A/N: Nice. I got a sudden urge to write…really, really bad. Anyway, I bought some Hellsing Manga so that I can plan out some of this story. Buy it. It is amazing. Buy it right now. Stop reading immediately; RUN, do not walk, jog, or drive, simply RUN to your nearest bookstore and buy the shit out of this manga. It is soooo good. I've watched the anime; this kicks the absolute and total SHIT out of it. Also, buy the OVA it is ten times better than the anime and is a proper portrayal of the manga. Okay enough rambling praise.
Seras may be the hottest manga/anime girl in existence.
I don't own Naruto…I wonder if I could buy stock in it. Then, technically, I would. All characters belong to their respective creators and whatnot. Please don't sue me.
Tsunade was enjoying a pleasant nap…for the fourteenth time that day, when she sensed the other presence. She managed to uphold the image of a sleeping Hokage as not to alert the presence to the fact that she knew it was there. There no killer intent though, which seemed odd. This assassin was happy to see her? Furthermore it felt more like they wanted to give her a hug. That's when she felt it. Something on her head. Something small and a little slimy.
Cracking her eyelids open she raised one ocular orb up to stare into the face of a little, yellow toad. He had chubby little cheeks and the toad equivalent of a grin. He was also upside down. All in all he was extremely cute. Raising one little webbed foot he greeted her.
"Yo." It said in a croaky squeak.
"Hello. And what, may I ask, are you doing on my head?" She asked still lazing about on her desk.
"Naruto-nii-chan sent me!" He said cheerfully. Tsunade immediately sat straight up, catching the little toad as he fell off her head. Holding her palm with the yellow one in front of her face she asked him.
"Naruto? What's wrong is he in trouble?" She asked hoping against hope that wasn't the reason he was there.
"Nope!" Tsunade released a sigh of relief. She hadn't heard from either Naruto or Jiraiya in six months, she was beginning to worry. "He sent me to tell you…uh…what was it?" He scratched his bald scalp with one webbed hand.
"He sent you to tell me…" Tsunade was pronouncing the words slowly and rotating her free hand in the air in an attempt to prompt some kind of miracle memory retrieval. That's when the gears began moving in the tiny amphibian's head.
"Oh yeah! He said," he cleared his throat," 'Tell Tsunade-obaa-chan that we'll all be back in three days at noon exactly, it's a promise!' Yup, that's what he said alright." Tsunade was glad to hear it. Her surrogate brother was finally coming home! Although, he was bringing two walking cadavers and the biggest pervert known the man with him. Number one most surprising ninja indeed.
"Hmm, they usually send Gamakichi to deliver messages." She said after digesting the previous bit of information.
"Aniki is too big to send they said. Naruto-nii-chan also said that since I'm cute you probably wouldn't send me through a wall before taking the message." Tsunade nodded, it was true after all…unless she had a hangover, and it was miracle that she didn't, because if that was the case not even a box full of kittens and puppies was safe from her rage. "Well, I gotta go; Aniki said he'd teach me how to smoke a pipe toady! Ja ne!"
Tsunade smiled as she looked at the giant gates of Konoha, she'd have to tell her apprentice, Sakura. No doubt she'd be excited to hear this little tidbit of info. It had been entirely too quite without their favorite blonde knuckle head around.
Three days later
The Rookie nine, plus team Gai, were all assembled just inside the North gate waiting for a certain blonde idiot. Shikamaru was absent due to his chunnin duties but said that he would find time to visit the troublesome blonde. Needless to say excitement was mounting as noon approached. Many different thoughts swirled around the group.
"I wonder how much stronger Naruto-kun has become since our last spar." Rock Lee said as he and his team arrived.
"Well, if he beat me he probably couldn't get very much stronger. I am awesome." Kiba said, his partner, Akamaru, providing a supportive bark. The following collective groan was ignored by said boy and his dog.
"I wonder if his appearance will have changed any, wouldn't it be funny if he was still a runt?" Yamanaka Ino asked, laughing at the image of a twelve-year-old Naruto beating the snot out of the sixteen-year-old Kiba.
"I h-hope N-Naruto-k-kun isn't still s-small. T-that would mean h-he has been i-ill." The shy Hinata stammered out. The shy girl had literally been dragged by Sakura and Ino and Tenten to the meeting place. Her feelings for Naruto having only been amplified during his absence, you know how the saying goes.
"Don't worry Hinata, Ino-pig was just being stupid. Isn't that right Ino-pig?" Sakura asked as she elbowed the blonde Yamanaka in the ribs.
"What was that billboard brow?" Ino asked darkly. The rest of the group took a protective step away from the newly dubbed ground zero.
