he said flatly, causing me to blush furiously as I looked down at my hands gripping the blanket on my knees. ⌠Are they precious to you?■ I heard him ask, though at first I had not believed what I had heard.
I looked up suddenly, ⌠huh?■ Our eyes met and he seemed to be watching me with cruel suspicion. ⌠I-I┘I suppose┘they are my friends after all┘■ I saw him lower his eyes for the first time and I hastily added, ⌠B-but, you▓re precious too, Gaara-kun!■ As soon as he looked at me I gasped, realizing what I had said. I looked away, how could I have said that? Of course I meant it, but I had promised myself he would never know of my feelings, I did not want to seem like I was just using him. No┘I could never do that to my Gaara┘ ⌠I mean┘you have always been┘my most precious person┘Gaara-kun┘■ I finally whispered, feeling my face burn red from my embarrassment at this humbling confession.
Our eyes met once more as he stared at me in astonishment and disbelief, I knew he was trying to prove me wrong in his mind. Find something in my past actions to prove that I was lying, so that he could catch me in a lie and kill me. So that he would never have to feel the pain of being betrayed, he wanted me to lie. But I knew he knew I was telling the truth, because all I had ever done was simply to get his attention, or to make him lighten up and smile a bit maybe. All I had ever done, everything I wanted, was for Gaara┘⌠I love you┘■