A/N: Chapter 2, up and running!

xxxxxx

When You Lose Your Way

Counting Up My Demons

xxxxxx

I could hardly believe it. The pregnancy test was all wrong, I know it! I can't believe... I never expected...

Why me!

I'm always a responsible person. I at least made sure he had protection, for Merlin's sake! And now what? I'm pregnant? No. I refuse to believe it and I certainly refuse to be a muggle statistic.

It's been three days since I tested myself for pregnancy... and I'm too scared to try again. What if the results are the same? And again, what if they're not? What if Malfoy caught me like that again, a mess on the bathroom floor?

I shivered. Malfoy.

He didn't spread the word, as far as I know. People have been treating me normally and Harry and Ron haven't had a spazz attack. I suppose I should thank him for keeping his mouth shut, but then again, I could also slap his cold blooded face and throw him every cuss word in the book.

It wasn't hard avoiding him in the past three days. He sort of ignored me as well, and that was completely fine with me. We spoke when he had to, and that was it. Neither of us brought up the subject of the other night, and all was supposedly forgotten. Supposedly, that is.

I was sitting on the couch of our living room, doing my homework like every Friday afternoon, while Draco kept his distance in the kitchen, holding an apple, while reading an open textbook on the counter. I felt him glance my way every now and then, and I flinched. I truly hate that boy.

Although I was glad he never brought it up, it was intensely awkward between us. Sometimes I wish we would both just get everything it out in the open. Well. Not everything, of course.

"Hey, Granger?"

Oh darn. I knew wishing stuff like that was never good.

I sighed. "Yes?" I never turned around to face him.

"Can we talk?"

I didn't like his tone. He sounded serious. I suppose I had to lighten the mood.

"We're talking right now, Malfoy. It's what we call it when people exchange words," I told him testily.

Somewhere between the silence that followed, I'm sure he stood up from the stool he was seated on and took a few steps my way. Frightened out of my mind already, I closed my textbook shut, and backed off quickly towards the door of my room. He stopped, and looked at me oddly.

"Seriously, what's wrong with you, Granger?"

I would never tell him.

"What's wrong with you? Isn't it more than a little obvious I want to be alone?"

He exhaled slowly.

"Well, I'm sorry for wanting to know if you're okay," he said harshly. "Sheesh."

I touched the knob on my door. Although surprised I was that he even cared about my well-being, I couldn't stand being in the same room as him sometimes. I looked at him indifferently.

"Since when did you care?"

And I slammed the door shut on him for the millionth time.

xxxxxx

Night time... I used to love it. Now, I really hate it.

It used to be a time where I could stay up till the early hours of morning and read, or write, or talk to myself about anything. Night times were especially for me, and when the joys of it were taken away from me, I usually cried myself to sleep. The reading and writing and talking was replaced with nightmares.

I remember the banging of the door and me opening it, thinking someone was in trouble.

When really it was me.

My mind fogged itself up with memories, and the tears began falling like rain drops. I pushed the pillow harder onto my face, so that it would stop the flow of it, and so that I would stop hearing the banging. The banging on the door was much too loud... much too real...

"Open the door, damn it!"

I went as rigid as a cement board. It wasn't happening again was it?

I plunged myself into my blankets, and whispered some added security onto my bedroom door. The banging continued, and I realized with horror that it was actually happening.

"Go away!" I shrieked, panicking.

"It's just me, Granger! It's Malfoy! Open the door!"

I sighed in relief, realizing that it wasn't what I thought it was. It was Malfoy. The normal Malfoy.

"What?" I yelled, while wiping away whatever was left of on my cheek that hinted I was crying.

"Can I come in? Please?"

"Why?" I barked.

"Because I have something to give you."

Surprised, I rolled out of the bed. What could he possibly have to give to me? I placed my wand in my hand just in case, and unlocked the door and the added security. He stood there, holding a paper in his hand, and looking at me with concern.

"I don't care about you, nor do I feel any sentiment toward you. But I do feel bad for you, so here."

He stuck out his hand, and held it in front of my tired, surprised eyes.

I cautiously picked up the piece of paper he held in his hands, and read it, my eyes scanning the short letter from left to right very quickly.

And I really felt like slapping him right then.

"No!" I yelled at him.

"What?" he asked, trying to defend himself. "You need it."

"No, I don't!"

Boy. This guy had a really thick skull. Forget that he's second to me and taking a million N.E.W.T. classes like me. He doesn't know when to stick his nose out.

"Malfoy, this is uncalled for and unnecessary!"

His eyes were oval. "Uncalled for? Unnecessary? Granger, you need to know!"

I breathed slowly, trying very hard not to stress myself.

"I'm not pregnant, okay? I don't need this stupid appointment!"

"Yes you do, Granger, and by God, I swear that you'll go there, even if I have to take you myself!"

Huh. That really shut me up.

I controlled my voice, trying to make it even and balanced.

"Malfoy... that's really nice of you and everything, but I don't want it. I'm not pregnant and I don't need a medi-wizard to tell me so, okay?"

"Granger," he said, his voice exasperated. He was really trying to knock some sense into me. "The pregnancy test was blue! If I'm not incorrect, that means you are pregnant"

I crumpled the paper in my hands.

