The 3 orphans trudged up to Count Olaf's doorstep and knocked. A strange peek-hole shaped like an eye opened and then closed as the door opened, revealing a tall man wearing a pinstriped suit and sporting some grey hair around his bald spot. Violet noticed the tattoo of an eye on his left ankle. "Ah, you must be the baude-slut-whore-bitches!! I mean, the Baudelaires! What are you waiting for? Come inside!" Count Olaf yelled.

"Nuji," Sunny screamed. She probably meant something along the lines of, "Have a hat, Mr. Medusa." "Shutup you little skank bitch! You stupid friggin monkey slut!" Screamed Count Olaf. "Anyway! I've got some whores coming over for dinner, so you three take this list of chores and have them done before they arrive. Count Olaf handed them a strip of used toilet paper, and with that he dashed up the staircase which was apparently leading to the strange tower. He paused. "Oh, and don't even think about coming up here, you bitches! If you do, I'll chop your toes off with a special black dagger! And then I'll shoot you in the hip with my 9mm!" Shrieked Count Olaf. And he dashed up the staircase and slammed the door.

"Well, Klaus, I guess we'd better start on these chores." Violet mumbled. Violet and Klaus squinted down at the list which read:

Make me a new roof.

Make hardwood and tile ground in the living room and bathrooms.

Make food for supper or die.

Floss my teeths.

Brush my teeths.

Clean my ass crack.

Tell me jokes.

Wash my arms.

Stroke my left ear.

Klaus burst out laughing and Violet said, "Uh, You do the roof/hardwood/tile part, and Sunny can do the rest." Klaus pressed his pistol against Violet's skull threateningly. "Okay, okay! Sunny and I will do the rest!"

Klaus grinned. "I thought so." He tried to make the line as ominous and dramatic as he could, but it somehow flopped. He walked off to complete his part of the work while Violet set off for the Kitchen, looking for something to use as dinner. She searched the cupboard (which had a full stock of supplies necessary to make a proper dinner) and grabbed the first thing that she saw, which was a box of fruit loops. She poured 4 bowls of fruit loops, put spoons in them and added milk, even though dinner was in 5 hours. Klaus realized that he didn't know how to install hardwood flooring or build roofs and decided to practice twirling his pistol on the couch. 5 hours later the doorbell rang. Count Olaf raced up to the door and threw it open, greeting three barely dressed women. "Hey! Come in, my orphans probably made dinner!" Count Olaf shrieked. "Orphans?" One of the women said. "Yeah, I only just got some free orphans today! Isn't it sweet?" They headed into the dining room. Apparently Violet had set four paper cups with orange juice in them on the table. Then she took the 5 hour old cereal bowls and set them on the table. "Dinner is served!" She said hopefully, satisfied with the ultimate dinner that she had made. All three of the women laughed hard and pointed at Violet to overwhelm her. "Didn't you read the list, you little slut whore ass bitch skank?! I said dinner! This is soggy fruit loops! And orange juice!"

Count Olaf punched Violet in the stomach and she went flying into the wall at 103 miles per hour. Then Count Olaf, his mood ruined, threw the three women out of the house and stormed up to his spooooooooooooooooky tower. And slammed the door again.

Klaus, who had just heard all the noise, dashed in. "What's happened, Violet?" Violet, who had started to cry, said, "Count Olaf struck me!" A look of cowboy anger came over Klaus's face. "Why, that lily livered, yellow bellied, scum-sucking--" "Klaus, shutup! I'm tired of your cowboy act!" Violet said and sighed and burst out laughing because she had just thought of a funny joke. A phrase which here means, 'Violet said and sighed and burst out laughing because she had just thought of a funny joke.' Long live king Salavak! May the wind be at his back! May he thrash his enemies! May his future be made of shiny stuff!