Sasuke got up from the rock he was sitting on. He had stopped by the black market earlier in the day to post a hit. It was really a trap though because he had posted the hit on himself. He hoped that maybe someone respectable would challenge him. Punching his mom in the face every morning for not brewing him coffee was not good training.
Sasuke ate his victuals then coalesced his being with the rabbit turds on the ground. He wiped it on his face like war paint. He remembered the Aztec warriors of yore and their struggle to fend off Cortez and the Spanish horde. They too wiped rabbit excrement on their faces, believing that the preserved nutrients of the defecation would seep through the pores in their skin and provide additional fiber their muslces. He also called on the great snake god Quetzacoatl to aid him in his coming battle. After this he packed up his stuff in his ruck sack and darted off into the forest like a white tailed deer running across an open plain.
---
Pablo had only gotten about 1 mile before his heart started hurting. He was too out of shape for this kind of strenuous activity. He got off his scooter and took off his shirt. Children walking by laughed at his portly physique. Hanging his head in shame, Pablo put his shirt back on. If he was ever going to find Sasuke and get back those barnyard animal magazines that he needed for his bedroom business he would need something to replenish his body. Pablo had not planned to turn this into an all day adventure. He hated long trips like the one his family took to Knobels last year. It was a terrible experience, loitering around the park like a bunch of vagrants, playing mini golf on annoying, looping courses with ponds not even deep enough to drown himself in. Pablo remembered his ample girth had accidentally fractured the rib cage of a child who sat next to him on the Ferris Wheel. However, with no recourse he sought out the nearest tavern where he could rest for awhile.
-----
Nikita, Sasuke's mom, answered the door.
"Hello Nikita, is Pablo gone?" said a familiar Russian accent.
"Oh hello Gary Kasparov, he's been out for hours now looking for Sasuke. I lied to him and told him that he had his barnyard animal magazines and plunger. Aren't I just a devil? I actually stuffed them in the closet. Since Sasuke punched me in the face this morning and set me on fire I figured it would be good punishment for him to get Pablo mad at him."
Gary Kasparov closed the door surreptitiously.
"Don't you have protest to be at Gary Kasparov?"
"Yes, but I would rather be with you than standing around the Kremlin with a bunch of ugly Russians."
"That's sweet Gary Kasparov. Why don't you come with me."
With that they slipped off into the bedroom.
The only sounds coming from the house that night were the feeble moans of the impotent former chess guru beckoning the full moon like a castrated wolf.