Disclaimer: Oops…I forgot to make one of these before, didn't I? And who noticed? Certainly not anybody who'd sue me that's for sure, hehehe…
Damaged Hearts
Chapter 4: The Fool
"…Hi Seifer, it's Rinoa. I just wanted to tell you that I won't be able to see you for a while. Things aren't exactly going well right now, and I…well I have a lot of business to take care of. Please understand, and thanks." Rinoa spoke softly into the phone, tangling her index finger in its cord.
As she placed her phone onto the charger, she heaved an exasperating sigh and then rubbed her temples fiercely. Although relieved of Seifer's absence, Rinoa still felt guilty about not telling him in person that her husband had come back into town. Her husband? The sound of it weakened her stomach, caused the young woman to cringe at the thought of Squall being in her life once again. "I'll have to call Quistis, pick up the divorce papers…and find Squall. All he has to do is sign them…"
Since the last time Squall had come to her home, she had been thinking of him. She felt nervous whenever thoughts of him sprouted into her mind. Rinoa wasn't afraid to see Squall again, but her own guilt had been eating away at her. She had to tell him how badly his leaving affected her, how much pain he caused, and informing so meant she would have to tell him about Rori; however, Rinoa wanted to keep Rori, the only person he hadn't harmed, away from him. Rori was birthed in a time Rinoa needed him most, and because he wasn't there, she felt he deserved to have the child kept away, payback for his disappearance for four years of her life.
Speaking of disappearances, Squall hadn't left any way for her to contact him. "If I can find him, I don't even know where he is…" Rinoa needed to get to her attorney and file for a divorce immediately; such was the first thing on her 'to do' list for today. She had taken a deep breath and gathered her courage; today she would file…
Meanwhile, Squall stared at himself in the bathroom's large rectangular mirror at Balamb Hotel. He saw his fuzzy hairs thickening around his mouth and on his chin, a mild goatee. Taking a rough hand, he gave the fuzziness a run and pulled his face closer to the mirror. No wonder she wouldn't take me back, I haven't shaved in a while.
In his cool, blue second floor hotel room, he looked beside his bed and saw that his suitcase lay on the floor, having never been touched since a day or two. Squall unzipped the hefty case's side and released most of the folded clothes that were neatly stacked in. All those clothes he had purchased while away from Rinoa; she would probably never want to see them anyway. Those were clothes he bought without her knowing, and worn for events or themes even he wasn't sure of and had forgotten about. He suddenly wanted to burn the clothes sometime.
He groaned, tossing pieces of clothing to the side, not caring where they might land around the room, until he finally got to a clear container carrying all of his personal items. There, he found an electric shaver, and a small bottle of aftershave along with other necessities he may have needed but at other times.
Moments after taking the time to set up his equipment, Squall rolled the electronic shaver onto his chin, thinking about the night before, with Rinoa, and how she had cried again, how he had made her cry again. He knew what pain her heart endured, and he knew it would be a horrible sight to witness, her crying uncontrollably before him yet not wanting him to keep her or comfort her in any way. He sighed and beat the shaver against the sink bowl a bit to knock some loose hairs off that had been attached.
If there were some way he could get through to her, he'd quickly take that chance.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this Rinoa?" A tall blonde woman asked Rinoa who had entered with determination that nearly rubbed off on everything in the small office room.
"Quistis please, I really need to. You were the one who suggested I take action two years ago, weren't you?"
"Yes I was, but I'm just warning you now. Even if I give you these papers, it doesn't mean he'll sign right away. So whenever he's ready, I want the two of you to come here in my office to make this work. Rinoa, you're a loving friend of mine, but I've had plenty of cases involving wives and husbands forging each other's signatures before, and I don't want you to become one of them."
"I can't believe you're telling me this! What makes you think I'll forge his signature?"
"…You haven't even told him about Rori yet, Rinoa. Even though I hardly know Squall, I know it's a fact that once he discovers Rori, something inside him will break. Until you've told him about her, we'll see where the divorce will fit in…"
"No, I don't want to see because I don't want him back! I've made up my mind Quistis, and its not going to change!"
