1A/N: I know I told Celticmaggie4077th that I'd save this chapter for later, but I don't want to turn nice Frank into a Mary Sue. Nice Frank must go. I also thank Celticmaggie4077th for reviewing every chapter. Well, here we go.

The fateful plan came to Striper when he was going to sleep that night after their first OR session. He shared the 'Swamp' with Majors Hammer and Burns and Captain Black, and he hated how Frank kept talking to Ugly John for hours on end, leaving Jacob, a light sleeper, awake for hours on end. 'If only there was a way for Major Burns to shut up for once, and for him not to be so nice all of the time I'd do it.' Captain Striper thought. But then it suddenly clicked, he knew what he was going to do about Major Burns for once and for all. 'It'd be especially funny if he hated everyone in this camp, and everyone who came to this camp.' he thought.

This plan may have well been his best joke/plan ever. He knew he had to do it, mostly to keep himself sane, and to protect the sanctity of the camp. The only drawbacks would be that;

1. Frank would stop donating to the orphanage.

2. Frank would become racist.

3. Frank would care more about money.

But that didn't matter to Captain Jacob Striper, oh no, he was doing this mainly for himself. He had no problem with Captain Black though, he'd let him go about doing what he would normally do and not include him in his plan at all.

(This is used to represent a line that will NOT appear to seperate the change from day/night etc.)

The next day, Captain Striper saw Major Hammer taking his leisurely stroll around the camp.

It seemed, that suddenly Major Hammer talked to people and started to go for walks about the camp, sometimes at night and not returning until the next day, but usually he walked during the day time. Jacob went to catch up to him;

"Major, sir!" Captain Striper called out to him.

"Yes, Captain?" Major Hammer replied, walking over to him.

"What do you think about Major Burns?" Jacob immediately said, as the Major reached him.

"Well I think he's too nice for my taste, and he talks a lot with Captain Black at the most inopportune moments, like night, when I'm trying to --but can't-- sleep, Captain."

"You too, huh, Major?"

"Yes, I happen to be a light sleeper, maybe even lighter than you." was Major Hammer's reply, he started to walk off, thinking that the conversation was over, but Captain Striper called him back,

"Major? I think I know how we can change him."

The Major turned to him and said, "We can't change people, Captain, people can only change themselves, for better or for worse. That's the way it is." he turned away again, thinking that the conversation was done, again.

"Would you please listen to my plan, Major?" Captain Striper asked, his eyes pleading for him to listen, as nice as Frank was, he wouldn't take commands from someone below him in rank.

Major Hammer turned again and said, "Sure, but I'm telling you, we can't change him. We can have fun with him, maybe, but we can't change him completely."

Then, Captain Striper told Major Hammer all about his plan to 'change' Frank. By the time he was done, Major wanted to do it. So he said,

"We can do that, yes, we can do that. I'm not sure if it'll work, but if we can change him at all, that would be the way to do it."

"I thought you said that we couldn't change people." Captain Striper stated, confused.

"Well I forgot about that, let's go find him and do it. You can clean up and set up the table and make sure that everything else is ready until I get back. Do you understand that, Captain?"

"Yes, Sir!" Captain Striper exclaimed.

They both went their separate ways, to do what it was that they were going to do to Frank Burns, just so the Major can be hated for once.

(This is used to represent a line that will NOT appear to seperate the change from day/night etc.)

The door opened just as Jacob finished cleaning the place. He killed the rats just to be sure. Major Hammer and Major Burns stepped in. Jacob sat down in a chair at one end of the table that they put in the middle of the room, there were two chairs. One for him and Major Burns.

"Here, you can sit here, Major Burns." Major Hammer told him.

"Why, thanks, Major! I'll do just that." Frank said as he sat down.

"Good. Is everything ready, Captain?" Major Hammer asked him.

"Yes, Sir." Captain Striper said, taking his pocket watch with the solid gold case and solid gold chain out of his pocket. "Now Major," the only Captain in the room said as he held the watch, dangling from the gold chain in front of Frank's face. "I want you to stare at this watch no matter what happens during our talk OK?"

"OK, I can do that." Frank asked, puzzled.

Major Hammer turned away as Captain Striper started to swing his watch side-to-side. Then he started to talk in his most soothing voice;

"You know, I once knew a guy who was a hypnotist. He said this thing to get people to sleep as he moved his watch side-to-side. Do you know what he said Frank?"

"...What?" Frank asked, getting sleepy.

"He used to say, 'You are getting very sleepy, very sleepy. You are getting so sleepy that your eyelids weigh as much as holding one hundred full sacks of money in each hand.' They are heavy, aren't they Frank?" Frank nodded, his eyes droopy. "You want to drop them, don't you Frank?" Frank nodded again, Jacob almost didn't see it, it was so slight. "Well do you know what Frank? I'm going to let you drop those money bags. Go ahead, drop them Frank."

Frank wasn't sure if it was Captain Striper's soothing voice, or maybe it was the conversation. Maybe even it was that stupid watch that the Captain was swinging side-to-side in front of him, but he suddenly felt very sleepy. By the time the captain was done talking, Frank couldn't keep his eyes anymore, so he said;

"Nighty, night." and then he went to sleep, but not really, he was more or less hypnotized. The Captain was in full control now.

"Now Frank when I clap, I want you to open your eyes, OK?"

No response, so Captain Striper clapped. Frank opened his eyes almost immediately.

"Can you understand me, Frank?"

Almost robot-like, Frank responded; "Yes. I. Can. Under-stand. You." every syllable was pronounced perfectly.

"Now Frank, when I clap again, you won't like Captain Black. OK?"

"O.K." Frank said in the same tone as before.

Captain Striper clapped again.

"Do you like Captain Black?" Captain Striper asked Frank.

"No. Why. Would. I." Was Frank's slow response.

"Good. Now when I snap my fingers, you won't like anybody, except for a few kids OK?"

He said this because he didn't want the Major to have no friends.

"O.K." the Major said.

Jacob snapped his fingers. Then he asked;

"Do you like me?"

"No." was the Major's response.

"Next, when I kick this table, the Army will be your number one obsession, and you will say 'Nerts'"

Jacob kicked the table.

"What is your favorite thing in the whole world, Frank?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"The. Army."

"Next, when I hit the top of the table, you will fall in love, and have an affair, with the next head nurse that takes command when Major Bergheimer is not in command. OK?"

Without waiting for an answer, Jacob pressed on, since he couldn't prove that this one worked.

"Frank, when you go into OR again, you won't be a very good surgeon, you won't admit it, but your skills suddenly decreased. OK? And when ever someone with a lower rank than you mentions the war, you will find something wrong with them that they can be put on report for. OK?" This time, he waited for an answer.

"O.K." The Major said, yet again.

"Now when I clap my hands for the third time, you will wake up, OK?"

"O.K." Jacob clapped for a third time. Frank woke up. Then Jacob asked him, "How goes it Frank?"

"Oh Nerts, what's it to you?" was Frank's reply with a slight sneer on his face.

"I don't know Frank."

"Well, go do your job, whatever that maybe. Roger Wilco?

Captain Striper rolled his eyes and said, "Roger Wilco, Major Burns." And then he left.

"Good." Major Hammer looked at Major Burns oddly, mostly because he was surprised about how well the hypnosis worked, and somewhat to get a reaction. The Major saw this and asked, "What? He's a Captain and I'm a Major. I can tell him what to do."

It looks like that worked. It was supposed to be a joke before, but it almost looks like Striper took it too far...