A/N: HUZZAH! The amazing sinner is back in action…not really. Anyway I should get my real computer back this weekend…hopefully. My bro completely revamped the sucker. I'm so happy. Anyway, Imma start chap 2 now.
Sigh, I don't own Naruto. And I keep forgetting these damn things.
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Naruto sat patiently in his hospital room, waiting for the nurse to come in and dismiss him. Kakashi, Gaara and Temari, the last two coming as a surprise to the whole group, had dragged him into the godforsaken building and forced him to undergo examination. He had been completely healed long before reaching the gates to the village but he agreed nonetheless, like he had a choice. He was fully dressed in his trademark jumpsuit, chidori hole and all, and was dangling his legs at his bedside. Jiraiya, who had just revealed to the boy his plans for their training trip, sat in a relaxed position on the windowsill.
'I wonder what I should tell Ero-Sennin. What about Obaa-chan? Hmmm…maybe I should-' He stopped mid thought as his pants began to vibrate violently. "WAHHAHAHOOHAOO!" Naruto exclaimed as he jumped up and began rummaging through his pockets with both hands.
"What the hell!? Naruto what's wrong!?" Jiraiya said as he got into a tense stance.
"P-p-p-pants sh-sh-sh-sh-shaking! W-w-w-won't s-s-stop!" Naruto exclaimed as he finally found the source of his dysfunction. A palm sized skull. "What in the seven hells?" were Naruto and Jiraiya's simultaneous thoughts.
Before Jiraiya could make a comment about Naruto's "fucked up habits" the skull began to talk in a familiar voice. "Yo, kid! How's it hangin'? Can you hear me alright?" Jiraiya recoiled away from the talking cranium while Naruto's voice lit up in recognition.
"Hey Boss! Yeah I can here you, can you hear me?" Naruto asked looking around the skull to find some sort of mic. Or an ear.
"Sure can. So, the reason I called was to tell you to bring this little skull to the uh, what did you call it…oh yeah! The Hokaje…Hokade…Hokage? Yeah that's it. Hokage. Bring your senseis too. It's kind of important." Naruto nodded and looked over his shoulder to an incredulous Jiraiya.
"Ero-Sennin? You hear that?" Naruto asked raising an eye-brow to his sensei's face.
"Y-yeah…I…I'll go get Kakashi. See you there gaki." Jiraiya took his leave saying something about, "Laying off the sake".
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15 minutes later, Hokage's office
Everyone who was supposed to be present in the office was, which was surprising considering Kakashi's…habit of being late. When they were all present Naruto and Kakashi taking the two chairs in front of the busty Hokage's desk; Jiraiya sitting by the window and the busty Hokage sitting at the desk of the busty Hokage the skull began to speak again. This, of course, startled everyone save Naruto, who chuckled at the collective reaction, even Jiraiya jumped when it opened its eternally smiling mouth.
"Okay 'Ruto drop me so that I may make my entrance." The skull spoke casually. Naruto then tipped his hand and the sturdy looking skull shattered on contact with the floor. A black mist began oozing out immediately. It quickly reached the edges of the large room before it stopped and rushed back to the point of impact where it began to plume upwards. It took the legendary shape of the Grim Reaper. The three adults who had been nervous before were all white as sheets now. They thought that maybe Naruto had betrayed them and that they were all going to die. Death began raising his hand up and the three cringed away in fear before a scratching sound was heard.
They looked up to see the living embodiment of death rolling his neck while massaging it with his raised hand; the scratching was the sound of bone on bone. "Uggh, Haven't done that in a looooong time. So," he clapped his hands together, "I'm sure you all want an explanation." The three adults nodded dumbly. And so, the story of Naruto's revival was told.
"So, you're saying, that he," Tsunade pointed to Naruto, "is a partially immortal Blood Reaper who is now directly connected to you," she pointed to Death, who was hovering in a sitting position in between Naruto and Kakashi, "the living embodiment of Death." Tsunade asked in amazement.
"UN-living, the un-living embodiment of death." Grim corrected.
"Oh, right. The un-living embodiment of death." Tsunade said. Death nodded. "Oh." She hastily pulled out a bottle labeled "IN CASE A LOVED ONE RETURNS FROM THE DEAD AS THE RIGHT HAND MAN OF DEATH HIMSELF REMOVE CORK". She followed the instructions and began drinking with gusto.
"That's…that is an incredibly specific bottle." Naruto said staring at the ceramic.
"Yeah, wow." Kakashi said he had put his book away as soon as death entered the room. Reading smut while dieing, while it is obviously one of the most epic and manly deaths possible, would severely damage his chance of going to the 'not-bad-place'.
"Well, technically he isn't my right hand man…YET." Death said scratching his chin.
"What!?" Naruto exclaimed.
"Well, its tradition that you complete one mission before you are official." At this he pulled a manila folder out of his cloak. "After that I'll show you everything you need to know." Death then handed Naruto the folder. Everyone except Death rushed over to look at Naruto's "mission". Naruto opened the folder and everyone had a different reaction.
