A/N: Thank you to everyone who's read or reviewed, I really appreciate it.

fudge brownies... mmmh.

posted: 8/17/04

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Getting Granger

Ronald Weasley stood on the front porch of Malfoy manor knee deep in healing potions, gauze, and diagnostics spells. The Big Book of Wizarding Injures balanced in his arms, desperately reviewing spells for fractured blood cells.

"Really Weasley, she looks fine from here." Pointing to the bushy-haired witch getting off the Knight bus. "She's not even limping."

"She's just hiding the pain. She could have closed head injures page 37, ruptured corneas pages 72, or petrified organs pages 85 and 97!" Ron flipped through the book with increasing speed.

"Give me that." Draco removed the guide from his much protesting vice president as trunks, wooden crates, and an angry orange kneazle crashed to a halt at their feet.

"I'm sorry it took so long to get here! I had to convince the Knight bus driver to let me take extra items. Apparently it's illegal to apparate with unidentifiable items over fifteen pounds, and I had four. This was the only way. But I got your letter Malfoy and I'm all ready to start the reconditioning and adjustment program. Just give me a few minutes to settle in and get my bearings." Hermione announced, levitating her items and marching them into the Manor.

Draco turned to Ron. "You told her what's really going on here? "

"No... of course not. I just... encourage her to come." Ron tried to smile.

"Encourage how?"

Hermione unfolded a piece of parchment in her pocket, and practically glowed at Draco. "When I got this Malfoy, I was so happy to see that you'd turned over a new leaf. I didn't think you had it in you to be honest, but there it is! Do you mind if Ron hears it? I want him to know why I'm here if you don't mind."

Draco glared at Ron. "By all means Granger go ahead."

"To Hermione Granger from Draco Malfoy heir of the house of Malfoy,

I know we've had our differences in the past, but something has come to my attention that is so horrific that everything else can be put aside. This extends beyond muggleborn or pureblood status and I realize the wrongs it has caused."

Draco listened intently curious about what he had written.

"I've decided to break with old traditions and welcome a new era of protection and equality into our world. My father's ideals about how things should be run are misguided and I'm working to make our generation see things differently. While I get the purebloods ready to be charitable and accepting, I need you to calm the others down and get them to trust us completely. As a muggleborn this should be easier for you. I feel you are well suited to help us teach them how to live in a world without constant belittlement and unnecessary servitude."

Draco simply nodded.

"Which is why I'm asking you to come to Malfoy Manor and become a member of SMITEM. Your role in the reeducation and training of these members of our society will be greatly appreciated."

"It goes on for another page, mostly well-meaning bigotry, posturing, and an extensive bibliography, but Ron that's the most important part for you to hear." She turned back to the blond with a brillant smile.

"And Malfoy, I'm so happy you're finally on board with freeing your house elves!"

"What!" Draco did a double take, grabbing the letter. Ron saw his opportunity to escape.

"I'll just go put Crookshanks in your room now shall I," and disappeared.

"How did you get 'free my house elves' from this letter, it says absolutely nothing about freeing my house elves!"

"Of course not! If it had been intercepted that could have been disastrous. I entirely understand the need for secrecy. I gave the bus driver a fake name before leaving as well as a befuddling charm; my being here would be too suspicious. I know I could get into trouble for that, but sometimes the means are justified for a cause! Don't you worry Malfoy, I'll have your elves screaming for freedom by summer's end!"

"I don't want that!"

"Of course, I know you'd prefer to free them immediately. But I did some light reading, and only the head of house can magically do that. I doubt even Lucius 'I participate in the generational enslavement of defenseless creatures' Malfoy, can be tricked into giving out that many socks...although it is worth consideration."

"No it's not!"

"It will take some planning. But most importantly I'm very proud to be joining SMITEM, and I even made up a newsletter, just so everyone here can know about the latest developments. Here."

Draco looked at the Howler red piece of paper and it's moving title, feeling considerably more nauseous. SMITEM: Several Movements Including Teaching Elves Modernism... your source for house elf news.

"Next week I'll add in an editorial and creative works sections... so your elves can express themselves and exercise their individuality. Do you think they'd be more inclined towards verse, short stories, or non-fiction entries?"

"You want my elves to write poetry!"

"Only if they're so inclined. Dobby's contribution to SPEWs introductory brochure was quite inspiring. It was called 'Ode to a Dustmop'. I have it right here." Hermione cleared her throat to begin.

"Granger, will you excuse me for just a moment."

"Of course."

---

"WEASELY, PREPARE FOR DEATH!"

"It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? There's a hideous orange kneazle just waiting to 'mark its territory' all over my ancestral birthright, my luxuriously handcarved, ancestral birthright! I now know house elves write poetry, and of course, Granger's made it her life's goal to see me die by my father's hand."

"She has not."

"Her deception is masterful." Draco snarled.

"She's… just adamant in her believes."

"No she's severely delusional... somehow the muggles cracked that oversized brain of hers and..." Draco's eyes light up, and his expression changed. "That's it isn't it. No wonder you've been so desperate to get her here. You've been watching her disintegrate for years." Draco spoke in what he decided was an absolute revelation.

"What do you mean?"

"It's glaringly obvious now… There's barely enough time to reverse the damage."

"Damage?"

"Yes!"

"Now wait..." Ron was getting extremely worried.

"Don't worry Weasley, I'll just get her settled in, while you gather the others for a short meeting. You're too close to the situation to go in alone." He patted Ron on the shoulder and left.

"What situation!" Ron shouted after him.

--

As the purebloods settled in for the meeting, Draco strolled in carrying three trays of cookies, and an expression of absolute certainty. He handed out the trays and addressed his audience.

"Well, Granger's insane...she thinks she's a house elf…I blame it on muggles. " He nodded to himself, turning to leave. "Meeting adjourned."

"What? No she doesn't." Ron protested.

"Really? When I left she was on her way to the kitchens to commune with them. She seems intent on sleeping on the floor in there with them tonight. You'd think a full OWL in Arithmancy would prevent that sort of thing." Draco paused. "I'm suggesting long term hypnosis, sleep deprivation, and perhaps some of those electro shock treatments I've heard so much about."

"She's not that bad!"

"Weasley," Draco stared him down. "She thinks she's a floppy eared, meter high creature, that wears dishtowels and does windows. I think she warrants intense psychiatric counseling. We don't have the facilities for that so I'm letting her keep her delusions while it benefits our cause. If we can get her into a pillowcase for the court hearing, our case is sealed. She's forming a house elf care subcommittee by the way, and you and your sister are on it."

"No way!" Ginny shouted.

"Oh most definitely."

"She doesn't think she's a house elf." Ron sulked, biting into a macaroon.

"She made the cookies herself by the way, brought them with her from her muggle home. Quite good isn't it."

Ron put it down as if he'd just contributed to his best friend's continued oppression.

He shook his head. "A house elf."

"The possibility for rehabilitation is there. However, if she disintegrates much further, I see no choice but to put her down." Draco raised eyebrows at the shocked faces of Gryffindor. "For the good of the group."