Demons at Night
The problem with people, Sasuke decided, is that they lie. They pretend and they lie, and they only do it when he needs the truth.
Some days he is content with settling for a lie. However, this was not the case the night he left for power.
He needed to hear truth in Sakura's words, as she whispered frantically, helplessly, pleading with him to stay. He needed to hear that he would be missed, that he had been loved, but more than anything, he needed to hear release.
As tears began to slide down her cheeks, illuminated by the subtle, cool and lambent shine of the moon, he knew that what he wanted, he would not find.
She couldn't let him go, but he went anyway. Knowing that she would follow in his steps, tailing him…well, that knowledge made his departure that much harder.
He wanted her to let go of it all. He wanted her to miss him, but not so terribly that she would feel compelled to track him down. He wanted her to feel close to him somehow, no matter how far away he was, and he wanted…he wanted 'feeling close' to be enough.
He wanted to hear her say it, to confirm that she would be fine without him. Confirmation never came; certainly not when she and Naruto caught up with him years later.
Sakura wasn't supposed to become involved in Orochimaru's affairs. And Naruto, that stubborn fool, he wasn't supposed to either!
What Sasuke wanted that night, he never got. Not entirely, at least.
She ran towards him, desperately at first, with an outstretched arm. When she was within two arms reach, she stopped.
As the minutes ticked away, they were not empty. The minutes were filled with high-pitched begging, and sounds of a foolish girl choking on her own tears. And with the passing of each minute, she took timid, careful steps forward.
When she was close enough her fingertips could brush his chest, he disappeared. He went behind her, saying, "Thank you."
Thank you for trying to say goodbye. Thank you for giving me half of what I wanted. Thank you…for not pushing me into taking you along with me. Thank you for not exerting the power you knew you had over me.
Thank you for caring. Thank you for holding on when I wanted you to let go. Thank you for being so devoted. Hopelessly devoted.
And in the moment his hand connected with the back of her neck, her cries gone from the air, he thought of another reason to thank her.
Thank you…for being annoying.
Though he would never admit it, the quiet days he was prepared to spend in Otogakure would probably be the most miserable days of his life. Without someone—without Sakura—there at his side, whining out strings of "Sasuke-kun!" and other such nonsense, he would not be complete.
His last minutes with her were full of feeling, and, in the minutes spent without her, the shell of his being was full of nothing.
Minutes in Otogakure were silent, conflict-free, pensive, and wasted. He wasted away without her.
I remember playing cat-and-mouse.
Was I the cat, Sakura? The big, bad cat? Or was I…was I maybe…the trembling little mouse that tried to hide?
I hid from you and Naruto.
And you pounced on me when you got the chance.
"You're welcome," you said.
Thank you again. Thank you for being the big, bad cat, for being annoying and persistent. Thank you for making it so hard for me to leave, and for making it so easy for me to return.
He wasted away, imagining things on his own, and "you're welcome" never came. Confirmation never came. Again, what he wanted to hear never came.
And he never returned.
He told her once, when they met while playing cat-and-mouse, that he would return when his revenge had been completed.
He lied. People lie.
That's what's wrong with people…the fact that they lie.
Author's Notes: To help you make sense of this one, I'd like to say that during the part where Sasuke says "thank you for giving me half of what I wanted", he is given the knowledge that he will be missed, and that he was definitely loved, but he is also deprived of something along the lines of "It's okay, Sasuke, you can go", which is what (in my mind) he wanted from that night more than anything.
I wrote this with the intention of making it into a oneshot, but I figured that lies could be a fear of Sasuke's. Lies could be what drove him insane. (Because we all figured out—when he drew a sword on Naruto during Shippuuden—that he was insane.)
I love Sasuke, really, I do, but he isn't mentally well.
TBC