"I bet Naruto has eaten lots of exotic food while he was on his trip." Chouji thought aloud, a dreamy expression rolling over his features as he finished putting up the "caution do not cross" ribbons around the quarrelling girls.
"Must you always think with your stomach Akimichi? Honestly, do you think he's eaten anything other than instant ramen?" Neji asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"I didn't think the Hyuugas' had a sense of humor." Shino announced as he pushed his glasses up his nose.
"And I didn't think the Aburames did either." Tenten said honestly as she began shifting her vision from Neji to Shino, seeing who would move their facial muscles first.
"We don't. But we do have an affinity for sarcasm." Shino said as he turned and looked directly into the burning sun. "It will soon be time." He said leveling his haze on the enormous gate.
"Doesn't that hurt you?" Kiba asked as he stood next to his teammate.
"Yes, my eyes have been repeatedly repaired by my insects. Aburames also have an affinity for the sun. That is why all Aburames wear sunglasses." Shino replied.
"O-oh. Okay." Kiba answered back as an awkward silence passed. Soon high noon came rolling by. Exactly as the sun reached it apex Shino gave out a warning.
"Heads." The stoic boy said. When everyone else turned to see just what he meant he pointed directly up at the sun. Shielding their eyes everyone looked up. A small black dot seemed to be approaching them at a high speed. Soon it wasn't so small. It blurred in front of them, colliding with the ground. An explosion of dust and debris was kicked up and everyone was in there own tense defensive stance, each of them ready for anything that might emerge from the cloud that had formed. Neji and Hinata gasped at what they saw through their Byakugans, and as the dust cleared so did everyone else. Where there had once been perfectly stable ground was now a small crater and standing in the middle of this crater was, nothing. Everyone tensed even more, what had just happened? That's when they heard a familiar, boisterous laugh from behind them.
"You guys seem disappointed. And here I thought you'd be happy to see me after almost three years!" They turned around so fast you would have thought they had faces on the backs of their heads. Again a collective gasp was heard, this time for another reason. Not for the lack of Naruto but because of his appearance.
Naruto currently stood a good 6'2", Ino's hopes of a runty Naruto being blown out the window. His hair was long, almost down to the middle of his back, a majority of being tied in a long ponytail not unlike Jiraiya. He also had a scruffy goatee on his chin, making him look ages older than he was supposed to be. His jumpsuit had been replaced by an orange karate uniform with a navy blue undershirt, wristbands, belt and boots. In a white circle, just above his heart, the kanji for blood was written in black. A warm smile split his face, bending his whisker-like birthmarks and crinkling his eyes in jovial delight. The rookies had yet to recover from the shock of his appearance, both in the sense of what he looked like and how he arrived.
"I missed you guys a lot." He said as he began walking towards the group. That was when the crowd decided to regain their bearings. Shaking themselves out of their stupor they rushed the blonde and questions were released at a rapid-fire rate from both parties. They were calmed down by the sound of the huge gates creaking open to reveal three figures. They all recognized the smiling, legendary Jiraiya of the Sannin but the two fellows beside him were new to all of them, save for Naruto of course. One was a regal looking man with oily, blue-ish black hair and a bored expression on his face. The other had long blue hair, a leather jacket and an off-putting grin adorning his rugged features.
"Yo, Ruto! Who're your friends, pal? Gonna introduce us, mate?" The scary looking new-comer shouted as he strutted over. The second new person, taking his time at a leisurely gait, spoke up.
"Although it rarely happens, and it pains me infinitely more-so every time, I must agree with this dancing dimwit, Naruto. It would be rather rude to keep your comrades in suspense as to our identities." He said calmly as he, and the other guy, came to a stop on either side of Naruto.
"Oh, right. Guys this is," he gestured to the scary one, "Zabel Zabrock. Just calm him Zabel. And this," he gestured to his left where the other fellow stood, "Is Raziel. He doesn't have another name." From there he introduced all of his friends. Raziel would shake hands with them while Zabel would nod to the guys and wink at the girls, when he felt it was necessary of course. It just happened to be necessary all the time. Soon the rookies all had to go their separate ways, ninja duties and all that, and Jiraiya went ahead with Raziel and Zabel to the Hokage's office to announce their return. This left a happy Naruto and Sakura to catch up on old times, with the welcome intrusion of the Konohamaru corps.
"Hey, Sakura-nee-chan! Who's this guy?" Konohamaru called as he spotted the two walking down the street. He ran to catch up them, his two partners in crime, Moegi and Udon, in tow behind him.
"Is that? Haha, it is! Yo, Konohamaru-kun, Moegi-chan, Udon-kun!" Naruto laughed as he waved to them. They stopped and looked up in awe at the man who was their leader. He grew! A lot!
"Leader? Is that really you?" At his nod they all got starry-eyed. "WOW! You look so cool Boss!"
