A/N: Chapter six, in the mix! ...Corny rhyme, I know (: Btw, now would be a really good time for me to mention (since I forgot on the first chapter and the others... haha!) that this is not HBP compatible. Dumbledore's alive, and I would very much like to always keep it that way in my fics (:
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When You Lose Your Way
Choking On Your Alibis
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Hungry no more!
Well, for now anyways.
What an amazing early lunch I had. Although I do hate ordering around house elves, who honestly need some more good living conditions because I honest to God mistook one for a rack of used mops (even though it was moving), they are great servers, and everything I wanted they gave to me! Forget the Great Hall for lunch! Go to the kitchens!
And I may even go far enough to admit that a quarter... okay, maybe a half of my enjoyment could be credited towards Malfoy. Don't get me wrong, he's still a disgusting, evil bouncing ferret, but not so much disgusting and evil. Everytime I moved to get something he was suddenly stopping me, offering to get it.
"Not with that stomach you are!" he would object. And I'm not entirely sure he was speaking of the food it currently contained.
My happiness however, was short lived, even up to now. When I thought of the food I ate, I thought of how fat I would be getting. And then I thought of how much good all the food was going to do to the baby and then I thought of my untimely pregnancy. I lapsed back into my ugly depression (this side of me only shown to Malfoy because he knows) and started loathing him once more. I'm sure he realized that I was back to hating him, but you know, Malfoy. Always pretending he doesn't care.
I pondered long and very hard about what he said to me before we skipped off to the kitchens. He told me I would have to tell everyone, Dumbledore, Harry and Ron sooner or later. How much sooner? How much later? All these questions were bothering me so much and interfering with everything I did, that maybe, I decided, the best time to do it would be... well, now.
How many more lies would I have to tell to my friends? How many sleepless nights would I have to endure? When would I begin to show and how will my classmates react to this piece of unbelievable news? So many questions.
I would end the list all those questions, I would tell myself, now. Now, now, now.
I just hoped I would follow through.
xxxxxx
"So why can't you come to Parvati's party again?" Ron asked me, over a steaming brew of something that smelt like burning tar.
"Because," I explained for the millionth time, "I have much to much to do tonight. Homework, rounds... I'll never be able to finish it all if I go." Of course, this was a lie. I wasn't going because there would be alcohol and that wasn't good at all for the baby. I thought to myself I could always not drink it, but they would ask me why, and I was too exhausted to lie to everyone, which is what I've been doing a lot lately.
Ron slouched over the brew. "You never have time for anything anymore, you know? All these Head Girl duties are taking up all of your free time." Head Girl duties? More like pregnancy worries.
"I know, and I'm sorry about that. It's going to be the weekend soon, right? I'll have plenty of time to be with you and Harry then."
"Not unless you've got another Head Girl duty lined up for you."
I sighed and gave up. When Ron was in a bad mood, you knew not to push the matter further or else he'd just be in a worser mood. I was glad to have Harry join us a few seconds later.
"You guys have a spare next period, right?" he said, immediately getting to the point. We both nodded. "Well, Ernie's going to have all of us go to Hagrid's and maybe check out that new creature every kid in the school is talking about."
I smiled widely. "The rictittus? The single-sex species that's able to sense absolutely everything around it?"
"Yeah, that one!" He twittered gleefully. Ron jumped in quickly.
"Is it true that it breathes fire?"
"Well we'll find out for sure a bit later." Ron smirked.
"We also hear it's attracted to eggs. Eats them up straight away in a single gulp."
"Eggs?" Harry questioned.
"Yeah. Like un-born things. Even babies. It'll even eat the mother if it has too."
My smile immediately faded. I had forgotten that very important fact. They're famous for eating not only eggs of every kind, but the mother of the eggs. It's been known to eat human mothers too... I sighed, preparing myself for another excuse to give out to my always trusting best friends. I felt guilty enough already just thinking about having to lie to them.
"Oh... guys, I'm sorry," they turned to me with such boyish grins, "I... I can't." I'm not sure what I was referring to when I said that. Ron immediately frowned.
"Why? We were all up for it not ten seconds ago!"
"Because... because I'm tired," I said, with some sort of realization in my voice. I'm not quite sure what sort though.
