A/N: Ok.. Ok OK... I know it's been awhile. But hey, my mom was in the hospital last week and I had to drive to and from Ucla from ventura a few days. And I just got back to school so its like Bah getting back intot he sink of things. but yah. Hey is it just me or are a lot of sotries about Bella being 'sick' starting to pop up now? Oh how special I feel for starting this awhile ago! ) Ok OK Ok
Disclaimer: I dont own Twilight/New Moon/ Edward (Boo to the last one)
Decisions
Carlisle entered the room, looking more like the grim reaper then as the loving caring doctor that he truly was.
"Bella, we just got back your test results. The biopsy showed that the cancer attacking your stomach and your intestines is at a very late stage, and from further tests we have done have come to find that it is also attacking your kidneys and your liver. The cancer may be fightable still, but we won't know until we actually try the treatment options we have set up.
"Right now I am going to inject another pain killer into your IV and we will see what kind of treatment options we can come up with. Edward, may I speak with you out in the hall for a moment please?"
I looked over at Edward, everything that Carlisle said was just setting in and I didn't know exactly what to say. This is not something that one hears everyday and it's hard to know how to react when it happens to you. As I stared at Edward, with a million questions in my eyes, I saw that he too had the same worried expression that I imagined I would be having right now. Only he looked more like a Calvin Klein commercial then a disease evoked teenager.
He looked away from me then to answer Carlisle.
"Of course Carlisle" He looked back at me and kissed my forehead, then walked out of the room leaving me alone with my thoughts and my worries.
I began thinking then about what Carlisle had said and everything else that had occurred in this single day. Could it really have only been this morning that I was with Alice in a dressing room in the mall without a care in the world besides how to talk Alice into letting me go home to Edward? Now look at me, sitting in a hospital bed, again, with something else wrong with me. Only this time it didn't look like it would be fixed over night or with anything for that matter. I could only hope that Carlisle would find something to help me with my situation and that I could beat this cancer. Come on Bella! Two seconds ago you were stronger! What happened? Don't give up! Be strong for Edward! Yah that is what I have do, I have to be strong for Edward. But not just for Edward, but for my dad. He needs me now. I can't leave him here like this when I just came to him.
Bella, you aren't going to die, did you forget that Edward could change you and let you live for all eternity with him? Maybe he will have no choice but to change me now. There really isn't anything that is keeping him from it, well except my soul, but I mean come on! For Edward I would give a lot more then my soul to be with him for an eternity. Why couldn't he understand that? Especially now when I am so close to death and in so doing the end of something that is so beautiful. He should want to change me, right? I mean if he loves me the way he says he does then he should. Maybe this will help, maybe now we can be together forever.
My heart started to beat faster at the thoughts of Edward and I finally being able to be together for eternity without either of us having to hold back how we feel or what we want to do. He wouldn't have to catch me when I fell, because then I wouldn't fall anymore. I could take care of myself because I wouldn't be breakable anymore. I blushed then because I thought of all the things we could to together without him having to worry about killing me at any moment.
As I sat there thinking of all the amazing ways Edward and I could spend eternity together, Alice came in.
"Hey Bella, how are you feeling?" I could tell that if she could, she would have blood shot eyes from crying so much. I didn't know if it was possible for Vampires to get tired but she also looked like she maybe suffering from a lack of sleep.
"I'm fine Alice; Carlisle's got me on enough pain killers that even Ozzy Osborne would be content." Tried to lighten the mood a little but it only allowed her to give me half a smile, none of which touching her eyes.
"What's wrong Alice? You know no matter what I'm not going to die. Edward has to change me now, especially since I'm going to-" Alice cut me off then.
"Shh Bella, if Edward heard you talking like that, I don't know what he would do, but he would not be very happy. And I don't know what is going to happen, Bella. For some reason I can't see this yet. Edward hasn't decided what he will do if you are faced with death. He's so stubborn." She rolled her eyes obviously at his thick headedness. I was just glad that she did not look as sad as she had before when she had first entered the room.
"Alice, you know you're the best friend I've ever had right?" I couldn't help but say just how much she meant to me, however little I could explain.
Alice smiled at me, her full beauty radiating through her smile and eyes. "Yes, Bella, and you are my best friend too. Don't worry, Bella, I'm sure he will come around. And if he doesn't, well, I will have to do something about it." She flashed me a wicked grin and winked at me.
Edward walked back in the room looking paler then ever and, if possible, aged a few years.
"What's wrong Edward?" Alice asked.
Edward looked up at her and looked at me and then back to Alice. I could tell they were having one of their 'in mind conversations'. Frustrated I watched there faces.
Edward listened for about a second before nodding and looking solemn. Alice nodded in return and looked at her feet.
"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" I asked, completely annoyed now.
Edward simply looked at me and smiled, "nothing love, don't worry." I wasn't buying it, and he could tell. "It's just some vampire thing." He answered again winking. Of course, the one and only thing you could think of to tell me to make it look like it had nothing to do with me.
I pouted then and folded my arms across my chest, glaring at the two of them.
"Oh Bella, come on." Edward was immediately at my side, pulling me to his chest and kissing my hair. And before I thought possible, Alice was out of the room.