"Huh" Kakashi said.
"Well, I didn't see that coming." Jiraiya mumbled, rubbing his chin as he read the specs.
"Perfect." Tsunade groaned as she slapped her forehead and took a very large "sip" of sake.
"This is perfect." Naruto said with a dangerous glint in his eye. The mission spec were:
Target: Tora the cat.
Mission Requirement: Kill the cat.
Summary: Tora the cat has been harassing Leaf gennin for generations. The torment induced by this cat has driven more than its fair share of gennin insane and has produced countless nuke-nin. It is imperative that this threat to humanity be taken care of with extreme prejudice. Upon completion one Uzumaki Naruto is to be endowed with all knowledge of his reaper powers and shall receive full induction into the ranks of the elite of the afterlife; the Blood Reapers.
Tsunade shifted uneasily at her desk. "I don't know if I like the idea of Naruto working for Death." Everyone cast her a look. "I mean, no offense, but your name is synonymous with evil." Death scoffed.
"I understand where you're coming from but it is completely unfounded. I am completely neutral…okay I may lean a little toward the side of justice every once and again, but other than that I, and my minions, are neutral." Now it was his turn to receive looks.
"That sounds about right." Everyone now shared a surprised glance in Naruto's direction. Said boy had his eyes closed, the elbow of his right arm in his left hand and his right cupping his chin; all in all it was a pose that screamed, "I'm thinking so shut it up!". "I mean, think about it. While dieing takes away people we love, it also takes away people we hate. There is no discrepancy, in death we are all equal." The three adults who knew him prior to his death were gob smacked, that was…intelligent. A fact that Kakashi pointed out.
"Naruto that was…a profound and intelligent thought. Are you feeling alright?" Kakashi asked as he raised a hand to Naruto's forehead.
"Yeah, I'm fine, though…it did feel weird using all those words." Naruto said scratching his head.
"I didn't even know you knew the word discrepancy." Tsunade said a little proud at Naruto's reasoning.
"Yeah…I read the dictionary from cover to cover once…or twice. I was really, really bored that day." Everyone, including Naruto, sweat dropped. Death laughed.
"So, do we have your consent? I'm sure Naruto wants to get his mission completed." Death said, one hand on his hip the other dangling at his side as he turned to look at Tsunade. Sighing and rubbing her temples she decided to answer.
"Fine. But if he's not our Naruto anymore I swear I'll find a way to kill you, you sorry bag of bones." Death actually seemed a little nervous at that, while everyone else was a little put off that their Hokage was threatening Death face to face. She still hadn't lifted her stern gaze even after Grim had recovered.
"Uh, deal?" Death said, although it sounded more like a question. Tsunade seemed satisfied as she leaned back, nodding. "Okay! Now that that's settled, go get 'er 'Ruto my boy!" Naruto nodded enthusiastically before bursting out of the window. Tsunade rushed to the window and stuck her head out of the window.
"Naruto! She was last seen near the Forest of Death!" She shouted, one hand near her mouth to focus the sound more.
"Thank Youuuu!" Naruto shouted back, though it was rather soft. Tsunade sighed as she sat back down at her desk. She looked up to find that the three men, Death included, were chatting by themselves.
"You're still here?" She asked raising an eyebrow.
"I'm gonna wait for Naruto with Grim here. Plus, I know you weren't going to do any work today anyway" Jiraiya said to which Death nodded. Tsunade seemed to accept that, although begrudgingly. She looked over to Kakashi.
"What about you."
"Nothing better to do. Plus, I think Gai wants to challenge me again and I'd rather not deal with that just yet." Tsunade shuddered at the thought of that PARTICULAR jounin before she nodded at his response. There was a semi-comfortable silence in the room before Jiraiya spoke up.
"So…Death…do you like, Itcha Itcha by any chance?"
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Naruto crept silently through the bushes. Tsunade had been true to her word as the target was lazing about in a patch of grass just outside of training area 44. He smiled a sadistic smile as he slowly emerged from the underbrush. Using what little knowledge he had of killing intent he managed to freeze the cat in her place. It struggled to escape but its body just would respond. Wagging a finger in front of the helpless feline's face Naruto began to speak.
"Ah ah ah. No more running, no more scratching, and no more biting you god damned cat. Sorry, its my job, nothing personal…oh wait." Naruto laughed an insane laugh as he brought his hand up and began forming a rasengan. "Don't worry, you won't feel a thing…I think." With startling speed he rammed his rasengan into the trembling hell spawn. But his rasengan looked drastically different.
Instead of swirling light-blue chakra it was a dark navy-blue with wisps of red and black thrown in. 'Well that's new.' He thought as the ball of death passed by his face. Upon contact with the cat an explosion rocked the clearing spraying blood and debris everywhere and attracting the attention of a certain tokubetsu jounin.
