Thank you to Cara for the look over. I appreciate it!
No longer haunted him light Guinevere;
But watching o'er him often did appear
Instead, his boyhood's love, her sister fair,
Who loved him, only him, and loved him well,--
Sweet maid, too early crowned with asphodel.—
King Arthur in Avalon by SARA HAMMOND PALFREY
Avoiding everything is easier because she finally understands what's happening. She's trapped in this maze of her own doing and finally, finally thinks she can find her way out. The signs were already there, she just needed to gather the courage to change.
Wilson thinks he knows her secrets, thinks he understands who she is but he has no idea. So she smiles, holding onto the falseness that everything has become, and allows it to trickle away into nothingness and she moves forward. He tries to bargain with her (seems so easy really) and she just nods and pretends.
Pretending comes naturally to her now.
She sees the shadows for what they are and tonight, she thinks it might be time to come out from hiding in them. She's been doing it for far too long. Everything's changed, she's changed and she wonders (not for the first time) if she should heed Foreman's advice and run. Run as fast as she can before it's too late.
Foreman's gone, she's manipulated Chase enough, Wilson hides and House, well House will never change. She understands this now.
She hears a soft tap on the glass of the conference door and looks up from gathering papers together. She had been lost in thought and was haphazardly stuffing them into her bag. Wilson is standing in the doorway and she sighs softly as he greets her.
"Dr. Cameron, You're here late." It comes out more of a question than a statement. "I thought maybe House was still here."
She finishes stuffing paper and leans over to grab her coat from the hook on the wall. "I thought you knew him better than that. Long gone, Dr. Wilson, long gone."
Moving towards the door, her intent is only on leaving. She has decisions to make (she's already made them) and bantering with Wilson isn't high on priority list for the night.
He side steps to let her pass, shaking his head silently. She wants to scream, to yell at the top of her lungs that he knows nothing about her, wants to slap the smug smile off of his face but she does what she always does. She's the good one after all, and smiles.
"Goodnight, Dr. Wilson."
She can fee the weight of his gaze on her and decides to take the stairs out of the building. It was that much faster.
Sometimes they die, sometimes they live. Tonight, they were lucky Marina lived; her husband's gratitude toward House endless.
She knew why she was so calm, she was ready and it was time.
She had made her peace with Foreman earlier tonight (and in a way with the hurt he had caused her) by presenting him with the article he had written, framed. She acknowledged to herself that Chase was acting in the only way her could and she owed him a little for that.
She wonders when kissing became another way of pretending.
She makes her way down the corridor to House's office, letter in hand and of course, it's Wilson who corners her before she gets there.
"Allison." She steps back slightly in surprise, no one uses her name and she smirks inside at the mystical thought that maybe there was truth in that there was power in a persons' name. She almost laughs at loud at the thought.
Wilson steps forward, closing the gap and repeats her name. He looks down at the letter she's carrying (she doesn't bother to hide it) and sighs heavily. He starts to run his fingers through his hair and paces slightly.
"You too?"
She nods slightly, lips curling at the insanity of all this. For the first time in a long time (she can't even remember when last) she's happy. She puts her hand on his arm, staying his rocking motions. It calms him slightly and she smiles up at him, and she knows she's not pretending this time. "It's time."
"He can change; give him some time (another chance goes unspoken)."
She laughs out loud (who's the naïve one now), "Do you believe that for one minute, James?"
Wilson starts at the use of his name and stares back at her as if he's seeing her for the first time (really seeing her). He shrugs his shoulders, "I thought that maybe you could (change him). He's different with you sometimes harder, pushing you away, but different. I think if you left now, after everything that's happened this year, you could break him."
She stares back at him, "I think he's already broken and I don't have strength to fix him."
"I thought you loved him enough to see him through anything. Protect him from anyone."
She looks down at the floor for a brief second and side steps him towards House's office. "I think I've finally decided to love myself a little bit more."
The words float in the air behind her retreating back.
She's waiting for him, sitting in his chair. She fingers the gray collar of her suit coat as she waits, turning the letter over and over in her hand. She knows how this will play out and she's determined to walk away unscathed.
"You now have a bigger office than I do, why don't you go enjoy it."
She doesn't hesitate but walks over to him and hands the letter over. His sarcasm over naked pictures washes over her, and the surprise that flares in his eyes (even for a second) was worth all of this. She looks at him and she knows she'll miss him, miss all of this.
She's not surprised when she says the words out loud because she knows that it's sincere, one of the most real things she's said in a long time.
She thinks, maybe in the end, she's won after all.