I completely forgot in that amount of time that I was mad at Edward because he suddenly had his face inches from mine, staring straight into my eyes. I felt myself losing and suddenly I realized I wasn't breathing. I took a swift intake, never taking my eyes from his. Then he whispered the only words that I wanted hear.
"I love you Isabella Swan. No matter what, I will always love you." And with that his lips collided with mine. Nothing else mattered in that moment. I behaved myself, as always, but unexpectedly Edward parted his lips. His tongue begging for entrance, I willingly admitted him access and sighed in content, only for it to end moments later. Far sooner then I would have hoped.
I sat there with my eyes closed, a smile starting form on my lips as I reveled in the moment. I could still feel Edward inches from me so I opened my eyes. Sure enough he was there, staring intently into my eyes. I took another deep breath at the sight of my gorgeous Edward.
"What did Carlisle have to say?" I asked without thinking, he looked away from me then. I knew that there was something that he wasn't telling me. "Edward, what is it that you aren't telling me?" I was starting to get agitated by this point. It's my body! I'm the one sick here! Why wont people tell me what the heck is going on?!
"I don't want to worry you with things that aren't certain. I don't want to... I can't…" He sounded too afraid to say anymore on the subject and my agitation slow crept away from me at the sight of his hanging head, and how sad his eyes probably looked. I took his chin in my hand and raised it so that I could look into his eyes.
"Don't worry Edward, no matter what we will be together through this and I love you. He smiled but it never touched his eyes. I gently brushed my lips against his for a moment and he lay down next to me.
We sat there till morning came, I fell asleep sometime in the early morning, but he never left my side. As I slept I dreamt…..
I was sitting in Edward's room, cross legged on the floor looking up at Edward as he got off of his couch, my lower lip pushed out. He had on my favorite crooked smile, looking positively stunning.
"Goodness Bella, falling over still?" he laughed at the situation, the musical sound filling my ears and making my heart race. "What ever will I do with you?" He then reached down and picked me up.
He carried me down the stairs and out door. The sun came out then and just as expected Edward's skin shined beautifully in the sun, I took his hand as soon as he set me down, not wanting to let him go for one moment that I didn't need to. But I noticed something then too. As I looked at our hands held together I saw that my hand, too, was glittering in the sun. I looked up at Edward and smiled, he smiled back and we ran through the forest together. Hand in hand.
It was a beautiful dream…. Now to make it reality…
I awoke around 11 the next morning to the sight of Edward still next to me, caressing my face with his cold fingers.
"Good dreams?" he asked with a grin, I on the other hand frowned. Darn me and my sleep talking!
"Uh… yes…" I answered on edge. Would he be upset if I told him what the dream was? Please don't ask, please don't ask…
"So what was your dream about?" He asked, curiosity ringing in every word.
"Uhm… well… Promise not to be mad?" I had to ask; at least I was warning him.
He growled playfully, "Bella," his eyes looked so serious that I couldn't keep from answering any longer.
"I'm just warning you," I took a deep breath before I began, "Well, we were in your room, and I guess I had just fallen and so you were laughing at me and you picked me up and we went down stairs. You took me out side and then the sun came out, and you shined in the sun," I took another deep breath, "and then you put me down and I took your hand, and noticed that, that my hand was shining, too." His face went from amused to worried to angry in about 5.2 milliseconds. "Then we took off running into the forest hand in hand… Are you angry? I warned you…" But I couldn't say any more because he had placed his finger onto my lips then.
"Bella, I don't think that we should talk about this." He sounded so serious, but it was too late. Now that I had had the dream I wanted to discuss this. I needed to know what was going to happen to me when I was on my death bed, which looked like it would be fairly soon. So I put on a hard face and spoke.
"Edward, if I am dying in the hospital bed, with nothing you can do to save me except bite me, and keep me forever, would you let me die or would you change me. Edward, I don't want to live, or die without you. Heaven would be completely over rated without you." His eyes looked so sad, and confused. He was so reluctant to answer, and when he did he said it so quietly that I had to strain to hear every word.
"Bella, I love you, and I have no idea what will happen, and it doesn't matter because I won't change you Bella, I can't let you be damned like me when you are such an angel. I can't, I wont, kill you Bella. But I don't want to lose you. There is a half of me that wants you to live a normal life, to die from a normal life, to have children, to know that when you do die that you will be in heaven. But then there is the other part of me that wants you to be with me forever. That part wants to change you, to keep you for myself and show you how much I truly do love you." His eyes had never looked sadder, and it pained me to make him choose. But couldn't he see that I wanted him to change me? That he wasn't being selfish by making me immortal, that I would get to see his face everyday and be able to live forever with him and his family.
We stared at each other for a moment, until he broke it by looking away at the door. "Renee and Charlie will be here soon. I should go." He must have saw the panic that had entered my eyes because he smiled slightly and said, "Don't worry, I'll be back. I need to do some thinking anyways." He kissed my forehead and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear before turning and leaving.
So decisions had to be made, and I could tell that it would have to be made soon. We said how we felt and I knew that some how, some way this would work out. Or at least I hoped so.
A/N: So what did you foolios think? Its fairly longer thent he others. Not by much but yah. Leave me reviews and cool stuff like that! Thank you for taking your time to read this. It really does mean a lot Wipes tears Im getting all senimental over here...