"God, Malfoy! Since when did you care this bad?"

He shrugged. "I'm not completely evil."

I laughed bitterly. "Not completely anyways," I muttered.

Apparently he caught that last one.

"Okay, I wasn't into helping you at first, but you're really pissing me off now, Granger."

Oh no.

I took a few steps back into my bedroom and put some distance between us. He smacked his head.

"I'm not going to hurt you, for Merlin's sake! Why the hell do you always do that?" he bellowed.

Well... for one... no, I couldn't even say it.

"I won't hurt you, or your baby, okay? I won't."

I flinched. "I'm not pregnant," I whispered.

Draco shook his head slowly. "Well, you don't know that for sure. So I'm taking you to that clinic tomorrow whether you like it or not."

"Malfoy, you can't! I refuse. Damn it, come back!"

But he had already begun walking away from me, ignoring every word I said.

"Tomorrow at noon, Granger. If you're not there, I'll hunt you down myself and bring you there."

I blanched. Boy, did this guy really know how to scare the wits out of someone or what?

xxxxxx

"Morning, Hermione," Ron said, as he took a seat beside me in the Great Hall.

I smiled warmly at him, as I continued to eat breakfast. I was oddly hungry today - because I didn't eat dinner, I like to believe - and my stomach was not even completely satisfied after two servings of eggs. Ron, noticing all the cereal, eggs, bacon and sausage on my plate, paused for a moment.

"Is that your breakfast or mine, Hermione?" he chuckled lowly.

I smiled at him again, and focused on my food. I really wanted pickles...

"I told you not to skip dinner, Hermione, it's not good for you."

Well, at least he wasn't suspecting anything of me.

"Where's Harry?" I asked him, piling some more sausages onto my plate.

"He's coming," Ron said absent-mindedly. His head was up, looking at the owl post that was arriving over the large whole on the school roof. Of course, packages of letters were delivered to Ron from his mother and father, and I got my usual newspaper and hello from home. A black, tawny owl, however, was new to my delivery service. I eyed it, as it stood handsomely on the edge of my cereal bowl.

"Well aren't you a charming one," I told it, while shoving a plate of bacon it's way. It ate generously off my plate.

I opened the letter from that owl first and read quickly.

Noon in front of the castle gates.

I sighed and crumpled it up.

"Who's that from?" Ron questioned, while unraveling some of his own letters.

I picked up my wand, and began burning wholes through the paper lazily. Ron arched his eyebrow as I did so.

"Oh, just a quick reminder from the Head Boy about certain plans."

I smiled at my deception. Well, not really deception. It was the truth... just not the whole truth.

Ron scowled. "Oh. Is he still getting on your case?"

Yes. "Not as much," I said through my teeth.

Soon after Ron and I had finished our breakfasts, Harry had joined us very late. He smiled in greeting towards us and began piling some food onto his plate slowly.

"What took you?" Ron asked him before I could.

"I bumped into someone at the owlery," Harry said angrily.

"Who?"

And as if on cue, to answer Ron's question, Draco walked into the Great Hall alone, over to the Slytherin table. He halted at the entrance however, and glanced toward me inconspicuously. When he saw I was up and alive, he continued the short walk to his table.

"Ugh," Ron mustered. "What did he do?"

"He was just pestering me. Asking me if I knew everything about my friends, like I should be suspecting something of you guys."

I took a sharp breath after Harry spoke. Luckily he didn't notice. "And what did you say?" I asked him casually. Harry shrugged and began to eat his food.

"That he was a bloody fool for even asking me, and for thinking that I would even answer him."

I managed a hearty, fake chuckle, while Ron laughed meaningfully.

"Good one, mate. The guy is off his rocker."

Harry joined in our laughter, while Ron began to insult my roommate. I really would have joined in by nodding and agreeing, which is what I usually did, seeing as I detested him as much as they did (if not more), but I began to feel queasy. He was really butting into it, this guy.

While we were talking, a few Hufflepuff students walked by us, on their way to their table.

"So she is pregnant?" One of them said. My neck cracked as my head looked in their direction.

"Yup. It's for sure."

Ron and Harry looked their way as well, wondering who they could be talking about. I wanted to pull their attention back, but they were listening intently on the gang of Hufflepuffs.

"Who?" Ron asked kindly, without making it sound like he was butting in.

One of the girls looked in my direction. My eyes came together, expecting the worst.

"Wendy's mum. Found out a few days ago," they said joyously. I sighed with saturated relief.

Ron and Harry smiled warmly. "Congratulations."

The Hufflepuffs returned the smile, and stalked off in a different direction. My eyes closed. I wouldn't always be off the hook like that. Pretty soon they'd notice my eating habits, and I would start showing... no. I wouldn't. Because I'm not pregnant, I reminded myself.

"Hermione? You feeling okay?" Harry asked me.

My eyes fluttered open, and I sighed. "Oh, yeah. I'm okay."

Harry didn't take his eyes off me. "You've been acting really weird ever since a couple of months ago, Hermione. Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," I said. I really was sure I was fine. I mean, I wasn't dead or anything like that. "This whole Head Girl thing is just really bugging me out."

