Chapter 5: In Which James Has Had Enough

James lived with the current situation with Lily for several months. He didn't actually like the fact that she seemed to be completely ignoring him whenever they weren't alone in the privacy of their common room, but those times in the common room more than made up for it. James noticed that some days Lily seemed to find meaningless excuses to get him alone, and she could barely wait until the portrait hole closed before nearly throwing herself at him. These days her kisses would be fierce and demanding. Other days, she seemed to be shy and withdrawn, and he would have to coax her out of her bedroom. On those days James would usually just hold her in front of the fire, not pushing her too hard.

But the situation outside of their common room was getting desperate. James had contrived to be her partner in several classes, and had loudly insisted that they sit in the back so that he could sleep through class. In actual fact, however, he wanted to sit in the back so that he could try to hold her hand under the table without the risk of anyone else seeing. Lily typically allowed this, but only because it put him in a good mood, and when James was in a good mood all day he could hardly wait to get her into their common room that night. As soon as the portrait shut behind her, he would appear out of nowhere, slam her body against the wall and hungrily attack her lips. And Lily found that thoroughly enjoyable, to say the least.

However, Lily could sense that James was barely controlling his desire for something more. And for some reason she still wouldn't give it to him. She refused to let their relationship become public.

This was the situation on one cold day towards the end of January. Lily and James were sitting in Charms, their last class of the day. Once again, the two were at the very back of the class and James had her hand firmly clasped in his. She was diligently taking notes with her free hand and listening to Flitwick when she abruptly stopped. James was caressing her thigh, and she suddenly found it nearly impossible to concentrate. She shot him a warning look, but he merely smiled cheekily and continued rubbing his hand up and down her leg.

Lily turned beat red. But she couldn't stop herself from admitting that she very much enjoyed the feeling of his hand on her leg. We are in class, for goodness sake! She glared at him and slid her chair out of his reach. She tried to focus her attention back on Flitwick, but she didn't miss the look of hurt that flitted across James' face, or the moody look that replaced it. Nor could she deny the way he acted all through dinner, as if his heart had been torn to shreds. This was the reason that she claimed Head Duties in order to drag him back towards their room. Once there, however, James only sat moodily on the couch, staring into the fire.

"James, what's wrong?"

"I can't do it anymore, Lily." He answered, without even looking at her.

"Do what?"

"This. I can't stand only having you half of the time. I want you, and I want to be able to tell the whole world that I have you." She didn't respond. "You are just using me, and I'm in love with you." Oh… I didn't realize… he can't really feel that way…

"James," she forced herself to speak after several minutes of awkward silence. "I'm not just using you. I really do like you. I just can't… not yet. Please, James." Why can't he understand? I do like him, I do want to be with him, but I can't deal with the complications this relationship would bring. Stupid boy! Why can't he be normal… most guys would be thrilled to have a girl who just wants to snog them with no strings attached. But no, I had to fall for the one guy who actually wants commitment.

"I want you, Lily." Well duh, what does he think we've been doing?

"And you have me." Hello! I can hardly keep my hands off of you! And I am most definitely obsessed with your kisses. Don't you see that?

"No, Lily. I want all of you." Hmmm… I think I might be able to do something about that. Seeing as how I desperately want him, too.

Lily slowly got up from her seat, and sat gently on his lap, her slender legs wrapping around his waist. She slowly cupped her hands around his face and turned his head so that he was looking at her. Slowly, she kissed her way down his firm jaw line, making her way to his mouth. She softly kissed his lips, then pulled away a fraction of an inch.

"Then take me," she whispered against his lips.

His reaction was violent. In one swift motion he had pulled her to him and smoothly lowered her to the couch. He was kissing her hungrily, desperately. He began forcefully kissing down her neck, and he didn't stop when he reached the collar of her blouse. Deftly unbuttoning each button as he came to it, he slowly kissed his way down to her navel. Then he slid the shirt off her shoulders. Looking at her hungrily, he slowly stood up and scooped her into his arms. Then he carefully carried her into his room and placed her gently on his bed, before once more climbing on top of her and kissing her hungrily, his hands running up and down the smooth skin of her back. After several minutes she gently pushed him away.

"You don't get all the fun, you know."

She slowly let her hands trail down to the edge of his shirt. Then she deftly pushed him off of her and pulled herself on top of him, so that she was straddling him. Slowly, she pulled his shirt up inch by inch, planting hot kisses whenever more of his well-toned stomach was revealed. Soon, she had pushed the shirt over his head, and was lying on top of him, her body pressed up tightly against his. As her lips once more found his, tongues sweetly mating, his hands ran up and down her trembling body. Quickly, they found their way to the clasp of her bra, but here he hesitated. He flipped her over so that he was on top of her, and he looked intently into her eyes. Then, shaking himself, he slowly got off of her body and retreated across his room to the bathroom, pausing at the door to once more turn and look at her.

"No, Lily. When I said I want all of you, I meant all. No less. If you don't want to truly date me, if you are afraid to let the world see us together, then we should stop this." And with one last longing look at her, he quickly retreated into the bathroom and locked the door.

Lily lay curled up on his bed, knees pulled into her chest protectively, and she cried. And lonely, hurt, and shivering, she cried herself to sleep. An hour later, James quietly immerged from the bathroom. He quietly picked up her sleeping form and carried her to her own bed, then gently tucked her in. And before he left, he placed a soft kiss on her cheek, and murmured in her ear. And when Lily woke up the next morning she could have sworn she had heard James whisper to her. She could have sworn he said "Lily, I love you, but we can't be together until you love me back."

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Lily spent two days crying in her room, pretending to be sick. She spent two days trying to figure out what it was she wanted. She knew James wanted a real relationship, and she knew she was hesitant. What she couldn't figure out was why. Those two days without him were torture. She missed the feel of being in his arms, she missed the way he kissed her hungrily after a long day at school, and she missed the spark that ran through her every time he touched her. She missed the way he looked at her, as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world. She missed the way he could always brighten her day. She missed the way he seemed to know what mood she was in, and the fact that he never, until last night, had asked for more than he knew she would willingly give.

It took her two days to realize that she simply missed him, and for her to realize that she really was falling in love with James Potter. And when she finally came to this realization she made a decision. She was scared of a relationship, and the best way she could think of to get over this was to get to really know James. She needed to be his friend before she could be his girlfriend. And so even though it would kill her to not be able to kiss him, even though she was practically aching for him, she needed to try and get to know him, and she needed to do it openly, where everyone could see.

Accordingly, the next morning, when James emerged from his room, she was waiting for him. This was the first time she had seen him in two days, and he didn't look very good. She could tell that he had barely slept and she could see the look of desperate loss that haunted his eyes. Determined, she explained to him that she had decided that she needed to get to know the real him, and that she wanted to be friends. She watched him carefully as he regarded her, and she could see a faint flicker of hope in his eyes. Then he smiled at her, not a real smile—it didn't reach his eyes, but a smile nonetheless.

"I would love to be friends with you, Lily." Then he offered her his arm. "May I escort my new friend to breakfast?"

A/N: Hmmm… how long will it take Lily to come to her senses…