"You're hair is so long! I'm jealous." Moegi pouted and Naruto chuckled as he patted her head.
"Oh, don't worry. I'm getting this taken care of as soon as I can find a barber." He said as he smiled down at his favorite would-be ninjas. Sakura smiled as she watched on, it seemed as though Naruto had grown physically and mentally, and at an exponential rate at that.
"Hey leader! Check this out!" Konohamaru shouted as he made a few hand seals. He was soon engulfed in smoke and replaced with a beautiful, NAKED, brunette. The sexy babe then said, in a sultry whisper no less, "Oiroke no Jutsu" as she leaned over and blew a kiss to Naruto. Naruto sat there with a deadpanned expression on his face. Closing his eyes, crossing his arms and nodding once he walked up to the naked Konohamaru-chan. The naked girl had a perplexed expression on her face before she was struck on the top of her head, sending her down into the dirt and canceling the transformation.
"BAKA!!" Naruto shouted as he punched the henged Konohamaru. Dusting his hands off he stood up straight and crossed his arms again. "That technique won't work on me Konohamaru! But I see that you have increased its affectivity ten-fold since the last time I saw you use it. Now if you really want to knock 'em dead you've got to proportion the-" Naruto was cut off as Sakura smashed his head into the ground.
"BAKA!!" Sakura shouted as she punched Naruto. She had thought that maybe he had matured over the years but being around Jiraiya seemed to have made him even more of a pervert. God knows what those other two taught him!
"But Sakura-chwaaaaaan!" he whined, "This technique is the ultimate move to use against perverts! A well placed Oiroke no Jutsu can take down Ero-sennin in a matter of seconds! He's barred me from using it in spars." Naruto said as he sat cross-legged next to Konohamaru. They each had matching lumps growing on their heads.
"She's probably just jealous." A new voice said, the group looked up and noticed Mitarashi Anko sitting on the ledge of the building above them. "You leave for almost three years and you don't call, you don't write, nothing! It's like you didn't miss me at all Naruto-kun!" She said as she jumped down and landed in front of them without so much as a grunt from the landing.
"O-oh, uh, heh heh. I um, missed you a lot Anko-chan! Really, I did!" Naruto said as he unconsciously took a step back. His eyes were closed and he was smiling widely. "I just…didn't memorize your address so I couldn't send you any mail and I'd hate for you to have to pay for long distance calls!" Naruto said attempting to save his skin. Anko dashed behind him and held him close before whispering in his ear.
"That's good because I missed you a lot too Naruto-kun. You still have to fulfill that promise remember? I know how you hate to break promises. And to my great surprise you come back even more handsome than before! Lucky me." She huskily whispered before she licked his earlobe. The four on lookers were red-faced and shocked, to say the least. Naruto was blushing a little and chuckled nervously a bit before he managed to wriggle out of her hold.
"Now, now not in front of the children, Anko-chan. Besides Sakura and I need to go to see Obaa-chan. So I'll see you around!" He grabbed Sakura's wrist and booked it as fast as he could to the towering office of the Hokage. Anko gave a huff before crossing her arms under her ample, ahem, for lack of a better term…tits.
"Damn, he got away again. He sure is a slippery little guy. Humph, he's not so little anymore though." She said before walking off to God knows where to do God knows what. The Konohamaru corps shook off their unease and ran off to train incase that crazy woman decides to sneak up on them next.
Soon Naruto and Sakura had made it to the towering tower and were standing outside the office of the Hokage it housed. Naruto was looking at the door with great intensity as he rubbed his chin, obviously thinking about something.
"Naruto, what's up?" Sakura whispered. Honestly she didn't know why she decided to whisper, it just seemed appropriate.
"I'm trying to decide how to go about meeting Oba-chan. There's the formal way, to show her I've grown. The Naruto way, to show her I'm still Naruto. And then there's the 'I have a baby' way, to make her have a heart attack." Naruto whispered as he crouched down.
"The 'I have a baby' way? I can only assume how that would work, but won't your friends and Jiraiya-sama ruin it by being surprised too?" She asked.
"Nah, we've rehearsed." He said. "But I feel that the shock factor isn't worth the overall cliché-edness. I mean, EVERYBODY does that one." Sakura simply nodded her head, it was true after all. So without further contemplation Naruto kicked open the door, earning him a fistful of vengeance from an angry Tsunade. Or, he would have if he hadn't traded places with Jiraiya. Said toad hermit was sent barreling out the door at high speeds.
Naruto then stood up straight and joined the already laughing Zabel in enjoying his sensei's suffering. Tsunade turned to her adopted brother and finally took in his appearance. He had grown handsome and would probably make her a real grandma someday. Smiling grimly at the thought she chanced a look at her assistant and was both pleasantly surprised and a little alarmed to find her sporting a blush and looking everywhere except Naruto's general direction. Welcome to Blackmail city, population: Shizune.
