Disclaimer: NO. I do not own the Jak and Daxter series, or their respective characters and locations. If I did, oh, there'd be so many things I would do… Muwhahahahahahahahahahaha!
LAST EDITED: July 13, 2007 (Yes, I'm rewriting a bunch of stuff. Cause this fic seriously needed improving. Deal with it.)
School of Jak
Chappeh Three
Still with Jak...
About five minutes later, Jak finally managed to get rid of Damas. He was now trying to get his class back in order, which was proving to be a difficult task. The kids kept STARING at him while whispering things to each other behind their hands.
It was making him nervous.
"Alright!" he said loudly, clapping his hands together. "Back to the lesson!" The kids stopped whispering to each other but continued to stare at him with wide eyes. Jak did his best to ignore this.
"Go over there to the crates and get yourselves some Scatter guns," he ordered, gesturing to the many crates lying around the room. The kids did as they were told, continuing to watch him wearily. Once all the students had a gun, Jak led them into the shooting part of the gun course.
"Now I'm gonna teach you how to use the gun," Jak declared, getting his gun ready. "You need to hold it like this." He turned and showed them how to hold it. "Now you try."
The kids attempted to copy their teacher. Jak sighed when he saw that Shrimpy was holding his gun incorrectly.
"No, no, no," he said, striding over to the midget. "You need to hold it like this—" He then tried to put the boy's arms in the correct position. Unfortunately this involved Jak putting his arms around Shrimpy's body, which caused the boy to completely freak out.
With a loud shriek, Shrimpy tore away from Jak. "Get away from me! You dirty old man!"
Jak blinked, shocked and confused. "Dirty old man…?" he repeated stupidly.
Shrimpy cowered behind Small Fry, sobbing, clearly traumatized. Jak just shook his head. Something told him that he did NOT want to know what was going on.
"Okay," he sighed. "Whatever. Back to the lesson… Now that all of you know how to hold a gun, it's time for you to learn how to shoot it."
As if on cue, a little metal head target popped up. Jak pointed to the target. "This is what you're going to be shooting at. You need to shoot at least five of them for you to pass the lesson today."
He then aimed his gun at the target, saying, "This is how you need to shoot…" He pulled the trigger, and the target exploded into little scraps of cardboard confetti.
Jak grinned. Oh, how he loved the smell of burnt cardboard in the morning… or afternoon… whatever. He looked back at the class and saw their blank (but still weary!) expressions.
He sighed. "Another example…" Once more, a target popped up. Jak took aim, focusing on the target. He began to pull the trigger.
Then—
"YOU DIRTY OLD MAN!" shouted a random student suddenly.
Startled, Jak jumped and pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, his aim had been completely off, and he hit something that definitely WASN'T the target.
"OW! BLOODY HELL!"
Jak blinked. He had shot Jane… in the butt. A feeling of déjà vu settled over him.
"Hello, Jane!" he called. "What're you doing here? Shouldn't you be in your third period class?"
"YOU SHOT ME!" the enraged girl screeched back, clutching her butt in pain.
"You didn't answer my question," Jak shot back. Jane growled angrily.
"She's with me!"
Enter Kliever. Jak smirked.
"Hello, Kliever," he said cheerfully. "How's the cooking class goin'?"
Kliever bared his teeth into a menacing grin.
"Just fine, boyo, just fine," he growled. "Just teachin' the class how to cook."
Jak blinked. "Why aren't you holding your class in your garage back at Spargus City?"
Kliever huffed. "For your information, today's lesson is taking place here."
"But my class is taking place here too," Jak pointed out. The fat man rolled his eyes in reply.
"I KNOW. I'm teaching the shrimps here how to cook fried lurker shark while under gun fire."
Jak stared. "Lurker shark?"
"Yup. Taught the kids how to catch one, too," Kliever said proudly, jerking his thumb over his shoulder to the kids with a highly disturbing grin on his face. Jak saw that Eggbert, Jorge, and Gaylord were all bandaged from head-to-toe, a decapitated lurker shark at their feet. Jane was attempting to bandage herself—unsuccessfully, I might add.
