Author: ksyd
Rated: M
Pairing: a little Cameron/House
Summary: Rubbing her right shoulder blade, feeling the scarring line that wetted her soft skin with the letter "J", she got up and packed her things, forgetting to take the invitation with her.
Author's Note: I do not own House, M.D or Hugh Laure or Jennifer Morrison or…or…
Chapter four
Suppressing an upcoming Flashback of Jared touching her on the same place, hurting her with his grip Cameron covered her upper arm with her left hand, suddenly feeling House´s hand as if the burning touch of his smooth skin never had ended, still lasted. She briefly wonders how his hand would feel when it touches her face, leaving warm traces on her cheek. On other times, in a other world, she would have craved that touch coming from him. But this time, in her now exploding world, touching her was the worst thing he could have done. She almost feels as if it's happening again.
Cameron is very aware that she couldn´t blame him really. How could he know? But at the other hand, he just could have left her when she was asking to do so. Or, much better, never showing up in the first place. Shit. She still feels his fingers on her skin.
But that wasn´t the biggest problem she now had to deal with. He saw the scar. Out from all people, Greg House was the first person, except for the hospital stuff back in New York, who ever saw that evidence of her past. She even can´t think about the remarks he was going to throw in here and there. The whole hospital stuff would probably know it by tomorrow. Oh, fuck it. Fuck him. She spend years of making sure that nobody would learn about her past and now one single moment had destroyed it. He had destroyed it. Screw him.
There was no other possible left. She had to end it before it was starting. She couldn´t endure it again. Once a lead is discovered, the other would follow. And she knew what was coming next. Either they would stare at her in disbelieve, wondering how she made it through it, sending her looks of mercy and offering her a helping hand. Other would take a step away when she´s passing them, looking at Cameron like she were some freak, some monster. A murder. Wich, in her mind, she is, no matter how somebody would twist it, trying to convince her that she wasn´t.
No. She had to end it. Grabbing her phone she picks up the number of Lisa Cuddy, M.D., Director of the Plainsboro Hospital, telling her the decision she had made.
"You stay away from her. No more home visits, no more digging in to her private live. You just stay away from her. You understand?"
Lisa Cuddy always despised Greg House´s habit of plunging his noise in to things that were out of his business. But given the facts that his curiosity had saves many of his patient´s life's, she accepted it, trying to oversee his bad mannerism. But this time, he had gone too far.
Looking down at him, her arms crossed and not in the mood to take any smirk comments from him, Cuddy just hoped that this time, he would listening to her. Not waiting for an answer she speaks again.
"With no more digging I also mean that you won´t Google her school past anymore. Are we clear about that, House?"
"You looked in to my computer?" Raising an eyebrow at Cuddy, House seems somewhat amused.
"I did. Any problems with that?"
"Yes! I thought that you were against all the snooping in things that don´t belongs to you. But it could be me, you know. Maybe I get it wrong."
"Sometimes there are circumstances that forces you to make things you don´t appreciate. Now let me say it again and for the last time; stay away from Dr. Cameron. This is not some of your puzzle you have to solve just to be the one who knows it all."
Giving him one last glare Cuddy is turning around, heading for the door, when his voice stops her.
"Didn´t thought that it´s that bad." His voice is quietly, missing the usual irony.
"Excuse me?"
Looking at Cuddy, House gestures with his hands at her.
"You come all the way to me, visiting me at my house, throwing threats to me. You could have save that that till tomorrow." His eyes locking into Cuddy´s, House let out a small sigh.
"Listen, House. She wants to leave." Seeing the shocked look on House´s face, Cuddy soothes him.
"I could persuade her to stay, at least a few more days. She has to clear her head before she makes such a decision. That´s why I´m here. I gave her unlimited Holidays, but knowing her tells me that she may shows up at work. And in this case, I don´t want you near her. Well, not that way."
"You know!" Standing up and walking toward Cuddy, House looks closely at her.
"Know what?" Trying to look innocent, Cuddy raises one of her dark eyebrow at him.
"You know what´s behind this. The whole matter with Cameron. Don´t lie, you suck at it."
Breathing slowly and finally breaking the eye contact, Cuddy nods her head, affirming House´s suspicion.
"Yes, you´re right. I know what´s up with Cameron. But don´t try to make me tell you it. I won´t, no matter what you try."
"Since when do you know?" House can´t believe this. How could Cuddy know, and he not? Was he getting that bad?
"From the start. And that´s all you get from me. I´m not telling you more. Good Night, House."
Following her to the door, House has no intent to let Cuddy go that easy.
