Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his world belong to J. K. Rowling. This is for fun, no copyright infringement is intended.

Time frame: Marauder era, end of their seventh year.

- Hogsmeade train station

It was utter chaos - just like every other year. Students of any age were squealing and shouting at the top of their lungs, trunks were heaved about and more than once bumped unceremoniously on the platform or into the sides of the long row of carriages behind the puffing scarlet steam engine of the Hogwarts Express, the corridors to the compartments were hopelessly blocked, robes fluttered, hats were lost, magical pets broke loose and tried to escape their would-be owners... Yes, it was chaos and all simply loved it. A year had passed once more and the students left the halls of Hogwarts for summer holidays.

"Oy, I've found an empty compartment!" a voice called from somewhere in the crowded corridor towards the rear of the train, "As soon as I've thrown the firsties out, that is."

"Sirius!"

"Only joking, Lily." Sirius Black flashed the red-headed girl that had snapped at him an admittedly dashing smile as she struggled inside the compartment. "Here, let me levitate your trunk up in the rack."

"I can really levitate my own trunk, you know." Lily Evans sounded half amused, half exasperated as she watched her belongings float upwards through the air then turned when another young man with rather messy hair made a bumpy entrance through the narrow door. "James, we need to go to the prefect carriage."

"Ah, no, you can't mean that!" Sirius protested immediately, "You will miss The Look! School is over; let prefects of other years handle things."

Lily whirled with a sharp reply on her lips and James hastily stepped in.

"She's right, Sirius, we are still Head Girl and Boy until the train pulls into King's Cross Station." He dumped his trunk with a bang and took out his wand. "But I don't think it'll hurt if we have The Look first and then go join the others, right Lily?"

Thankfully the rest of their little circle, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, chose that moment for their appearance so Lily only nodded somewhat reluctantly while Sirius shrugged and the matter dropped. Sighing with relief James waved his wand and the trunk zoomed up into the luggage rack and settled as light as a feather. The last thing he needed was the two of them going at it again. Although Lily really made an effort to cope with Sirius's nonchalant ways since he had told her about the hellhole of a home the other boy had lived in till James had persuaded his parents to take him in as a second son. And Sirius really tried not to provoke her after he had had a rather loud heart-to-heart with him. After all, it was kind of difficult if one's best friend did not get along with the girl you intended to marry.

That last thought made James pause abruptly and once more mull it over in his head. The girl you intended to marry. He didn't know where that came from, in this sudden clarity anyway but somehow it sounded ... right. Good. Fabulous, actually, to tell the truth. By all means, he had, of course, known that she was THE ONE without any shadow of a doubt from the moment he had started regarding girls in general as more than a nuisance ... but he had never thought much further than that. Not that he had had much encouragement either, considering. But now... Turning his head to look at her - sorting through the things in her bulging bag only a few steps away, strands of long red hair playing around her face - James felt an unexpected surge of emotion. The girl you intended to marry. A smile started tugging at the corner of his mouth. He didn't care if it was a rather odd time and place for this kind of realisation. He didn't care if he was standing like a fool in the middle of a train compartment. He didn't care at all. Over there was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and he was going to ask her to become his wife before this train ride was over.

"Chocolate Frog, James?"

"What?" Blinking rather owlishly at the other boy then down into the basket with sweets Peter was holding out at him James shook his head no as much in answer as to clear it. "Thanks, Peter. But not now."

Stepping back to let his friend pass he collided with someone behind him. "Oh, sorry, Remus."

Lupin only nodded quietly and turned back to shifting his belongings and James suppressed a sigh of by now familiar regret. His good mood suddenly thoroughly subdued again. Ever since the incident last year the young werewolf had tended to draw back and keep more to himself, even openly avoided their company from time to time. Part of it was certainly because they no longer dared to roam the grounds during nights of the full moon - not with McGonagall watching them like a hawk - but James secretly feared that most of it had to do with a sense of betrayal the other probably still felt over the actions of his friends. In fact he sometimes seemed more comfortable being around Lily now that she had figured out his handicap than being with his roommates of seven years. And James had not the slightest idea what to do about it. He turned his head when he heard Peter's voice again, over by the window this time.

"Chocolate Frog, Lily?"

"What?" Much like James had before Lily looked up from her bag and into the small basket shoved under her nose. To him it seemed she froze for a second, a strange expression flickering across her suddenly drawn face. A sudden strain in her voice as she abruptly shook her head. "No. No, I don't like them."

