Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own anything to do with Twilight and New Moon, aside from the books. But, when I take over the world, I will own it all. And Barbara's books. I will own all of her book too. Just watch.

-sniff- I had this whole thing written out, then I deleted it. I am so mad at myself for that. Though this chapter is about a whole page longer then the original. And I am sorry about Jasper. He was crappy because all he wanted to do was read so he ended up a bit… weird.

Did I do something wrong? I got 22 reviews for the first chapter, and only 8 for chapter two. I got 590 hits for the first chapter and only 200 for the next. I'm not complaining, I'm appreciative for all my reviews, but is the second chapter not as good? Please, let me know.

Sneeze Jasper and Quill

by Vampire Apple

"The art of acting consists in keeping people from coughing."

-Benjamin Franklin

It was a quiet, peaceful summer day at the local Forks Library. Jasper had taken Bella, much to Edward's chagrin, to said library when he announced that he was going an asked if any one wanted to come. Both were now in the reading section of the one room library next the fireplace, which had a really fire going despite it being summer, reading.

Bella was in an over plush chair a few inches from Jasper's chair reading a Barbara Michaels' noval while Jasper was reading a thick Ancent Roman History book. Bella privetly wondered why Jasper would come here to check out a book when the library had such a poor collection and he could just buy what ever book he wanted. Though she didn't wonder to hard because she was completely content. Plus, she had a mission to under take and questions that needed to be anweared.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"Can vampires cough?"

Jasper looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow at Bella.

"Coghing? So this is what Emmett was talking about."

"Yes, coughing. Wait, what did Emmett say?"

"He said you might come and ask me about the body functions of a vampire. I thought he was talking about something more… dirty."

"Oh. Well it is Emmett, to you never know. But no, I want to know about coughing."

"Why do you wish to know?"

"I have my reasons."

"Ah."

"Well you see, I had asked Edward if vampires could sneeze and he said no. Then I called Jake and asked him if werewolves could sneeze and he said no. Then I asked Edward if vampires where ticklish and he didn't answear. So the other day I asked Emmett if vampires were ticklish and he said no. Then I called Embry-"

"Who?"

"Another werewolf. I asked him if werewolves where ticklish and he said yes.

Then I asked Emmett if vampires could cough and he told me to keep playing the PS3 game."

"So now you are asking me."

"Yup."

"I have been around this Earth for over 140 years and have met many vampires in many different countries. During all that time, all those meeting and all thought countries I have not once heard or seen a vampire cough. Human body functions of that sort aren't normally talked about among vampires. Remember, most don't like humans, so I doubt they would be talking about them, other then how tasty they are."

At that last comment Jasper gave Bella a smile that could have been shy o show he was teasing.

"I think Edward could agree with you on how tasty humans are. But no coughing? Okay. Thank you."

"Are you going to call a werewolf now and asked him if he can cough?"

"Yup. Quill would know."

"Would you like to borrow my cell phone?"

"Yes please."

Jasper watched Bella a moment before reaching in his pocket to pull out his phone. Taking the portable communication deceive from Jasper, Bella beamed at him. She turned her full attention to the phone as she opened it and dialed a number. Someone answered after one ring.

"Jake, get your sorry butt don here, or we'll dive without you."

"I'm sorry, I'm not Jake. I'm Bella."

"Bella? As in Bella swan? As in the Suicidal Vampire Girl?"

"I resent the suicidal remark but yes."

"Oh."

"I have a question for you. Can werewolves cough?"

"What? Why do you need to ask that? It this a joke? Did Jake put you up to this? I'm going to kill him!"

"Can werewolves cough, I have my reasons, no, no and please don't."

"Oh."

"Well?"

"Well what? Oh. Um, I never really thought about it. Guys really don't focus on that kinda thing. Why do you need to know this again?"

"I told you, I have my reasons. Now please, answer my question."

"I thing we can. But why would you-"

"Thank you Quill. That's all I needed to know. Bye."

Bella snapped the phone shut and handed it to Jasper who gave her an amused look. Bella just gave him a grin that said I-Am-So-Good-But-You-Don't-Know-What-I'm-Up-To.

"How many more questions are you doing to ask?"

"One more."

"Are you going to ask me?"

"Yes."

"Do you want me to answer?"

"No."

"Alright."

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"Can vampires hiccup?"