A Shot In The Darkness

"Whatever

You, you come to me
So perfectly yeah
So perfectly made

And yeah all that you are
And yeah all that you said
You're so exquisitely bred
Hmm yeah what more can I say

So yeah, yeah
I guess its alright
Yeah, no
I guess it's alright whatever
Yeah no
I guess its alright
Yeah no
I guess its alright whatever

And I, I hate ya for
For letting me fall for you
Just like a fool

And now I'm all psyching out
Hmm 'cause all were about
Is this ugly phone and its all I have
To look forward to, yeah.

Dreaming, of you lying in my bed
Just like how we were just days before
Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I cant take this torture any more

You're so far away, yeah
Why are you so far away
From me"

Whatever – Imogen Heap

On my fifth shot of tequila and I'm just getting that warming floating buzz. I look at Izzie, head slumped on Georges shoulder. Both of them are tired and yet they stay. They wait with me. That's my family. Cristina turns to me. Voice low so the others can't hear.

"He's a McDickhead if he chooses McStuckUp over you." That's the nicest thing she's ever said to me. Apart from when she told me I was her person.

"Damn Straight!" I lift the new shot Joe placed on the bar in front of me and down it in one as the sound of the door opens. For the last half an hour we have all given up on looking. I look up at Joe to ask him for another but his gaze is riveted on something over my shoulder. Most probably Walter. But I look at Cristina and the other two who have seemed to suddenly have perked up and they too have their gaze on something behind me. I look at Joe's grinning face and feel a presence behind me.

Him. I ignore him. I face Joe, my back ramrod straight. Without turning I shoot a look at Cristina.

"Not a McDickhead?" I ask ignoring everyone else she focuses on me.

"Who knows? He'll fuck it up. Give it time." she smirks.

"You're my person."

"I know. I'm your person." she smirks not helping me at all. George and Izzie used to our bizarre conversations ignore us. I look at my person imploringly but she ignores it and if anything her smirk grows. I shake my head in annoyance and continue to ignore the presence behind me.

"Another tequila Joe." Joe looks at me.

"You sure?"

"Yes." I glare at him. Not that I'm trying to be rude, I soften the glare and smile in apology. Its OK, he gets it. He understands me. At least he understands dark and twisty tequila wanting Meredith.

He nods and turns to get my tequila and places it on the bar at the same time a voice behind me says "The usual please Joe."

And as Cristina looks at me she's the only one who sees the tears streaming down my face.