Chapter Eighteen: All You Need Is Love

Jay

How could this have happened? Paige, my best friend, my only friend for the longest time, moved out of her house and didn't even tell me. Her mother couldn't even tell me where to find her, and I felt completely lost. I got so wrapped up in helping Manny that I forgot about my best friend. What kind of a person am I?

I had no idea who to call or where to look for her. What if she was in trouble? As far as I knew, Paige didn't have any other friends or any relatives in the city to live with. But then it hit me; I could find her at work.

I raced down to the mall as fast as I could and ran inside. As I made my way to the movie theater, I could see that familiar head of blonde hair. I breathed a sigh of relief and slowed to a fast walk.

"Paige!" I called out as I got closer. She looked up at me and smiled. Wait…how was she not mad at me?

"Jay!" she called back. She ran around the counter and threw her arms around me. I pulled her close to me and smelled her hair. Suddenly, everything felt right again. I wasn't in a panic anymore and I knew she would never hate me.

"I'm so sorry that I haven't called!" I apologized. "I've just been…"

"It's okay, really," she said. "I've been busy too."

"I went to your house last night. Your mom told me you didn't live there anymore! What happened?"

"I've been living at Marco's," she said.

"Marco Del Rossi? Are you two…"

"No!" she interrupted. "We sort of had a date after he and Manny broke up. I guess you could call it that. Anyway, he brought me home afterwards and found out about Steve. So he said I could live with him," she grinned.

I had a feeling that she wasn't telling me the whole story. I could tell that the smile on her face was forced, but I decided to let it go for the time being. Then I thought of her and Marco on a date together, and my stomach flopped. I pictured them making out and sleeping in the same bed together at his house…

I thought of Manny and how much she still loved Marco and how she had only broken up with him because she was afraid he'd find out about her dad. I thought of how I wasn't ready to share Paige with anyone.

"Jay? Hellooooo," she was waving her hand in front of my face. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, shoving those thoughts to the back of my mind.

"How's your mom? I feel horrible for not being there for both of you," she told me.

"Don't worry about it. She's great. She has a new place to live, but she loves it."

"I guess we all have new places to live. How's Emma? I hope she doesn't bother you too much."

"We've actually become friends. She met Mom and everything just picked up from there."

"I'm glad. You look really happy," she said.

"I wasn't completely happy until I knew you were safe," I told her. I hugged her one more time and started to feel better. "I'll let you get back to work. Do you want to come over after?" I asked.

"I can't, sorry. Marco's cooking me dinner tonight since his parents are going out. Maybe tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, tomorrow," I repeated before walking away. I really needed to talk to Marco.

Alex

I stepped on the scale in the bathroom and looked down. Twelve pounds. I'd lost twelve pounds since Ellie broke my heart. But even losing that much didn't bring her back to me. Maybe she dumped me because I was too fat.

I turned to the full length mirror and stared. What I saw disgusted me. My thighs were huge and my cheeks were puffy. My stomach popped out too. I looked pregnant! No wonder Ellie was with Jimmy now. He was much, much skinner than I was.

"Alex!" I heard Craig yell from the other side of the door. When I didn't answer him, he started to knock.

"Alright!" I yelled back. "I'm coming." I pulled open the door and glared at him.

"Jeez Alex, you look like shit," was the first thing out of his mouth.

"I know, okay! You don't need to remind me," I snapped, storming past him and running into my room. Before I could slam the door, he was behind me. He followed me in and closed it behind him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," he said softly, sitting down on my bed. I took my normal seat by the window and pulled my knees to my chest.

"Are you finally ready to talk to me?" I asked, changing the subject. He nodded and tears stared pouring out of his eyes. I sat there and let him cry for a few minutes. "I'm ready when you are," I said.

"Al, I don't know what to do," he choked out between sobs. "I just…"

"Start from the beginning," I suggested. "Tell me everything."

"Well, I started tutoring Spinner in math a few weeks ago. We had a lot of fun and hung out a little afterwards. I was happy to have another new friend; I finally felt like I fit in here. But then, last weekend, he kissed me at his house. I freaked out and left. When he asked to talk to me at school on Monday, we went into the washroom and…"

"What happened?" I whispered. I knew it would take a little bit of coercing to get the full story out of him. Craig was never good at talking about his feelings.

"I kissed him. Then I swore and ran out and cried. Alex, I'm not gay. But I broke up with Emma," he sighed, finally looking up at me.

