IMPORTANT: If for some reason you'd ever want to find out what classes are gonna take place in this story and/or see who's gonna be teaching that class, OR if you want to read some sneak peaks for this story for chapters that'll come later, then go to my bio. I've got it aaaaallllll listed there.

LAST EDITED: July 13, 2007 (Not quite as bad as the last chapter, but there were still plenty of things to change.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Jak and Daxter. If I did, I'd have put in a good couple hundred scenes with Jak without his shirt on. And obviously, you do not see any of those in the game, now do you?

Chappeh Two

Period Three—ROTC with Torn and Ashelin


Out at The Grassy Courtyard Place with the Giant Vegetables…

'Well,' Jane thought as she looked around, 'at least I now know that I'm not the only girl in this psycho school.'

And it was true. All around her were groups of girls, spread out around the area, laughing and chatting together. There weren't really a lot of 'em—only about fourteen girls in all, aside from Jane herself—but it was enough so that she didn't feel so out-of-place anymore. Unfortunately, none of the girls seemed interested in talking to her.

Jane scowled. Well, whatever. That was fine by her. She didn't need any of 'em! She already had Eggbert and Gaylord and Whore-hey…

She sighed sadly at this depressing thought. Luckily for her, though, she wouldn't have to dwell on this for long.

"TEN-HUT!"

The girl's ROTC teacher had arrived. It was Ashelin, Vice Principal Baron Praxis's daughter.

Tall, red-haired, and with a body that would put many a Play Elf model to shame, she was quite a sight to behold. The tattoos etched all across her face merely attributed to her sexiness. Jane suddenly felt a huge wave of insecurity. The other girls did too, judging by the way they were poking their chests gloomily and glaring enviously at Ashelin's body.

Ashelin didn't seem to be aware of any of this. "Line up!" she barked loudly. The students scurried around the courtyard, trying to form a straight line.

Unfortunately for Jane, she ended up all the way at the end, only a few feet away from Ashelin. They locked eyes.

'Uh-oh,' she thought as she felt that all-too-familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. 'Somethin' bad's about to happen…'

And she was right.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" Ashelin barked, glaring at Jane, who looked terrified.

"H-huh?" was the stuttering reply.

"Why aren't you over there in the boys ROTC class?" the red head demanded, marching over to the startled idiot.

"B-but I'm not a boy!" squeaked Jane. "I'm a girl! Really!"

"Nice try," snapped Ashelin, grabbing the girl's collar. "But that won't work here!"

And so, despite Jane's many wails of protest, Ashelin forcibly dragged the unhappy student all the way over to the next courtyard, where the boys ROTC class was still waiting for their teacher to arrive.

Strangely enough, there were only six kids in that class—Eggbert, Gaylord, Jorge, and two little midgets whose names are not important right now. They watched the approaching student and teacher silently.

"But I AM a girl!" Jane was wailing unhappily, struggling against Ashelin's iron grip.

"That's what you all say," Ashelin snarled back, quickening her pace. "You boys and your overactive glands… hoping to to get a little a little show when it was time for everyone to change, huh?"

"NO!" sobbed Jane. "I'm a girl—" It was then that she spotted her three friends. "Tell her!" she said, her voice strangely high-pitched. "Tell her that I'm a girl!"

But alas, the boys were too busy drooling over the leggy, buxom Ashelin to pay any attention to their plain, flat chested friend.

"GUYS!" Jane wailed. "TELL HER! TELL HER I'M A GIRL!"

"No you're not," Gaylord said immediately.

"Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair," Eggbert chimed in. (It should be noted that Jorge also said something, but as his head was still bandaged up, no one could understand him, so whatever he said has been deemed unimportant.)

"BUT I'M NOT!" Jane screeched. "My name is JANE!"

"So you're a cool guy with long hair named Jane," Eggbert sighed, shaking his head. "We've all got our problems—no reason to go sneak into the girls class to watch 'em undress."

And that was all Ashelin needed to hear.

Torn was running very, very late.

"Move it, road-hog!" he screeched to the man in front of him. The man gave him the finger. Torn growled unhappily. He then lowered his zoomer to low zone and proceeded to zoom towards his classroom (which was really just a courtyard where the city farming committee was growing a bunch of giant vegetables), knocking innocent pedestrians this way and that.

Why did Ashelin insist on "punishing" him, for "being bad" by tying him up and leaving him all alone in the janitors closet with the lights on? Or at least, why did she insist on doing it TODAY? On his first day of teaching? WHY?

