Chapter Twenty: Don't Fail Me Now

Jay

"I'm so glad I found you," I told Paige as I threw my arms around her. She was just leaving the school.

"Chill out Jay. I saw you yesterday," she said, giving me a funny look as she pulled away.

"Yeah, but…" I wasn't sure how to begin. I wanted to yell at her for cutting herself, and for not telling me what was going on. But I knew that wasn't the way to deal with it. It would probably make things worse.

"What's wrong? You look weird," she said.

"Paige…I had a talk with Marco today," I said quietly. At first she looked angry, but then her features softened.

"What did he tell you?" she asked, shifting nervously on her feet.

"Everything. Why didn't you tell me? I feel like an idiot for not seeing any of it. I have to be just about the worst friend in the world," I sighed.

"It's not your fault Jay. I was too embarrassed to talk about Steve. I thought that everything he did to me was my fault, that I somehow lead him on. So I started to…hurt myself as punishment, and as a way to deal with it I guess," she explained.

"I still feel responsible," I admitted. She put her hand on my shoulder and lightly squeezed it.

"You're not. I'm responsible for my own actions. And Steve's responsible for his. I don't expect you to be a mind reader," she told me.

"I think you should come stay with me at Emma's house," I blurted out.

"I'm sure her parents wouldn't like that very much. They don't even know me," she protested.

"They wouldn't mind, really," I said, not very sure of myself. She must have sensed it.

"Jay, you're my best friend, and you've always looked out for me in the past. You were there for me when my dad died, and when my mom got out of control. I love you for that, but it's time you let someone else take care of me for awhile. And it's time that I try to take care of myself," she said. "I haven't cut in a few days and I feel good about that. Marco's been helping me out a lot, and his parents don't mind me staying there. I'm just not ready to leave."

"I understand," I said, giving her a small smile. "Do you like Marco?" I suddenly asked.

"We're just friends, if that's what you're asking," she told me. "Besides, he's totally in love with Manny and he's just not my type."

"Oh, so you have a type now?" I joked. "What would that be?"

"None of your business," she said with a smile. "Come on, let's go do something fun," she suggested.

"How about a movie?" I asked. "I'd even settle for a chick flick."

"You are too good to me Jay Hogart. How many girls do you treat this way?" It was so great to have the old Paige back. I realized then how much I missed her.

"Only you, Paige Michalchuk," I said truthfully, linking my arm in hers and leading her to the car. "Only you."

Craig

I called Emma so we could talk, but her parents said she hadn't come home after school. They were worried about her, and I assured them that I would find her and tell her to call them so they'd know she was fine. And I knew exactly where to look.

I hadn't been back to the ravine since that Monday night when Ashley oh-so-graciously gave me an STD. To be honest, just the sight of all the people was making me nervous. Everyone I walked past tried to hand me a beer or a joint, and I even saw Ashley lurking in the shadows, surrounded by a bunch of guys. I almost shouted a warning to them, but thought better of it. They'd have to learn the hard way, like I did.

I couldn't see Emma anywhere, and started to hope that she wasn't really there. But then I saw the van, and wondered who was inside. My question was answered when I heard her screaming. I knew it was her right away. I ran up and pulled the door open as fast as I could. Some nasty naked guy was trying to take her pants off.

"Get the fuck away from her!" I yelled. That's when he finally noticed me and stopped in his tracks. "You heard me!" I screamed. The kid jumped up, grabbed his clothes, and ran. I was amazed that I'd actually scared someone, but then quickly remembered Emma. She was still lying down, tears pouring from her eyes. "What happened?" I asked.

"I wanted to do it at first. But the way he talked to me reminded me of…"

"Jordan?" I asked. She nodded, but didn't say another word.

"Come on, I promised your parents I'd find you. They're expecting a phone call," I said, helping her up. I put an arm around her shoulder and led her away from that awful van.

"Craig?" she said softly as we left the ravine.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

I was glad that I'd been able to help her. I handed her my cell phone so she could call her parents, and then agreed to take a walk with her before bringing her home. I had so many questions for her and so much to tell her.

"Emma…why did you go to the ravine tonight?" I finally asked.

"I was upset and I acted stupid. I just figured that you left me because I wouldn't have sex with you. I was desperate for some kind of attention and made the wrong choice."

"It was never about the sex," I told her. "I thought you knew that."

"I thought I did too," she said. "But I just…" She started to cry again, and I knew I owed her something.

