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Medication

I sat wondering about where Edward had gone, and what exactly he had to think about. The love of his life was in the hospital dying, gone forever. But what was he doing? He wasn't saving her that's for sure. He was sitting there acting like he was so noble to be letting me die at the age of 18. 18! One-eight. I was diffidently too young to die.

Had this situation been switch I'm pretty sure I would have already bitten the bullet, or in this case my skin, and changed me. I mean, I would give anything to be with Edward, and I'm pretty sure that he would too. But for some reason he couldn't understand that all I wanted was to be with him and his family for forever. Nothing else mattered as long as he loved me and wanted me to be happy. Nothing else mattered as long as he was in my life, for eternity. Heaven would be a form of hell without my angel there. Why couldn't he see that?

I sat there thinking about Edward for quite awhile when Renee and Charlie walked in.

"Oh, Bella! How are you feeling darling?" Renee practically ran to my bedside and hugged me so hard I had to remind her that I needed to breathe. "Opps, I'm sorry, I am just so worried about you. Has Carlisle told you anything new? All I know is that they say you have a stomach cancer and that it's spread to your kidneys and surrounding organs… Oh Bella! How are you feeling?" She spoke very quickly, in a completely Renee way. It brought a smile to my face despite the situation. I loved my mother and her crazy ways.

"I'm fine mom. Tired but fine. Carlisle has me on a lot of pain medication. And no, they haven't been able to tell us anything new. As far as I know they are discussing what kind of medication they are going to be giving me." I answered casually with a shrug.

Charlie walked to my bedside and placed a hand on mine; soothing me, although surprisingly his was the hand that was shaking, not mine. "Are you ok dad?" I asked in a clearly worried tone.

"Yah, I'm just really worried is all." I could tell he hadn't eaten in awhile and I wondered if he had really been going to work like he had told the Cullens he was.

They sat there talking with me for about an hour. But little on the subject of my impending doom, whether it was for them or me I could not tell. They left me there, after we had a strange awkward silence. Having Charlie and Renee in the same room was weird enough, through in conversation and a sick daughter and you have the makings of a sickeningly awkward moment.

I pondered more over Edward as I sat waiting for him to return. The nurses came in every hour on the hour to give me more drugs. I was grateful that the medication was not too drowsy so I could at least sit and think without the worries of sleep and what may occur in my dreams without Edward there.

Edward never came that night. I sat there waiting for him, but he never came. I came up with a million explanations as to why he wasn't by my side, but I couldn't fight this feeling of panic and sorrow at his lack of appearance here. I had started the crying in the early mornings when I realized that he was not going to be coming. I knew right then that if he didn't come back by noon then I would talk to Carlisle. Even if that meant I had to get up out of this, which actually sounded exceptionally good considering how long I had been laying in it.

Noon came and went; I called the nurse and asked her to please have Carlisle come see me as soon as possible. It didn't take long for Carlisle to come to my aid. He came into the room with a worried look on his face.

"What's wrong Bella? Are you feeling ok? Do you need something?" Diffidently worried. He checked my heart rate and my IV bag looking me over completely.

"I'm fine Carlisle. I was just wondering, where's Edward? He said he was going to come back last night, but he never did." It hurt to ask Carlisle, I could tell that it pained him to answer my question. But I needed to know. If he was gone… If he decided that he wasn't going to save me then I knew that I wouldn't be able to fight anymore, and I was pretty sure that Carlisle knew it, too.

"He came to talk to me last night. Actually Bella I was coming down to talk to you right now anyways," He ran a hand through his hair nervously and looked down at his shoes, obviously trying to find the right words to convey what he was going to say next, "Bella, we have found that the cancer is in a later stage then we entirely thought. It looks like all treatments or surgeries will do nothing. I've been trying and trying to find something but there isn't anything. I'm so sorry Bella. If there is, if there was anything..." He trailed off. I felt the shocked expression on my face, and this time there was no Edward to hold my hand or look at me with strong eyes.

I was alone.

But I was still waiting for my answer. "So where is Edward?" I finally asked once I found my voice again. The voice that spoke did not sound like mine. It sounded emotionless and uncaring. Carlisle's eyes were sad, and I knew that this was hard on him, he thought of me as part of his family, as I did him.

"I talked to him about it last night when he came. He pretty much freaked out. Refused to talk to anyone, me included. He was afraid to go see you, he didn't want to do anything stupid and he didn't want to worry you. I warned him that this would be what would happen…

"The last I heard from him he had called me from the woods somewhere to check up on you. He sounded so cold Bella, I've never heard his voice so lacking in expression, so sad…" So much like mine did a moment ago. "He left to think. Believe me Bella; if it were I, you would already be one of us. But it's not, as much as I wish it were. If he calls I will let him know you asked about him. I'm sure he will be back sometime soon." He looked back down at his feet and ran another hand through his hair. Unsure what to do or say.

I looked up at him from my hands and saw the old man radiating through his eyes, the topaz color looking so sad and unknowing. Carlisle was like a father to me. Carlisle is like a father to me.

"Carlisle it is wrong for me to make you and your family go through this. Please, I don't want to put you out anymore, go home and spend time with Esme. You look so tired, so very un-vampire like." I added with a wink. He grinned at my little joke and his eyes looked a little a little better, the sadness starting to lift some from the topaz.

"Thank you Bella and you are not putting us out. We care about you nearly as much as Edward and, like him, we want you to get better. I'm going to keep looking for something to help, but in the mean time I have some medications for you. It will help the cramping some more and keep the cancer from spreading as quickly as it is now." I knew that I should be more shocked or scared, but to tell you the truth, I didn't care. Carlisle left the room soon there after, his grim expression never leaving his beautiful face.

Me and Edward's relationship was once again a balancing act. His decision would decide our out come, or like there of.

If he decided to change me then I would like with him forever, never sick again, never needing rescuing.

But if he didn't, if he decided that he wouldn't change me, well then I would die. Nothing he could do would detour that. And I wouldn't be dying over time. No, Carlisle made it sound like it would be sooner then expected.

By the time Carlisle had left and I had looked at the clock I found it to be around 4 in the afternoon. 'I'm sure he will be back sometime soon.' I thought of what to say to Edward. Or maybe I shouldn't say anything. But I had no more time to think because suddenly there was a knock on the door. And slowly it opened.

A/N: He. He. He.

I apologize now for teh cliff. I find them horrible when reading a story but I had to do it. I know you understand.

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