This entry is rated PG-10 for mild Oedipus Complex.

A/N: I didn't plan to write this one so anti-Freud, but then I looked up Freud on Wikipedia and discovered I hate him. Cheers.

Darth Vader Hates Freud with All of His Psyche

Darth Sidious had the malicious grin on his disfigured face that told Darth Vader he would not like whatever came to follow.

"Take a seat," he said, somehow managing to turn three words into an omen of utter tragedy.

"I'm fine, thanks," Vader answered politely, eyeing the tasseled, velvet, and very possibly bloodstained couch nervously.

"Sit down."

Vader sat.

"Good. Tell me about your childhood," the Sith Lord said, transforming what was generally a comforting and reassuring request into an expression of the utmost malignance.

"Why?" Vader asked.

Sidious gave him the Glare Of Doom.

Vader sighed.

"Fine. I grew up on Tattooine-"

"Just as I thought," Sidious whispered, scribbling furiously on a notepad, just loud enough to interrupt. "Oedipus Complex."

"What's Oedipus Complex?" Vader inquired warily. Sidious's head jerked up from the notepad with a speed that suggested he really didn't want to tell Vader what Oedipus Complex was.

"Umm," he articulated hesitantly, flipping through the Big Book of Freudian Disorders. "It's when you, uh, want-to-kill-your-father-to-replace-his-position-with-your-mother," he explained, clearly trying to speak too fast for Vader to comprehend.

"WHAT!" Vader bellowed, standing up.

"So you don't have Oedipus Complex?" Sidious asked fearfully.

"NO! Holy crap, I don't even have a father!" Vader said indignantly. "What idiot thought of that?"

"Oh," Sidious said in an undertone. "This ruins Freud's theory that Oedipus Complex was universal."

"Universal?" Vader repeated disbelievingly.

"What does this inkblot look like to you?" Sidious inquired, holding up a card, desperately trying to change the subject.

"An inkblot," Vader responded, exasperated.

"And this one?"

"An inkblot."

"And this one?" Vader's head shot up.

"For a second I thought it was a podracer, but then I realized it was an inkblot."

Vader was getting the sinking feeling Sidious had orchestrated this whole thing so he could pretend to be a psychoanalyst.

"That's all the time we have," Sidious decided, lying through his teeth. Vader turned to leave.

"You do know that Freud was on cocaine, don't you?" he queried before leaving.

"Hmm," the cyborg heard from behind the door. "Hostility…"