Fighting Love and Pain

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi

Hilde Schbeiker knew he was her friend. She knew that he would do almost anything for her but stop what he was working on. She knew that he loved her in his own way just as she loved him. But it hurt all the same when he kept pretending that what he did was not dangerous, that he was perfectly safe. It hurt because she knew that each and every time he visited and left it could be the last time she ever saw him again.

Things should be different now. There was not a war going on, they had finally achieved peace. But she could not stop him and she no longer tried. There was no point in pretending that the world was fine and nothing had gone wrong. Each and every time she turned on the news feed the little lie she told herself was broken.

She shook her head, blue hair falling into her eyes until she brushed it out of her way. She needed to get it cut again but it was yet another thing that would have to wait. Hilde looked around her scrap yard.

At one point it had been Duo's and hers but he had sold off his share to her right after Dekim Barton had tried to drop a Colony on Earth. Those had been good times, Duo had been safe and she had been able to look after him. The yard had also been organized and run efficiently. Now the yard was a little disarrayed but they had just completed a huge job for a company on L1.

Hilde spotted Jons fixing up a car for a member of the Ichii family. She may not have worked directly for Shinigami but her association still helped her on L2. And he had been right, hiring Jenkins and advertising that the Viper was on her payroll practically stopped all attempts at people trying to rob parts from the yard. It was impressive to see how drastically the robberies had declined and she was glad to have Jenkins on her crew. He pulled his own weight.

"Hilde," Jons called over to her frantically. "Can you give me a hand for a second?"

"Sure," Hilde called back to him.

She ran quickly over to where Jons was and helped to hold part of the bumper in place as he welded it on. She admired his work briefly before giving him a friendly slap on the back as she walked off again. There were things to be done.

Hilde moved over to her private part of the yard, the part that not even her employees were completely welcome in while she was at work. It was a small section of the yard where a shed stood. Inside she did her own personal sculptures, mostly working on mecha's from the war. She was currently working on Noin's upgraded Leo as she remembered it. It stood at five feet in height and while she had received many compliments on the sculptures that she displayed outside the shed she never took the offers that were made to buy them. She just could not part with them so easily, they were a part of her.

Jenkins had given her an idea if she ever chose to sculpt to earn some extra credits. The larger completed sculptures she had would be the models and she could make smaller replicas of them to sell. Hilde was not totally sold on the idea though but it did have its good points.

"Miss Hilde," Jenkins spoke up from behind her.

Hilde fought off the urge to flinch at the sound of his voice. She still was jumpy despite having been a civilian for over a year now. She always told herself that it would take more time to adjust but who was she kidding but herself. Time never seemed to help beat down her soldier reflexes.

"I've told you Jenkins call me Hilde," The blue haired girl turned around with a smile on her face. "What is it?"

"I have some updates for you," Jenkins said with a brief nod of his head. "Dorothy Catalonia refused Quatre Winner's offer of being her guardian and accepting sole responsibility for her while they waited for the trail date. She chose instead to go back to prison. Shinigami sent an offer to her and it appears she will accept. If she is convicted of war crimes he will kidnap her and she will work for him in secret. I think it's time that you took a trip down to Earth Miss Hilde."

"I'll consider it," Hilde said.

Jons came running over to them, "There's a call for you Hil, line one in the office. The guy is really insistent that he speak with you."

Hilde merely nodded as she headed off for the office to take the call. She was used to being interrupted with phone calls throughout her day, it was just a part of running the yard. She only hoped that it was not Wufei Chang calling yet again to question her about Duo. She had promised Duo that she would lie if it came to it and she had. Surprisingly she did not feel all that bad about it, perhaps because she was protecting her best friend who was doing something that needed to be done regardless of what anyone else thought.

She accepted Duo's decision much easier now after she had thought about it. He had stopped by several times and explained it to her again and again and finally she had begun to see just what he was talking about, how someone needed to do what he was doing. It did not make it any easier to accept that Duo put himself in harms way each and every day for his newest mission. In fact it damn well hurt that he made such a little thing out of it with all the smiles and jokes.

"Hello Hilde Schbeiker here," Hilde said flipping on the vid-screen to see who had called her.

"Hilde please don't hang up on me," Chang Wufei pled and Hilde raised a brow at his tone. "I know you probably hate me but I called to apologize. I have been rude and insensitive to your feelings and I should have taken them into consideration. I'm sorry I did not."

"Apology accepted," Hilde said with a grin knowing how hard it was for Chang Wufei to apologize for anything, let alone to a woman.

"Please allow me to take you out to dinner," Wufei offered graciously.

"I'd love to," Hilde smiled happily. "Can it wait for a few days though? I'm planning a trip to Earth just to visit some people."

"And I was going to take a trip up to L2," Wufei gave a brief smile.

"Well now you won't have to," Hilde said pushing aside some of the worry she felt.