"Craig, I've known this about you since I knew it about myself," I admitted. "I've seen your awkwardness with girls, and you've always told me with every girlfriend you had that it didn't feel right," I explained.

"I'm not gay," he repeated. "I can't be!" he said, louder this time.

"If you felt something when Spinner kissed you, and you never felt something when Emma kissed you, or any girl for that matter, then there's no other real explanation. You kissed him back. You must feel something."

"I don't! I'M NOT GAY! How many times to I have to say it?" he screamed. He started to cry again, and I got a little teary myself.

"I know how scary it is and how hard it is to deal with. But trust me; we're in a much better place for you to go through this than we were before. Most of the people here are tolerant. I don't think anyone will give you shit for being yourself," I told him. I was trying to help, but it wasn't working.

"I can't be gay Alex. YOU are the gay twin! Not me!"

"It doesn't work that way." I moved over to my bed and sat next to him. "I know what you're going through, and I'm gonna help you," I assured him.

He shook his head and bit his bottom lip. We stared at each other for a minute before I pulled him towards me. We hugged for a long time, his sobs moving both of our bodies. In that moment, I wished Craig had been there for me when I was realizing who I was, but I tried not to hold it against him. And I wouldn't do the same thing.

Paige

Marco didn't kick me out of his house after he found me cutting. It was just the opposite; he curled up in bed with me that night and I slept better than I had in a long time. I didn't have any nightmares and I just felt so safe.

When I got home from work that night, I realized what he had done. I wasn't looking to do anything, but I'd been getting changed and I noticed that there weren't any more scissors, thumb tacks, or even nail clippers left in the room. He had removed everything he knew I could hurt myself with.

I smiled because it was nice to have someone care about me so much. Not that Jay didn't care about me; it's just that I never wanted him to find out. He'd be so disappointed in me and he'd probably tell an adult. I'd been so happy when I saw him at work though. I hadn't realized until then how much I missed him.

I sat down on Marco's bed and waited for dinner to be ready. My thoughts drifted to the problem that I had and how I was really ever going to stop. Sure, Marco took stuff out of his room and probably hid it somewhere, but that wouldn't be able to stop me. I could use anything I wanted to hurt myself, like the plastic ruler that I'd hidden in the pillowcase, or even a sharp corner of my notebook. I could find anything at school and go into the bathroom, and the same went for work too.

The only way I'd be able to stop was to want to stop. And in that moment, I wasn't sure I really wanted to.

Manny

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you. And I really do appreciate your help, but I hate this. Can you come stay with me for awhile?" I asked him over the phone.

"Sure, where are you?"

I gave him the address, hung up the phone, and waited. I sat on my new bed in a small room. It wasn't really that bad, but I hated it. I wanted to be back in my old room at my old house. I wanted my mom to be there and I wanted my dad to love me again.

"Manny, you have a visitor," the woman said from the other side of the door. Before I answered her, the door opened and Jay walked in. I couldn't stop myself from jumping up and hugging him.

"Miss me?" he asked, closing the door and joining me on the bed after I'd come to my senses.

"Sure…if that's what you want to think," I joked. I had no idea how I could be so comfortable talking to someone that I convinced myself to hate before. I guess since Jay had helped me, I felt closer to him than anyone else.

"So, what happened?" he asked.

"Ms. Sauvé called Social Services and they took me away from my dad," I said quietly.

"Good. Now he can't hurt you anymore."

"Not good," I replied. "I'm fifteen years old and I'm in foster care Jay! No one will ever adopt me because I'm too old. I don't even want anyone to adopt me! I want my mom back." I felt tears forming behind my eyes and let them spill over.

"It will be so much better for you here," he assured me. "I know you want your mom back, and maybe that will happen for you some day. But right now, you should be thankful that you have somewhere to live, far away from that monster."

"My father wasn't always a monster," I whispered.

"I know. I shouldn't have said that. Why don't you tell me about this place?" he suggested.

"Well, my foster mom's name is Sarah. I apparently have a foster brother—she adopted him when he was ten—but I haven't seen him yet. He's my age and he goes to Degrassi. She hasn't told me his name because he apparently wants to surprise me or something. I guess he knows who I am," I explained.

"That's good, right? You'll have someone here that will help you get through this," he told me.

"I want you to be here," I said. I had no idea where that came from, but I looked into his eyes and I meant it.

He leaned forward and our lips met as I closed my eyes.

A/N: Thanks for being so patient while I was gone on vacation. I just got home and I wanted to update this right away. I don't know when I'll have time to write more chapters though! I'm hoping to finish it soon.