Back at the Hokage's Office
"You are so lucky that you are Death incarnate or I would beat the living shit out of you." Tsunade said as she stood over the bruised and crumpled bodies of Kakashi and Jiraiya. Shortly after the toad hermit had posed his perverted question the three men began to talk fervently of the erotic novels. This action in the presence of any woman, especially Tsunade, usually results in hemorrhaging; bruising; broken bones; and the soiling of oneself. At that moment though the sound of an explosion and the feeling of an intense amount of chakra rocked the building. "WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT!?" Tsunade shrieked.
"'What the shit'?" Death absently asked. "That was Naruto. I guess I forgot to mention his new chakra…oops. Hehehe. He'll probably be out of it for a little while." He added rubbing the back of his bony head.
"You forgot? Oh, you are SO damned lucky, that you are you. SOOOO DAMEND LUCKY!" Tsunade said threateningly.
Back with Naruto
Naruto looked around with his one good eye. The entire right side of his torso was non-existent, including most of his face. He fell to his knees and landed in a puddle that was once Tora the cat. The blood rushed into his body and a red gelatinous mass oozed out of his gaping wounds. The red goop took the shape of his missing body parts and remained a red color before solidifying and changing color so that it matched the colors of his original body. He had just regenerated for the first time.
"Oh that's just awesome." He said before he lost consciousness.
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Naruto awoke and began a damage report. 'Let's see, judging by the pain in my ankle I'd have to say someone dragged me here by my foot. The scratches on my back indicate that they also dragged me over some sharp; pointy rocks…on purpose unless I'm mistaken. They then proceeded to drag me up three or four flights of stairs if the headache is any indication; after which they through me on the ground in their,' he looked around, 'living room…which is why I'm in a tangled pile. How nice.'
Getting up and stretching he looked around. It was a decent sized apartment, it was furnished in an average fashion, and there were some clothes strewn about but not much. He was in a woman's apartment; if the two or three bras on the floor and couch were any sign. Either that or he was in a very strange man's home. He heard the tell-tale hiss of a shower being turned on. Whoever they were they must be washing off the blood that they undoubtedly had gotten on themselves retrieving his unconscious carcass. He took a look around and spotted a coffee pot with some of the warm brown liquid in it.
He walked over and grabbed a mug that already had some of the caffeine containing fluid in it. The mug was covered in hearts and rainbows but Naruto just shrugged and filled it to the brim again. He took a swig and enjoyed the warm feeling as it traveled down his throat. He would occasionally drink the stuff when he was overly groggy, like he was now. Taking another sip he looked at the kitchen table…bills, ugh how he hated the things. He looked around as if checking to see if the coast was clear and then began scrutinizing the documents.
However had been doing these things obviously hated doing them, they were half assed in a way that would make Shikamaru proud. Sighing he grabbed a pen and a calculator and set to work, it was the least he could do. After twenty minutes of work he had finished with the last bill. Leaning back in his chair he heaved a content sigh and sipped at the remains of his coffee, 'Ya done good Naruto, ya' done good.' He told himself. That is, until a rough, feminine voice permeated the small kitchen.
"Hey, who said you could drink my coffee brat?" Naruto turned with a bored expression to the sound of the voice and with a display of great will power managed to keep his face in the same expression. Before him stood a damp Mitirashi Anko, in all her curvaceous glory, clad only in a towel, with her hands planted firmly on her hips and her feet shoulder length apart. Her wet hair was hanging down and framed her face beautifully. While Naruto had managed to keep his expression he didn't manage to keep the two and a half gallons of blood that cascaded out of his nose and directly into the, now empty, coffee mug. How the mug managed to contain all two and a half gallons is still a mystery.
Quickly wiping away the remaining blood Naruto answered her rather rhetorical question. "No one did, but I figured I earned a cup of coffee after I did your damn bills for you. Your welcome, by the way." Naruto said as he discretely stuck a finger in the mug and began absorbing the lost blood.
"Y-you did my bills? How would a kid like you know how to do bills?" She said as she waltzed over and began perusing Naruto's handy work. The blonde reaper simply leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head and a smug look on his face.
"Feh, I've been doin' bills since I was old enough to count. I'm pretty damn good at it if I do say so myself." He opened one eye, from his current position he got an eyeful of Anko's shapely behind, as she was slightly bent over the table holding a piece of paper in one hand and holding up her towel with the other.
"Keep staring and I'll rip your balls off." The deadly beauty said casually as she read over the rest of his work; he quickly closed his eye. It all seemed to check out so she stood up straight, nodding her head in approval. "I guess you did earn yourself a cup of coffee." She turned to Naruto. "Now, mind telling me just what the hell you were doing face down in the center of what looked like a blood bomb?"
"Mind putting some damn clothes on? I've seen more skin on Kakashi-sensei's face." Naruto countered. She merely winked as she walked, more like sashayed, back to her, what Naruto presumed was her bedroom, where she began to disrobe. Naruto turned back to the table very quickly while stuffing his fingers in his nostrils to prevent any unnecessary leakage. While Anko was getting dressed Naruto took stock of his own appearance. It seemed that his, "Chi Sosei"(1) as he called it, had also regenerated his clothes; he thanked God for that for he had heard that the fewer clothes you where the more pheromones get through, and more pheromones means that people get extra flirty. Extra flirty was very dangerous in the household of Mitirashi Anko.