Peter turned away with a shrug, helping himself, but James frowned somewhat confused. He was sure he had seen her devour that kind of sweets on more than one occasion in the past years. Confusion became concern when she seemed to stare blindly for a moment, her almond-shaped green eyes unusually dark, before abruptly facing the window and crossing her arms in a somewhat defiant gesture. Slipping past Sirius rummaging through Peter's basket he crossed the distance to her with three quick steps and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, everything all right, Lily?"

She tilted her bowed head slightly at his murmured question and he felt strands of red hair brush against his lips and cheek. Behind them Sirius and Peter argued about their respective collections of Chocolate Frog cards.

"Have you ever made a wrong decision for nothing but right reasons?"

James's eyebrows climbed upwards considerably although she could not see it. He took a moment to think this strange question over.

"Not that I remember," he answered finally. "Why?"

He felt her shoulder rise and fall with a deep sigh. Remus's calm voice made a suggestion that seemed to settle the argument behind them to anyone's satisfaction.

"Because I did." Lily leaned back into his touch, tilting her head a bit more so the flaming veil of hair fell across her face, hiding it. Her voice became even lower and he had to strain his ears to catch her next words. "I hurt someone, James. It wasn't my intention but I did it nevertheless and I let it go on far too long already, thinking it was for the best, waiting for an opportune moment I should have known would never come. It never does."

At a loss for words - something that did not happen often - James pulled her in a tight embrace. He had some difficulties picturing Lily hurting someone, however unintentionally, but he certainly would not belittle the deep regret in her voice by waving it off with a cheap remark. A shrill whistle from the scarlet steam engine at the front cut through the air.

"James?"

Doors banged shut all along the train, locking noisily.

"Yes?"

A puffing that grew steadily louder sounded from the front of the train and James imagined clouds of thick black smoke rising in the clear sky. The piercing whistle split the air a second time. Lily moved and turned slightly in his embrace.

"Do me a favour and excuse me in the prefect carriage after The Look, will you? Good reasons be damned, I will make things right today. I put it up long enough."

They swayed together as a violent shudder ran through the floor under their feet resulting in a sudden jerk. The carriages creaked and groaned as the Hogwarts Express started moving first slowly, hesitatingly then picked up speed as the train left the station, whistling one last time in farewell. Feet started pounding in the corridor.

"Anything," said James. And he meant it.

"Hurry up!" Sirius's hand landed on his back with unexpected force and involuntarily he winced. "Or the best places will be taken!"

Muttering something not very friendly under his breath James drew back his arms and started following his roommates to the door, sure that Lily was right behind him. Outside seventh-year students were hurrying towards the end of the train with billowing robes.

"What made you change, James?"

He stopped dead with his foot already on the threshold and turned back around, meeting her serious gaze where she still stood by the window. He cleared his throat somewhat uneasily. "Pardon?"

"What made you change?" Lily repeated slowly, regarding him as if she saw him for the very first time.

James did not like this close examination. He did not like this question either but stepped back into the compartment and slid the door shut, abruptly reducing the noise outside to a murmur.

"I don't know what you mean."

Too innocent, too casually, even in his own opinion. Lily exhaled somewhat impatiently and her voice became sharper.

"Don't play daft now, James. For six years you were nothing more than an annoying, brainless bully with a head too thick to go through a door who took pleasure in playing stupid pranks, disturbing lessons, hexing other students and prancing around like a peacock. As we both know I would not have gone out with you if it had been that or an immensely painful death and I was actually shocked and not a little angry at Dumbledore when I learned that you would be Head Boy. And absolutely convinced that working with you would simply be impossible. And then..." She paused and made a vague gesture with her hand that seemed to express all and nothing at the same time. "And then ... you were different. You CARED. You took our responsibility to be a good example seriously. You still have moments when I would like to slap you left and right but... You changed, James. Why?"

For a long minute the only sound audible were the stomping feet and muffled voices outside in the corridor and the creaking of the moving carriage. James felt his face burning from the rather interesting change of colours it had undergone during Lily's little speech and only hoped that by now it had settled somewhere between the beet-red and snow-white he was sure had been on display.

James Potter was not a man who did take kindly to having his faults listed and especially not by the woman he was utterly in love with. But. And this was a mighty big But. Unfortunately it wasn't the only one. Yet, even as he opened his mouth for an evasive answer he thought of one of Sirius's previous comments and shut it again. School WAS over. The promise he had given Dumbledore, which had been DEMANDED by the headmaster, would not been broken. And while Lily was the last person he wanted to tell of this ... in a strange way she was the only one with a right to know.

