Author's note - I know the shippers want to see...whatever ship they're for - which is probably jackson/melissa, they're adorable, huh? But there won't be a lot of that in this chapter - they'll be jackson's opinion of melissa tho. There won't be much of them in the next chapter either...because I actually planned ahead -- go me, right? But don't worry, they'll be some of all that in a few chapters. I'm sorry if I'm putting the relationships progression on hold for a while -- but soon it'll be back in order - so hang on for a few more chapters. Until then - enjoy the last analysis chapter --
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"Lex was an outcast," Eric said. "But it was like by default," he added. "Jackson was an outcast because he was a freak. Lex was an outcast because he was different."
"Is there a specific meaning between the two you are trying to get at, Eric?" Dr. Brennan asked.
Eric shrugged. "I dunno. I was trying to be philosophical."
"What did you mean, Eric?" Dr. Brennan sighed. "What is the difference between them?"
"You've met them both, right?" Eric asked. "You notice those little things that aren't the same between them? Well those are the differences."
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"I dunno him," Beaver said shrugging. "I was on a ship with the kid for like...I dunno, a few days. And we played a game of I spy but...you don't really bond over I spy..." Beaver paused. "He's a genius."
"He's already told me that, Beaver," Dr. Brennan said.
"Oh...he told you, huh...What else did he tell you?"
"This isn't a trick question, Beaver," Dr. Brennan said. "You're not being graded on anything, if you don't know him, I'll accept that."
Beaver shrugged. "I guess..."
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"He's a little strange," Jackson said. "I guess that's always been the difference. It's not his fault that he's strange. He knows these stupid little details that probably saved all our lives hundreds of times. Stupid things nobody else would bother to remember."
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"He has a photographic memory," Beaver said. "Do you know what that means, Doctor? That means that every thing that has ever happened to him skipped right over his short term memory - it's all still lodged there inside that abnormal little brain of his."
"I'm aware of what a photographic memory is, Beaver," Dr. Brennan assured him gently.
"That means that every thing that any body ever said to him, he remembers it," Beaver continued. "That means that he must have a really long flashback when he's about to die - beause he'll remember everything. People think it'd be awesome - never forgetting anything. How much simpler life would be."
"Is it simpler, Beeve?" Dr. Brennan asked.
Beaver shook his head. "No. It hurts your brain. Nobody cares to think that maybe it's good for you to forget things. Nobody cares enough to figure, hey, maybe forgetting all those times that somebody poked fun at you is a good thing. It damages you, inside, deep deep inside. Every waking moment there's a dead memory weighing down on you, tearing you apart, forcing you back to that exact moment in time - refusing to evaporate. And for a genius too. That sucks."
"You do not view his abilities as gifts?" Dr. Brennan asked, knowing very well that Beaver indeed did not.
"No," Beaver said indignantly. "Do you know how much pressure it is, to have this ungodly intelligence and this useless photographic memory. Can you conceive the burden that these things are?"
"Can you?" Dr. Brennan pressed.
Beaver let out at a loud sigh, collapsing against the couch. "Lex is out in the open. People know why he's weird. For me...they just think it's me. It's been there - always mutating, becoming more apart of me by the day. Lex is able to separate himself from his memories and brain. I don't know if I can't. I can't shut up before my thoughts and ideas come out. I can't stop answering questions."
Dr. Brennan nodded. "Maybe you know Lex better than anyone else, Beaver."
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"Beaver took my answer?" Eric asked. "That's so like him."
"Why don't you tell me why you think they're so different," Dr. Brennan suggested.
Eric shrugged. "Fine," he sighed. "But it won't be as philosophical now. Lex doesn't have a choice - everyone secludes him. Because he's like what, eight? Nobody wants to hang out with an eight year old. Jackson though, if he wasn't so freaking...freaky -- he could actually be somebody --- Thus he secludes himself. They're different kinds of freaks."
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"He's kind of adorable," Taylor admitted. "I like him. He's a kid, but he knew a lot more than any of us did...about anything. He was like this...I dunno, mini life raft. He couldn't save us but he could keep us afloat...hey, you know, that kind of sounded good. I just made that all up too...man I'm good."
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"He's probably the best out of us," Melissa admitted. "I know people would like to think kids are useless but...I guess not all of them are. Lex was this -- he was just so irreplaceable. We were all worrying about problems and Lex was...He always seemed to be thinking up these new theories. He really tried to further our progress. He wanted to get saved but, he was very calm about it. It was scary at times."
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"Nathan," Jackson said. "I don't know what to say about him."
"Why did you hate him to begin with?" Dr. Brennan prompted.