As she took her sweet time changing, which was a little ridiculous considering how little she often wore, Naruto decided to tell her a very, VERY censored version of how he wound up unconscious. He told her that Tsunade had asked him to kill the cat for the same reason that was labeled in the mission specs instead of his new employer. And that, instead of using his new chakra wrong, he ended up using too much of his normal chakra because he was driven temporarily insane at the prospect of killing the horrible creature. When she finished getting dressed and was wearing something very similar to her usual attire, except she had an orange mini-skirt instead of a yellow one, she walked over to the blonde teen and bashed him on the head.
"You really expect me to believe that?" She said with her eyes closed and one hand on her hip, the other was clenched into a fist.
"To tell the truth…no. I was really hoping that you would though. Nice skirt by the way, great color." He joked, nursing the sore spot on his head. "But, that story reminds me, thanks for dragging me here, you sadistic weirdo." He said sarcastically as he glared daggers at her.
"Oh, you're very welcome Naruto-kuuuun. No need to thank me, although I can show you how sadistic I can really be." She said as she leaned over, exposing her plentiful cleavage. But Naruto, being the crafty bastard he is, managed to weasel out of the intense raping he was surely going to receive.
"Thanks for the offer, I'll take you up on that sometime but I've gotta report in." He rushed over to the door and a kunai whizzed by his head. And he found himself pressed up against the wall right next to the open door.
"I'll hold you to that brat." Anko breathed huskily into his ear. He managed to wriggle out of her grasp and ran through the exit.
"Maybe when I get back from my trip, baby! But I'm sure you eye-fucked me enough while I was knocked out to last you until then!" He shouted back as he made a dead run for the Hokage tower. Several minutes later he burst through the door of the Hokage's office to see Death floating while reading a familiar orange book; Tsunade glaring icy, jagged, rusty daggers at him and Jiraiya wrapping Kakashi's head in gauze as said man was also reading a certain orange book. "Do I even want to know?"
This next part is kind of, really important. Reading it is highly recommended. For those of you who will tell me Authors notes in stories are amateur mistakes: fuck you. I don't want some idiot complaining to me about Naruto's powers.)
After several minutes of rushed explanations from both sides Death began his crash course on being a reaper. "Okay, first things first you," he said pointing to Naruto, "are going to summon your two retainers."
"Retainers?" Naruto asked, everyone else wanted to know as well they just didn't want to look stupid.
"Yes, you see you will summon two undead…helpers…as it were. These summons will be different though. Instead of being on this plane of existence for as long as the chakra holds out they will be here until they are killed, or you un-summon them." Naruto was opening his mouth to ask another question until Death raised a hand to silence him. "Save all questions until the end please."
"Yes, your summons can be killed but that just means their bodies will give out. Their souls are sealed away in the underworld. When you summon them you are using your new chakra to make them a permanent body, which will be a copy of their undead form. Then their souls will make a direct link to the body sending their consciousness to this realm. They will then be intertwined with your own soul, meaning they will know when you are in danger and will know what you are feeling and vice versa. They will be the only two retainers you will ever get so you'd better hope you like them. Now, any questions?" Death asked as he scanned his small audiences faces with his hands clasped together. All four of them were sitting cross-legged in a semi-circle in front of him.
"Yeah, about my new chakra…" Naruto left the question floating hoping that Death caught on, which he did.
"Ah yes. You see when you die the chakra is neatly and quickly expelled from the body. This left you with quite a void to fill, not only are your own stores enormous but the hole left behind by the Kyuubi was also staggering. Therefore I filled it up with what I like to call, Reaper chakra. Much more potent than regular chakra; it has an affinity with all elements and is naturally healing as opposed to the corrosive nature of demonic chakra. This will make all jutsu easier to do although it is rather chaotic in nature seeing as how it's multiple elements clash and harmonize at the same time. Because it is a completely new form of chakra for your body you will have to begin chakra control exercises from the beginning again, sorry." Death said rubbing the back of his skull.
"No big deal, I'll show you Kage bunshin training while we're on the road." Jiraiya said leaning back on one hand and wave the other in a dismissive gesture.
"Kage bunshin…training?" Naruto repeated confusedly.
"I'll explain it when we start doing it okay?" Jiraiya said as he gestured for Death to continue.
"Ahem, thank you. Anyway, your "retainers" will teach you how to be a reaper, meaning blending in, information gathering and infiltration as well as your blood abilities. If you're lucky they may be able to teach you how to wield a scythe as well." Death said as he nodded to himself.
"Ah, speaking of my scythe when do I get it?" Naruto asked excitedly.
"Oh yes, your scythe. You will receive that when it awakens, when that happens I have no idea. But you will know. But, oddly enough, this reminds me of your uniform." Death said.
"Oh yeah! How do I wear that? Its kind of attached to my soul isn't it?" Naruto said taking his thinking pose. The others were extremely confused at this point.