When Naruto had finished laughing he greeted both his surrogate mother and her assistant. Although on the outside she was smiling broadly and laughing with Naruto; as he hugged Shizune she couldn't help but think about what he had called her, 'Shizune-nee-chan? Nee-chan? Damn. Just, damn.'
Tsunade had been talking about something but Naruto wasn't really paying attention, that is, he wasn't paying attention until she said test. He ears twitched and his head perked up immediately.
"Test! Like, a fighting test!?" Naruto asked hopefully. Zabel laughed and threw his head back, even Raziel had a chuckle. Jiraiya had no input seeing as how he had just managed to drag himself into the room.
"Yes, Naruto, like a fighting test." Tsunade said covering her ears and waiting for the explosion of noise that is Naruto. She opened her eyes to find that he had wide, puppy dog, eyes(complete with sparkles) and had both hands clapped together next to the side of his face. He had one leg bent into the air and he seemed to be floating.
"Yaaaaaaaaay!" Then his personality seemed to flip as he slammed his fist into his open palm while smiling ferociously. "I haven't tested my abilities in a long time! This is gonna be great!" He looked up expectantly, "So who is it? Neji!? Lee!? Neji AND Lee!? Gai-sensei!? Please tell me its all three!" Naruto was practically shouting near the end. Tsunade's eye twitched, 'this boy's got a death wish.'
"No, Naruto, it's not Neji, Lee OR Gai. Thank god. And this is a test for both you AND Sakura. Your opponent is-"She was interrupted by the door opening and two people walking in.
"Our opponent is Shikamaru?" Naruto asked as he pointed to the pineapple-headed chunnin. Hearing his name his head perked up and Shikamaru looked around the room. His eyes landed on a smiling blonde with long hair and- wait, smiling blonde? He only knew one person who fit that description so far. All other blondes were troublesome, nagging women.
"Oi! Naruto is that you? It is you! Long time no see." Shikamaru smiled as he walked up to Naruto and shook his hand. "Boy, Chouji wouldn't stop complaining about how you were getting to taste exotic food on your trip, you're a troublesome guy." Naruto laughed thinking at the thought.
"Ah, but I did taste great food, and met a master chef. By the way, pizza? Delicious." Naruto said as he brought his hand up to his mouth and kissed his fingers before spreading them outward, signifying a truly scrumptious meal. That was when he noticed the second person who entered the room. She smiled at him and extended her hand. He took it and shook it while trying to place her face to a name.
"Oh! I remember you! You're Gaara's hot sister. Sorry, but I never got a chance to learn your name." Naruto said, smiling obliviously. That was when he noticed that the room had gotten a little quieter, our louder if you counting the wailing laughter of one Zabel Zabrock. Leaning over to Raziel, while still shaking the girl's hand, he whispered, "I, uh, did it again didn't I?" Raziel simply leaned over and answered in his normal sarcastic tone.
"If you mean the thing where you can't keep your big mouth shut and you end up blurting out the first thing that comes to mind then, yes, yes you did."
"What was it this time?"
"I believe the catch phrase was 'Gaara's hot sister'."
"Ah, yes. That probably did it." That was when a thoroughly flustered Temari spoke up.
"If you two are done chatting about how stupid you are I would appreciate it if you would let go of my hand!" Temari ground out, a slight blush marring her 'I-DIDN'T-just-hear-what-he-said-about-me' act, while she ripped her hand out of Naruto's grasp. "And anyway, I never got a chance to say thanks. So," She took a deep breath, "thank you Uzumaki Naruto." Temari said looking at the ground to her right.
"Your welcome!" Naruto said happily. He then adopted a rather confused expression. "What did I do exactly?" Temari huffed and crossed her arms.
"You really helped beat some sense into Gaara…were more of a family now thanks to you." She said avoid his stare. His face softened and he smiled widely.
"That's great! I can't wait to see-" Naruto was going to say he couldn't wait to see Gaara but he didn't get to.
Clearing her throat rather loudly Tsunade re-railed the previous conversation, "As I was saying. No, Naruto he is not your opponent. Your opponent is out there." She said gesturing to the window. Naruto hopped over to the window and stuck his head out. With one hand above his eyes he began scanning the rooftops. He noticed a sliver of silver to his left.
"Kakashi-sensei! You're our opponent?" Naruto asked as he jumped out onto the roof.
"Yo, Naruto, Sakura. You two have grown since I last saw you. Yes, I am your opponent." Kakashi said as he put away his favorite orange book. Noticing the orange Naruto snapped his fingers and reached into a pocket concealed by his hair. Revealing a little blue book. Kakashi's eye went wide. He began to stammer.
