AN: I have fanart! ...Go to and type in "by: immortal-fool andie000" in the search box; they're quite excellently drawn, and make my innards warm (with joy). Many thanks to immortal-fool (yes, I am too lazy to do all that insane capitalizing stuff). All fanart is VERY appreciated, and if I don't gush about it in an author's note, I'll be sure to in a PM. :)

Crash! Mandy's eyes snapped open, and she sat up instantly, knocking Billy away, who had been sleeping with his head on her chest. It was still dark out. At least, it was dark until a cold blue flash of lightning illuminated the world around her. Another crash of thunder was heard, and Mandy's breath was knocked out of her as Billy tackled her with an enormous scream. She tried to shake him off, but he clung to her, wide-eyed and shrieking with each clap of thunder that sounded above them. "Oh, please," Mandy said, rolling her eyes, "it's only-"

Crash! Mandy felt her friend quivering against her in fear, just as she had been quivering against him mere hours ago. She stood up and dragged Billy to his feet. "Come on," she shouted at him, as the rain began to pour down.

Billy needed no further encouragement. Seizing her arm in an impossibly frightened grip of steel, he began to tear through the forest, barely allowing Mandy time to grab his pants off the tree branch. Mandy marveled at the fact that he knew his way so well. Of course, the forest wasn't hard to run through- it was old, and had very little undergrowth- and Billy was certainly running. In moments, the two were back at the ruined dance floor. Mandy handed him his pants. "Put these on. No one wants to see you in your see- through little-" Crash!

Billy blushed. "Um, actually, my-" Crash!- "aren't that little. Plus they're drenched from all this rain." Crash! He screamed as he tried, in a panicked flurry, to struggle into his pants. "Can we please go?!? Please?"

-GABM-

"Mandy, it's three in the morning," Mandy's father slurred. There were huge purple circles under his eyes. He looked exhausted, and was standing, half-dressed, in the middle of the kitchen.

Mandy ignored his pitiful state- after all, he was always pitiful- and started dishing him orders. "Set up a guest bed for Billy. Heat up cocoa for me- I'm cold. Put an extra blanket on my bed, too. Where's Mom? When you see her, tell her I expect breakfast later than usual, but if it's cold, she's going to remake it."

"Can she make ham?" blurted Billy.

Mandy stared at her father. "Ham," she said simply. She snapped her fingers, and her dad shuffled off, looking miserable.

"Wow! Yer dad takes orders really good!" Billy grinned and scratched his head. "...Is he a robot?"

"No, Billy, he's just stupid. Much like yourself."

"Do you like your dad?"

The question was pointless, random. Mandy slapped Billy's face, sending him backwards into the wall. "Of course not, you dummy," she snapped.

Lightning flashed outside. Billy crawled back to Mandy and clung to her legs, not bothering to stand up. Mandy simply glared down at him; if she tried to kick him away, she'd fall, perhaps breaking her feeble ankles. She felt Billy's fingers slowly trace the backs of her calves. He suddenly grabbed her legs, giving them an all-out hug, causing her to swear loudly and nearly lose her balance. "What's wrong with you?" she cried.

Billy sensed the alarm in her voice and released her immediately. He fell back a yard or so away from her, looking up into her face, his own eyes anxious. "I offended you," he said, sounding frustrated, ashamed, sad. Tears sprang to his eyes, and he looked away from her.

"You made me lose my balance."

"Aww, so I didn't offend you?"

"I never said that."

Billy scratched his head, trying to puzzle the situation out. "I, uh..." He squinted one eye and looked up at the ceiling. He began to drool slightly, his mind too small to think and keep control of his body at the same time, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Cocoa!" he finally shouted, pointing triumphantly at Mandy's father, who had walked in with a steaming mug on a silver platter.

"That's my hot cocoa," Mandy coolly reminded her friend. She lifted the mug from the tray and sipped at it in front of Billy. Billy's eyes fairly watered again from want.

"Is everything in order?" Mandy said to her father, ignoring the fact that Billy was staring longingly at her mug of hot chocolate.

