I had woken that morning to the sounds of dogs outside my window, I still couldn't believe I had been able to fall asleep. Even if it was to the nightmares of Tsukasa's angry screams, and tearful eyes. I knew I should not have been so possessive, so self-absorbed, she had been right, but I would never admit it. I got out of my bed, it was about five in the morning, so I went for a walk to clear my mind. Maybe afterwards I would be able to make the right decision in context with Tsukasa, then again, I might have been just as headstrong as my brother. Although, my brother seemed much more likable than myself at the moment, unheard of, I know, but true.
While on my walk I saw him in the window of a small house, that bastard who thought he was anywhere near good enough for Tsukasa. I snuck up to the roof by the window where he was standing in the mirror, perhaps he was saying something I could use against him. I peaked in and listened hard for his voice, he was looking at himself in the mirror. I leaned in a bit closer and then I heard it, "Tsukasa, I love you." He sighed then said it again, "I love you, Tsukasa? ...Damn! Why doesn't it sound right?" I backed away from the window, Gaara was trying to confess his love.
"Damn it," I muttered as I left the roof and walked away, my hands deep in my pockets, my head hung low. "Why couldn't I do that?" I asked myself, Why couldn't I just say it to her straight, instead of making her think I wanted to own her. "It's because you're an idiot, Sasuke!" I kicked myself, "You're beyond stupidity at this point, Sasuke...Uke-chan..." I said her nickname for me with tenderness. It sounded so much better when she said it, after all, she had been the only one to ever use that name and live to speak about it. I liked the name when she used it, there was something about her that just made me forget myself, but then she made me into an animal. I lost all impulse control when faced with her, and that was why I would claim that I owned her like some thing, some animal to be owned.
No, if anyone was an animal, I was. I was a stupid, brutish animal. Tsukasa had every right to hate me, but then, no matter what she said, I knew she never really would. She was too loving and caring a person to actually hate anyone, no matter how much they deserved it.
I came upon a small park, where swings squeaked as they swayed back and forth in the breeze. I sat on one of the swings, resting my feet in the cool sand, watching the grains as they rolled along the ground. I hated myself, for everything, for what I had become, for what I had done, for what I had wished to do, just for being me. I sighed and threw my head back, watching the sky with blank eyes. It was dark still, but the sun would be rising soon enough, and I would have to return to the motel. But what would I do when I saw Tsukasa again? Would I act as though nothing had happened? No. Would I treat her as though she did not exist? No, I could never. Should I apologize? Of course! But how would I go about doing it?
I could take her aside, make sure we were in private, then just tell her honestly and kindly that I was sorry and that I would make sure to never do it again. Or I could apologize right there in front of everyone else, stand there in front of everyone and announce my wrongdoing and swear that I would never do anything like it ever again. No, that was a bit too overzealous for me, she would think I was acting. No, I want to present myself in a way that is purely me. I would take her off to the side, but I wont be mushy like Naruto would be, but I wouldn't be pushy. I would try and tell her in the best way I can get it out, I would do my very best not to make her angry.
I worked out every detail of my apology in my mind, though it had taken longer than I thought it would. It was light out when I stopped thinking, so I decided to start making my way back to the motel. Tsukasa should have been waking up by then. That was what I had thought, anyway. It was about 7:30 a.m. when I got back, but the mood was definitely not anything like I had expected.
As soon as I walked into the room where everyone else was, I knew something was wrong. I especially knew something bad had happened when I saw Gaara and Lee, both with blood on their shirts. My eyes opened wide when I realized the one person who wasn't sitting there with the rest of them: Tsukasa!! "No!" I ran to her bedside, tears streaming down my cheeks as I looked down upon her bloodied body on the sheets. She had killed herself. But why?
Did she not know how much everyone loved her? Had no one told her that they cared? Had no one told her that she was the only thing that kept them alive? Had no one mentioned to her that she was life itself to some of them? Had he really forgotten to tell her that she was his world?
Had we really forgotten to say "I love you"?