"Simple. Close your eyes and imagine that red shine when I gave it to you." Naruto complied and took on a look of complete concentration. "You got it?" Death asked.
"I…I think so." Naruto said as he felt a dull pulling in the center of his body.
"Good, now push it outwards. Make it expand on all sides until it comes out!" Death said excitedly. The three adults thought he was enjoying this a little too much.
"Okay. Hrrrrrrrragh!" Naruto grunted as he was enveloped in a scarlet red burst of light. Kakashi closed his visible eye, Tsunade and Jiraiya shielded their eyes with their arms and death just gazed directly into the indoor light show with a smile on his bony face. As the light died down Kakashi gave a low whistle.
"Not bad Naruto, not bad." He said as he stood up to inspect his student's new attire. He had his flowing scarlet cloak, of course, but underneath he was wearing a red tunic. Under the tunic was a pure white body suit with only the sleeves and legs showing. He had dull red boots, which only came up to his ankles and blood red gloves that rose to his wrists where they splayed outwards.
"Nice skirt." Jiraiya said through his sniggers. At this Naruto and Death quickly turned to him both exuding killer intent so potent that the guards outside the office burst in.
"ITS NOT A SKIRT!! IT'S A TUNIC!! YOU GOT THAT YOU OLD PERV!?!" Jiraiya, nodding his head off and saying things like "I take it back" and "Where can I get one?", backed away from the panting reapers who then turned their wrath upon the openly gaping ANBU. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" The two, seasoned, brave and all around ferocious ANBU guards both slowly backed out into the hallway before closing the doors.
Out in the hall
ANBU one turned to his companion, ANBU two, and said, "That was the scariest thing I've ever seen." At being addressed by his partner ANBU two turned to his friend.
"I think I wet my pants."
Back in the office
Naruto and Death had managed to calm themselves down. "You know, If I hadn't been wearing one I probably would have called it a skirt too, but now that I'm wearing one it's actually quite nice." Naruto said looking down at his appearance.
"Really?" Kakashi asked with genuine curiosity. "How so?"
"Well it give me more range of motion; it doesn't ride up; it lifts and supports my boys; and there is a pleasant breeze." Naruto list as he began stretching.
"Hmmm, maybe…" Kakashi seemed deep in thought and Tsunade had her hands on her ears shouting, "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LAAAAA!!" when Naruto had said "my boys".
"So aaaaaanywaaaaaay." Death drawled attempting to take control of the situation. "Naruto, here are the hands sings." He handed the boy a slip of paper. "Simply do these and channel as much of your chakra into it as you can, and hurry up the suspense is killing me." He laughed a little. "Get it…cause I'm me so…I can't…" the occupants of the room all gave him a blank expression, "never mind." He said dejectedly as he looked down to the floor.
After practicing the hands seals a couple times Naruto felt comfortable enough to perform the technique. After asking for everyone to step back he began the seals. After landing on the final horse seal he pumped as much chakra as he could muster into the technique. He felt a massive pull on his stores and soon there were two puffs of smoke in the room and everyone could feel two more presences.
The first plume of smoke cleared and revealed a rather startling sight. There stood what one would normally call a zombie. His skin was a light-blue tint and the navy-blue hair atop his head was in liberty spikes. His face, and body, was devoid of any and all fat leaving a rather small muscular figure; his face was lacking cheeks, however, and it was contorted into a vicious smile. His scary appearance was only accentuated by his lack of a nose and black eye sockets. Upon his bare chest was a red double crescent design; but directly below that was, what looked like, a gaping mouth with four jagged teeth hanging down, albeit sans a uvula and tongue. The only articles of clothing present was a tattered pair of purple pants with the union jack and a spiked shackle on the right leg; and a pair of fingerless gloves with studded knuckles and yellow, bony fingers protruding out of the finger-holes. He was snapping his fingers and shifting his weight from foot to foot while bobbing his head to an unheard beat.(2)
The second plume was quickly dissipated revealing another blue-ish zombie-like form. This newcomer's hair was also a dark blue but it was hanging down in greasy locks around his shrouded face. Unlike his predecessor it appeared as though he had a nose, the lower half of his face was covered by a brown cloak that barely shielded the top half of his torso; and his eye sockets, while devoid of eyes, glowed a soft white. While the area where his stomach and other organs would be was devoid of substance and was barely skin over a spinal column his arms and legs, which were wrapped in a material very similar to his cloak, were very muscular. His hands consisted of three thick and rather bony looking protrusions on each hand. His feet were very similar to his hands although instead of three claw-like "fingers" he had two large "toes". Two flaps of leathery skin, very reminiscent of bat wings only minus the bones, wearing hanging limply on his back. He seemed to be in a relaxed posture but anyone with experience could tell that he was ready to strike from any angle, at any time.(3)
"Very interesting Naruto…very interesting indeed." Death said as he took stock of Naruto's new henchmen. "I'd like to introduce you to your new retainers," He motioned to the first zombie, "Meet the Zombie god of rock, a shape shifter and a powerful fighter Zabel Zarock." The newly named Zabel Zarock perked up at hearing his name.