Harry looked at me ojbectively. "Tired? Come on, Hermione, you deserve some free time! Please, just quit being the Head Girl for once and come with us. It's going to be so much fun. Besides, I've already told Ernie you're going to come, and I don't want to lie to him and tell him you're occupied."
"I don't want to lie either," I said. I'm not even sure if I was talking to them anymore. Perhaps I was talking to myself. "And Harry, you wouldn't be lying if you said I was occupied," for I did have a child in me anyways, "so please tell Ernie I'm sorry, because next period I have some important business to attend to."
"Important business? Important business like what?" Ron asked me.
I bit my lip, and lapsed into thought. Did I really want to do this? It had only been a few weeks since I'd found out, but should the whole world know soon after me? But then I thought about Harry and Ron. I'd lied to them twice in one minute. I didn't want to lie to them, even if it was for a good reason. I decided then, that yes, I did want to do this.
"Important business like an appointment with Dumbledore."
The bell rang, and before I could see their questioning looks, I was already out the door, looking for Malfoy.
xxxxxx
I was glad to catch him up in the dorm, studying his Ancient Runes. Like myself, he had a spare, and had all this free time on his hands. I was very glad, come to think of it.
"Hi," I said, a little breathless form rushing to the room.
"Hey," he said. I suppose he was rather surprised I'd begun talking to him again. My pattern of speaking to him and then ignoring him completely was tiring him out from the looks of his pale face.
"Busy?" I asked. Wow. Mono-syllables.
"Nope. Why?"
"Because - " and then I stopped in my sentence, because I just noticed his very baggy eyes. "Did I catch you sleep-reading or something? You look tired."
He rubbed his eyes quickly after I said this, and blinked a fair few times. He shrugged it off.
"No... it's nothing. Just those nasty dreams." He really did sound disgusted by them. I was curious now.
"Why? Have you gotten very far into them now?" I asked. Maybe this was a bad idea. I was the stupid one that told him to stay away from me so he would stop having those dreams, but here I was about to ask him for help. Instead of kicking myself I let him talk.
"Every now and then," he said quickly, shrugging again. He was avoiding the question, so I supposed if he didn't want to talk about it then we wouldn't.
"Okay... well, nevermind, I should let you have some quiet."
"No - it's fine. This is boring anyways," he shut his textbook, "what's going on?" he asked.
"Nothing," I said with a quiet voice at first. And then I looked up with a proud look on my face, "except I've decided I'm going to tell Dumbledore."
He looked at me with great surprise.
"Are you - are you serious?" I beamed, although I was nervous as Hell.
"Yes!"
He almost smiled at me, but then it was quickly gone from his face. He looked at me with suspicion and crossed his arms slowly. What? Did I say something other than me very well telling the whole school I was with-child?
"Why are you telling me this?" he asked somewhat meanly. I gaped. I didn't even know myself.
"...Well... I..." I was stumped.
He continued to stare.
"I thought maybe... I could have you there with me for moral support?"
His eyes went from a little surprised, to very astonished, to completely shocked.
"Me."
"...Yes?"
"Me?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
I sighed exasperatedly.
"Because you're the only one that knows and I can't do this by myself!"
There. I said it.
He smirked. "Well, since you need me ever so badly... I suppose I could come with you to the door maybe. We'll see how things go after that." He stood up and walked without me to the door. He held it open slightly and stuck half his body outside. "Well. Are you going to tell the word you're pregnant or what, Granger? I haven't got all day, you know." I rolled my eyes.
The bloody bastard.
xxxxxx
So. I made it right up to his office entrance. That was the good news.
The bad news was that I was seriously chickening out.
"Just. Get. In there!" Malfoy commanded me. Yipes. He was angry. I certainly didn't like it when he was angry.
"But I - I - this was a bad idea. Perhaps we could do it later?"
"You didn't drag me all the way with you screaming and panting - "
"You were not - !"
"Just so you could back out!"
I stomped childishly on the ground and crossed my arms. He was looking at me as if I had just refused to cash a million galleon cheque at Gringotts. It was my choice when I wanted to do it, or whether or not I even wanted to do it. Who had to know? I could always just polyjuice myself to look like a new foreign student while I was apparently over seas taking care of kids in Soho...
"Granger, get your bloody self in there before I push you in myself!"
"You can't make me!"
"Oh yes I can."
I narrowed my eyes, challenging him. "And how exactly could you do that?"