"It doesn't mean you'll have to take him back, it just means you'll get through this problem with honesty. Rinoa, you've got to be the bigger person here. I know you're hurting, but…take a look at it from Squall's eyes too, he has to feel worse about himself if he's come back to you after all this time. And…think about Rori, how she would feel…"
Rinoa gazed into the floor's depths, wishing she could walk across it to get out of Quistis' office, and Quistis sat, squeezing Rinoa's hand in hers, hoping her friend would take a moment to relax and think her life over. Being raised by a single mother herself, Quistis understood what type of life Rori would have; always wondering about her father, about what kind of person he could be, or even if he's alive. Now that this opportunity was at hand for Rori, she wanted the little girl to have at least one chance at knowing who her father was. With Rori being such a sweet child, Quistis would personally curse Squall if he would ever shun the little girl's heart.
As much as Quistis' heart screamed intervention, she decided to leave the situation up to Rinoa and Squall. It would be better to allow the two of them to fix their own problem, together. Quistis sighed and released Rinoa's shaking hand, "Rinoa, I am here for your support, and if I ever happen to run into Squall, I'll have him know what he's missed out on."
"Quistis, do not tell him about Rori…"
"Oh believe me I won't…because that's what you'll do, right?" Both women knew just how small Balamb was, sooner or later, Squall would see the little girl and figure things out rather quickly; Just one look at Rori's eyes could tell him that much.
"I don't know…" Rinoa said, moving her eyes from the floor to Quistis', and by that time, Quistis knew Rinoa would need her help, and not just as her lawyer either…
"Rori honey, you've got to stop spinning… I'm getting dizzy just by looking at you!" Selphie said, stirring a pitcher of lemonade for the two of them to enjoy in the coolness of Selphie's home.
"Tee-hee, sorry!" Rori giggled and covered her mouth. As her spinning came to an end, she clumsily staggered to the side and fell on the sofa with an exaggerated scream. Selphie shook her head and let the little girl be. Selphie could recall a time when she too had much more energy than her parents and others, but those times were quickly leaving her behind; she was getting older and soon wouldn't be able to keep up with anyone's pace. Selphie smirked, hearing her own mind make a mountain out of a molehill. Nevertheless, seeing Rori have fun was more than enjoyable, and had gradually freed her time-consumed and tiring spirit.
With a final stir to the clear plastic pitcher, Selphie removed the spoon and cheered, "Ta-dah, lemonade is done!"
The little girl quickly sprang to her feet and charged over to Selphie, jumping up and down at the woman's legs as she tried to reach for the container herself, but Selphie laughed aloud, "Rori, I have to put it in glass first!"
Rori squealed, "I know! I just wanna see you do it!"
"Okay, let me-" The telephone began to ring, "…Oh…I'll have to answer that first. One second Rori." She moved away from the girl and grabbed the phone from its station on a table stand beside the sofa, "Hello, Selphie speaking."
"Hey honey, how are you holding up?"
"Irvy! I'm doing just fine. Rori's right in the kitchen waiting to get some lemonade, you want me to save you a taste?"
"You don't even need to ask that, you should already know what my answer is!"
Selphie chortled, "Okay, it'll be in the fridge when you get home! So…what's up?"
"Ah…yeah!" Irvine laughed, almost sidetracked and had forgotten why he called a moment ago; "I've got a surprise for Rori here at the shop. Wanna take a guess at what it might be?"
"…Umm, okay. Give me a hint!"
"…It's a toy."
"Is it something that rocks?-"
"Geez Selphie, not so loud! And how did you guess correctly on your first try?"
Selphie chuckled, "Well you're the one who suggested I take a guess! And besides, what else can you make out of wood? So did I get it right?"
"Judging by the piece of answer you gave, yeah you were right. It's a wooden rocking horse. I'm sure it'll get her to relax for a little while."
"Oh that sounds wonderful! I can't wait to see it."
"Yeah, but it's a surprise. I'm going to bring it home when I'm finished."
"I thought you already finished!"
"Nah, I got so excited and felt like I should share my enthusiasm with you! But its not done yet."
"That's not fair! Don't call back here until it's done, and I mean it!"
"Selphie! Selphie wait!"
"Goodbye!"
"Sel-" Selphie hung up the phone and bawled out into a fit of laughter. She rested a hand on her chest in a strong laughter that even put a smile on Rori's face, even though the girl hadn't a clue what could possibly have been funny.
Rori had enjoyed herself since she first arrived at the home of Selphie and Irvine. In a way, she wondered why her own mother wasn't like Selphie. Sure, Seifer was there, but Rori only saw him as a playmate, never a father.