Jak shook his head in disbelief. "You've finally lost it, Kliever."
The fat man shrugged. "Eh, maybe. Just go back to teachin' your class already so I can get back to mine." And with that, he turned and walked back to his students. Jak gaped after him.
"…You do realize that my class is gonna be shooting at you and the kids, right?" he finally said loudly.
Kliever, crouching in front of a little make-shift stove, waved back to him cheerfully. "That's fine! That's exactly what I wanted! It'll give the kids some experience."
Behind Kliever's back, Eggbert held up a sign.
"PLEASE SAVE US!" read the sign. Jak just shrugged. He had his own class to worry about. They needed to learn how to shoot targets, and Kliever HAD already given him the okay to go ahead. So…
"You heard the man!" Jak said loudly to his class, waving his hand in the other group's direction. "Have at thee!"
Dozens of targets popped up around Kliever's class. Kliever nodded approvingly. The four idiots looked horrified.
"ARE YOU INSANE?" screeched Jane. "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?"
Jak just shrugged. "What do you expect me to do? During third period, you're not my responsibility."
Kliever nodded in agreement. "Exactly."
Jak turned back to his class and shouted. "Okay kids—fire away!"
The shooting class looked at each other for a moment. Then they shrugged.
"He IS the teacher… sorry," one boy muttered apologetically to the four idiots.
Then the kids readied their guns…
…Aimed…
…and fired.
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!
"AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!"
"Alright, poppies, listen carefully; put just a little bit o' salt over the fish—"
BAM BAM BAM BAM—
"ACK! MY EYE!"
"Uh-oh… don' worry 'bout that, poppy. The blood'll add extra flavor to it…"
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM—
"GAAAAAAAH! UGH, THE LIFE I LIVE IS SAD!"
"Careful now—aim for the space between her shoulders!"
"MR. JAK! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?"
"No—I'm just helping them to become better shooters!"
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!
Oh dear lord in heaven…
Period Four: Computer Education/Math
"Ow… ow… OW… ow…"
"Oh for the love of MAR, would you PLEASE shut UP, Jorge?" Jane sighed. Jorge glared at her, outraged.
"NO! No I won't! this has been the absolute WORST day of my life! I've been shot—"
"Once by yourself!"
"—almost got my hand ripped off by a stupid lurker shark, got yelled and screeched at by our ROTC teacher from hell, I've been served HALF-EATEN food for lunch—"
"That wasn't SO bad… at least he didn't try to eat you, right?"
"—I've been humiliated countless times, everyone's convinced that my name is WHORE-HEY, and I think I'm starting to get a BLISTER on my finger! I'm completely miserable!"
Jane scowled. "Well how do you think I feel? I've been shot in the ass by our shooting instructor! And everyone thinks I'm a boy! And I got shot in the ass by our own TEACHER!"
"You guys are always moaning on and on about nobody but yourselves," interrupted Eggbert. "How do you think Gaylord and I feel? We've been whacked over the head with some old guys stick, and shot at, and Gaylord was nearly strangled by that crazed cooking teacher." Gaylord nodded in agreement.
Jane rolled her eyes. "Okay, so now that we all agree that we're all completely miserable, what are we going to do?"
The four idiots were now sitting in the Power Room together on the floor, as there were no desks or anything to sit upon. All of them were swathed in bandages, faces smudged with dirt and clothes considerably torn and dirty. They looked quite scruffy indeed.
And once again (to no one's surprise, but extreme annoyance) the teacher was nowhere to be found.
"This is becoming monotonous, isn't it?" Eggbert remarked when Gaylord pointed this out. The other three nodded.
"Hey, isn't our teacher for this class named Vin?" Jane asked suddenly. Jorge nodded.
"Yeah… why?"
"Doesn't Mr. Jak have a crush on some guy named Vin?"
The three boys blinked stupidly. "Oh yeeeeeeeah…" said Eggbert. "At least, that's what Professor Samos said, right?"
Jane shrugged. "Something like that…"
They fell silent again, unsure of what to say.