"Yes, honey," her father said. He winced as if in pain. "May I go back to bed now?"

"Hm," Mandy said. She glanced from Billy to her cocoa mug. "I suppose so."

Billy's face fell. His eye twitched as he watched her swallow the calming, steaming-hot drink, but he made no move to take it from her, as he would have years before. "How warm are the blankets on the guest bed?" he asked suddenly.

"What blankets?" Mandy replied, placing her mug carelessly in her stainless steel sink.

Billy shivered, looking worried. An instant later, he perked up a bit. "Mandy, how's about we-"

"No."

Billy bit his lip. The thought of an entire night, cold, sleepless, and- and alone was more than he could bear. A distant rumbling reminded him both that he was hungry and that the storm had not quite gone away- and, when he moved, his wet pants chafed against his skin. His face settled into a dull, glum expression. "Gotcha," he sighed.

Mandy looked at him. He was still soaked from the rain, and naked from the waist up. Small lines had begun to develop under his eyes- a more weary, weather-worn effect could not have been hoped for. Mandy stopped looking at him. He's not my problem, she told herself. Why the Hell do I care how much sleep the idiot gets?

"You know where the guest room is," Mandy said to him. She flipped the kitchen light off and began to slowly climb the stairs to her bedroom. She turned to look behind her- Billy wasn't following. "Come on," she said to him through gritted teeth.

A few seconds later, Mandy heard him trot up the stairs, stumbling every so often in the darkness. She turned to go into her own room. Behind her, Billy walked into several walls, whispering "Ouch!" each time extremely loudly. Mandy ground her teeth and shut her door tightly after she'd made it into her bedroom.

For the first time in what seemed like ages, she was alone. Mandy exhaled slowly, unzipped her dress, and stepped out of her shoes. Her bed was soft and warm, and her core had been warmed earlier by the hot chocolate she'd had... but she couldn't seem to get comfortable. It wasn't that she wasn't exhausted- she was- but no matter how many sheep she counted and no matter how long she waited, she couldn't sleep. Were her underwear soaked, too? Maybe that was it. She sat up and peeled off her bra and panties- they were indeed wet, and she tossed them carelessly into a corner. Her mother would find them the next day and wash them for her.

Mandy rooted through her closet. Her favorite pink nighty was hanging where it always was. Yanking it impatiently over her head, she rubbed her eyes and padded out of her bedroom, into- of all the surprising places- the guest room.

Billy was laying on the guest bed and staring at the ceiling. He sat up when he heard her coming, giving her a huge, happy grin. "Hey there Mandy!" he whispered loudly. "I've been watching the patterns on the ceiling that happen when the lightning goes crackle, ka-ZAM!" At that moment, the lightning flashed, and Billy giggled as he watched it. The shadow that appeared was little more than a huge trapezoid- except, the longest side was rounded outwards. "That one looked like Abe Lincoln! Deheehee!" The lightning flashed again, and the exact same shadow was formed once again. "And- ooh! Ooh! That one was a mellow orange!" He covered his mouth with his hands and gave a classic, whispery "Teehee!"

"It looks more like a pie to me," Mandy replied stiffly.

"Don't be dumb! It looks nothing like a pie! Any Brazilian crackmonkey with a butt would be able to tell that," Billy answered confidently. He looked at Mandy, raising an eyebrow: his version of a clever and triumphant air. The lines under his eyes were a little more pronounced than they had been before.

"Aren't you tired?"

Billy's grin faded. "I'm exhausted," he murmured. His grin reappeared as another lightning bolt crossed the sky. "But at least I gots these cool shadows to play with before I pass out!" He swayed a bit, his smile becoming the dizzy, loopy smile that a drunk would have. "Which'll be soon..."

"Get up," Mandy said. "You can sleep in my bed. And, I swear, if you so much as breath a word of it ever again... is this getting through to you?"

Billy pointed limply at the ceiling. "Quakershaker," he stated unintelligibly.

"I didn't think so." Mandy shook Billy's shoulder. "Come on. Stop walking like some sort of stupid cripple-drunk. It's only a few steps."