After seeing Selphie and Irvine show teamwork in the games they played, made her happy, but also a little sad. Most of her life as she knew, her mother never mentioned anything about her own father; however, Rinoa gave her all the love she could possibly give, and that was enough to satisfy Rori. But then…seeing this pair and other families, even the families in story books, for sometime had made the child wonder to herself: Do I have a daddy too?
"Rori, here's your lemonade!"
"Oh, thank you!" She sang happily and took the cup from Selphie's hand. Taking in the sweetest lemonade she had ever tasted in her life; it was no wonder Irvine loved it so much.
"Let me get this straight… You wanna work here?" Zell questioned, scratching his forehead in disbelief. Somehow, seeing Squall in dirty oil-stench slacks hadn't exactly settled properly, the man's style screamed business suit. He rephrased the question to be sure his ears had not deceived him, "You want to work here, in this musty old shop, with me?"
"Only if you don't mind. I know a thing or two about cars Zell, maybe even a bit more than you." Squall smirked.
"Oh now don't be barking up that tree, you don't know squat!" Zell laughed, "It's not a problem having an extra set of hands around here, but what about your old job?"
"That desk job at Kramer's? …Zell, I walked out on the guy…it's obviously history."
"…Man, I don't know how or what you did, but that's impressive and…a little sad."
Squall shrugged his shoulders, "…Yeah, whatever."
"Well…let's see now. Business is usually smooth for me. I get a few strangers every now and then, to pass through town and blow a tire or two; People with engine trouble or filthy mufflers, you know?" Squall nodded and Zell continued, "Anyway, you can grab a uniform from the backroom. Make sure you don't wear any of your favorite clothes underneath, trust me…I learned the hard way. You can start tomorrow."
"What, no papers to fill out?"
"Relax Squall, I'm a busy businessman, I'll get to it!" Zell said, fanning him off as he walked into the back office room closed off from the main garage. Squall studied the wide room for a few moments; thankful to have a good friend like Zell. Even if everyone else would spit on him for returning, he was glad to see Zell still there and standing with him.
On the other hand, working at the repair shop would place him almost in the center of town and closer to Rinoa. Although the shop was just a ways off from her house, he could see if Rinoa was on her way to the store since it too only stood blocks away. It was a sad attempt, and maybe even classified as stalking, but Squall was in a desperate situation. Every day that passed, Rinoa seemed to slip farther away from him.
Not wanting to lose her, the time called for desperate measures, and he already promised to win her heart all over again.
That evening, he passed by her house once more. Regardless if she were inside or not, Squall left a slip of paper underneath her door seal.
Rinoa…
I'm staying at the hotel- Room 201.
Please call, 1-757-345-2201
-Squall
By the time Rinoa found the slip, she was too tired to make any more moves. Quistis suggested that she tell the man right away about his daughter, but who knew making such move would be so difficult? Rinoa had spent most of her day, inside, avoiding anyone that would bring up her current dilemma. To her surprise and advantage, Seifer had not returned her call.
She set a pot of water onto the stove and turned the stove fire to a minimum, allowing the water to boil over its heat. Having not a clue what to fill the pot with, Rinoa stared absentmindedly into the motionless water. Her eyes reflected the heated flames she watched, dancing freely underneath the iron pot, which slowly created bubbles that formed at the bottom and floated to the surface of the water. How…entertaining…?
She brought her hand to her face and rubbed her forehead, wondering just how long she had been staring at nothing out of the ordinary. What am I doing? I've never been so distracted before… Quistis made it all sound so simple, me telling Squall about Rori, but…it's nowhere near simple. …He's left me his number, and yet I don't even know what to say to him. I don't know what I want to say. Should I…Should I tell him about the divorce?
The sizzling of boiling water caught her attention, and Rinoa became fully aware that the pot she placed over the fire was now boiling water fiercely. She turned the fire off and pushed the pot back onto the last burners of its stovetop. Who am I kidding? How will I be able to move on when I've got this much on my heart? I need to do something, and I need to make a move right now
Rinoa snatched the slip from the counter and read Squall's words once more before taking a deep breath and walking to the phone in her living room. She grabbed its base and wrapped the cord around her palm while taking a seat on the sofa. She whispered his number while punching in buttons, and waited for the ring tone to sound.
