Yay okay I only got 5 reviews for that last chapter. WHY!?! I worked really hard and that's all I get? ok whatever this chapter is just for crack and has NOTHING to do with the plot line. Got it? Good ok on with the story

Disclaimer: I'm too old for this…ok actually I'm only 14 (I know surprise huh? Hmm maybe I should look into that )

I was listening to 'Clothes Off' by Gym Class Heroes feat. Patrick Stump aka lead singer of FOB I wuv that song

Did you read that crap up there? THEN GO READ IT!

Roy, The Homosexual Pedophile

Roy sat at his desk and sighed. He missed Ed. He continued t scrawl his signature on each paper in front of him, in fear that a certain first lieutenant would have his ass if he didn't. Then there was a knock at he door.

"Come in," Roy said, not bothering to look up.

"Oh RoOoy!" Hughes sang as he pranced over. Roy cringed.

"This can't be good," he said as he put down his pen. "What is it Maes?" he asked, rubbing his temple.

"Roy, we need to have a very serious talk. You know you can tell me anything," he said, placing his hand on Roy's shoulder. Roy just glared at the man.

"About what?" he said, resuming his paperwork.

"About YOU and a certain blond haired alchemist," Hughes said, a devious grin on his face.

Roy nearly collapsed. His eyes widened in shock, but he soon regained his composure and hoped Hughes didn't notice.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Roy said calmly, continuing to sign papers. It's not that he didn't want Hughes to know for fear of what he'd THINK, it's just that he would tease the HELL out of him!

"Roy, don't play dumb, just tell me. I want to hear it from you," Hughes said, still grinning.

Okay, he was running out of options. He had two: he could come clean, or…deny deny deny. Yep, that sounded pretty good.

"Maes, if you're here to waste my time then please leave because I have work to do." And with that Roy focused his attention on his paperwork. Actually, he was just looking at his paperwork and hoping Hughes left. He didn't.

Hughes sighed.

"You're going to make this difficult, aren't you?" he said, leaning on the desk. Roy dropped his head with a 'thump'.

"You're still here," he groaned.

"Damn right I'm still here. Come on Roy, just tell me. Why have you been so nice to Ed lately, hmm?" he said. At this point the grin was eating his face.

Roy twitched. There was no way out of this. He just had to deny it as long as humanly possible.

"If you must know, me and Fullmetal decided that it would be better if we just learned to work peacefully with each other," Roy said, satisfied. But Hughes wasn't dumb.

"Okay, then why did I see you leave together once then?" Hughes said, leaning on his elbow and looking Roy straight in the eye.

"Well that's simple. It was raining and I gave him a ride.

"It wasn't raining the time I saw you."

"Well…I give him rides a lot. You see, I'm a very giving person."

"Bullshit."

"Maes."

Hughes could tell Roy was getting angry at this point, but only because he was losing.

"Okay, fine. Fullmetal and I have gotten to be pretty good friends. You happy?" Roy said irritably.

"Not in the least bit," Hughes said. He sighed and began to rummage around in his pocket for something. He pulled it out and held it up.

"A tape recorder?" Roy said, obviously confused.

"I didn't want to have to do this, Roy. But you've given me no choice. Do you have anything else to say?" Hughes said, eyeing the colonel.

"..No," Roy said, nervously. Hughes sighed once again and clicked the tape recorder on.

At first there was just some rustling, then an undistinguishable groan.

"Oh…haa uhn Roy,"

Roy's eyes went wide.

"Haa….uh harder,"

"Oh...Ed yes,"

"TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF!" Roy jumped for the tape recorder but Hughes held it out of reach.

"What the hell Maes!?! When did you…!" Roy yelled as he continued to grab at it.

Hughes just laughed.

And of course, it kept playing.

"Roy, oh yes haa uhn."

"TURN IT OFF!

"ED…ha oh so close."

"GAH! I'm gonna kill you!" Roy yelled as he continued to try and get the damned tape recorder.

"You really should lock your door, Roy!" Hughes laughed as he ran out the door.

"You're sick, you know that!?!" Roy yelled after him, getting the attention of everyone in his unit.

Riza turned to Havoc and held out her hand.

"Second Lieutenant, you owe me and Maes 50 big ones."

XD sorry I jut had to write that and I'll get back to the regular story next chapter. You like it? Well then review dammit! XD ok ta ta for now!