"Em, the reason I broke up with you is because…" I paused, not sure if I could finish the sentence. We both stopped walking and she looked up at me expectantly, waiting for the answer. "Because I'm gay."

Alex

I was moping around my room, avoiding dinner, when my cell phone rang. At first I thought it was Craig because he was too lazy to come up and get me, so I ignored it. But then, a few minutes later, when it started to ring again, I checked the caller id and it wasn't Craig. It was Ellie.

I couldn't believe my eyes at first—I thought it was a mistake. But the name flashing across the screen, in bold, was ELLIE. It really was her. But why? The only way to find out would be to answer it, right? That's logical. Only I didn't get to it in time. When I opened the phone and said 'hello' all I got was a dial tone.

I considered calling her back, but only for a second. If whatever she had to say to me was really important, she'd call back. Only, she didn't call back. Not right away at least. I waited for almost an hour, staring at the phone in front of me on my bed. I stared at it until my eyelids got heavy and started to droop. And then, just as I was falling asleep sitting up, it rang again. It was six-thirty when she called for the third time.

But I didn't answer it.

I'm not sure what stopped me, but I just couldn't do it. This time, though, she left a voicemail.

"Hi Alex, it's me…Ellie." She paused for a moment before continuing. "I can understand why you won't answer. I know that I've treated you terribly and I probably don't deserve any of your time, but I want to talk. My mom's gone all weekend so I was thinking that maybe you could come over so we can talk in private. I really understand if you don't want to hear me out, but if you do, just come over whenever you want. Um…bye."

I took in a deep breath and didn't let it out. Ellie wanted to talk. What did that mean? Did she just want to apologize and leave it at that? Did she want to be friends again? Did she want to get back together?

The only way to find out would be to talk to her. I just wasn't sure if I was ready.

Marco

Jay gave me directions to Manny's new house. Her foster mom seemed really nice, but it was just so surreal. I waited in the living room, suddenly very nervous. Manny and I hadn't really been apart for that long, but I felt like she wouldn't forgive me for not noticing how much she'd been hurting. She was only acting like a bitch so I wouldn't find out about her dad.

My stomach started flopping around. I felt like I'd been waiting for almost an hour and I couldn't stop tapping my leg up and down. I had no idea what I was going to say to her when she finally came out. But all of my thoughts went right out the window when she came into the living room. Her head was down and she had her arms wrapped around herself. She looked so sad that I wanted to cry.

I slowly walked over to her but I was afraid to touch her. She wouldn't even look at me and I felt ashamed. I opened my mouth to apologize, but nothing came out. I just couldn't find the right words.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I asked. I'd been trying to say exactly that, but it was Manny who said it, not me.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I was such a bitch. I'm sorry…"

"Manny, stop," I whispered. "I'm the one who should be sorry, not you. I should've noticed."

"It's not your fault," she told me.

"And it's not yours either," I said.

"I missed you so much," she said, changing the subject.

I pulled her close to me and hugged her, suddenly afraid to let go.

"I won't ever leave you again," I whispered in her ear.

"Good."

Spinner

I felt ridiculous, staring at the phone for so long. I missed him. I couldn't help it. Even though he treated me like shit and pretty much acted like I didn't exist, I still missed him. Why couldn't we just be laughing over some stupid math problem? It was better then; back when we were friends and he wasn't freaking out about being gay.

I thought that maybe if I called him and apologized, things could go back to normal. Like maybe I could forget about my feelings if we could just be friends again. I finally picked up the phone and pressed the buttons; my fingers shaking. After five rings, his voicemail answered for him and I gave up.

I hoped for a minute that maybe he just wasn't near his phone, but I knew that wasn't true. He always had his phone with him, no matter what. He answered it during dinner, at the movies, and even in school if he could.

Just then, my cell phone rang. My heart started beating faster and I quickly answered it, hoping to hear Craig's voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey." It was a familiar voice alright, but it wasn't the one I wanted to hear. Instead, it was my ex.

"Um, what's up?" I asked him. We hadn't spoken in at least two weeks, except for polite hellos in the hallway. I saw him at Equality Club, but we didn't talk there to avoid rumors. He still didn't want anyone to know he was bi.

"I just thought that maybe…we could spend some quality time together tonight."

"What? We're not together anymore. And you have a girlfriend…" I sighed. He wasn't the person I wanted to spend quality time with.

"I broke up with her today and I just don't want to be alone tonight. We don't have to actually do anything. I just want us to still be friends and I need to do something productive."