They nodded, accepting my answer, and went quickly back to talking with each other. But I started to feel queasy again.

"Speaking of bugged out, I'm feeling tired. I'll be up in the common room, okay?"

"Okay," Ron said, "will you be okay for this afternoon? We're going to Hagrids," Ron explained.

I contemplated in fake thought. "I'm sorry, guys. I don't think so. I've got some Head Girl duties I haven't completely finished. I think I'll be unavailable for most of the day... sorry," I said lamely.

"It's okay," Harry said supportively. "We know how much Head Girl means to you. We'll be fine one day without you, Hermione."

I sighed. I really didn't deserve friends like them.

"Hope you feel better," Ron said, while giving me a hug. I returned it wholly, and savoured it. Hopefully I would still get hugs from them like that.

"Bye guys."

And for some reason, as I bade a simple farewell to the two most important men of my life, I felt like hiding away and bawling my poor little eyes out... and it was all Malfoy's fault.

xxxxxx

"Ready?" Malfoy asked as I approached him in the dull afternoon sun.

"No."

He ignored me. "Good. Let's go."

I took a place beside him about four feet away, and began walking in an even pace. I was watching where I was going, just in case, so I wouldn't stumble down the school hill and lose the -

Nope. Not going there. No baby.

Malfoy watched me, as I stopped measuring each of my steps.

"Are you okay?"

My head snapped angrily in his direction and I waved it off. Seriously, this guy wouldn't let it go, would he? No one ever bothered me this much as him. Maybe if I actually told him he didn't have to worry. Oh, wait, already did that. Maybe I'd try a different path with him, just for the heck of trying.

"Not that you should even know, or especially care, I'm just fine. Please stop asking me."

He nodded, although I could see he was restraining himself to say something mean towards me. Or something else. I went further away from him just for extra precaution.

"I spoke to Potter. He doesn't know?"

I glared at him. "No. And neither does Ron, and neither does Ginny, or anyone else you feel like pestering about my situation. Butt out of it please."

He sighed and took a different route.

"Have you figured out what you're going to do?" he asked me with a true questioning gaze. Oh God...

I sighed. "No, because I'm not pregnant."

He looked at me like I just said I was stupid, and composed himself.

"How long are you going to stick with that?"

"Till I get the medi-wizard's results," I told him truthfully.

"Fine," he said, "then what if you're pregnant? Have you figured out what you're going to do?"

I smacked my head, and stopped walking. Malfoy did the same, as he watched me peculiarly. I'm sure he wasn't expecting me to be so aggravated, but I'm a girl. I get moody somtimes, and I'm at least allowed to that, if I'm not allowed to get scared everytime he comes near me.

"Listen, this is what you're going to do," I said, my voice full of authority. "We're going to walk the remaining mile in silence till we can apparate to the clinic. You will not talk to me, and I will definitely not talk to you. After the testing and examining is over, we'll go back to the school, walking in silence once more, and that will be the end of it."

Malfoy was giving me an exapserated look. I can tell he wanted to talk.

"No," I said, stopping him before he could get a word out, "you're doing this out of pure guilt, am I correct?" I didn't wait for his answer. "So when it's over, I'll be of no burden to you, okay? That's the end of it."

I began walking, not wanting to hear any compromising he wanted to suggest. Instead, he took me by the elbow and whirled me around. I did a double over at his rough touch.

"Let go!" I shrieked at him. He looked at me, surprised by my reaction. Malfoy let go quickly, and took a measured step back.

"What's gotten into you, Granger? It's like everytime I'm within breathing distance of you, you spazz out!"

I huffed angrily, and began walking again. He followed suit.

"You know, I'm just trying to be the better guy here. I'm the only one that knows, right? I just wanted to lift some of the burden off of you - "

"I never asked you, did I?" I said rudely, "And for the record, all you said was that I had to come to the stupid clinic appointment, and now I am. You never said that I had to take you with me!"

He stopped. "I'm coming so that you don't back out last minute!"

I turned around. "Just leave, will you?"

Malfoy looked at me, obviously offended. "Fine. I won't try and help you at all. I'll let you have this heavy burden and crack under the pressure."

I sneered at him. "It wouldn't be the first time I've had to carry burdens," I muttered.

"Yeah, I can tell by the way you're handling things," he yelled. It took me all the strength I could muster to not slap him right there.

"What are you still doing here? Go away!"

"I'm going," he said, stalking back up the hill, not looking back.

"Good," I whispered, as I watched him retreat. "And leave me alone," I added, as my knees began shaking so hard, I thought they were going to buckle.

He stopped walking when he was almost out of my view.

"And just so you know, I have nothing to feel guilty about, Granger. I was just doing this to help you." He was so far away that I could hardly hear his words. "And Granger, please, please, don't back out. You need to know."

And he kept on walking, till he was a tiny speck in my view.

I could assure him of two things.

One, I would not back out. He was right. I needed to know.

And two, he did have something to feel guilty about. He just didn't know it.

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To be continued...

A/N: Dun, dun, dun. What what what could it be? Don't spoil it for the others! Review if you hate it or love it please! x)