Doing What's Right on the Wedding Night
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to someone that is not me.
Just as a Gilmore related side-note, I just saw Evan Almighty. Steve Carell was hilarious, and Lauren was amazing, as always, Just thought I'd add that.
Chapter 4: Whoa. Step Back. No One's That Gay
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Luke looked really, really mad. Rory looked really, really amused. I'm not sure how I looked, but if it was at all similar to how I felt, I looked really, really panicked. To recap my lovely dilema, instead of marrying Max, I decided to to take a chance and go on a road trip with Rory and Luke, who all signs point to me being in love with. Luke and Rory wanted to stop, so we went to a B&B formally owned by an old friend of mine, now the B&B from hell. The creepy owner, Ladonn, mistook me and Luke for a married couple, and I felt the need to tell her we were newlyweds. She gave us two rooms, because apparantly, newlyweds deserve privacy (dirty!) and now she's leading us up to said rooms, where I will no doubt be on the receiving end of a patented Luke Danes rant.
"Follow me," Ladonn said, taking our bags upstairs. "Watch out for Sammy," she warned, referring to the fattest cat I have ever seen.
"Wowie wowza," I exclaimed when Ladonn was out of earshot.
"That's either Sammy or the cat that ate Sammy," Rory agreed. Luke stepped over Sammy in disgust and me and Rory followed his lead. When we got outside our rooms, I turned to Luke.
"Now, honey," I said, acting for Ladonn's benefit, "Rory can have room three and we'll take four. Does that sound good?"
"Sounds great," he replied uncomfortably.
"Can we have our bags, Ladonn? Mines the really big one and Luke's is the really small one."
"No, no, no. You are my guests, I've got it."
"You can take Rory's bag, she's your guest, too."
"Alright," she said, handing me and Luke our bags and a key. We unlocked the door and walked in to room four. Before the door was even fully shut, Luke angrily said,
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I was about to answer when we heard Rory scream. Worried that Ladonn was trying to kill her, we rushed over to room three. The door was still open so we stepped in, and I had to struggle not to also scream also at the sight before me. Ladonn must've noticed my expression, because she asked,
"What is it, dear?" I thought about a way to put it nicely.
"Uhhh, there's just a lot-"
"A lot of flowers," Rory finished for me.
"Yeah, like a ton of flowers."
"A plethora of flowers."
"A load of flowers."
"Thank you! I get so many compliments on this room," Ladonn said. Was she serious? Were they compliments like 'this room was not bad enough that I'd kill myself, but bad enough that I nearly clawed out my eyes'? Or were there people out there who actually liked this? I bet those same people like N'Sync, I thought. That thought made me remember Luke, and I glanced over at him. He was wearing a horrified expression, which I guessed was probably similar to mine.
"Are they moving?" he asked. I looked around, and sure enough, the flowers seemed to move.
"It looks like it, doesn't it?" Ladonn answered, way too enthusiastically, if you ask me. "There's foil on the wall paper and it gives it that illusion. Isn't it terrific?" Yep, way too enthusiastic.
"Unbelievevable," Luke answered.
"B&B-ers love a peaceful setting so they can unwind from their hectic lives. What business are you in?" she asked Luke. Ha. He gets stuck with the creepy lady.
"Um, I own a diner," he answered.
"Oh, how interesting. What's the theme?"
"Huh?"
"You know, the theme. What kind of food do you serve, what kind of attractions do you offer, etc, etc."
"It's a diner," he answered.
"How do you attract business?"
"It's the only diner in a small town, and even the crazy population of Star's Hollow needs to eat." I shot him a look, and he raised his eyebrows in question, just a Ladonn had the exact reaction I expected.
"You live in a small town? I'd love to hear about it!" Oh no, we were going to be stuck there all night. Luckily Luke helped the situation by saying,
"You know honey," he turned to me, "we should probably get settled in."
"Yeah, you're probably right," I looked at Ladonn,"Can we take a raincheck?"
"Oh yes, of course. Now, if you need anything, just ring down or come down, cause I love company. And, oh, I don't want to forget to give you our activity list. Never a dull moment around here."
"Thanks Ladonn," I said.
"Yes, thank you," Rory said. Ladonn left and Luke turned to me.
"Okay, honey. What are we going to do about the sleeping arrangements?" Rory spoke up.
"I think Mom can stay in here with me and you can have the other room." I didn't like that idea for a number of reasons.
"Uh, I don't think so, kiddo. We have found the first room in history that would've made Liberace say, 'Whoa. Step back. No one's that gay' and you expect me to stay here willingly? I'd rather stay in the other room with Burger Boy here."
"I'm so touched you feel that way," Luke said sarcastically.
"Sorry, but this room freaks me out!" And I wouldn't mind sleeping next to you.
"I personally agree with Rory. You two take the gay room, I'll take the somewhat normal one," he said.
"Hey!" me and Rory both exclaimed.
"What? I'd never be able to sleep in here. You two might make it with only slight scarring."
"Fine."
"Good."
"I'm starving," Rory said.
"Right, let's go eat." We made our way partially down the stairs before I stopped and pulled Rory and Luke back.
"What?" Rory asked.
"Dentists," I answered. "Boston dentists. Cocktail hour at the Chesire Cat."
"So?" Luke asked.
"So our exit's blocked."
"Let's rush past them," Rory suggested. I shook my head.
"Too risky."
"They're not assasins," Luke said, rolling his eyes.
"If they catch us, they'll clamp onto to us like leeches, and you know what that means."
"What?" Rory asked.
"Chitchat," I answered overdramatically. "Stomach-churning, mind-numbing, soul deadening chitchat." Rory followed Luke's lead and rolled her eyes.
"Mom, I'm starving. I'm going down there, you can stay here."
"You're that hungry, huh?"
"Yes."
"Hungry enough to answer a hundred probing but only slightly differentiated from each other questions about Chilton, life in a small town, and your hunky hunky boyfriend?" She immediately walked back up the steps, followed by me. Luke called after us,
"Hey, you two aren't the only hungry ones. I'm starving too!" I turned to face him.
"And you will be forced to answer questions about your diner, living in a small town, and thanks to me, your lovely wife."
Luke quickly followed us up the stairs.
tbc
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That was pretty much filler, but I hoped you enjoyed it. I have big things planned for the next chapter.
Review!!! It gives me the will to put my craziness into writing and not into, say, robbing banks or shooting the writers of Season 7.