AN - I don't own Twilight, New Moon, and all that. But, Stephenie, my birthday is coming up and wouldn't that be a wonderful gift!?!
Also, please review this! It is my first FanFic ever!
Alaska is a very icy place. I had seen many pictures of it, but a photograph cannot convey the chilling weather. This place made Forks seem like sunny Arizona. It seems I continue to move to colder, darker places when all I want is white beaches and sun.
Now, standing in a field of snow, during the dark night of the afternoon, sun seemed like simply a dream I'd had in a former life. Something I was not likely to experience in the foreseeable future, and something that might not even exist. And why couldn't the sun be fake? If vampires, such a popular myth, could exist, then couldn't something as sure as the sun just be a figment of our imaginations? I smiled slightly at the thought, taking in my surroundings once again.
For the first time in months I was alone, and while I might have picked somewhere warmer and sunnier for my first taste of freedom in so long, I was reveling in the aloneness. I spun slowly in a circle, breathing in the chilling air. Then I let myself fall into the snow. I lay there silently, staring at the black sky. Though, the sky might have been insulted at me simply describing it as black. The millions of stars made the darkness glow, and the faraway suns glistened faintly on my pale skin.
I thought about how much had changed lately, and no matter how wonderful life was now, it had not taken me long to notice all that was missing. I thought about Jacob, my father and mother and how far away they were, in Washington and Florida, respectively. I smiled, thinking about how Jasper and I had become much closer, though even now he seemed a bit cautious around me. Lastly, I thought about my angel, Edward. Even my daydreams about him were slightly tainted, though. He was worried and unhappy, I knew. While he loved me and was happy I could be with him, somewhere in the back of his mind he blamed himself for everything and he wished everything was back as it had been before. It sometimes seemed there was nothing I could do to make him completely happy.
After what could have been minutes or hours I quickly stood up, remembering that others might be worried. Looking around at the endless ice and snow around me, I realized I had no idea where I was. I had escaped the small house we were staying in and wandered out aimlessly… in what direction? Dammit, maybe I couldn't yet be trusted out of the house alone.
After a while of debating with myself, I decided to walk towards the left. I continued trudging through the snow, until I heard a musical voice.
"Bella! Bella, honey, where are you?" Edward called, a worried edge piercing his voice. I ran towards the wonderful sound until I reached him, jumping into his arms. He laughed lightly and placed me back on the ground, one arm wrapped around my waist.
"Where were you?" he asked, his smoldering gold eyes leaving me speechless for a moment.
"I was out in the snow. How long was I gone?" I replied when my voice returned to me.
"A few hours. Alice knew you were coming home, so we weren't too worried, but still, don't disappear like that again, ok?" His perfect head tilted at the last word and he smiled.
We walked silently and slowly for a couple of minutes, leaving the field for a small forest. Neither of us was really thinking about anything. Suddenly, Edward turned and pulled me closer to him until my face was pressed into his chest.
"Do you know what I miss the most, Isabella?" he whispered into my ear. I shivered, and lifted my head a little so I could look into his eyes.
"No, what?"
"Your body heat. It felt so good to hold something warm and soft." He smiled "of course I love holding you just as much now, but I miss the warmth nonetheless."
I had no idea what to say to that. Should I wrap my self in a heating pad? I decided not to reply, and stood on my toes to kiss Edward.
He kissed me back, and soon he was leaning up against a tree, one arm tightly around my waist and the other holding my face. He did not hold back, like he had to before. As we kissed, a rush of words flew into my head.
I love you Bella
Damn! I love her so much
Well ain't this fun?
One thing I don't miss, I don't need to hold back
I wonder if she'll…
It took me a moment to realize what those words were. I must have frozen, because Edward pulled away to look at me, confused.
Why did she stop? Did I do something wrong? Is she okay? I just can't get anything right!
His mouth was shut, but the words sounded like he was saying them. I stared, confused, for a moment.
Oh! It is times like these I wish more than anything I could hear her thoughts! Why is she just staring at me?
"I'm sorry for staring, I… I don't know… let's just go home." His confused expression took on some hurt, and I realized he hadn't spoken aloud.
What did I do wrong?
"You didn't do anything wrong, Edward" I smiled at him, though I was still very confused. Slowly I pulled away from Edward and began walking through the forest. I didn't hear any more of his thoughts (they had to be his thoughts, right? Or I was really going crazy? Like when he left me last year…)
The walk home, though it must have only taken five minutes, was miserable. Edward kept his arm around my waist the entire time, and I could hear all of his troubled thoughts, blending with mine, to create an overwhelming mush of confusion, hurt and regret. When we arrived at the house, I glided directly to the bedroom I shared with Edward almost gracefully. I grabbed a change of clothes, as mine were wet and smelly from the snow and forest.
In the bathroom I undressed and looked at myself critically in the mirror. I was beautiful, perhaps. I was still slender, as I had always been, but there was no more of the flab from lack of physical activity. I had solid, hard muscles and was as strong as any young vampire. My skin had paled even more, to chalky white, and my face had sharpened, the angles more drastic. My eyes were a vibrant red, another characteristic of young vampires, with darkened purple shading beneath them. That was the main reason Jasper, Alice, Edward, and I were living in the middle of nowhere, Alaska. When the red faded from my eyes, into a clear gold, and I was able to control my thirst, we would return to the rest of the Cullens and start a new life somewhere else dark and rainy.
I shook my head. I shouldn't be thinking so negatively! The Cullens were welcoming to me, not just adopting me into their family with open arms, but going out of their way to help me adjust to my new life. And wasn't this new life what I had wanted and had begged for relentlessly for so long? So the change hadn't been exactly what I'd expected, or when I'd expected. Being a vampire was, though. Being with Edward forever! Truly forever, not just the foreseeable future.
Except there were added pains that had never occurred to me. As a vampire, I was thirsty. It was very difficult not to attack the nearest human at any given time. Edward and his family had described the thirst before, but it was greater than words could convey.
Going out in public was difficult for other reasons, as well. Now I could move so much faster, talk so much faster, and hear so much better. Many times Alice had to slow me down while walking through the mall and Edward ordered my food for me at restaurants because I would speak to quickly and quietly for the waiter to hear. It was stressful needing others to help me constantly.
Sighing at my reflection one last time, I put on my clean clothes and walked out to the family room, where the others were watching TV. I sat on the comfortable sofa between Edward and Alice. Jasper was perched on the edge of the coffee table, playing a video game, while Alice cheered his little race car on.
Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders and Alice rested her head on me.
"What will the weather be like tomorrow? I would really like to play some ball" Jasper asked. At the same time, I saw the weather for the next day. It was stormy, I was sure of this.
"It's going to be perfect weather for baseball, Jasper" I replied. Suddenly all three vampires turned to look at me, confused.
How the hell does she know the weather? I heard Alice say, but her mouth was still. Jasper and Edward were both confused at how I knew Jasper was curious about the weather.
"He asked, didn't he?" I answered, realizing too late that no one had said anything. Alice stood up in a second; my mind seemed cleared by the lack of contact. Yet I could still hear her crazed thoughts.
"Can you read my mind, Bella?" She asked.
"I... uh, I think so. But it has never happened before. Except, earlier today…" I trailed off. While my family's thoughts were clear, mine were a jumble. Frustrated with myself, once again, I stood and walked outside into the snow, the sky still dark, even though it was four in the afternoon. Confused, like my mood.