"Yo." He said in a ghastly voice that sounded perfect for the music he reigned over. He turned to look at the group of astonished humans with skipping a beat of his silent music. Death then continued with the introduction.
"And Raziel, a wraith who is one of my best soul reavers; an incredible weapons master and one of the most loyal fighters you'll find in the underworld." Death said as he motioned to the second being. Who turned to view his audience.
"Hello." He said in a proper voice, one could tell that he was either nobility in life or just extremely polite. Zabel turned to the two un-living occupants of the room still bobbing his head.
"Yo boss man, what's the deal?" he asked, his Aussie accent making an appearance.
"Isn't it obvious you buffoon? A new Blood Reaper has been appointed and we are to be its retainers. Although I must say spending an eternity with you will most assuredly drive me to the brink of insanity." Raziel said placing his head in his hand and shaking it. His insults seemed to just wash right over the dancing corpse because his face lit up in a disturbing smile.
"Oh ho!? A new reaper eh? Well who is it? I don't see any demons here so it must be one of those lot right? I hope it's the broad with the huge knockers." Zabel said casting his gaze over the living members of the room. Tsunade was about to blow a gasket.
"I'd think it would be the one wearing the uniform, dolt." Walking up to Naruto he bent himself over slightly to inspect his new charge. Zabel followed suit and shimmied over.
"Kind of small don't you think Razz old pal?" Zabel asked as he nudged Raziel with his shoulder.
"Yes, quite. But he is absolutely bursting with power, promising would be a better word for him. And don't call me Razz, old pal." Raziel said as he straightened up from his inspection. "So do you have a name or shall we call you Reaper for the rest of eternity?" Raziel said as he extended a "hand".
"Was that a joke? I didn't think it was possible." Zabel said as he nudged Raziel again.
"I think you'll find that sarcasm can be quite comical. But I think we should concentrate on the task at hand rather than my comedic talent." Raziel said motioning to Naruto.
"Ah what's the point this kid'll get killed like that," He went to snap his fingers but found him self eating the carpet courtesy of Naruto's vicious axe kick. Raziel seemed pleased as did Death and Tsunade, Jiraiya, who had been smirking when Zabel had been talking down to Naruto, was laughing and Kakashi was just shaking his head. Naruto squatted down and grabbed a handful of spiked hair from Zabel's head. He then lifted the head so that he was staring directly into the face of one scary looking, disoriented zombie and, oozing killer intent, started talking.
"The names Uzumaki Naruto. Learn it." With that he mashed the face back into the ground where a muffled "okay" was heard and Zabel held up a flimsy OK sign. Raziel walked up to Naruto with his arms crossed and looked him up and down before he said.
"Well, at least I know it will be an interesting eternity." Death decided to get back to business.
"Ahem, now that that is settled all you have to do is stand still Naruto and I can induct you into annals of underworld lore as a Blood Reaper. The first human one too." Naruto stood in front of the Grim Reaper smiling broadly. Death lifted a glowing, red, bony finger and touched Naruto's forehead. There was a small flash and Naruto tilted backwards before he caught himself and lunged forwards to regain his balance. He turned around and everyone, save Zabel, who had picked himself up, and Raziel gave a small gasp. Naruto looked around confused until Zabel gave a chuckle and, spinning it around first, for effect, handed Naruto a hand mirror. He too gave a small gasp before whispering out something like "cool".
Upon his brow was a blood red tattoo. It was a large blood drop overlapping two crossed scythes. It gave off a faint glow before turning black and then fading into nothingness. Turning to Death, whom he knew had an explanation, Naruto smiled. "That is the seal of the Blood Reaper. When you channel your chakra it will appear, like your old seal, only the more you use the brighter it will glow. Anyone even remotely tied to me will know what that mark entails and will treat you accordingly. It will appear on you no matter what form you take, and also its just plain bad ass." Zabel and Naruto nodded at this statement while Raziel just looked up and shook his head. "Don't worry you can suppress it during those times when it would be a hassle if people saw it but you still need to use chakra." Death explained as he placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder.
"Well, I think its time I got going. I am sort of in charge of death and all that." Naruto waved him good-bye and the others merely nodded in farewell. "You two make sure he gets the right training, I'd hate to have to send you to back up Kyuubi." He added before disappearing in a black mist much like how he entered, in fact it reformed into the miniature skull, which zoomed into Naruto's chest safe until Death needed to contact him again. Zabel and Raziel shared a shiver in thought of that particular punishment. Tsunade, who was now seated at her desk, spoke up.
"Well Naruto, this sure was an interesting day. And I can only be certain that there will be several more…interesting, days ahead of us. But, when you received your new…companions I realized something." Tsunade said with a smirk.
"What's that Oba-chan?" Naruto asked with his hands behind his head. He had just sealed his uniform away. Zabel sniggered at the nickname.
"Granny Tsunade? Come on kid she can't be older than twenty-two." He said as he wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulders.
