Disclaimer: I claim no right to the Maximum Ride universe. I really wasn't satisfied with the chapter previously occupying this space, so I've made a few adjustments. I hope you like it better.

Trying desperately to ignore the little talk given by the Voice, I packed up the kit and tossed it back in the closet. On my way back down the hall I passed Total sitting where he had before things had gone to hell. He glared at me.

"Don't even start," I told him wearily and climbed the stairs to my room. I stripped off the torn jeans and the cute top that so wasn't me. I pulled my hair down and stared at myself in the mirror, dressed only in the black tank top, underpants and gauze. My reflection stared back. I felt blank. I looked blank. There was nothing left of me.

That is simply not true and you know it, Maximum.

"Fine, the only thing that is left is a murderous subconscious and an absolute resolution to live even though I died a long time ago," I murmured in response. I heard a door slam downstairs and went to the window. I pushed the curtain aside to watch Fang stride away with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched.

Fresh guilt swam through my blood. He didn't deserve this, but then, neither did I.

I had paid the price for their freedom in blood and I would gladly, okay, maybe not gladly, but I would make the same choice in a heartbeat to set them free. I would never ask them to make it up to me, nor would I throw it in their faces as some are wont to do. My love for them had no limits, but my body did. My mind did. And I had done what was necessary to survive. I didn't know how to go back to who I had been.

You can't go back, but you can move on. It's true that you are not the same person they remember, but you are still Maximum Ride. You are still stronger than they can ever hope to be. Remember that. Things will be okay.

I let the curtains drop back into place. I really wanted to hit something.

I sighed and grabbed a pair of sweatpants from the pile of folded clothes and pulled them on. Maybe I could go for some meditation instead. That was supposed to help, right? I cranked open my window and climbed out onto the roof, successfully this time. I spider crawled to the back of the house so that no innocent passersby would see me as I stretched out my wings.

Lucky for me, there was a flat space in the middle where I could lay out if I wanted to. I extended my wings to their full fifteen foot span, feeling the light bones pop out and into joint. That felt SO good.

I stretched every inch of my body to its limit and lay back on the shingles before the dizziness from blood rushing to my extremities forced me down. I closed my eyes and let my mind drift. I sifted through memories like a child plaing with blocks, picking it up and looking at it from all angles before tossing it away in search of a better one. Some I simply bypassed because I knew they weren't right by the look or the smell of them. Others fit perfectly where I wanted them to be.

When I finished, I had a nice little house built around me of memories of Fang. All of them fit perfectly somewhere, the good and the bad. Even times that reminded me of him were in there. I just sat on the floor and watched them all play out in front of me. The biggest and brightest were also the most confusing. Kissing Fang on the beach when we were fourteen and I thought he was dying; asking him to kill me if the need arose and his gentle reassurance that I would be okay; screaming for him as an Eraser carried me away and seeing him fighting to reach me; wondering if he was crazy as he suggested forgetting everything in favor of a deserted island off the map where we could be safe; his arms wrapping around me from behind and holding me close, accepting me despite my brokenness; the sadness in his eyes the last time I had seen him.

I wandered slowly, taking in each scene and moving on when it was time. The sun had begun to set by the time I came out of the trance. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes lazily, in no hurry to rejoin the frantic pace of reality.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to wake up," Iggy said from where he leaned against the slope of the roof.

I concealed my startled jump and rolled my head to the side to look at him. "Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't." I said softly. Apparently the melancholy hadn't left yet. I didn't feel like putting up a front. He was old enough to handle it.

"You shouldn't say things like that." He chided me. There's a laugh, a kid six months younger than me reprimanding me.

I hmm'ed. "Then I won't say anything at all." I looked back to the sky. The sun had almost set and the bright oranges and pinks were fading into dark lavenders and blues. The air began to smell cool and fresh.

Iggy shifted. "Somehow, I think that might be worse. What happened today?"

Ah, how to explain the infinite drama of my day. "I got buried under a basketful of clothes just out of the dryer, learned of Total's good deeds and met Fang's girlfriend." Yep, that about sums it up.

"You met Ally?" The surprise in his voice annoyed me. "How was that?"

I tried to keep the adrenaline from flooding my blood. Relaxation was key right now. "It was just fine. How else would it be?"

"I dunno. Are you okay?" He paused. "Is she okay?"

The mocking tone underlined with concern really annoyed me. I sat up. "Yeah, we're all peachy. There's no reason I should feel one way or the other about it. He's got a girlfriend. Good for him." I tried, I really did, to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, but when it's such an ingrained response…I'm sure you can imagine.

Iggy leaned forward, his milky eyes intent on my face, as if he could see me. "Losing you was really hard on him. He was just trying to find a way to move on."

"I don't care, Iggy. I'm glad that he's found someone to distract him. He deserves that. Nothing should change just because I'm back." I was so tired of finding a balance with Fang and then having it ripped out from under me a minute later. Iggy's attempt at making excuses for Fang upset me more.

Iggy snorted. "Yeah, right, nothing should change. Max you disappeared three years ago, leaving us completely in the dark. We had no idea what happened to you. And now you're back with us, alive, and you think that things won't change?" He shook his head and leaned back again. "He used to have nightmares about you, about seeing you die and being forced to watch while he could do nothing. He dreamt that you blamed him for everything."

"How could I? The only person I can blame is myself," I said and got up. "if I had known my return would cause so much distress, I would have stayed away. Forgive me for wanting to come home." I jumped off the roof and landed in a crouch in the backyard, ignoring Iggy's call. I heard him land behind me, but I refused to stop and face him. There was only so much I could handle and I had reached my limit two years ago.

"I'm just trying to help you understand," he called after me.

I whirled around and stalked back to push him. "I don't need to fucking understand, Iggy. I don't care," I hissed. "Do you think that I don't want him to be happy? I know he deserves someone better than me. I know that I'm not the same person. How can you expect me to be when I spent a year as a plaything for Erasers? When I miscarried half a dozen children because the DNA of an avian-lupine-human hybrid unraveled faster than they predicted? When they just had to keep trying even though I had nearly died for the eighth time and then discarded me because I was falling apart?" I couldn't stop the tears and I couldn't care that I had just divulged my deepest darkest secret.

Iggy's breath was ragged. He reached out for me, but I dodged out of his reach.

"I only escaped a few months ago, Iggy. I only just realized that I might have a chance to live. I can't help it if I want it to be with him." I let out a bitter little laugh. "I love him so much." My voice cracked. "Why can't I be happy, too?" I stumbled into the house, trying to reach my room before I shattered.

"Max, are you okay?"

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Max?"

The voices of the younger kids followed me from the family room into the foyer. I couldn't see through the moisture gathered in my eyes. I ran into something solid, something with hands that grasped my shoulders.

"What happened?" Fang asked just as Iggy burst through shouting, "Max!"

Iggy ploughed into us, crushing my body between his and Fang's. His hand touched the skin of my back and heat exploded under my skin. In an instant I was consumed, only having time for one agony-filled scream before darkness overtook me.