Chapter Fifteen: The Tears Keep Coming

Alex

Monday came way too soon, despite the fact that I barely left my bedroom all weekend. According to my parents, a broken heart isn't an excuse to stay home from school, so I dragged myself out of bed to go to this hellhole.

I faked my way through my morning classes and then it was time for lunch. I'd been sitting at my normal table because Ellie hadn't been going to the cafeteria, but today, there she was, sitting in her seat. I steered myself in the other direction and made my way over to sit with Craig and Emma.

"Hey," Emma said, smiling sympathetically. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"You don't want to know," I groaned. "But thanks for caring." I shot a look at Craig, my twin, who didn't seem to care. And I was right because he didn't even notice. "What's up with him?" I asked Emma.

"I have no idea," she shrugged. "But I'd really like to know what's up with this food. It's usually good, but today…"

"It looks like dog food," I said, laughing for the first time since the whole Ellie incident. Of course, as soon as I even thought her name, I got depressed again.

"I'm sure the word 'surprise' is in the name of it," Emma joked.

"Yeah," I said, moving the food around with my fork. I had no desire to eat it and I wasn't planning to. Emma decided to be brave and started to eat, leaving me in silence. I picked at my food but didn't take a single bite. Then I finally threw the tray away and returned to the table.

"Why aren't you eating anything?" He actually startled me.

"You mean you're paying attention?" I said.

"Alex, you haven't eaten in days. That's not healthy," Craig said, ignoring my sarcasm.

"Shows how much you know," I snapped. "Did you notice that I was gone before anyone left the house? I ate a big breakfast and went for a walk thank you," I smirked.

"Yeah well…"

"Well what?" I asked. Emma pretended she couldn't hear us; I felt bad for her.

"I know you're hurting Al, but you can't stop eating because you got your heart broken. I'm here for you; a lot of people are. Promise me you'll talk to me before you do something drastic," he said.

"I promise. Cross my heart," I said, flashing him a fake smile. "Love you bro."

With that, I stood up and left. I didn't run off to the washroom or go to my next class early; I walked right out of the school without any intention of going back.

At least not until tomorrow.

Paige

I successfully avoided Marco until lunch. I didn't even know he was in the same lunch period as me because I normally sat at a corner table—since Jay had a different lunch period—and was ignored. I was halfway through my meatloaf surprise, which didn't really taste that bad, when he sat down across from me. I tried to pretend I didn't know he was there, but that was a little hard since he was repeatedly drumming his fingers on the table.

"Do you want something?" I asked. I tried not to be rude, I really did, but it was a defense mechanism.

"We need to talk…about what I saw," he whispered.

"You didn't see anything," I snapped. I stood up to walk away, leaving my tray behind, but Marco grabbed my arm.

"Paige, if you don't talk to me, I'll tell someone." I could already feel the tears forming behind my eyes.

"You can't!" I argued, pulling my arm away from him.

"Then just talk to me," he pleaded.

"Not here," I said, giving in. I knew he wouldn't stop until he got his way—or worse.

"Why don't you come to my house after school? That way, you can talk freely," he suggested.

I put my head down and shrugged my shoulders.

"Okay. Meet me on the steps after the bell."

I pushed my way past him and left the cafeteria. I ran to the girls' washroom and checked the stalls before locking the door. The tears came then. How could I tell Marco the truth? Not even Jay knew the truth and he was my only friend.

I looked into the mirror at myself. My eyes were red and puffy and my cheeks were tear-stained. Luckily for me, I didn't wear any makeup, so at least I couldn't mess my face up even more.

I stared at my cheeks that were too fat and my hair that was just thrown up into a ponytail. I would never be one of the pretty, popular girls. All I would ever be was a toy for my stepfather. The next three years of my life, maybe more, would consist of him putting his hands all over me, forcing me to kiss him…

I started to cry again, and fished around in my purse for the only thing that would help me stop.

Spinner

I finally built up the courage to try to talk to Craig during lunch. He had been sitting with Alex and Emma, but Alex disappeared.

"Hey Craig, can I talk to you?" I asked. At first I thought he was ignoring me, but then I realized he hadn't heard me. He was completely spaced out, staring at the table.

"Craig," Emma said, nudging him.

"What?" he asked, his head snapping up. He looked a little bit disoriented.

"Can I talk to you?" I repeated. Instead of answering me, he stood up and started to walk away from the table.

"I'll be right back," he said to Emma. "Come on," he told me. I followed him out into the hallway. "What?" he asked.

"About the other day…when I kissed you…" I said. Craig sighed and grabbed my arm, dragging me into the nearest boys' washroom.

"I don't want to talk about that. You better not tell anyone about it either," he told me.

"I just wanted to apologize. I thought that you were gay or maybe even bi or something. And I just wanted to see what it would be like…"

I was taken completely by surprise when I felt his lips on mine. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, but he pulled away suddenly. He stared at me with this scared look on his face and I knew I was right before.

"Craig…" I whispered.

He slammed his hand against the door and yelled.

"FUCK!"

Then he shoved the door open and left. When I looked out into the hallway, I saw him running towards front doors of the school.