"Oh you'd be surprised. She's actually-" he dodged a book thrown by Tsunade, "under a genjutsu-" he jumped over a chair, "she's really over fifty!" This time he was not so fortunate and received a powerful punch to the head. Zabel shuddered, 'So. Much. Sagging.' He thought.
"THAT! Is BESIDES the POINT right now!" Tsunade yelled. "Shizune!" She called her assistant.
"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked as she came into the room. She looked around at the occupants of the room and froze when she saw the two undead. One of them still had Naruto in a head-lock-like embrace. "Uh-" she began but was cut off by Tsunade.
"Don't ask. Shizune please get me the deed to 27 Hibachi Street." Tsunade said as she formed steeple with her fingers in front of her face. Shizune hurriedly left the room. Naruto turned to face his new partners.
"You guys are gonna need to work on the whole," He raised his arms and began 'zombie walking' in place, "'We're zombies raaar', thing. Try henging into something a little more…not dead." The two Zombies traded glances and shrugged before changing shape. Zabel looked human, although still blue, with a muscle shirt and a leather jacket on, and instead of spiky hair he had long shoulder length hair. Raziel also changed himself into a human looking form although he was wearing a more formal looking white suit with a red cape hanging off one shoulder. Zabel mumbled a quick "show-off" before crossing his arms.
Shizune soon returned with the requested documents. She looked at the occupants again and she could have sworn the two new comers were zombies before. She must be tired, damn Tsunade and her late hours. She handed Tsunade the documents and offered Naruto a smile, which he returned, before bowing and taking her leave.
"You see Naruto the council would never allow this before but now that you have two people who have to live with you I'm forced to give you a bigger home. Such as this one." She showed him the picture of the house, which was included with the deed. A two-story house with gray siding that could easily house several people let alone three. The house looked familiar to Naruto.
"But wouldn't it make sense to give that house to someone with a bigger family? Or better yet, someone who can pay for it?" Naruto asked looking at the house more closely.
"Yes that would make more sense but no one has lived in that house for decades. Something about noisy neighbors and a curse, it's all rubbish. The cost of the house is very low, so I'll buy it for you and I'll take a fraction of the money out of all of your mission payments until you've paid me off. That way when you're done the house will be completely yours and you only have to pay for utilities and food." Naruto looked up at Tsunade with wide eyes and an even wider smile. He jumped the desk and hugged the Hokage fiercely.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you." He chanted over and over again. Zabel and Raziel were having a side conversation.
"The council wouldn't allow it? What's that about?" Raziel asked in a hushed voice. Zabel, who had a serious expression on his ghastly face for once, just shook his head.
"Dunno, but I can tell you I don't like 'em already." He said as he watched his new charge hug the crap out of the busty grandma.
"Sadly, that's how Naruto's life is." The two human looking zombies nearly jumped out of their blue skin at the sound of a lazy voice from behind them. Kakashi raised a hand in greeting.
"Yo, I'm Naruto's sensei. I figured I'd fill you guys in on Naruto's past real quick so that you guys are a little up to date." He then proceeded to tell them about the Kyuubi, Naruto's childhood, or lack thereof, and his personality. It was a quick retelling and he told them to ask Naruto himself later. Their respect for the new Blood Reaper went up several notches.
"The kids got guts I'll give 'em that." Zabel said while he placed his hands behind his head.
"Hmm, as much as it pains me to do so I must agree." Raziel said as he crossed his arms.
While Kakashi had been giving the two newbies a crash course in Narutophonics Tsunade had hammered out the details with Naruto and signed the deed over to him. "Okay, when you get back the house'll be all ready for you. Jiraiya when are you leaving?" She asked as she turned to the old pervert who had been a little quiet.
"Huh, oh we should actually leave very soon. Heh, I was just thinking. Akatsuki is collecting the bijou but Kyuubi is gone and I know for a fact that he was integral to their plan." Jiraiya said looking up at the ceiling. Naruto blinked a few times before laughing.
"Hahahaha! Oh man! Sucks to be them doesn't it? Oh, that's too good. I can't wait to see Itachi's face! Buwahahahaha!!" Naruto was grasping his stomach and tearing up he was laughing so hard. After he had managed to compose himself he addressed his white haired pervert of a sensei, "So let me pack and say my goodbyes and we can go okay?" At Jiraiya's nod he turned towards the door. "Bye, Tsunade Oba-Chan! Kakashi-sensei! Come on guys lets go." Naruto said as he waved good-bye.
"See you Naruto. Get strong so that we can get Sasuke back!" Kakashi said as he to left.
"Be careful! Otoutou." Tsunade shouted from behind her desk. "You two take care of him or I'll make you wish you were Kyuubi!!" Zabel and Raziel both gulped.
"That goes for you too, pervert." Tsunade said silencing the laughing hermit.
"Uh, hehe, uh I'm gonna go." Jiraiya said nervously as he bolted out the window. Tsunade leaned back in her chair and sighed. She hoped that Naruto would be alright, what would this new power entail?
Half an hour later at the west gate.
Jiraiya pushed off from the wall as he saw the trio approach. They didn't exchange words they all merely nodded at each other before setting out. Not returning for almost three years.