"It was ... a prank."

The words seemed to vibrate in the still air and James finally looked up again, not remembering lowering his eyes in the first place, stared out the window just past Lily's head. Much easier than meeting her gaze. Much easier than seeing her pass judgment. His voice sounded strangely rough in his own ears as he continued.

"Only that it wasn't a prank. A student could have died. I could have died. Remus sentenced to Azkaban or worse and Sirius at least expelled. And I realised for the first time..."

He had to stop when the memory of that dreadful night washed over him again and his throat constricted. The memory of things he had done. Of things he had felt. And of things he almost hadn't done. That memory was the worst.

"I..."

But he found he could not go on. He couldn't. He had learned some things that night. Especially some things about himself and it had not been pretty. A bully. A troublemaker. A vain peacock. A coward when it counted. He had been so close to being a coward. He had been so close to letting Snape die because he had feared facing the monster Remus became every month in his own human flesh, unable to transform in the small tunnel leading to the Shrieking Shack. A slender finger to his lips made him open eyes he once more hadn't been aware of shutting.

"It's all right," Lily said softly, "I heard enough."

To his own surprise James shook his head and caught her hand. "But I want to tell you." And even more surprising this was true. And as if a dam had broken the words started spilling from his lips. "Look, it had all to do with Remus being a werewolf and going to the Shrieking Shack each full moon. Sirius -"

"No. James." Lily's firm voice cut him short. "I don't want to know this. I think I've got a pretty good idea of what happened. Guess it's reason enough for going through the roof."

The last sentence was added in such a low voice that James was almost sure he hadn't understood correctly especially since it didn't make any sense. But the next moment he forgot it anyway when Lily reached up and touched his cheek with her fingertips. Her eyes, her voice so serious.

"I'm glad you changed, James. I'm glad that somewhere hidden under that terrible behaviour was a respectable, honourable man I could fall in love with without being ashamed. I'm glad you grew up." Dropping her hand she turned away. "And I'm glad you stopped hexing people for the fun of it - even Severus Snape."

Because her back was to him she missed the extremely guilty look that swiftly crossed James's face. For his secret war with Snape had been anything but over only, well, more secret now. Surprisingly even the Slytherin had had more sense than to keep hexing him in front of the Head Girl. Something James was immensely grateful for since his own behaviour had had little to do with the responsibilities of a Head Boy. But now Lily's trust hurt somehow more than any curse his arch enemy had ever thrown at him. He swallowed hard.

"Uhm, Lily..."

"We should be going now." Lily spun so abruptly on her heel that he involuntarily took a step back, bumping into the door. A lopsided grin was on her lips. "Or we'll really miss The Look and then Sirius will be absolutely furious."

Snapping his mouth shut James half nodded, half shrugged and - because there was little else he could think of doing - pulled the door open to let her pass. He was too confused to form a decent thought anyway right now. There would be other opportunities for them to talk. Better opportunities. At least he hoped so. Following her down the corridor he hurried his steps after a quick glance at the landscape flying by. There was really not much time left.

At the entrance to the last carriage a nervous Peter was bouncing up and down on his toes, the corridor behind him blocked with an excitedly chattering crowd of seventh-years. All windows were open, letting the wind in, and Remus and Sirius had managed to occupy one of them, perching on the small batten that ran at knee level along the wall. They were gesturing madly, dragging them up too as soon as they had breathlessly squeezed through the throng.

"Where HAVE you been?" Sirius hissed exaggeratedly then immediately shook his head with a grimace of disgust. "Or, no, better not tell me, I don't want to know!"

Craning her neck to look over the gathered students Lily reached past James and dealt him a rough blow to the arm.

"Ow! What about some help here, James?"

"Earned that one, mate," James murmured with a quick grin, following the direction of Lily's gaze to see what she was looking for. But just then a strange noise rose from the assembled students and prompted them to wriggle round and lean out of the window, squinting against the sharp wind.

A wooded slope flew by, fell away from the railway and then the rolling hills parted with unexpected suddenness, revealing the tall towers of Hogwarts Castle, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, looming high over a treeless saddle in the woods. And the corridor erupted in a deafening cacophony of cheers and yells as anybody lurched forward, waving, hooting and shouting, underlined by a long, shrill whistle from the train.