Torn scowled. Hell, it wasn't like he even TOUCHED Erol—why would Ashelin believe what the rat had said over the announcements that morning? He wouldn't touch that orange haired psycho with a ten foot pole.

He would, however, be very happy to touch Jak… To kiss him… To wrestle and, ah, "play horsie" with him…

Torn drooled as that last thought sent some mental images into his mind. This resulted into him crashing the zoomer into several fruit carts and buildings before he finally pulled himself out of his little fantasy land and returned his attention to the road.

The courtyard came into view. Torn checked his watch and sighed in relief; he was only fifteen minutes late. That was MUCH better than he'd expected…

He parked his zoomer by the giant tomatoes and jogged towards the small group of kids (was that it? Where was the rest of the class?). As he got closer, he could see a small, scrawny boy with long brown hair and a high-pitched voice screaming at three other students, who appeared to be cowering.

"Why the hell did you say that?" the boy was screeching. "Why didn't you tell her the truth, you idiots?"

"We're sorry!" wailed a tall, blonde haired boy. "We just sort of forgot—"

"YOU FORGOT?" screeched the first boy, yanking at his long hair in frustration. "HOW THE HELL COULD YOU FORGET?"

Torn sighed. He did not need all this yelling. He needed a nice, quiet class. So he reached into his shirt and pulled out his whistle.

The first boy hadn't finished his rant. "AND ANOTHER THING—"

Torn put the whistle to his lips and blew.

TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

Two things happened; one, the first boy stopped ranting. That was good. Unfortunately (and this is the second thing), the ranting was replaced by loud screeching and wails of pain as the kids fell down and rolled around on the ground, clutching their ears in agony.

Torn was in the house.


Lunchtime…

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNG!

After an hour of torture with Torn screaming, yelling, and spraying the poor students with spit (not to mention throwing a HUGE tantrum after discovering that he had no clue how to work those damned attendance book things), it was finally time for lunch.

The boys ROTC courtyard interrupted in cheers at the sound of the lunch bell. Torn swore loudly, looking quite disappointed that he couldn't torture his students anymore.

The PA system crackled to life once more, though this time it was Tess's voice that came out (for the record, Daxter was still in a light coma from that morning's earlier assault on his person, courtesy of Erol and Torn).

"Attention please, attention! All students whose third period classes take place around the ROTC courtyards, including Haven Forest, need to go to the Naughty Ottsel for lunch! I repeat, you need to go to the Naught Ottsel for lunch! That also includes classes taking place in the shooting range, in the Palace, and in the racing garage!"

"Well that's just great!" Jane said angrily as she and the other six ran out of the courtyard at top speed. "The Naughty Ottsel! Wonderful! Just how he hell are we supposed to know where that is?"

"It's in the harbor!" squeaked one of the midgets, who had curly, dirty-blonde hair.

"How the hell do you know that?"

"Because," said the second midget, who had short brown hair, "we drew a map of the entire campus!" He held up said map to prove it.

"Nice," Eggbert said approvingly, patting the second midgets head.

"HEY!" Gaylord shouted hoarsely, almost to the point of collapsing. "Could-pant-we stop-cough hack wheeze-running already-choke choke-please?"

And so they did.


At the Naughty Ottsel

Ten minutes later, the four idiots found themselves at the Naughty Ottsel, sitting in one of the booths, and staring at their lunch in complete disbelief.

"…Somebody's been eating my porridge," Eggbert finally said.

Gaylord gave him a weird look. "That's a turkey sandwich, Eggbert."

Said boy blinked. "Oh… Right. I knew that. But, uh… WHY are we being served half-eaten food?" He pointed his sandwich, which had huge bite marks on it where someone had obviously helped themselves.

Jane frowned moodily, poking her half-eaten sausage with her fork. "I dunno, but it's disgusting."

Then, suddenly, the whole table was covered in shadow. The idiots looked up to see something very big and very wide blocking out the light.

"It's an eclipse of the sun!" shrieked Gaylord, obviously forgetting that they were inside a bar and were not, in fact, outside where the sun was.

"No," said Jane, looking terrified. "It's not an eclipse… It's—"

The thing floated away from the light, revealing that it was a very, VERY fat man on an electronic floating device.

It was Krew, the lunch-serving person.

"Enjoying a good lunch, ey?" he wheezed, leering at the shocked students. "Hope you don't mind… I, ah… helped myself beforehand… as a little sample, ey?"

The idiots whimpered in reply.