"…I'm hungry," Jane finally whined, clutching her stomach.
"Me too," Gaylord muttered unhappily.
"Me three," Eggbert chimed in.
Jorge was too busy angsting over what a horrible day he was having to agree.
"Maybe this teacher'll have something to eat…" Gaylord said hopefully.
Before either of his friends could answer, the door opened and Vin walked in.
He was looking even more scruffy and nervous than usual, and unless Eggbert was mistaken (and he was sure he wasn't) he was talking to himself while twitching spastically. The kids studied him silently for a bit.
"This school is a madhouse," Gaylord said finally. This sudden comment made Vin jump about six feet into the air and look around wildly, obviously scared senseless.
"ARGH!" he said when he saw the kids. He looked absolutely terrified. The four idiots looked at each other.
"I am never coming back to this school again," Jorge declared. His friends just shrugged.
"Hi," Eggbert said to Vin finally, attempting to put a friendly smile on his face. His mama had always taught him the importance of being friendly to others, no matter how screwed up they were.
"W-who are you?" Vin stuttered.
"Your students," Eggbert replied cheerfully.
"LIES!" Vin screeched. "ALL LIES! THEY SENT YOU HERE TO KILL ME, DIDN'T THEY?"
"No!" shouted Eggbert, holding up his hands. "We're not gonna hurt ya! We're just here to learn—honest!"
Vin stared at them silently for a moment before sighing and shaking his head.
"S-sorry," he muttered, running a trembling hand through his graying hair. "I've b-been a bit j-jumpy lately…" He suddenly turned to them sharply, a wild, manic gleam in his eyes. "They're all after me, you know."
The four idiots blinked. Vin continued talking, more to himself now than to the kids.
"They're all out to get me… all of them… Oh, they don't know I know, but believe me, I do! I can see it in their eyes… They want me dead… They're scared… They know what I'm planning…"
"Um… Mr. Vin?" Jane said timidly, eyeing the man wearily. Vin ignored her.
"They'll pay… They'll all pay! After I take over this city… I'll make them suffer… I'll torture them slowly… till they beg for mercy! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He ended his rant by cackling insanely.
The four idiots cowered.
"Wow," Jorge said once Vin stopped laughing. "That was a really good rant!" Vin's face brightened.
"Really?" he asked eagerly. "Ya think? I've been practicing a lot, you know, trying to get my monologue speeches and rants just right—I'm even taking classes at this school for evil villains and future world conquerors! See?" He pulled out a pamphlet for the school and showed it to them.
Jane, Eggbert, and Gaylord just blinked again. Jorge, however, found all of this to be fascinating.
"Awesome!" he said, his eyes scanning eagerly over the pamphlet. "What other kind of stuff do they teach?"
"All sorts!" Vin said excitedly. "History of Global Conquest, Fortress/Lair Construction, Henchmen Management and Control, Monologue Management—Hey! Ya wanna hear some stuff from my 'When I'm An Evil Overlord' rulebook?"
"Yeah!"
Without a moments hesitation, Vin dug into his pocket and yanked out a small, official-looking black book with red lettering on the front. He opened it and flipped through the pages, muttering to himself. The kids watched this silently, though Jorge seemed to be the only one eager to hear what Vin was going to read.
After a moment, the scruffy man finally seemed to find the page he was looking for. He straightened his goggles and cleared his throat loudly. Jorge leaned forward eagerly. The other three exchanged incredulous looks.
"When I'm an evil overlord," Vin read aloud, "my Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexi-glass visors, not face concealing ones. I will not gloat over my enemy's predicament before killing them—I will do that after. The hero will not be entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any form of last request. Nor will I ever utter he sentence, 'But before I kill you, there's just one last thing I want to know.' And despite it's proven stress relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected accidents that can give the hero the upper-hand…"
Jorge was positively trembling in excitement, a very disturbing grin on his face the other three idiots just continued to stare in horrified silence.
So, did ya like it? Hate it? Or do you simply feel indifferent? Lemme know! TTFN—ta ta for now!