Jackson shrugged. "I don't hate a lot of people, I didn't hate him. I just..." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I hated the situation. They were talking about me. I know it's stupid, the things they said wasn't even the worst I've heard but...I hate the same predicaments, every day. I hate seeing people, people like them, laughing about things like there's nothing more important. He just...I guess I was irritated. I felt like I had to prove, even if it was only to him or Daley, I needed to prove that these rich kids can lose."
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"Nathan's been my best friend since first grade," Melissa said. "It's so common, I don't even remember why we became friends, but I'm glad we did. He's a good friend." Melissa paused for a moment before continuing. "He's loyal, I trust him with my life. I know that no matter how bad things get, he'll never leave me -- not if I need him. He's not a jerk, even if it seems like that sometimes, he just...he gets scared at times, in uncharted territory. He gets scared."
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"Pansy," Eric said. "That's what he is. Pansy. He gets scared so easily."
"Would you like to elaborate Eric?" Dr. Brennan asked.
"No," Eric answered. "Alright, yes I would! He's like Daley, but worst. He has to get everything from a stupid hand book - and half of that didn't even work. They're both power hungry bastards."
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"He used to be competition," Daley admitted. "I think it changed when we stopped fighting for control. When we just let everything fall into place, I think we found that we weren't half as bad as we thought we were. He's not a bad person. He's loyal, if that's what you're looking for. He's considerate. He tries his best to consider other people's feelings."
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"Melissa was like the perfect person," Nathan said. "It's like nothing can touch her. She was so kind, so...considerate. After all she'd been through -- you have to understand - she wasn't ever popular. She's been made fun of, but I don't understand why. She is the nicest person I've ever met. I'm just happy she's a friend."
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"Yeah," Eric murmured. "She's pretty hard to hate, isn't she - with her unable to hold grunges and everything."
"She mentioned that the two of you were once friends," Dr. Brennan commented. "What happened?"
Eric shrugged. "You sure pry, don't you, you little vixen," Eric said defensively.
Dr. Brennan shrugged. "Do you care to comment on why you ended your friendship?" She pressed.
"Fine," Eric snapped. "I know she's nice, but...she's not that good for your..." He paused, lowering his voice for the next word. "Image." He nodded slightly. "I was stupid, I know that. She was a good friend and all I wanted was to be remembered. Mel will never be remembered -- not by anybody at that school. All I wanted was to be remembered."
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"She's relunctant," Jackson commented. "I know the type. Beaver used to be like that. It's like, they've been insulted so much that they don't like to put themselves out there because they're afraid that what people have to say about them, about who they are, they're afraid it won't be nice. They don't want to be hurt. She doesn't want to be hurt."
"How do you feel about her fragile state?" Dr. Brennan asked.
Jackson shook his head. "I said she was hurt, I didn't say she was fragile. Mel is strong. She's very strong, just...resistent, I guess. It's like she delves into everything so completely, but she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to embrace anything because she doesn't want to be rejected."
"Are the two of you...together?" Dr. Brennan asked.
Jackson nodded solemnly. "Yeah, we are."
"You speak of her with this...intensity," Dr. Brennan admitted. "It's almost as though you've been studying her."
Jackson smiled sheepishly. "I try not to but...I can't help noticing the small things. Those are the things that matter."
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"She's a good person," Beaver commented. "She's a weird one. I know people want you chicks to be this certain way but...I dunno, sometimes guys actually want girls with substance. Melissa isn't the ideal substance. Guys want these amazingly beautiful girls, with brains and boobs. No offense, Doc. Melissa isn't one of those girls. She's not this barbie doll figure. I know that should throw some people off, and it does, but not me. Not that i'm like that with her, because I'm not. I don't get like that with a lot of people. But Jackson doesn't fall for barbies either. Melissa's special."
"Is she your new special friend?" Dr. Brennan asked.
Beaver raised an eyebrow. "Well when you say it like that..." he sighed deeply. "She seems eager," he said after a moment of thought. "I mean, she is so very eager. It's not that she's eager to be accepted or anything, I can't see her saleing her soul for a few friends. But she wants you to like her so much, it's weird...it's like it's hard not to like her. And that's not a problem - because she's a very good friend. I have loyal friends - but my friends aren't both loyal and eager. She wants to please people so much. It's very rare, to find that in somebody." He nodded slightly. "She's very rare."
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"She was key, to the team," Daley said. "She was always there, always eager to help. She would do anything, if that anything progressed the group. She sacrificed herself so completely. She was very valuable, without her we would've been lost. We would've ripped ourselves apart long before we ever returned home."