"GOODBYE, OLD CASTLE, GOODBYE! NO MORE HOMEWORK! NO MORE DETENTION! POLISH YOUR FLOORS YOURSELF, FILCH! A KISS TO THE GIANT SQUID! THANK YOU! THANK YOU FOR THE GOOD TIME! THANK YOU, GOODBYE! GOODBYE! GOODBYE!"

A fleeting moment it seemed the sparkling rooftops and windows of Hogwarts itself were bidding a last goodbye to its former students. Then the next hill arched up its broad back and the castle was gone like a vision, a dream of seven glorious years, imprinted on their memory forever.

Impossibly the noise in the corridor grew even more as everybody drew back from the windows and started hugging one another or thumping heartily on each others backs and more than a few tears were shed secretly too as they embraced and laughed and screamed, celebrating their survival. James was practically dragged down and nearly smothered by a huge Hufflepuff, then did his best to return the favour to a wirily Ravenclaw girl, all house animosities forgotten in the rush of the moment... Ah, well, nearly, because coming up to a Slytherin seventh-year prefect they both paused briefly then shook hands a bit awkwardly before turning from each other quickly.

Somewhat sobered James managed to turn in the throng of bodies and suddenly noticed that Lily was still balancing on the small batten under the window, long red hair dancing wildly around her face as she was still leaning out as wide as possible. She seemed to be staring back in the direction of the castle, clutching the window frame with white knuckles.

"Lily?"

James struggled to keep his balance when the train sped into a long, wide curve. He pushed forward in a sudden feeling of dread, squeezed roughly past Peter and grabbed the back of her robes.

"Lily?"

At first he thought she still had not heard him but then her head came round in slow, unnatural jerks. The wind was lashing her face with the long strands of her hair and it had to hurt but she did not seem aware of it. Then he saw her eyes and his stomach plummeted right through the floor under his feet.

"Lily?" Barely a whisper now.

"I'm too late." He had to read the words from her pale lips and then she was at his chest, in his arms, crying out in anguish as she sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm too late! Too late! Oh, I am such an idiot why did I wait that long? I should have known better, I should have known better!"

And all he could do was hold on tight, shocked by the disillusioned pain of her tears.

- The saddle

The last echo of the steam engine's whistle had long since died between the rolling hills, the last wisps of smoke long dissolved over the now empty railway track but still he stood there on the saddle, half hidden in the shadows of the first trees climbing the next hill. It was silent now. Silent except for the soft whisper of wind in green leaves, the small buzz of insects swarming in the summer sun. He did not listen.

He knew she had seen him, just like he had seen her, had know it from the way her hand had suddenly stopped waving in mid air, from the way her whole body had gone rigid all at once except for the flying hair that had danced in the wind. He almost regretted causing her this pain.

Following the empty rails lazily with his eyes until they disappeared from view he shifted one shoulder slightly.

Of course he had also recognised the head beside her - there was no mistaking THAT unruly dark hair - and for a moment he again felt the so familiar bubble of anger rise inside of him before he let go of that emotion. He would give Potter one thing if nothing else. However violently they had pursued each other this year whenever they could dodge their teachers' attention what had not been that often ... there had been one rule they had never broken. Not in front of Lily. Never in front of Lily. He was surprise the Gryffindor had had enough sense for that.

Lowering sallow eyelids over black orbs he felt the pull of the book pulse through him. Surprisingly strong, even painfully insistent. It seemed he would have to be more careful with his spells in the future.

He knew he only had to turn a tiny bit for one last look at the castle where he had spent some of the worst and some of the best years of his life. But he didn't do it. That part of his life was over. Had been over the moment he had walked out of the dungeon classroom leaving her standing there with a cauldron of botched potion, staring after him in shock and confusion.

Once more he let go of any emotion that memory stirred as he would of a fluttering scarf and watched it drift away with detached disinterest. A heartbeat or two he felt dizziness wash over him, familiar by now, almost welcome but it passed. He was not concerned by this new development since he had closed the last gaps in his mental walls this year. It was little a price to pay.

He would spend the night in Hogsmeade, in the tiny little room where he had left his belongings and tomorrow use the Floo Network for a trip to Knockturn Alley. With a bit of luck he would be able to get that job as a curse breaker he had heard about. No one knew more about the Dark Arts than he did. And anything was better than returning to the house of his grandfather. And then, next weekend, he would follow Avery's invitation and meet this mysterious someone his fellow Slytherin had recommended so strongly. He looked forward to it.

Concentrating hard on his destination Severus Snape spun in a swirl of black robes and was gone.