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Rock Lee slowly opened his eyes and sat up. He was in a Konoha Hospital bed sharing a room with Kiba, Neji, Shikamaru and a still unconscious Chouji. Tenten had come to visit Neji and himself. Ino came for Chouji and Shikamaru, Hinata and Shino came for Kiba and Sakura had come for Naruto but she couldn't find him. He looked around again but he still couldn't find Naruto. He was about to pose his question to Shikamaru when the nurse came in carrying a clipboard and a medication.
"Ano sa, Excuse me Nurse-san but could you tell us the status of our friend, Naruto-kun?" The other occupants, except Shikamaru who was conscious during the return trip, all looked expectantly at the nurse. The nurse nodded before flipping through the pages on her clipboard.
"Naruto…Naruto…Naruto…Ah, here it is. Let's see, condition: one broken arm; all ribs fractured;" the others stared wide-eyed at that one, "a splintered shin; a broken neck;" now they were openly gaping, "two puncture wounds, one through the right lung and the second through the heart directly;" everyone looked downcast at the loss of their friend, "and a severed spine. All caused by Uchiha Sasuke." Kiba hastily wiped away the tears forming in his eyes and Akamaru howled, while Neji and Shino just looked out the window forlornly and Lee was crying while shouting about Naruto's flames of youth burning in the after life. Sakura and Hinata were openly weeping while Ino tried to console her friends and Tenten felt bad that she didn't know him while he was alive if he was able to incite this kind of emotional reaction from all of her friends. Shikamaru heaved a heavy sigh; it was going to be very troublesome trying to calm everyone down.
"He was released about fifteen minutes ago." Everyone stopped their grieving momentarily. Kiba looked at the nurse incredulously.
"What did you say? There's no way someone with those many fatal wounds could just waltz out of here before someone with a broken finger." He said jerking a thumb in Shikamaru's direction.
"Hey." Said lazy boy said. "Besides, she's telling the truth. That troublesome guy was fully healed by the time he got here. They only reason they know about those injuries was because we took stock of his body when we found him."
"S-s-s-so N-N-Naruto-k-kun is a-a-a-alive?" Hinata asked, a smile beginning to spread across here face.
"Yup, apparently he has some sort of bloodline that allows super regeneration. Either that or he found death to be too troublesome." Shikamaru said. Everyone brightened up at that. They had a second chance with their friend and they wouldn't pass it up. Some vowing to learn more about the blonde (coughTentencough) and what makes him so damn charismatic.
"In fact I heard Jiraiya-sama say that they were leaving for a two year training trip soon." The nurse said as she raised a finger to her lips as she recalled the conversation she had overheard. Spirits were dampened a little at that.
"Well it seems that we'll all have to train hard so that he doesn't get too far ahead of us." Sakura said. Looking over the faces of her friends and acquaintances.
"YOSHA! SAKURA-CHAN IS RIGHT!! WE CAN'T LET NARUTO-KUN SURPASS US BY SUCH GREAT BOUNDS WE MUST WORK HADR AS NOT TO BE LEFT IN THE DUST!" Rock Lee shouted, and, while many people covered their ears in protest to his loud voice they all agreed. Naruto wouldn't be the only one to get stronger.
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Back in tech support
Death cracked his whip again, "Muwahahahaha! Work! Work slave! Work!"
Kyuubi had twin cascades of tears running down his furry face. "Why do you have to use the whip? This job is torture enough as it is." He complained as he answered another call. Death seemed to ignore him as he just kept on whipping. God he hated his job.
"Muwahahahahahaha! WORK! And do it with a smile!" God he loved his job.
End Chapter
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A/N: Whooo! Nice one TES! Oh thanks me! Your quite welcome old chap! I'm not British. Anyway, Long chap is loooong. Okay so I've seen longer but this is still good right? This chap isn't exactly the best out there but I was going to have to write it eventually. Also I'd like to know what worlds (anime, video games) you want Naruto to travel to and to his business. Also the harem is as stands Anko, Tenten, Temari and then one or MAYBE two other(s) girl(s). The other girl(S) is/are open for debate. BUT THEY CANNOT BE FROM THE NARUTO-VERSE. This means NO Isirabi, I know you like her but the next girl in the Harem needs to be from another anime or video game. Please supply me with suggestions. If you break the rules and suggest a girl from Naruto I will bash you hardcore. I intend to try and write at least one fic for each hetero pairing for Naruto I can so don't worry; your girl will show up eventually. Also, I'm not to savvy as to what happens next in the Naruto series, I've got a vague idea from Wikipedia and youtube but it doesn't really matter since this will be Naruto my way. Yes, he is SUPER POWERFUL in this fic. Not "Oh, the entire Akastuki? Well I'll kill you just by looking at you funny." Powerful; just trust me okay? It will still be exciting. I hope.
1: Blood Rebirth.
2: here's an image: http://en . wikipedia . org/wiki/LordRaptor
3: here's an image: http://en . wikipedia . org/wiki/Raziel28LegacyofKain29