"I-is t-that…" he asked wile shakily reaching out.
"Yeah, it's Ero-sennin's newest book. An advanced printing, first edition, autographed copy of Itcha Itcha Violence. He gave me this copy but I thought it was pretty boring so I'll give it to you." Naruto said, handing it to the cyclopean jounin.
Kakashi drew a sharp breath as he opened the front cover and was exposed to 20,000 gigawatts of pure shmex. Mumbling a lame excuse, as well as a place and time for the test, he poofed away. Naruto and the other stood there blinking for a second before he threw his head back and shook his fist to the sky. "CURSE YOU ITCHA ITCHA!! CURSE YOUUUU!!"
"Hey! Don't blame Itcha Itcha for being so god-dammed addicting. Blame me for making it that way." Jiraiya reprimanded. He leaned over to Zabel and whispered behind his hand, "I use nicotine in my ink." Naruto threw his head back again.
"CURSE YOU ERO-SENNIN!! CURSE YOUUUU!!" he quickly regained his composure. "Well, I'd say we've got a good four hours to burn. Let's go check out my new house, and get me a hair cut!" Naruto exclaimed pointing a finger at the horizon.
Raziel and Zabel went ahead to set up in the new house while Sakura took Naruto to a shinobi barber. The motto was 'Hair cut exactly how you want it in less than 30 seconds or your money back!', give those shinobi barbers a kunai and they can do anything with your hair, no matter how atrocious. So, Naruto, now sporting his original hair style (spikes in all directions), Sakura, Shikamaru and Temari were all heading down the road to Naruto's new abode. Naruto already knew about everyone's advancement in ranks, including Gaara's. When asked how he said, "I traveled with a man who has his own information network all over the world. You think I wouldn't know about my friends' status." He failed to mention the fact that he actually got said information from his employer at their last meeting, a month ago.
Naruto stopped in front of his door and starred in awe at it. It wasn't because it was an enormous house, even though it was rather big, but it was because of the location. The house was currently situated in-between an apartment complex and another house. Unfortunately the apartments were the very same apartments he was fleeing from before he left; the apartment complex that housed one Mitarashi Anko. He didn't know who lived in the other house but it was bound to be better than Anko, he hoped. But fortunately directly across the street was heaven on earth, Ichiraku Ramen. Needless to say, they would be receiving almost constant business.
Naruto invited his friends inside but Shikamaru and Temari had to leave and Sakura said she had things to do at home that she wanted to get done before the test. Shrugging Naruto entered his home and rubbed his hands together. "Okay, Zabel hows GH 2 coming?" Naruto asked as he walked through the house taking stock of everything and memorizing the layout. While traveling the different realities and universes Naruto, Zabel and Raziel had become close companions and each had built up an abundant collection of trophies and souvenirs. One of Naruto's favorites was the Xbox 360 and Guitar Hero 2(1).
FOUR HOURS LATER
Zabel looked up from the screen as a loud banging was heard from the front door. "Yo, Naru, you gonna answer that or are you going to keep sucking at this game?" He asked sniggering. Naruto simply grunted as he continued strumming.
"Fuck you. I'm about to perfect freebird on expert, you answer the door. Ass-wipe." Zabel simply flipped him off while rising to his feet and making sure he was in human form before waltzing up to the door and opening it. He looked down and saw Sakura. She looked up at him and laughed nervously.
"Eheheh, is uh, Naruto home?" She asked. Zabel shifted and yelled into the house.
"Hey Naruto" He called from the door.
"Fuck you." Naruto called back.
"Naru-"he began.
"Fuck you! Perfect! Freebird! Expert! Ass-wipe!" Naruto shouted back. Sakura was confused by his words, was it some kind of code? Shortly after she heard what sounded like a guitar string being plucked out of place and an aggravated scream. "Gaaaaaaaawd DAMMIT!" Leaning to the side she saw Naruto get up from a couch and throw his hands in the air exasperatedly before he sulked to the door.
When he saw her he perked up instantly, "Oh! Sakura, it must be time for Kakashi's test right?" At her nod he left the house and told Raziel not to let Zabel burn it down. Zabel was noticeably depressed and put, what looked like, a bottle with a rag in it back into his jacket.
Naruto and Sakura arrived at the designated area with ten minutes to spare before Kakashi appeared in a cloud of smoke. After explaining that it was another bell test he gave the two a moment to prepare before they began. Sakura put on a pair of black, leather gloves. Kakashi put his book away and pulled up his headband to reveal his sharingan eye. Naruto took off his orange over shirt and tied his head band more securely on his forehead, before he smirked.
"Two hours." Naruto said. Sakura and Kakashi gave him a confused look.
