Chapter Seven: Do I love you?

"This is the best meal I've had in a week!" Ron exclaimed, shoveling giant servings of everything onto his plate. "Minus Luna's cookies of course, they were delicious."

"You think about food too much." Ginny muttered in reply, picking at her own food.

"Green beans dear?" Mrs. Weasley hovered over Hermione's half filled plate.

"Thank-you Mrs. Weasley." Hermione smiled, lightening her pallid complexion.

"We just finished today, the ministries going to pay all of you a healthy pension Harry." Mr. Weasley, who had spent most of the past few days representing them in front of a panel of ministry representatives. The Ministry hadn't changed much over the years, and they still took twice as long as they needed to decide anything.

Harry nodded his thanks, only half listening to this good news as he stirred broccoli around his plate. This chaos of cheer was a welcome change in the shadowy kitchen. There were so many memories, so many dead.

A loud knocking set Mrs. Black off and Harry quickly scrabbled to his feet and up the hallway to the door. Peeking out through the peephole he saw the unmistakable pale freckles and red against brown. It wasn't all that surprising and Harry quickly threw back several bolts, muttering one or two incantations under his breath; finally, revealing the couple beyond. One was tall, gangly, and freckled, the other, shorter, darker, and very pregnant.

"My apologies." Harry offered Fred and Angelina an apologetic smile, as Mrs. Black screeched on.

Fred nodded, rolling his eyes in sympathy.

"Good to finally see you." Angelina hugged Harry gingerly.

"It's been a while." Harry concurred, waving them on before turning to reseal the door. Maybe he was turning into Mad Eye, but the fear of dark wizard reprisal was yet another paranoia that haunted Harry.

By the time Harry returned to the Kitchen, Mrs. Black and quieted down, and the rounds of embraces had just finished. The new pair settled at the far end and Harry went back to Ginny. He wasn't hungry; Ginny laid her head on his shoulder. An odd silence fell as Mrs. Weasley brought out new utensils; her bustling seemed somewhat slower and duller. The happiness had waned.

Hermione was here. George wasn't.

-

That night Voldemort visited Harry in his dreams.

Harry saw Voldemort's corpse as it had sprawled out before him in the final battle; he stood stalk still, breath coming in short wracking gasps, just like it had then. This time, however, the body began to rise with unearthly grace, and to float towards him determinedly.

Harry tried to turn, to run, but invisible hands had grabbed a hold of his shoulders and he could not let go.

Voldemort drew closer, and Harry became frantic. One scaly hand rose and pointed a wand strait at Harry's forehead. Powerless, the young man could only stand and look on as the ugly lips mouthed out a incantation. A flash blinded him. He woke to a sharp pain on his cheek.

Harry opened his eyes slowly to find his eyes inches away from Ginny's, their noses nearly touching.

"What?" Harry croaked, pain lancing up and down his throat.

"You were screaming." Ginny replied, pushing his sweaty bangs off his forehead with her cool fingers.

"Oh, sorry." Harry could feel blood running to his cheeks with shame.

"What's wrong?" Ginny asked, moving to sit down on the edge of his bed.

"Nothing."

"I was shaking you for five minutes before you woke up." Ginny persisted, looking hurt; letting her hand flow down the side of his face, top his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It was only a dream. I'm sorry I woke you." Harry worked up a face of true sincerity, as he patted her awkwardly on the shoulder.

"I don't mind." Ginny reassured him, leaning forward 'till her lips met his; pressing on to deepen the kiss.

Harry was a little surprised, but his body pressed towards her, every drop of testosterone in his body wanting that kiss. His arms entwined around her thin frame. Her hands rose around to encase Harry's head. He was swamped by her intoxicating smell.

Something faded, and Harry suddenly felt wrong. This kiss felt like the mechanical fulfilling of his lusting after a pretty women; Harry bulked.

"What's wrong?" A scowl flitted across Ginny's face as she sat up again, looking down at him. Questioning.

"I don't know. I've changed a lot in the past few years; I am not sure if I'm ready for this anymore." Harry blurted out, confused by his own feelings; boggled by his own reaction. He scrambled back onto his butt to look levelly at Ginny. Not sure how she would respond.

"Harry?" Ginny gasped out, obviously caught completely off guard. "You keep coming to these crack decisions, and only telling me about them when I stumble right into them. You need to tell me these things!" The words flew out, every one of them falling heavily on his guilty heart.

"Okay Ginny, I'll try to be completely honest." Harry took a deep breath. As his fiancé, as Ron's little sister, and as his friend, she deserved to know. "I'm not sure how to say this." He started, averting his eyes as he stalled for time. "Ever since I got back, it's like my heart is malfunctioning. My emotions are haywire. Hermione nearly died; I've seen so many innocent people die. Then there's Sirius, my mom and dad, Cedric and Dumbledore. So many people are dead because of me. I don't think I am emotionally stable enough to commit to you. I mean," Harry, continued, wanting to clarify what appeared to be an insult, " I don't want us to get married and me to suddenly go mad, I don't want to get you stuck like that. I do love you, I just don't want to ruin everything we have by rushing into anything." So, he had stretched it a bit when he had told her he knew he loved her. He didn't know anything. But, the shocked speechlessness was easing from her face; he had bought some time to figure out how he did feel about her.

"Okay Harry. I love you." The words were almost mechanical, but she looked very relieved. "Get some more sleep." She finished, offered him a smile, and stepped out of his room.

Harry glanced down at his watch, four forty-five, he should be getting some more sleep. Rolling over to the far side of his bed, it took a surprisingly short time before he had fallen into a dreamless sleep.