"Sleep? With you?" A few of Mandy's words had begun to sink in, and Billy, through his exhaustion, was managing a small smile that shone with happiness. "Gee, Mandy, that sure is-"

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up before I make you. And this time- if you dare hold me while I sleep, I will personally see to it that you receive a wedgie vast enough to make you bleed. Clear?"

"Yeahyeahyeahye..." Billy let his voice trail off, too tired to continue with one-and-a-half more "yeah"'s. Mandy slid beneath her covers, laying on her side, facing away from Billy. For the first time ever, she was initiating something that could be (although she told herself it wouldn't be) romantic. With... Billy? The thought was laughable. Part of her- the part of her that was hateful-ruler-of-the-world material- was filled with scorn. She was Mandy, Mandy the Merciless, Mandy the girl who insisted that romance was for the weak-minded. She was. But... somewhere along the way, there was some sort of catch. She had one tiny little weakness.

Her weakness gave a happy sigh and slid into bed behind her. "Thanks, Mandy!" he whispered cheerfully.

"Don't mention it. Ever." Mandy's inner scornful ruler had always approved things that gave her some sense of satisfaction. Maybe even, in this case, enjoyment.

Mandy's inner scornful ruler gave a demonic smirk and welcomed her decision. Before too long, Billy was snoring gently beside her, and she touched his hair lightly.

Affectionately.

No one ever need know.

-GABM-

"Didn't I tell you not to touch me?" Mandy said icily. Her face was flushed, and her eyes flashed furiously. Whatever exhaustion-drenched decision she'd made the night before, it had been the wrong one, and she'd woken up hatefully.

Billy was standing there, looking confused and extremely upset. No wonder he's upset, Mandy thought venomously; I practically invited him to try something. "Sleep with me"... stupid. Stupid. "I just held on to you in my sleep! S'not like it's never happened before. C'mon, Mandy..." Billy said. Surprisingly, he didn't sound angry or whiny at all. Only ashamed and timid.

"Fine," Mandy replied coldly. "Meet me downstairs for breakfast. Your crime wasn't all that terrible, I suppose, especially considering your moronic need to touch everything you see, but that doesn't mean you have an excuse."

"Yeah!" Billy yelled, pumping a fist into the air. "Breakfast!"

"Yeah," Mandy repeated, glaring. "Breakfast."

-GABM-

"Does Billy want more ham?" Claire asked her daughter in a quivering, servile voice.

"Billy," Mandy said to her friend, "do you want more ham?"

"I sure dooo! Morehammorehammoreham!" Billy wiggled his feet and belched. He'd finished a few platefuls already, but 'a few platefuls' was not nearly enough to satiate his enormous appetite. He grinned. He was always happier when he was eating.

Mandy stretched, still wearing her pink nighty, and took care not to let anything too outrageous pop out of the scanty garment. "I've never been so impressed, nor so disgusted," she deadpanned. "Nine plates. Absolutely horrible."

"Saywha...?" Billy was staring at her absently. When Mandy raised an eyebrow at him, he blushed, and scrambled for something to say. "Uh, nice scenery, huh? Gosh, those are great oranges!"

"We don't have any oranges, Billy," Mandy said, her scowl tearing into him.

"Oh, uh- well, that explains why I've never gotten to squeeze 'em! ...You know, for orange juice." Billy's blush deepened, and he looked down at his plate, embarrassed. Mandy caught herself before she felt any sort of sympathy for him. Sympathy had been leading to physical contact far too often lately.

Mandy picked at her toast. "Obviously," she said coldly, "since the sole purpose of squeezing an orange is to get to the liquid inside."

"Not always," Billy replied happily. "I'd squeeze an orange for fun!"

"That's just dumb. Squeezing oranges can't be 'fun'."

"Sure it can!" Billy said, grinning. "'Specially the ones that're all ripe and large! Deeheehee!"

