Chapter Seventeen: Stay

Manny

I was sitting in English class, not paying attention, as usual, when Ms. Kwan left the room to talk to someone else. When she came back, she motioned me up to the front of the room and handed me a hall pass.

"You're wanted in Ms. Sauvé's office," she said quietly.

"Why?" I asked. She didn't have to tell me why because I already knew. I'd been dreading it.

"I don't know," she answered. Well, at least he hadn't told everyone.

My suspicions were confirmed when I walked into the office and saw Jay sitting in one of the chairs across from Ms. Sauvé's desk.

I thought I'd be angry when I saw him there. I wanted to run from the room and pretend that no one knew my secret. But all I could do was cry.

Tears poured down my cheeks as I stood there, staring at the floor. Jay walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. He let me cry into his shoulder as long as I needed to.

Paige

I sat in Marco's room alone after we ate lunch. I'd told him I was tired and wanted to take a nap, but I couldn't fall asleep. I sat on his bed and kept looking around the room, wishing that things were back to normal. I wanted my dad to be alive, and I wanted Steve to have never existed. I wanted so many things that I knew I'd never have again.

What would happen when Marco's parents got sick of me? Marco didn't even know me that well. I wouldn't be able to stay at his house forever, and where would I go when I was no longer welcome? I couldn't live with Jay because he lived with his aunt and uncle. And I didn't have any other friends.

I realized that I was crying as I thought about everything. I couldn't stop, and I couldn't stop myself from doing what I did next. I walked over to Marco's desk and found his scissors. Then I sat down in his computer chair, with my back to the door, and lifted up my shirt.

I drew the scissors across my skin. It stung, but I was used to it by then, and I started to feel better. As I started the next cut, my tears stopped falling. I breathed a sigh of relief when I dragged them across my stomach for a third time.

"Paige!" I heard Marco behind me. I pulled my shirt down and tried to hide the scissors, but I couldn't find anywhere to put them. I started to cry again as he walked in front of me and pulled them from my hands.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. "I…"

"You can't do this anymore," he whispered. He slowly pulled up my shirt and gasped a little. "Come on, let's go fix you up."

I followed him to the bathroom, crying the whole way. This was it; he'd clean up my cuts and send me on my way. He wouldn't be able to deal with me because I couldn't stop cutting.

Alex

"I brought you some lunch," Craig said from the doorway of my room. We both claimed to be sick that morning. Our parents didn't have time to force us to go, so they gave in and let us stay home.

"I'm not hungry," I said. I was sitting in my window seat, staring out across the backyard.

"Bull. Eat your sandwich or I'll feed it to you," he said, holding it out to me. I made a big deal out of taking a bite and swallowing it, but then I put the plate down and looked at him seriously.

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on with you?" I asked him. "I know why I'm pretending to be sick, but why are you?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he said, plopping down onto my bed.

"Come on Craig. We're best friends. You can talk to me about anything," I told him.

"I don't have anything to say Alex," he sighed.

"Maybe I can start. Does it have anything to do with this?"

I reached in my pocket and pulled out the crumpled piece of paper that I'd taken from Craig's trash can that morning. I unfolded it and smoothed it out before holding it up.

"Where'd you get that?" he yelled, rushing forward and snatching it out of my hands. "Stay out of my room Alex!" he added.

"Craig, just talk to me about it. I can help you, trust me. I know exactly what you're going through," I insisted.

"You don't know anything," he snapped. "Just leave me alone!"

He stormed out of my room and back into his own. In a few seconds, I heard his music go on and he turned it up all the way.

Since I knew he wouldn't hear me, I went downstairs and buried my sandwich in the trash. Then I decided to go on a walk and try to clear my head.

Jay

"Hey Paige, this is about the fifth time today that I've gotten your voicemail. I just wanted to say sorry that we haven't talked in awhile. I've just been trying to help someone out and visit my mom and adjust to living at Emma's house all at the same time. It's just been crazy. I hope you're not mad at me and we have to hang out really soon. Um…bye."

I felt horrible for abandoning Paige and I prayed that she wasn't being bothered by Steve and that she didn't hate me. I'd just gotten so wrapped up in trying to help Manny that I just sort of, forgot about her. And that scared me. How can you forget about your best friend?

Manny was a total mess all afternoon. After telling her story to Ms. Sauvé, she'd cried so much that she had a huge headache. I went to the nurse with her, where she got medicine and lay down for awhile. But then Ms. Sauvé wanted to talk to her again and I wasn't allowed to go with her. I wondered what happened with all of that but didn't hear from her for the rest of the day.

Since there was nothing more for me to do for Manny, I decided to drive over to Paige's house and see what was up. Hopefully her phone was dead and she wasn't just ignoring my calls on purpose.

I knocked on the door and waited for a good ten minutes before her mom came to the door. She was drunk, and she had no pants on.

"Oh hello Jeremy," she slurred, squinting her eyes at me. Amazing; she couldn't even get my name right.

"Is Paige home?" I asked.

"Dinnya hear? She don't live here anymore," she said.

"WHAT?"

"Goodnight Jeffrey!"

And she slammed the door in my face.

Craig

"Are you gonna tell me what's been going on with you?" Emma asked me.

She'd called and invited me for dinner, and we were up in her room talking afterwards.