Back in the hotel, Squall heard his room phone ringing from the bathroom, where he emerged towel drying his freshly shampooed hair. He knew either Rinoa or Zell had been calling him since they were the only two who knew of his phone number. If it were Zell, he'd called him back later, but somehow he knew Zell wouldn't call at this hour; it was going on ten o'clock. He quickly held the towel with one hand and answered the phone as he sat at the edge of his bed and near an overly fluffed pillow. "…Hello."
First he heard someone make a short gasp, but then the phone hung up immediately. "Huh?" Squall questioned, pulling the phone back from his ear to get a good look at what might have been inside. With a smile, he placed the phone back onto its hook, knowing for a fact who called his room. He whispered to himself, "Rinoa…"
Rinoa slapped her forehead and cursed herself for reacting foolishly, "What are you thinking, Rin! As soon as you tell him, the sooner you can get it over with. Yes…" Suddenly, the phone rung in her hands and nearly frightened her to an early grave. She had screamed out, but silenced herself upon realizing it was only the phone, nothing more. With a deep breath, Rinoa picked up the phone and slowly brought it to her face, "…Hello."
"…Hi. Rinoa?" Squall's voice sounded unsteady and cautious in the phone.
"Yes?"
"…Did you… just call me…?"
"No, you must be mistaking me for someone else and how did you get this number?" Squall's calling had suddenly taken her by surprise.
"…I once lived there too, you know."
"Oh? That must have been a real long time ago." She teased cruelly.
"…Look, I know you called me, the least you could do is admit it."
"So why did you even bother to ask?"
"Because I—" He groaned, "I don't have to answer that."
"Why not? Are you giving up just like you did before?" Rinoa said with sorrowful bitterness.
"Rinoa, stop that! Stop trying to provoke me with those cheap shots!"
"I see nothing cheap about it at all! I have a right to be this way to you because—"
"Because I left you, I know! If every one of our conversations is going to involve you reminding me about what I did before, then I don't see why I even bothered to come back here!"
"That's a really good point, Squall! Why the hell did you come back! After four years, I figured you started another family somewhere else!" Rinoa had winced at her own words, fearing Squall would catch on and piece together his own little family.
"I would never do that to you! Why would you even think that?"
"…How am I supposed to know! Youleave and I'm supposed to sit around and do nothing, waiting for you to return like some idiot! No! That's not how life works, especially not mine!" She paused for a second, feeling her emotions interfering with her words, and yelled, "While you were gone, I rediscovered who I am and what a wonderful person I am, a person that doesn't need you!"
"Wonderful? Wonderful! You…You won't even let me get a good word in this conversation and you're wonderful? If you weren't so full of yourself maybe I could tell you why I left!"
"I'm so full of myself! You've got a lot nerve saying that! May I remind you again that I wasn't the one to leave! You did! And you left for some foolish reason that I really don't care to hear! So you can shove it!" Rinoa's throat caved in, she had lied to him...denied the only thing she wanted out of him: an explanation.
"I know it was selfish, dammit!"
"Not 'it,' you! You were selfish! …You didn't even call me Squall!" Tears had rolled down from her eyes, and her throat began to ache. Her voice became shaky as she almost whined, "…I didn't know what happened to you!"
"…Oh god…" Squall muttered, "…Rinoa…Rinoa I'm sorry."
"…." Rinoa's heart had pounded in her chest, and she felt her temperature rising. She had remained silent on the phone, covering her face with a sofa pillow.
"Rinoa…say something to me. Please." Squall's voice had been quiet, sounding as if he too were fighting back his own sorrow. "Rin…I don't want to argue, you know I've never enjoyed it." Rinoa cried, moving the phone away from her mouth so Squall couldn't hear, but he could hear faintly in the background, Rinoa was beginning to break down.
Squall had long pushed the towel from his hair. He roughly ran a hand through his dampened hair with a soft groan, and wet his lips, "…Rinoa, I want to right every wrong I've caused, but I don't know where to start. Every time I try to talk to you, you cry and push me farther away. So please…just tell me, tell me what I have to do… I want to gain your forgiveness." He inwardly sighed; I don't want to make you cry anymore…
With her might, Rinoa forced through her dry throat, "Squall…I…" She sniffled, " I want a divorce…"
"What do you mean…a divorce?"
