A/N: I was in a really weird mood when I wrote this, so be forewarned...
Darth Vader Is a Bachelor
Darth Vader sat typing at his desk, listening to his newly purchased Wicked soundtrack when a realization struck him.
"Hey. I'm not married. That makes me… a bachelor!"
This truth took several moments to set in.
"I can go to clubs, cruise for chicks, and drink myself to oblivion! Yeah! This rocks!"
Reality caught up with him.
"Wait a second. I'm not twenty-five, I'm Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, and I'm a widower." His elation was soon replaced but deep depression. He began to cry.
"Baby," remarked a passing stormtrooper.
"DIE!" Vader boomed, strangling the unwitting soldier. The stormtrooper collapsed to the ground.
"Hey!" he observed. "I feel better now!" Killing people gave him a warm, fuzzy feeling.