Krew smacked his lips, making his many chins wobble, as he plucked a half-eaten drumstick from Jane's plate. "I'm particularly fond of these, you know… Hope you don't mind if I help myself to, ah… Another little sample, ey?"

The kids watched in horrified fascination as Krew swallowed the drumstick whole, bone and all. Jane's eye gave a violent twitch.

Krew smacked his lips again. "Ah, very good, very good! Quite tasty, I must say—" That's when he spotted the two midgets from Torn's ROTC class. A hungry, animalistic look spread across his face. He was (quite literally) drooling—and it was landing all over Eggbert's plate.

"Eww!" squealed Jane, who was sitting beside Eggbert.

"Babies," drooled Krew as he slowly floated over to the midgets, trailing drool behind him. The two midgets watched him approach fearfully. The fat man stopped once he was in front of their table.

A moment passed… then another… then another. The two midgets fidgeted nervously.

Then Krew suddenly screamed, "GET INTO MAH BELLY!" The midgets jumped and clutched each other fearfully. Over at the booth, the four idiots stared.

"GET INTO MAH BELLEH, SHRIMPY!" Krew bellowed to the first midget (the blonde one) who shall henceforth be known as Shrimpy.

"Krew!" Tess, who was helping with kitchen duties that day, screeched from the kitchen. "Stop terrorizing the midgets! You CANNOT eat the students!"

Krew ignored her. "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs…." he sang to himself softly, leering at the midgets. "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs… Chili's baby back ribs…"

The second midget whimpered, and Krew turned his full attention on him.

"Get into mah belleh!" he roared. "Get into mah belleh, small fry!"

Small Fry and Shrimpy screamed in terror and took off, running out of the Naughty Ottsel as fast as their little legs would carry them. Krew attempted to chase them, but because of his excessive fattiness, got stuck in the door. He let out a colorful string of curses as he attempted to unstuck himself.

The four idiots just sat there and watched all this silently.

Needless to say, many a student in that area went hungry for the rest of the day, because once Krew finally managed to unstuck himself, he threw a huge tantrum and ate every single bit of food he could find.

Eh, didn't matter anyway… the kids wouldn't have eaten the food. I mean, really, who wants to eat half-eaten food? Honestly…


Period Four—Cooking with Kliever

Once again, the teacher was late. And once again, the four idiots were the only students in the class.

We join the idiots WAY outside of Haven City, in the middle of the wasteland, inside the little garage part of Spargus City. Because of the heat, not to mention the rather unpleasing odor of sweat and dirty socks that was wafting around inside the garage, the four students were feeling quite miserable.

"What's with this heat?" Jorge finally shouted, whose bandages had finally been removed. All four of them were sprawled out on the ground face-up, sweating buckets.

"W-w-w-w-water!" wheezed Gaylord.

"I think my life's about to pass before my eyes…" Eggbert murmured feebly.

"What life?" muttered Jane.

"YOU'RE SO HURTFUL!" Eggbert wailed. "AND TO THINK THAT I STARTED TO LIKE YOU!"

Jane lifted her head weakly to look at her friend.

"Really?" she asked. Eggbert nodded, sniffing loudly.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Jane muttered, looking guilty. "I just… don't wanna… die. I like you, too."

Eggbert sniffed and looked at Jane hopefully. "Really?"

"Really."

Gaylord and Jorge looked at each other.

Then—

"EGGBERT AND JANE SITTIN' IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Hey! S-shut up!" Jane screeched, her face a beet red.

"Yeah!" Eggbert added, also blushing. "We don't like each other like THAT—"

"Sure," said Gaylord as he and Jorge traded smirks. "Whatever you say…"

"We don't!" shouted Eggbert. Gaylord and Jorge just snickered. Jane looked highly embarrassed, her face having turned a rather unattractive shade of rouge. And Eggbert… looked extremely frustrated.

The door to the garage suddenly opened. The kids turned around to look… and stared.

"Oh my lord…" murmured Jorge.

The teacher was huge. I'm talkin' sumo wrestler-size huge; not quite as fat as Krew, but definitely hard to miss. He was a mix of excessive fattiness and steely muscle. The top of his head was bald and rimmed with long blonde hair. He had a scarred face, partially hidden behind a bushy mustache. He loomed in the doorway, glaring at them with narrowed eyes. After a moment, he tromped into the garage heavily, making the ground shake.

Gaylord whimpered as the giant came closer… and closer… before finally coming to a stop by the boy's head. Gaylord gulped audibly.