She knew that Chang Wufei was more than competent when it came to investigations and interrogations and she now had one of Shinigami's former employees working for her in the yard. That would not go over well should Chang discover anything remotely suspicious about Jenkins. Going to Earth was now in her best interests if only to keep him away from the yard and L2..

"I'll call you before I leave from L2," Hilde told the Chinese Preventer. "So that way you'll know what days I'll be in town."

"That would be sufficient," Wufei bowed his head and then asked politely. "Do you need anyone to pick you up from the shuttle port?"

"I don't think so," She replied with a grin. "But I'll let you know if I do."

Wufei nodded.

"I'll call you back in a few days Wufei," Hilde said goodbye. "Take care."

She cut the connection before he could respond with a likewise sentiment. Hilde suddenly felt a warm blush spread across her face as she sat there in the office. And then she realized something rather shocking, she liked Chang Wufei. She actually liked him and that was a bad thing because of her involvement with Duo and Jenkins. Duo needed her to stay away from him, she had to keep Wufei away.

With a shaky breath she reached out a steady hand that did not betray her inner nervousness. She dialed the number from memory and watched as Duo's face appeared on the screen with his common smirk that was not Duo's but Shinigami's. It was serious, sharp and dangerous yet it was light, happy and gentle.

"Shinigami," Hilde gave a sigh of relief when she saw him on the screen. "I have some news for you."

"Ok Hilde," Shinigami said with a smile instead of the customary smirk. "What's up?"

"You can't laugh," Hilde was serious. "Promise me."

"I promise," Shinigami held up his hands and became serious himself since it was important to Hilde.

"I think I might have feelings for Wufei," Hilde mumbled but Shinigami still heard her. "And I don't know how that will affect things since I have Jenkins."

"Don't worry about it Hil," Shinigami smiled gently. "Jenkins knows how to hide all the traces of me or anything to do with me. He's smart and he hasn't been around this long in the game to slip up now. Just enjoy yourself."

"I will," Hilde felt relief that there would be no complications if she did decide to at least be friends with Wufei.

"Take care Hil," Shinigami cut the connection.

Hilde hung up her own vid-phone and slipped out of the office. Jenkins saw her and came up to her with a thoughtful expression on his face. Hilde wanted to yell at him for Duo's stupidity but that would do none of them any good. Duo was just too involved in what he was trying to accomplish and while Hilde felt that his goals were admirable she just did not want her friend to be hurt. She knew that the pain was inevitable no matter how hard she fought for him it would come. Perhaps she could hold it off for a little longer if she tried hard enough. That was the only thing that she could give to Duo for now.

She briefly wondered what would happen if she tried fighting love instead of fighting to keep Duo and herself from pain. Love and pain seemed to go hand in hand in her limited experience. Hilde could only hope that both she and Duo got more love than pain in the rest of their years but she knew that Duo would probably be getting more pain and little love for now.

"Miss Hilde," Jenkins said finally catching her by silently walking up behind her when she thought he had wandered off somewhere else. "I know that you worry for my old employer. But you needn't. He's crafty and smart enough to get himself out of most of his own messes and when he's not there are other people to help him. I know you worry and want to protect him but you're not the only one. I'll keep you updated on him."

"I know that Jenkins," Hilde ran a hand through her short hair messing it up even more. "But I know that something is going to happen to him that just might tear him apart. Something that might destroy the person that he is now if he's not careful. And I can't shake that feeling."

Jenkins looked troubled. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and gave it squeeze.

"Sometimes we have to come to the breaking point to find out just what we're made of," Jenkins spoke softly. "Sometimes we have to even go past that breaking point to come back as ourselves."

"Will you be around to help him?" Hilde asked, avoiding his clear gaze.

"If I'm still alive, which I plan to be," Jenkins said. "I'll help him with whatever I have left and whatever he needs."

"I think you know him better than any of us," She sighed remembering when there had been a time that she had once tried to get close to Duo and been pushed away. "He lets you in further than most."

"Perhaps," Jenkins conceded to her observations. "But that doesn't mean he trusts me or that I know him better than you or anyone else he knew during the wars. I just know a different side of him that the rest of your were not acquainted with before. Shall I make arrangements for you to leave to Earth?"

"Yes," Hilde said willing to drop the subject they were on. "Try to get me a flight for this Friday. I'd like to arrive on Earth a little after lunch."

"That will be an early flight," Jenkins cautioned her.

"I know," Hilde nodded.

"I'll go make the arrangements then," Jenkins moved back to the office.

Hilde watched him go wondering what secrets he knew. Obviously he knew more about Duo than he was willing to share and it bothered her but not as much as knowing that Duo was not willing to tell her himself. She wondered if perhaps all of them would reach their breaking points and go past them to come back again, or if just Duo would be making that trip alone.