Manny

I wore a scarf to cover my newest bruises from my father. No one noticed that anything was different. Marco ignored me, which upset me but also made me feel grateful that I wouldn't have to try and explain anything. I just hoped I could get through the day without anyone getting a glimpse.

How did this all happen? I can't even remember when my dad started being abusive. I guess it was when my mom left him. She told me she couldn't take me with her because I needed to finish school and make something out of myself. Maybe he hurt her and that's why she left. I'll probably never know.

After a few classes, I went into the bathroom to take a break from sneaking around corners and avoiding everyone. But as soon as I got into a stall, I broke down and cried. I acted like a baby and banged my fists against the wall. But it felt good. It felt really good to get it all out.

At lunch I decided to go outside because barely anyone ate out there anymore. I picked at the nasty food on my tray and decided to just eat the fruit. It was grapes; my mom's favorite. And that brought on even more tears. I hid my face and tried to wipe the tears away before anyone saw.

"Mind if I sit here?" someone asked. I kept my head down.

"Go ahead," I said, turning away from whoever it was.

"You okay?" he asked. I lifted my head a little to see who exactly I was talking to.

"I do not need your help," I snapped. He crossed his arms and leaned back a little.

"I know you think I'm some kind of scum, but that doesn't mean I can't help," Jay said.

"Just go away."

"Why are you crying?" he asked me.

"Not only can you not take a hint, but you can't take a direct order either, can you?"

"When people are crying and they tell other people to go away, that usually means they're just embarrassed. Besides, you've stopped crying, haven't you?" He was right, but I wasn't about to let him know that.

"Leave me alone Jay."

"Who is it that suddenly made you so miserable?" he asked me. He wasn't going away anytime soon.

"No one."

"Maybe I should have worded the question differently. Who's been hurting you? As pretty as your scarf is, it doesn't completely hide the bruises."

"Mind your own fucking business Jay!" I screamed before storming off. Thankfully he didn't try to follow me. But how could he find out? How is it that this guy who I treat like crap noticed how much I'm hurting but the people who I thought cared about me never noticed it at all?

Craig

I ran as quickly as I could down the hall and out of the school. I felt a surge of anger rush through me again and leaned against the side of the building. My legs started to shake as I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the cement steps.

I took a few deep breaths and tried to process what was happening. I just kissed Spinner. But I'm not gay. I can't be.

I lowered my head and felt my cheeks start to get wet. Tears that dripped slowly eventually became heavy sobs that wracked my entire body. Luckily for me, there was no one around to see me cry.

Marco

I waited until Paige and I were up in my room to ask her any more questions. She sat on my bed, playing with the bottom of her shirt. Her right leg bounced up and down and she refused to look at me.

"Paige," I said softly. I pulled the chair from my desk over near the bed and sat across from her. "Paige," I repeated. She kept her head down and started at her feet, but she finally answered me.

"What?"

"The cuts on your stomach…" I began. "…did Steve do that to you?" Her leg stopped bouncing and I saw her swallow hard.

"He…" she didn't say another word; instead, she started to cry. I instinctively wrapped my arms around her. Paige laid her head on my shoulder and started to soak my shirt.

"If he's hurting you, we have to tell someone. You have to get away from him," I told her. I felt her shake her head.

"He didn't do that," she choked out.

"Then who did?" I asked. I rubbed her back and tried to think of anyone else who would hurt her like that. The only person she was close to was Jay but I didn't say his name because I figured she'd freak out. She whispered something but I didn't hear her. "What?" I asked.

"I did," she said louder. I pulled back from her and looked at her in surprise.

"Paige," I said, my voice full of sympathy and shock. "Why would you…?" I put my hand under her chin and lifted it up so she would look at me. "Why would you hurt yourself like that?"

"You wouldn't understand," she said. She was still angry, but she had calmed down a little.

"You're probably right. But there has to be a reason," I said. I was speaking softly and treating her very delicately even though I really wanted to shake her and yell at her to stop. What she was doing was really dangerous, and I realized that I already cared about her too much to let her keep doing it.

"Steve…he…" she shifted uncomfortably and looked away.

"It's okay," I said. "You can tell me."

"He touches me sometimes," she whispered after a few minutes. "And kisses me. I don't want him to and I don't know if he's really going to stop. After the first night he came into my room, I started to…" she trailed off and pointed at her stomach. "It helps me feel better and forget about him."

"Oh my God," I said. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Her stepfather was forcing himself on her. "Has he…?"

"No!" she yelled. "He's only touched or kissed me, that's all. It's not a big deal—I'm handling it. I broke his nose and he hasn't come near me since," she said.

"Paige, this is a huge deal! Is that how you really broke your hand?" She nodded. "This has to stop. All of it. He should never lay a finger on you and you can't cut yourself. It's not healthy."

"It's the only way for me to stop hurting!" she protested.

"No, it's not. You're just hurting yourself even more," I argued.

"Like I said before, you wouldn't understand. So just leave me alone!" She stood up and started to walk towards my door.

"You're not going back home," I told her. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Stop Marco. I don't deserve to be hugged," she said softly.

"Yes, you do."