She sniffled into the phone again, "What do you think I mean? It'll be all I ever ask from you. …All I want is for you to sign those papers with me."
All she wants, is she serious? This is extreme "…Rinoa, why are you asking this of all things …Is this some kind of joke?"
"I'm not kidding, Squall. You will accompany me to Quistis' law firm downtown, tomorrow at noon? …You remember where it is, right?"
"…I…right, I remember." He knew Rinoa was deeply hurt by his actions, but a divorce was absolutely ridiculous. There was no way he could give her a straight answer. And how quickly she suggested it…
"Well then meet me there tomorrow. My decision is final…I can't live like this anymore. ...So I'd appreciate if you stop this harassment and leave me alone, for good." Rinoa terminated the phone lines immediately after her words and Squall sat for a moment, still holding the phone to his ear as if she were still there, talking with him. Finally, he pulled the phone away and slammed it down onto its hook, threshing the entire device back onto the desk in an angry fit.
Squall caressed his face into his hands as he groaned, "…Now what? What do I do now?" He lied back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. If she really wants a divorce, then I guess there's only one thing I can do…
The following morning, Rinoa had called Quistis and told the woman to expect she and her ex-husband to arrive at the office at noon. Confident, Rinoa had rubbed the I told you so attitude all in Quistis' face as she spoke over the phone with her, but Quistis still reminded the radiant woman that noon was far away as they spoke; anything could happen.
As noon approached, Rinoa had left her home to meet up with Squall at the law firm offices. She would catch a bus that routed down the long road, which led to the busy eastern area of Balamb's small continent, Downtown Balamb. Although she lived in the homey, country town where everyone knew one another, the 'city' area was larger in size as businesses and trading companies opened shop and began industrial organizations. Eastern Balamb, a side of the small continent where Squall once worked, was a busy and stuffy place. She could never live there or visit anyone who lived there for that matter, but because Quistis' office was located in such a place, Rinoa had no choice but to make visits as often as seeing her close friend and attorney.
Standing inside Quistis' small yet luxurious office, Rinoa realized she had been waiting for someone for a long time. Quistis walked inside and looked down at her wristwatch. "Squall has another half of an hour, and after that, I'll call Balamb Hotel for a little checkup."
"No Quistis, that's not necessary. He told me he'd be here…"
"…Are you absolutely sure?"
"Yes, he said he'd meet me here at noon. It was an agreement and I had his understanding…"
"…I hate to be the bearer of bad news Rinoa, but we've been waiting for about an hour now. I'm fully convinced we've got ourselves a no show."
"…A No-Show?" Rinoa questioned, looking up to Quistis, her eyes had quickly angered. "…Squall wouldn't do that…would he?"
Quistis shrugged her shoulders, "…I told you before, didn't I? I see this happening all the time…"
Rinoa's face fell to the floor. Squall wouldn't do this to me…he can't.
Once Upon an Author's Words:
Yes, I've been a busy bird lately, eh? Two updates in one day, three cheers for me…spare one for you if you've read through, hehe.
So now, I'm really, really taking my time with this one. Because of very harsh circumstances, I was only able to write and update this one chapter in. Update should come around eventually, but things aren't looking so smooth for me. Till then, I hope you've enjoyed it…
Thanks to:
Silver-nex- It's not too angst is it? I'm so depressing sometimes, I swear. Lol Thank you!
RinLeonhart-Don't worry, they eventually will, but I want the story to grow from there. Many things lie in their way, aww…Thanks for the review.
Tsuki Leonhart-Awww, thank you! I will continue to write this story, if it takes me months to finish, it will be done. Promise.
Blue- Ah, crap, you found it! lol I would love to read stories you've mused on, I'm curious now. Don't worry, I plan to explore my mushiness…I may have to dig deep, lol. Thanks again!
Lady Rinoa- Whoa, when I first posted it up, I felt like it wasn't my greatest work, but here I am now, trying to correct everything and enhance it…I don't want to have anything to complain about, you know? And don't worry, things should pick up next. (I'm still working on it, aahh.)
Yae- Hey! Yeah, I have a few plot twists in store, just wait. Right now I'm setting up the story, I just hope it's alright now. Anyways, thanks!
So there you have it, I'll return with another update. Feel free to review. Thanks for your time.
StardustRay