It was Kliever, the cooking instructor.

…What? What's so funny? Hey, cooking is a very hard class! It's practically a war on it's own! And Kliever is a very good cook, especially when you find yourself in a Metal Head nest, surrounded by Metal Pede on all sides and almost to the point of starving to death—grab him a couple of the suckers, and he'll cook you up a mean Metal Pede fillet in a mere two minutes!

…Besides, by the time that Kliever found out the others were starting a school, the cooking class was the only one without a teacher. And the fat man really needed the money…

Curling his hairy lip, Kliever looked down his nose at Gaylord in disgust. "What're ye doin' down there?"

Gaylord gulped again. "Um… We were just… you know… resting."

Kliever growled, obviously displeased with the answer. "Restin'?" he repeated.

"Y-yes?"

In one swift movement, Kliever picked Gaylord up by his neck and dangled him up in the air. Jane squealed in alarm.

"What're you doing?" she shrieked. "Put him down! He can't breathe!"

Kliever turned his glare-of-DEATH onto the girl, who shrank back in fear. "What was that?"

Jane shook her head quickly. "N-nothing…"

"Choking! N-not breathing!" wheezed Gaylord. Kliever looked back to his victim.

"Now you listen here, poppy," he growled menacingly, pulling the poor boy close. "There'll be no restin' in this class—not as long as I'm teachin'. Restin' is for weaklin's. You got that?"

Gasping, Gaylord managed a weak nod. Kliever dropped him, and the boy landed on the ground face first with a loud THUNK.

He turned to the rest of the class. "All right, you lot. Line up in a straight line, it's time to start the lesson—" He stopped and glared at Jane, who had raised her hand timidly, looking terrified. "What?"

Jane flinched. "Um, excuse me, but… aren't you going to take attendance?"

"Can't," said Kliever.

"Uh… why?"

"Couldn't figure out how to work them damn things," the fat man replied, jerking his thumb over to a pile of bent up metal that spewed sparks every five seconds.

"…Oh," said Jane dumbly.

"Wow," said Eggbert, looking impressed. "You must be really strong!"

Kliever grinned, puffing his chest out. (This made him look even fatter than before.) "I'm a Wastelander, kid," he said gruffly. "Ya gotta be strong if ya wanna survive."

"Wow," Eggbert repeated breathlessly.

"Alright," Kliever boomed, clapping his hands. "On with the lesson…"


Over at the Gun Course...

Jak was not having a good day.

First, he got shot in the butt. Then at lunch, Kiera had been acting weird, talking about how much she loved the flowers he sent her. That confused him. He hadn't sent her any flowers! When he told her this, she burst into tears and ran out of the bar, sobbing. Then Erol came over to him and started shouting at him some more, cursing him for making Kiera cry and trying to take credit for the gifts that HE, Erol, had sent her. Not to mention Krew had gone on a rampage and ate every single bit of food in the place.

And now this.

"Damas," he hissed through clenched teeth, "I thought we talked about this! You're not supposed to come in here while I'm teaching—"

Damas sighed loudly, cutting his son off. "But Jak," he whined, "we need to spend time together! We've finally FOUND each other! We need to do some serious bonding!"

"But I'm trying to TEACH!" the blonde hissed, gesturing furiously to the small class of seven that was watching the two men with wide eyes. Two of the students were Shrimpy and Small Fry, the midgets from Torn's ROTC class and no. 1 on Krew's Must-Eat list.

"Wow… They must be close," Small Fry whispered. Shrimpy nodded.

"You need a hug, don't you?" Damas said suddenly. Jak's eyes widened.

"N-no!" he said nervously, backing away from his father a bit. "No hugs! We made a deal—"

"C'mere boy!" Damas laughed, charging toward the blonde with open arms. Jak shrieked in fear as his father swooped him up into a huge bear hug.

"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?" Jak screeched, struggling furiously to get out of his father's arms.

"Don't fight the love, Jak!" Damas shouted back, tightening his hold on the blonde.

The students watched this exchange in horrified fascination.

"They're GAY," one student finally whispered. The rest of the class gasped in horror.

Damas and Jak remained oblivious to this however, as the blonde fought tooth and nail to get away from the crazed sand king… who just so happened to also be the principal of the entire school.

Mar help us all…


Oh ja--the Palace is also the main office. Forgot to mention that last chapter. Sorry about that!

Also, I apologize for making Damas so out of character, but it was purely all for the sake of humor. The sacrifices I make to insure that people get a good laugh...