"Everyone keeps asking me that. But I don't have an answer," I said. I knew what I was going through wasn't her fault, but I couldn't help being rude. I was in a bad mood all the time ever since Spinner kissed me.

"Then why did you even come over for dinner? I assumed you would talk to me at some point," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm your girlfriend; you're supposed to be able to tell me anything."

"I came over for dinner because I do have something to tell you. But you're not gonna like it," I warned her.

"What is it?" her voice was shaky. I could've sworn that she was about to cry.

"I can't do this anymore," I sighed.

"Do what?"

"This relationship. Emma, we have to break up, I'm sorry."

"What? Why?" she shrieked. The tears I knew so well appeared just then.

"I'm sorry Em. I really care about you a lot, but."

"But not enough, right?" she asked, wiping her cheeks.

"It's not like that."

"Then what's it like?"

"You wouldn't understand, okay? We just can't."

"Is this about the sex? About wanting to take it slow?"

"Of course not! Do you really think I'm like that?" I was starting to get upset.

"I don't know what to think anymore," she said, sighing.

"I have to go." I felt tears forming behind my eyes and I didn't want to let them out in front of her. I felt like a horrible person, like she thought the worst of me, and I couldn't handle it.

"Craig, wait!" she called after me as I ran down the stairs.

I pretended not to hear her and just kept running.

Marco

While Paige took a shower after dinner, I did some serious work in my room. I found everything sharp that I could—my scissors, pocket knife, and even my pens and pencils—and took it all out of my room. I put everything in a box and hid it in the basement.

I couldn't stay with her all the time, but I at least wouldn't leave her alone in any part of the house but my bedroom.

When she got out of the shower, she insisted that she was tired and wanted to go to bed. But I wanted to try and cheer her up.

"Why don't we watch a movie? Or go out for ice cream?" I suggested.

"Marco, I…I just…I don't know if I can do this," she said. A tear trickled out of her eye but she quickly wiped it away.

"Do what?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know if I can stop. Cutting has been the only thing that's made me feel better for a long time. Aside from spending time with Jay, that is," she said.

"Paige, you know you can't hurt yourself like that anymore," I told her.

"It's just not that easy Marco."

"I'll make it that easy. I'll sleep on this floor if I have to. I'll follow you around forever. I will become your permanent stalker," I said. She laughed a little, which made me happy.

"Thanks Marco. I really owe you one," she said.

"You don't owe me anything."

"I have a favor to ask you then."

"Anything," I told her.

"Will you stay with me tonight? It's just that every time I try to sleep, I start thinking about my mom and dad and everything like it used to be and…"

"Of course I'll stay," I said.

She kissed my cheek and smiled before lying down on top of the blankets. I lay down next to her and wrapped an arm around her.

"This is nice," she whispered, moving closer to me.

"Yeah," I agreed, closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

Ellie

"So, do I get to meet him?" my mom asked as she walked into my room.

"Meet who?"

"Your new boyfriend of course!" she said happily.

"He's not my boyfriend mom. We're just going on a date," I told her.

"Close enough. You've been dating him for a little while now and that usually means…" she trailed off when she noticed I wasn't really paying attention to her. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to finish getting ready before he gets here," I said, sighing. It wasn't really what I was thinking about, but she didn't need to know that.

"Sorry honey. I'll leave you alone. But when he gets here, I want to meet him!"

She practically skipped from the room and I rolled my eyes. I made sure she was gone before closing and locking my door. Then I went over to my bed and pulled something out of my pillowcase. It was a photograph.

Alex took it of us on one of our dates. I always kept it there and looked at it whenever I got a chance. Tears formed behind my eyes and I willed them not to fall. I missed her so much.

A knock on my door startled me. I shoved the picture back in it's hiding spot and jumped up.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Your date is here," my mom called. I could imagine her grinning on the other side of that door.

"I'll be out in a minute!"

I walked over to the mirror and made sure my eyes looked okay. Then I put my earrings in and headed into the living room. Jimmy was standing in the doorway, smiling as my mother introduced herself.

"Okay, you've met, now let's go," I said, grabbing Jimmy's arm and dragging him out the door.

"Stay out as late as you want!" my mom yelled after us.

We drove to The Dot and ate dinner like we always did. Normally, after that, we went to a movie or miniature golfing or something like that. But that night, Jimmy told me he had something special planned. He took me to the park.

I watched as he set a blanket on the ground and lit candles on it. Then he went back to the car and pulled a box out of it. He'd made dessert for us, and created a little picnic. My heart sank as I thought of the picnic Alex made for me. I sat down and tried to ignore those feelings.

After dessert, Jimmy started moving closer and closer to me. Pretty soon, we were making out, and shortly after that, he blew the candles out and cleared the blanket off. We lay down on it and looked up at the stars, and before I knew what was going on, he was on top of me, kissing my neck and undoing my pants.

As we both undressed, I kept picturing Alex above me instead of him. My heart knew that she was the one I wanted, not Jimmy. I began to feel cold and nothing Jimmy did would warm me up. As we had sex that night, under the stars, tears fell down my cheeks. I wanted Alex, not Jimmy.

Alex.

A/N: I'm going on vacation for two weeks so I won't be able to update! But as soon as I get back, I'll post the next chapter.