"It will take us two hours to get those bells, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura and Kakashi shared a gasp before Kakashi chuckled.
"Hm, perhaps. But don't take me lightly Naruto." He chided.
"Don't worry," Naruto let his eyes bleed red, "we won't."
'Is this still Naruto?' Were the thoughts of all those present, save for Jiraiya, which included Kakashi, Sakura, Tsunade, Shizune and Jiraiya.
"Alright, ready," Naruto got into a tense stance, "Set," Sakura coiled herself, "GO!" all three participants blurred into the forest.
Ten Minutes Later
Sakura and Naruto stopped in the cover of some trees' thick leaves. "Sakura if we are gonna make a good strategy I need to know what you can do." The pink-haired kunoichi nodded and listed some of her abilities, such as medical jutsu and her monster strength. "Okay here's the plan…"
Thirty Minutes Later
Kakashi tensed as he felt a presence close in on him. Dodging to the left a kunai managed to take off a few hairs. Looking at the source of the projectile he saw a small army of Narutos and Sakuras. Sighing, he readied a kunai of his own and began countering the assault. He was surprised to find these clones actually surviving more than one hit and using jutsu. Maybe Naruto had improved.
Twenty meters away under a tree Naruto sat with his eyes closed and Sakura was preparing traps. He was using his clones to analyze and slowly pick apart Kakashi's fighting style and technique. It would be awhile before he had enough info for an effective attack but it was working nonetheless. Feeling Sakura land next to him he smiled and began outlining his final plan.
One Hour Later
Kakashi grunted as he finished off ANOTHER FUCKING CLONE. He had been using up chakra using his sharingan to stay on top of the clones but they kept growing in strength; each one faster, stronger and longer lasting than the last, each one exploiting a minute weaknesses in his defense, 'This is some serious bullshit. As soon as I find you Naruto, you shall pay!' He thought as he followed a very well disguised trail that lead to an open clearing. 'Yeah, nice try, Naruto.' he thought as he began to slowly circle the perimeter of the clearing. Unseen by Kakashi, Naruto had a broad smile adoring his features, 'Nice try Kakashi'. Kakashi was started as the tree he was on began to fall into hundreds of pieces, using his sharingan eye he managed to catch a glimpse of what appeared to be an orange blur darting through the debris. He tried jumping to another tree but it too was shredded, he was eventually forced out into the clearing.
Settling into a tense stance and ready to attack from any angle Kakashi heard a battle cry from behind him. Turning around almost instantly he saw Sakura flying towards the ground. She slammed her fist into terra firma and, lo and behold, the ground shattered like so much glass. Kakashi had to jump away to try and get firm footing when he felt a burst of killer intent. Looking behind him fearfully he saw Naruto with his hands in the dreaded tora seal.
"Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu Ōugi: Sennen Goroshi!!!(2)" Naruto shouted as her thrust his fingers forward. His sudden burst of speed caught Kakashi off guard and he met his mark. Kakashi was sent flying up into the air. Sakura jumped backwards and landed on the bottoms of a clones feet, the clone then shot her into the air at great speed. She was on a collision course with Kakashi and they both new it. Kakashi also knew that if she connected it'd be lights out; so he attempted to perform a Kawarimi(3) but found his hands unable to move. Looking down in surprise he saw that crimson tendrils had intertwined with his hands, ankles, and most importantly, fingers. Following the bloody ropes back to their source he found Naruto.
The tentacle-like appendages were sprouting from Naruto's back and the teen was smiling while pointing past Kakashi. Kakashi whipped his head up in surprise long enough to register Sakura bringing a Tsunade-grade punch in connection with his face.
Several minutes later Kakashi was revived by and apologetic looking Sakura and Naruto. "Wha' happen'?" He slurred as he groggily sat up and rubbed his aching head.
"Well, the technical term is, 'we raped you...in the ass'. But all that that means is we got the bells and managed to give you a mild concussion in the process. In…" Naruto paused as he counted on his fingers, "one hour and 59 minutes." Naruto said happily as he handed his sensei some aspirin.
"Wow, only a mild concussion? Fantastic. Well, it appears as though you two have surpassed me. Although, in my defense I underestimated you a little, and I forgot about certain… circumstances. But, don't think this means I'll be going easy on you when we begin team training again. If anything you'll be working harder. But for now, I'm going to rest and then I'll do some training of my own." Kakashi said as he gave his students a proud look before poofing away to the hospital. And by hospital I mean his bedroom where he would proceed to relax by reading dirty, dirty porn.
Naruto and Sakura blinked away their initial surprise and then rose to their feet. Sharing a glance they shrugged and began walking back into town.