He took out his wand casually after I said that, and I scoffed. Did he really think jinxing me or threatening to put a nasty charm on me would do anything? I could deflect anything with the flick of my own wand, for Merlin's sake.
"Oh... so you're going to curse me into oblivion are you?"
He smiled a crooked smile.
"You're ticklish, right, Granger? Been known for not being able to deflect a tickling spell in time?"
My eyes widened in fear, and before he could even finish his last sentence, I yelled Dumbledore's password to the awaiting gargoyle and jumped into the elevator-like spiral, not waiting up for him. He smiled and hopped in next to me with a triumphant smirk. How I wish I could wipe that smirk off his everytime he did.
He immediately began rehearsing me as we slowly went up to his office.
"So what are we here to do again?" he asked. I glared at him from the side of my eyes, and sighed.
"We're going to tell Dumbledore that I'm..." he looked at me sternly. "That I'm pregnant," I bit out. I couldn't help but flinch/shiver when I did.
"And why are you going to tell him?" he asked pointedly.
"Because keeping this secret is a heavy burden, and I wouldn't want to put myself through that," I said, as if reading off a script.
"What do you want to do for the duration of the remaining school days?"
"Continue to go to my ordinary classes and do my daily routine, except on sick days, check-up days, and lamaze classes."
"What are you going to do with the baby?"
"Give birth to it... and then we'll see how things go."
He nodded, and stepped out of the spiral elevator, for it had just stopped, revealing Dumbledore's double doors. I followed suit, and stopped where he had, for he paused and looked at me seriously. He put a cautious hand to the door, and looked at me intently.
"Will you tell him who the father is?"
I wasn't expecting that question.
"I... well..." I straightened up my nervous composure. "We'll see."
He nodded, accepting it, and pushed the double doors aside, letting me go through first.
Dumbledore sat comfortably on his large chair, his fingers entertwined in a triangular shape. He smiled, like he already knew we were coming, and greeted us warmly.
"Mr Malfoy, Ms Granger, do come in."
We smiled (well, actually, just me. Malfoy sort of... nodded) and took awkward seats on the guest chairs that were placed before his desk.
"To what do I owe this visit from my Head Boy and Head Girl?" his eyes twinkled.
I said nothing.
Malfoy nudged me softly with the end of his foot and none to subtely jerked his head towards Dumbledore, urging me to start talking.
Taking care of kids in Soho was looking like a really good idea right about now.
I sighed. I would give this my all and be as truthful as possible. Besides, what did I have to lose?
"Professor... I have to tell you something."
xxxxxx
Wow. So Dumbledore was taking this pretty well. I'd seen the occasional widening of eyes and look of disbelief but on the whole, one may have thought that he had just received the news that his third cousin twice removed was... well, removed again. Even Malfoy was surprised. But, I knew he wouldn't take it bad even before I stepped in here. Dumbledore's not one to judge.
After a lot of explaining and confessing, and an almost meltdown (not that I said almost. I held myself together thank you very much) he analyzed me through his half-moon spectacles, with his lips persed together.
"So you are very sure you would like to give birth to this baby, Ms Granger?" Dumbledore asked me. I nodded immediately. No way in Merlin's beard was I going to let it die or kill it. I wasn't, or never will be like that.
He smiled at me, like he was hoping I was sure, and turned to Malfoy.
"Aside from Mr Potter and Mr Weasley, do you intend on taking care of Ms Granger, when they are unavailable or cannot be with her at certain times?"
Malfoy looked quite surprised at the question and hesitated only for a moment. He gave Dumbledore a very curt nod, like he was reluctant, but didn't care.
"Do you think you may need some financial help in the nine months to come?"
I didn't think so. I mean I was very well off... I'd been working in Flourish and Blotts part time for two years now, and I'd saved up, mostly for a place of my own when I graduated, but I suppose it would be better off being used for the baby.
"No, sir, I don't think so." Dumbledore nodded and placed his hands on his desk.
"Well, the school shall be here for you if you do need some help of any sort." I beamed, and was very glad to have received that positive comment.
"Who, other than Mr Malfoy knows?" he questioned once more.
I looked down shyly, and shrugged. "No one."
"I suppose then, that after telling me, you were planning on telling your school mates and your family?"
"Yes," I answered with a small voice.
He smiled, noticing my worry and nervousness at just the thought of telling them, and looked at me sympathetically.