Mandy ignored his last statement and dropped her toast back onto her plate, where it landed with a dry thunk. It was getting cold. She'd have to order her mother to make more. "I'm going to go change into some real clothes," Mandy said, scowling at Billy's shirtless torso. "If I so much as hear the stairs creak-"

"D'aw, I wouldn't ever try anything, evers," Billy replied. He was still smiling, but there was a softer quality to his voice, and his smile was slightly sadder. He was hurt because she didn't trust him, Mandy realized.

"Right," Mandy acknowledged bitterly.

Billy didn't quite miss the sarcasm in her tone. "Oh..." he said, voice quiet. His eyebrows slanted downwards slightly. Mandy felt something tug at her conscience- guilt?- and almost went back to tell him that she did trust him, more than anyone else, when it came to things like this.

She couldn't tell him that, though. And so she simply turned away, glaring, and began to stalk up the stairs angrily.

Billy sat alone at the table. Mandy was always so confuzzle-i-fying: she'd let him hold her, and when she did, Billy could feel her relax a little bit, slightly less gloomy. Hey, that meant she was happier! Billy's grin began to reappear, but went away quickly. She always punched him in the face after he hugged her. Did she like hugsies or not? His eye twitched as he tried to think- but, gee, thinking was so, so hard. He gave up on trying to figure things out, and sat at the table, staring glumly at the checked tablecloth.

Claire appeared. She was grimacing, and her thin arms were straining as much as they could to hold on to something. She lifted a huge, dense piece of roasted ham onto Billy's plate. The meat was so heavy that it began to crack the chinaware underneath it. "I hope that's enough for you, Billy," Claire said. Her voice was faint. Exhausted.

"Actually," Billy replied sadly, "I'm not really hungry anymore."

Claire hit the floor in a dead faint. Billy paid no attention, lost in his own trouble. Eventually, however, he glumly lifted the ham from his plate and stuck the whole thing down his throat.

The ham was much too large to go down. He tried to shove it down further, but his arms were too short, and when he tried to yank it back out again, it stuck fast. He felt his neck gingerly. The meat made a huge, ham-shaped lump stick out beneath his head... he needed help. "Hey," he said to Claire, noticing for the first time that she was collapsed on the floor. "So you're passed out, then? Uh-ohs..."

Billy stood up and began to climb the stairs. Once outside Mandy's room, he knocked loudly on her door. "Don't you dare come in," she answered. Though the door muffled much of the sound, her voice did not lose any of its severity.

"Okee-dokes," Billy called back, prodding the lump in his neck and wincing. "I just gots a question for you! ...Have you ever had something really huge thrusted deep down yer throat?"

There was a long, long pause. Billy waited anxiously. Finally, the door opened- Mandy scowled, drew back her fist, and delivered a granite-shattering punch directly into Billy's nose. Billy flew back and smashed into the wall. The impact sent birds twittering around his head; fortunately enough, it also dislodged the ham. Billy gagged a few times, held his stomach, and threw up.

Ham, ham, and more ham. He shook violently as breakfast flooded back out of his mouth. His jaws strained to their limit, his face stretched to unbelievable proportions as he choked out the enormous chunk of meat Claire had last given him. Mandy watched him. Her eyebrows slowly lifted upwards in a rare display of emotion. "Are you okay?" she said

"Huh?" Billy said, confused. "You- you just saids something- concerned-like. Wh-"

"I meant," Mandy said, her glare in place and her teeth gritted, " 'Are you okay' as in 'Are you going to throw up again, because you're disgusting me and getting barfstains on my carpet.'"

"Ohhhh," Billy replied, smiling and nodding. "Yeps! I'm all good, even though my throat is in horrible pain and the inside of my mouth tastes like an angry badger with bladder problems and a horrible, bleeding prostate who's selfish and vain Yes, I'm fine."

"Very well," Mandy said, monotone as usual. "Call Grim. This mess needs to be cleaned up."

AN: (again) Yes, yes. This chapter was written more for humor than for romance. Too much BillyxMandy right now would tear my heart out, seing as "right now" is just after watching Wrath of the Spider Queen for the very first time. -cries-