"So Naruto what was that technique you used to hold Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked casually as they walked down the street. Naruto stumbled a little upon hearing the question. 'Think you ass, THINK! Either make up a technique or tell a half truth. All-out lie, or half lie. Aren't they technically the same ethically? Isn't being a ninja unethical anyway? Ethics can be confusing…did I leave the stove on? I need to buy some new pants. NO! MUST! FOCUS!' By this point Naruto was standing in the street, mouth agape and eyes glazed, staring off into space. Waving a hand in front of his face Sakura called his name in an attempt to revive him.
"Humminawha! Who? I'm sorry what were you saying?" Naruto asked as he laughed nervously after shaking his head to clear the cobwebs. Sakura sighed exasperatedly.
"What. Was. That. Jutsu?" She said with her hands on her hips. Drawing out the words as if Naruto was mentally challenged…she wasn't far off.
"Oh that was just blood." Naruto said offhandedly as he continued walking, stopping almost immediately as he realized what he just said. 'I did it again. Christ.'.
"B-blood!? Like, a bloodline? Shikamaru mentioned something about that when you came back from the retrieval mission." Sakura rubbed her chin and furrowed her brow, recalling the events from the recovery ward.
"Uh, Yeah! Hehe, yep, I've got a Bloodline! It's…new though. So I don't really know anything about it. I don't even know the name!" Naruto said as he turned around to face her. 'Shikamaru you magnificent bastard! It's perfect! Wait, didn't I come up with that?'
"Oh. Well that should help us a lot!" She said as she raised her fist into the air. Naruto did likewise while nodding in approval. After they had made it near the residential area, Naruto took a sharp turn right.
"Where are you going Naruto?" Sakura asked as she watched him leave.
"I wanna find Lee and have a spar! Kakashi-sensei is more suited for ninjutsu, I need a taijutsu test. You can come if you want! It'll be awesome!" He explained as he began walking backwards so that he could keep eye contact. She just shook her head while laughing at him. He just spent the better part of two hours creating 'super bunshins' as he called them and he still had energy to burn.
"No thanks. I'm going home and talking a warm bat. See you later Naruto." Sakura waved goodbye. Naruto reciprocated.
"See ya!" Naruto shouted as he turned around again. He closed his eyes as he walked and let his senses expand. 'C'mon Lee. Where are you?' He could feel everything around him; nothing was hidden from him as he allowed his influence to spread un-noticed by the world's inhabitants. He felt a familiar blip and a feeling of extreme youthfulness started to overwhelm the blip's current area. 'There you are.' Naruto thought as he dashed in the feeling's direction.
Bursting into a clearing he saw what he was looking for: a boy in green spandex beating the shit out of a log; a girl in a white Chinese-style shirt getting perfect bull's-eyes with anything she could hurl, and a dour looking boy with pale eyes practicing kata. They all turned to the new arrival fully intent on defending themselves, upon seeing who it was though they all relaxed and offered friendly smiles as he approached them.
"Sup, guys and girl? I was wonderin' if any of you wanted to spar. I've been itchin' for a good fight." Tenten and Neji sighed while chancing a look at Lee. The boy was practically shaking with excitement.
"YOSHA! I WOULD BE HONORED TO SPAR WITH YOU NARUTO-KUN! WHAT ARE THE CONDITIONS MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL!?" Lee screamed. Naruto laughed heartily before laying down the ground rules.
"Rule one: no killing…duh," everyone nodded, "Rule 2: we keep going until one of us passes out." Tenten and Neji got nervous looks while Lee simply nodded like last time, "Rule 3: Loser buys me ramen." Naruto finished as he stood up and started stretching.
"What if I win this spar, Naruto-kun? You seem to think very highly of your abilities, or you are underestimating mine." Lee said as he too commenced stretching.
"No, I'm not. If you win you don't have to buy me ramen. Trust that's a prize in and of itself." Naruto explained.
"Right, I had forgotten Naruto-kun." Lee laughed. He finished stretching and got into a ready stance. He looked at Naruto and was put-off at his appearance. Naruto had his hands in his pockets and his upper body was completely relaxed, all-in-all he did not look like he was ready for a fight. That is, until one looked into his eyes. Naruto's eyes held a flame of passion and excitement matched only by Lee's own. Still his unorthodox stance piqued the green-clad boy's interest.
"Are you ready Naruto-kun? You seem a little too relaxed for fighting." Lee asked.
"Of course I am. This is the basic stance for Ake Hagi(4)." Naruto said as he shifted his weight a little.
"Bloody…" Tenten mumbled.
"…Leg?" Lee asked. "I have never heard of that style Naruto-kun! I CANNOT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT AT SEEING AN UNKNOWN STYLE!"
Neji humph-ed while discretely activating his Byakugan eyes. He would pick this new style apart.