"Ms Granger, it is no crime to be with-child. It is, in fact, a tremendous gift, and a blessing. I have no doubt that you deciding to tell the school about this and keep the baby will have your classmates rallying behind you with immense pride. The only thing you will have to overcome is telling them and you have done almost half of that now by telling me."
I smiled, thinking it was indeed, as simple as Dumbledore was explaining to me. Keep the baby, tell the school, and have everyone support me. Financially, I was pretty good, and it wasn't as if I was dirt poor... I almost stopped worrying right then. But I knew even with the school behind me, I would have plenty of hard times to overcome.
"Thank you for telling me this, Ms Granger," Dumbledore told me, while standing up. His arms rose in the air, like they always did when welcoming the school on the first day of school. "I look forward to the birth of your child and whatever obstacles that may come your way. I'm sure you will face them head on."
I blushed at the sincerity in his voice, and thanked him quietly, while turning around to the door. I could tell Malfoy was beginning to follow me out, not even bading Dumbledore goodbye, but the Headmasters voice stopped me as I was inches away from leaving.
"Oh, and Ms Granger?" he called out.
"Yes?" I asked him.
"Please stay for one moment. I'd like to ask you one more thing. Mr Malfoy, if you plan on waiting for her, could you please do so outside my doors?" Although he said it questioningly, I knew it was an order. Malfoy, without word or complaint, looked at me as if to say, "Go on. You can do the rest without me," and stepped outside the doors.
Dumbledore waited till he heard the clunk of the wood and stepped around his desk so that he was standing right in front of me.
"My dear, I thought it would be inappopriate to ask in front of your new friend," friend? Who? Malfoy? Pshaw, "but if I may inquire... who is the father of your child?"
I froze in my spot. Was Malfoy still outside waiting for me or was he listening? I didnt want anybody to know. Not Harry, Ron, Dumbledore... especially Malfoy. Would telling Dumbledore be a very big mistake? Or would it be a great relief? I didn't know. Dumbledore watched me cloesly, and I looked away from him.
"I... Professor... I'd like to speak to him myself first before I tell anybody."
He nodded understandingly and released me from his gaze. Relieved, I backed away quickly, and bade him a quick goodbye. I stumbled out the door, and in my hurry, right into Malfoy as well. I shut the door loudly behind me, and found that Malfoy's hands hand me in a tight grip around the shoulders. I was scared intensely out of my mind.
"What the - " I whispered angrily, after I stopped myself from screaming.
"Whoa, Granger. Watch yourself." He let go of me slowly, and made sure I was steady before he let me go. I was glad when he had finally done so. "What did he say?" he asked shortly after.
I shrugged. "Just some other important things." I was still a little shaky from his iron-grip.
"Like?" he asked.
"Nothing you should be asking about right now," I said angrily. He narrowed his eyes, and glared straight into me. "What? It's nothing you need to worry about right now!"
He sighed. "Well. Glad you got that over with."
I really smiled for the first time in a long while.
"Me too. I'm so... light." I said. An odd choice of words, but true.
Malfoy almost laughed at me, for a did a silly little jiggle to show my delight, and stopped walking.
"So did you mean what you said to him? You're going to tell everyone else soon?"
My joy, again, was short lived.
"I've got no other choice, have I?"
He looked at my sympathetically. Almost as if he were scared for me... nah.
"Well, just... do it soon."
"Right." I answered, a little uncomfortably.
"I'm going up to the common room. Have a little rest before my next period."
I nodded. "Okay. Bye," I said curtly. He walked away awkwardly, and I watched him go. He trotted up the stairs, onto a high floor, and into an empty hallway, and was gone. I sighed.
Malfoy was going to bed, where perhaps he may have another nasty dream. I decided I would put an end to his nightmares very quickly. But doing that and how I would was far from my worries right now...
So, the hard part was over. Now, Harry, Ron, my parents... and just about the whole school left to tell. I had to repeat this to myself over and over again to keep me sane, up to the day on which I would confess to all. I smiled a little.
The hard part was over.
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To be continued...
A/N: Is it really? IS the hard part over? HMM? HMM? Will our poor little Hermione have many more to come? Who knows! And how will she ever put an end to Draco's ugly nightmares, which continue to lead him further to an uglier truth? Who knows... ah, who knows. Read on to find out! Review if you hate it or love it! Thanks guys!