Silent Goodbyes

"My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundations,
And I know that I should let go,
But I can't.
And everytime we fight I know it's not right,
Everytime that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't."

Foundations - Kate Nash

"So this is all I get?"

I look into her eyes filled with pain and loss. I used to love this woman. It used to break my heart to see her pain. But now it just makes me sorry.

"Yep. This is it."

"You mean we aren't even gonna fight for it?"

"No. What's left to fight for?" I snort.

"Our marriage? 11 years Derek?"

I think back to my words to Meredith. "I'm entitled to a little uncertainty here. Just a moment to understand the magnitude of what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I am entitled to at least one moment … of painful doubt." I've had the moment and I know the thing to do now.

"Oh, come one Addie. We've been over a long time. Look how long it took for you to come after me. And why did you wait so long? What kept you?"

"I..I.." she stutters.

"Don't worry. I know about you and Mark. You're only here because you found him cheating on you. Just like I found you cheating on me. Karma.. It's a bitch eh?"

"I made a mistake Derek. And you and slutty intern girl, I get it.. you made a mistake too. We can get over this. We can make it. With Addison and Derek."

I shake my head and look away.

"That's where you are wrong Addie. I didn't make a mistake. Me and Meredith. It is not a mistake. In fact. It's so right it scares me. You and me are over. We were over a long time before Mark and you know it. We both worked too hard. Neither wanted to give up our careers. I changed since I moved here and met Meredith. She fixed what you broke."

"I miss you."

"No Addie. You just don't like being on your own. You came here because you are running from Mark. I'm not even angry that you don't want me. Because we both know we aren't meant to be together. Just go back to New York. See Mark, see whoever. There's nothing for you here. You're just running from Mark back to your safe bet. Me. But I'm not the same man I was in New York. That day you and Mark changed me irreparably." I stand up and I pull out a sheaf of papers from my brief case. "Go home Addie. Back to New York. There's nothing here for you. I sorry. But I don't regret our marriage Addison. Remember that. One time I really did love you. Just not anymore. Goodbye Addison."

I hand her the signed divorce papers and walk out the hospital with a smile on my face and a weight of my shoulders. And with a whispered "Goodbye Derek" carried by the wind, I'm free.