"Wait! You can´t expect that you can come in here, giving me some mysterious words and…"
Turning around angrily, almost running into House, causing him to take a step back, she cuts his speech.
"Stop it, House!" She´s on the top of screaming at him, her face holding a mask of impatience and anger.
"You stop it, right there. Haven´t you got it by now? Then let me be clearer to you: Dr. Cameron is under my personal protection. Everything you do regarding her, you also do it to me. Stay.away.from.her."
"I saw the scar." Let´s see how much she really knows. But Cuddy´s answer once again surprised House, leaving him even more distracted.
"I know. And don´t you ever dare to mention it." Giving House a soft look, Cuddy decides to give him some truths. Maybe this would stop him.
"Look, House. It´s bad, you know? Really bad. And with you, digging in it? You make it worse. Whatever it is that Cameron has to deal with, she has her reasons not to tell the whole world."
"But you know." It was more a statement than a reproach.
"Yes. And you know what? Sometimes I wish I didn´t. It´s hard to know something you always thought only happens in a bad movie or book. And it´s even harder to know someone who had experiences it."
Finally leaving him alone with these last words, House stands in his Living room, unable to move. He never saw Cuddy getting so fiercely about a person.
"It´s hard to know something you always thought only happens in a bad movie or book. And it´s even harder to know someone who had experiences it."
House knew many bad movies. Many bad books. He understood what Cuddy was trying to say. He really understood. And if this was that awful, whatever it was, he understood another thing.
The person that laid a finger on Allison Cameron and leaving her that broken should better be death by now. If not, it maybe would have to be his turn.
This suddenly thought frightens him. Since when did he became so fiercely about a person, especially without knowing the truth behind all this?
That's what they say. The psychologist´s. They say that every fragment of your memory is collected in your brain, orderly sorted. The brain keeps it all, never forgetting a piece. But there are differences. Neither can remember their early ages. Even though your brain hardly can give you the memory of your first years of your life, your brain is holding it. They say that the first five years of your life is playing a determining role for your character. And then, there are the other differences.
Your brain, your subconsciousness. You only can take things up to a certain level. The moment you get in to a situation that´s overcharge you, the moment they decide to keep it from you. They are deciding to erase it from your reachable memory. They do it to protect you. To keep you alive. They lock it into a drawer and won´t let you in until they decide so. And that´s not until they think you are strong enough to do so. That reaction of the brain and subconsciousness has saved many lives in many ways. Sometimes, it gives rape victims time to recover from the body injuries before they have to deal with their memories. Of course, having absent pieces in your memory is a big thing to deal with. You don´t know what happened. At a specified point you only have this big black hole, wondering what caused it. Your brain won´t tell you, cause you´re not ready now. But living with these black holes, it can drive you crazy. It´s causing your fantasy to suggest you the worst.
Knowing all this and being on the medicine side, Allison Cameron always tried to accept the decision her brain made. But being able to remember the most time she spend with Jared on those last days, she always tried to recover her lost memory. She couldn´t think of any possible situation that would have caused her brain to block it out from her. Not given the things she could remember.
Her head is hurting. Her whole body is hurting. Slowly opening her good eye, she is tortured by sun light. Wait, sun light? Last thing she knew was being in that hole, hearing him cleaning up the mess. Hearing him leave. Then, slowly, it comes back. The sliding door is opening, giving Cameron a look at Jared´s feet's. His hands are coming down, holding something white. A hanky. He´s pressing it on her mouth. She´s too weak to fight him. She´s getting tired, so tired…
Where is she? Car. She is in a car. Suddenly she sees him. He´s outside the car, talking to someone. Help. This someone could help her. But she can´t speak. Her tongue won´t move. Panic creeps her as the stranger walks away without even looking at her. Can´t he see that she needs help? The driver door is opening.
"Hello, sleepy. For a moment I thought you would never wake up again. That I gave you too much." Leaning forward, Jared is kissing her forehead, touching her cheek. Sickness overcomes Cameron. Why can´t she move? Can´t push him away? He smiles at her while catching a single tear that is sliding down her face.
"Shh, don´t worry my darling. No need to cry. I won´t hurt you unless you´re not fighting me. You fight me, I will hurt you. Okay?" Not awaiting an answer, Jared starts driving, singing to the music coming out from the radio.
Eventually he stops the car in the middle of nowhere, only trees enclosing them. He leaves the car, walking to Cameron´s side, opening her door. Without saying a word he gently grabs her, taking her weak body and starts carrying her through the never ending loneliness. Her head is rested on his shoulder, her face burrowed in his neck. And all she could do was letting him carry her away. From help. From her life. From everything.