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And so, here I sat totally unwilling to meet the wondering gazes of my flock as they settled around me. Dinner had been good, but the prospect of telling them what had happened to me made it taste like glue and sit like a rock in my stomach. I felt like I was going to throw up.

A soft brush against my hand startled me. Fang sat next to me and leaned against the arm of the couch, facing me so that he could see me while I told my tale. Iggy settled in an armchair and Nudge sat between his legs on the ottoman. Angel perched on another chair with Total in her lap. Gazzy lay on the floor propped up on his elbows.

I so didn't want to be here. I wanted to run away and never look back because telling them would make it all real. Don't get me wrong, I knew that what happened to me was real. I have the scars, internal and external, to prove it, but telling them somehow seemed to make it worse, more devastating. I think we all know that I have never been one to back down from a fight when it came to myself, only for the safety of the flock. Oh, I was so tempted, reputation be damned.

The couch squeaked as Fang leaned forward and one big hand enveloped my left fist. He uncurled my fingers and laced his through. "Are you okay?" he asked, his dark eyes boring into my own.

Breathe. It will be okay. This needs to happen.

Stop telling me what I need! I rubbed the bridge of my nose with my right hand and took a deep breath. But, yeah. I conceded. Maybe it does need to happen. I could sense the Voice nodding, as if it had a head. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

Coming back to myself, I took another deep breath and exhaled slowly as I looked around the faces of the only people on the planet that I trusted and loved. I had rehearsed this so many times without ever expecting to live long enough to tell them. I reached the end of my exhalation. Okay, here goes.

"Um," I began. Yep, eloquent me. "I guess that you guys have been wondering about what happened to me after I left and you've been really patient in waiting for my explanation." Fang squeezed my hand. I felt a little better. "Just let me talk and don't interrupt," I looked pointedly at Nudge. "because if you do I might not be able to finish." They all nodded, except Fang 'cause he's just not into that. I still can't believe I licked him.

Focus.

Oh, right. And on to the recounting of three years of hell.

"I'm sure you all figured out why I left. I was scared, terrified, for all of you. Maybe it was a stupid thing to do, but all I could think was 'They'll leave the others alone if they have me' and I wanted you all to have a shot at a normal life, just like we always dreamed. I just couldn't handle the idea that you were being cheated because I refused to suck it up and save the world. So, I left.

"That first day, I flew the whole time in warp speed. I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't be able to find me 'cause wouldn't that defeat the purpose of me leaving in the first place? And when I landed, used the card and waited for them to show up.

"It actually took a couple of days for them to catch up. I was in Alaska. I was kinda pissed that they caught me there because, you know, I expected Alaska to be all inhospitable and frozen, and it wasn't. I had guess that it would fit the mood. Too bad Alaska's really nice in the summer, huh?" Nudge giggled and then clapped her hand over her mouth. Iggy poked her. Fang's other hand joined the first around mine.

"Then, Jeb was there and Ari, too. I'm sure you can guess how that went." I rubbed a hand along the right side of my neck, feeling the thin line of knotted scar tissue where he had nearly decapitated me running from behind my ear to the top of my shoulder blade. Thank god, I had time to rest before they got there.

"Anyway, we negotiated and I made it a condition that they would leave you alone for life as long as I went with them. I had a knife, you know that one we swiped from the restaurant that time? I had it a quarter of an in inside my chest before they agreed." God, why was I telling them this. They didn't need to know. Ouch.

Fang's hands tightened convulsively around mine, almost crushing them. I couldn't look at him or he'd see that I was about to fly apart. I heard Angel sniff. Gazzy shifted and grabbed my other hand. I couldn't look at any of them. I just stared at my knees.

"After that, it was the usual: mazes, no food, constant brain exercises, exams, combat. Three months later, they set me loose to take down Itex. And I did." Little drops of moisture spilled over and made tracks down my face. "And I went back." My voice threatened to crack and I had to stop for a second.

Easy, Max. It's okay. Let it flow.

I was too upset to retort. After a second, I swallowed it all and continued. "You know, it didn't matter to me what they did as long as they kept their end and let you guys live. Free, like we tried to." I finally looked at them, my gaze traveling over each of them, lingering and certain that my sacrifice had been worth every second.

Angel sat rigidly, clutching Total tight, and stared at me with tears coursing down her face. Her expression was tightly controlled, but her eyes blazed with emotion. It hurt to look at her. Nudge had moved to Iggy's lap and he held her tightly as she cried quietly. His own face was a mask of pain and empathy. His cheek was pressed against her head. The Gasman gripped my hand so tight that his fingers were bloodless and mine were totally numb. I could feel the growing wet spot on my sweatpants where his face was pressed. They've definitely gotten softer in the years since they've been hunted. I looked at it as a good thing.

And then Fang. Oh, God, I was so afraid to look at Fang. I was shaking. I mean, I was shaking anyway, but just thinking about looking at him made it way worse. Then he lifted my hand and pressed a very light kiss to my knuckles. I looked at him before I could stop myself, knowing that confusion was written all over my face amid the tear tracks.

I couldn't read his dark eyes, but there was something in them that made me feel hot and shivery and safe and nervous and powerful and weak all at the same time. That's a confusing mix, let me tell you. And then it all melted into the most tender look I have ever seen, on anyone. He scooted closer and removed one hand from around mine to cup my cheek and wipe away the tears with his thumb. That just made me cry more.

He pulled my face into the crook of his neck and held me there, softly stroking my hair and letting me just feel.

All right, get the rest of it out before you lose it.

I steadied myself and sat up on my own power again. Fang moved his hand back down to our joined ones and rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb again. I coughed and went on.

"It got worse, then. They didn't really need me around for anything else, so I was just another experiment to test to death. They had me fighting Erasers, first one on one, and then they got up to five on one. Those were fun days. There were times when I did nothing for days. They had other things to torture and I was glad for the break, but they didn't really feed me either. Win some, lose some, you know?" I suddenly felt really bad. I shouldn't have brought it up. They were remembering what it was like, the frustration, the pain, the hunger, the thirst.

"About a year ago, they decided to see if the two viable recombinants could reproduce. Breed together."

Iggy's head shot up so fast I heard his neck crack. Nudge gasped. Total growled. Gazzy's other hand curled into a fist and Fang's grip convulsed again. I flinched this time. He didn't react.

"It didn't work, at least not with me. Invitro failed and so did…um…the other way."

Iggy jerked upright. "Those fuckers did what to you?" His expressive features twisted in fury. Nudge squeaked as she thumped to the floor as he stood.

Fang was vibrating. I stole a glance at him and it terrified me. His face was its usual expression less mask, but he was wound at his tightest. And his eyes were an eerie opalescent black, like oil. "They're going to pay."

"No shit," the Gasman said from his crouch on the floor. He was definitely the most deadly eleven year old I have ever seen. He stood with Iggy. A ripple went over his skin. He turned toward me and his eyes were the coldest I had ever seen them. "Where are they?"

I shook out the hand that he had been holding to get some feeling back into it and shrugged. "You don't need to worry about it," I said tiredly. "They're already dead."