Cat Scratch: The Story of Mimi Marquez
Chapter Seven-She'll Still Cry Tonight
I'm not really sure how long Angel held me on the corner, but she eventually managed to calm me down enough to bring me into my apartment. She helped into my bed, where she embraced me, and tried to quiet my sobbing.
It was the second time today that I had found myself in this position-dissolving-breaking, in the warm embrace of Angel. The events of the day caught up with me, and I curled into Angel's warm body and sobbed.
She held me close, telling me that Mark had promised he'd talk to Roger, like that would actually help. He led me on, and then, when I needed him the most, decided that he wasn't ready to be with me. How could he be like that? Had he really been hurt so bad that he couldn't love anymore? No-That wasn't possible…
I continued to cry, knowing that it was safe to show Angel my unprotected self. This would be one of the few times that I would expose this side to anyone-even Angel. I could feel Angel trembling, willing himself not to break down and cry with me, I guessed. I felt as she suddenly strengthened and I felt more protected and comforted than I ever had in my life.
I snaked my arms around his back and pressed myself into her, needing to feel the protection and comfort that she was supplying to me. I sobbed suddenly, and Angel grasped me closer to him, running his hands through my hair, calming me down. I felt her own tears sliding into my hair, and begin to hear Angel's voice singing an old Spanish lullaby very quietly in my ear.
My crying slowly stopped, and sobs turned into sniffles. I looked up into Angel's face and saw the warm, comforting smile that I needed to see. Angel placed his hand beneath my chin and gently lifted my face. He continued smiling, and wiped my tears away.
I remained in Angel's embrace. This was all that mattered. This moment was all that there was. We were the only two people who mattered.
After what seemed like hours, I had finally let Angel fall asleep, before quietly sneaking out of his warm, comfortable embrace. There was still one thing I needed to go tonight.
I crept over to the corner of my apartment, taking out my needle, rubber band, spoons, a flame and of course my heroin. It was hard to concentrate at first, but I eventually succeeded in heating my heroin to the right temperature. I sighed with relief when I felt the familiar sensation flowing through my vein.
After the shaking subsided, I went to stand up, finding myself oddly off balance. I waited to regain my composure, and picked myself up off the floor off my loft, hiding my needle and smack out of Angel's view. I walked in my bathroom, and turned the hot water on. I watched as it filled the tub, sitting on my toilet seat.
Once the water had reached a desirable depth, I slowly stripped the clothing off of my body-I felt pained when I remembered who I wanted to be stripping me tonight. I closed my eyes as I stepped into the too hot bath, and sighed as I lowered my body into.
My eyes remained closed, and I felt relaxed-not high-just relaxed-for the first time in months. I was more conscious of my breathing than I ever had been in my life. I held my breath and dipped into the water. Part of me wanted to open my mouth and let the water come rushing in, hopefully drowning me. The other part of me realized how unfair that would be to Angel.
I came out of the water and opened my eyes. The sound of the water around me was soothing in a way, comforting me nearly as much as Angel had. I thought about Angel, and how great of a friend she is. Friends like that are few and far between. It was like a slap in the face when I thought some more-I gave my best friend her death sentence-I wanted Angel to feel how great heroin felt, and gave her HIV-the disease that I knew would kill us both-sooner or later. Angel didn't deserve to die. It made me bitter to realize that it would be my fault when the disease eventually claimed him.
The water was beginning to cool down, but instead of climbing out, I turned the hot water on, and reached over to light a candle. Light a candle-hah, Roger. URGH. I can't thinking about that bastard.
I concentrated on the flicker of the candle. I wondered what it would be like to be a flame-to be ignited, then extinguished without any say. Wow. I should get back to bed. Maybe doing some heroin wasn't such a great idea…
I stayed in the bath for quite some time after this, and eventually climbed out when the water was uncomfortably closed. I let the water and wrapped myself in a warm towel. I slid on a pair of panties and a t-shirt-Angel's t-shirt, and climbed back into Angel's warm embrace. I swear I saw her smile slightly when I slid her arm over me again, needing to know that she was there.
I curled up into by usual ball, and eventually fell asleep. I woke up to Angel smiling down at me, not having removed me from her arms. I looked up at Angel and I was finally able to smile a little, "Thank you, Angel-for always being here."