I felt a little sorry for him. But I was also feeling sorry for myself, so I agreed. Maybe we would do something. It wasn't like I'd be doing anything with Craig anytime soon, if ever.

Manny

Sarah let Marco stay for dinner, and I was very grateful. I finally felt happy again, especially since I had my boyfriend back. Jay was great, and a really good friend, but he couldn't comfort me the way Marco could.

We sat around the table, talking and laughing, like a real family. I couldn't remember a time after my mom left when my dad laughed. If he ever did, it sure wasn't when I was around. For a split second, I wished he was there, but as I was clearing the table after we ate, I dropped a dish and it broke into four pieces. In my mind, I saw my father's hand come flying at me. I felt it sting my cheek. I could feel him throwing me up against the wall.

I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt Sarah's arms around me. Marco cleaned up the dish while I let her hug me, ashamed that I let my father break me like this. Every time I did something wrong, I was afraid that someone would yell at me or hit me or worse. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get over it, to be able to accept that he couldn't hurt me again, but I knew that I had a great group of people who were willing to help me try.

Emma

"I feel so stupid," I said. I was sitting on Craig's bed while he paced around the room.

"Why would you? It's my fault for not saying anything."

"I just should have known. Or I should have at least believed you when you said it wasn't about the sex. Well, I guess, in a way, it was," I sighed. "I just feel like I'll never find the right guy."

"Don't be so dramatic Emma," he told me. "You're fifteen years old. You don't need to find the right guy yet."

"But you found him, didn't you?" I asked, grinning. He stopped pacing for a minute and looked at me funny.

"I found a guy," he said finally. Then he looked down at the ground as if he were ashamed. "But I just don't understand it. I shouldn't be this way."

"You were born gay Craig. It's who you are."

"I never really believed people were born gay. I didn't even believe my own sister when she said she was. But now I guess I have to believe it," he said. It was his turn to sigh. He finally stopped pacing and looked out the window.

"You can believe whatever you want to believe. You just can't sit around here and do nothing about it. No matter what you're thinking about yourself right now, I know you're thinking about Spinner ten times more."

He quickly turned to face me, his mouth dropped open.

"How did you know it was…"

"Lucky guess. That, and you suddenly hating him for no reason," I told him.

"I don't know what to do. He probably hates me now," Craig said.

"I'm sure he doesn't. You need to go see him now," I pressed. "Just go. Don't think about it, just do it."

"And now you sound like a Nike commercial," he said, smiling.

"At least I got you to smile."

"Are you sure I should do this?" he asked.

"I'm sure."

"Will you be okay?"

"Of course I will. You're a good friend Craig. You were trying not to hurt me, and I respect that. I'm glad to have you," I told him.

Without another word, he walked over to me and pulled me up off the bed in a hug. I'd miss those arms wrapped around me, but I knew it was the right thing to do. We weren't meant to be, and I couldn't keep him from someone who might be his real match; especially if that someone was a guy.

"Wish me luck," he said when he finally pulled away.

"You don't need it," I said, smiling.

"I hope you're right."

Ellie

Actually calling Alex was the easy part. I thought it would be torture, and I called a few times, but I'd finally left the message and I was still alive. It was the waiting that was the worst. After I left that message, I cleaned my room. Then I cleaned the rest of the house. She still didn't show up.

So I took a shower and picked out a new outfit. I put on a little bit of makeup—even though she'd always told me I looked better without it—and picked out some nice earrings. I wanted to look my best for her. Maybe then she'd want to talk to me.

I sat on the couch in the living room, staring at the front door. I waited and waited for a knock, but nothing happened. I waited on that couch until one in the morning. By then I knew for sure she wasn't coming. Hell, I knew she wasn't coming from the moment I called her. But I let myself think that I could change everything with that one phone call.

By two am, my skirt was wrinkled, my earrings were thrown on the end table, and my makeup was all cried off. I curled up on the couch and tried to fall asleep. I was freezing, but I didn't even have the motivation to get up and find a blanket. I wanted Alex to lie there next to me and warm me up. I didn't want to need that blanket. I only wanted her. But she never came.

A/N: I'm slowly trying to resolve the problems. If you couldn't tell, Manny's story is now over. There will probably be only one more POV from her for the rest of the fic, but I'm not even sure about that. Tell me what you think!

NickyFox13: Alex and Ellie aren't friends again. Sorry! That was Ellie and Manny talking in the last chapter. Manny asked about Alex; it wasn't Alex talking to her.