"Well then, let's get started shall we? Your move Fuzzy Brows!" Naruto said as he tensed his muscles.
Lee darted forward, making Naruto smile. The boy's speed was intense even with the massive weights on his legs, perfect! Closing the distance quickly Lee began rotating his body. He initiated a sweep but, at the last possible moment, he pulled his leg inward and shot upwards with a devastating uppercut. Instead of dodging Naruto surprised them by blocking, with his chin. Caught off guard by his attack connecting Lee wasn't prepared when Naruto used the momentum from the strike to perform a lightning fast back flip; catching Lee's chin with his foot.
Lee was sent backwards quickly springing back onto his feet and narrowly avoiding the disabling heel drop from Naruto. The collision with the ground caused a noticeable crater. The two boys smiled and re-entered combat.
Tenten and Neji were gob-smacked. Naruto and Lee were going all out at the moment and the only blows landed were the first two chin shots. Naruto was blocking any and all attacks with just his legs, he had yet to take his hands out of his pockets. Lee seemed to be enjoying himself as well which meant it was only a matter of time before…CRASH!!
Lee smirked as his weights hit the ground. "Gai-sensei would have wanted us to express our full-youthfulness in this battle Naruto-kun! If you have any weights I'll let you remove them now." Lee said as he slid back into his Gōken(5) Stance.
"I don't have weights but I can do something similar. I'm sure Neji knows what I'm talking about." Naruto gestured to the stoic Hyuuga with a jerk of his head. Lee had a perplexed look and spared a glance at his teammate, hoping for some kind of explanation. He was surprised to see the boy with his mouth hanging open and his eyes as wide as saucers.
"How did you do that Naruto?" Neji asked, his voice a mixture of awe and disgust.
"Do what?" Tenten asked, eyeing her teammate oddly. Naruto chuckled and motioned for Neji to explain.
"He's added muscle mass to his legs almost instantaneously." Lee and Tenten's eyes widened as well and they both quickly turned to stare at Naruto. "What's more, it's been condensed to allow maximum speed and reaction as well as power." Neji explained. "Where did that extra muscle come from Naruto?"
"My blood." Naruto as he settled his gaze on Lee. They nodded at each other, the signal to re-commence, and both disappeared from view. The two teens would reappear for brief flashes, sometimes leaving after images, before the thunderous crashes from their attacks were heard moments later. At sometime in the middle of the exchange Naruto had changed his stance, his fists would be required for this fight. 'I'm no where near Sanji-sensei in skill yet. Let's see how he likes a little Luffy style'. With that thought they broke away from each other. Each breathing fairy hard, Lee smiled as he saw Naruto raise his fists. "I guess I can't go easy on you eh, Fuzzy Brows?"
"And I cannot allow myself to underestimate you either." Lee responded. Naruto laughed as he drew his fist back. The others could only assume as to what the hell he was doing, he was at lest twenty feet from Lee. Bringing his fist forward at frightening speed he shocked them once again by letting the limb stretch the whole 20 feet and smash into Lee's face. Lee stumbled back and starred in awe as the arm flew back as if it were made of rubber.
"Gomu Gomu no Pistol" Naruto said. "As it turns out I'm a dead last with a genius bloodline. But, don't think that that changes anything! I'll be Hokage with or without the use of this cursed gift!" Naruto said as he readjusted himself. Lee had stars in his eyes and was crying tears of joy.
"YOSHA! YES, NARUTO-KUN, WE WILL BOTH ACHIEVE OUR DREAMS! FOR YOU TO SHOW SUCH YOUTHFULLNESS IS INSPIRING! I WILL NOT HOLD BACK ANY LONGER! INITIAL RELEASE!!" Lee screamed as he released the first of the Eight Inner Gates. "NARUTO-KUN! Let us see if you can match this! I currently have five times my strength and speed!" Lee said, honorable as always.
Naruto smiled as he spread his feat and screwed his eyes shut in concentration. Soon the other three felt a massive spike in his chakra. Naruto was soon engulfed in a sea of chakra so bright Neji had to deactivate the Byakugan. His eyes snapping open, Naruto shouted "KAIŌ-KEN(6) TIMES FIVE!!!" The signal for battle had once again been deployed. The two just disappeared, the occasional muffled explosion sounding when they would clash, but you still would be able to see them without the Sharingan.
Neji and Tenten were sweating bullets as they watched the landscape around them being torn asunder. Trees were exploding; one was even split straight down the middle. The ground had deep gashes and craters from missed attacks and colliding bodies. The two were in the middle of making peace with their respective gods when Naruto and Lee phased back into sight; each still bursting with energy but panting nonetheless.
"This is the final charge Fuzzy Brows!" Naruto shouted as he coiled his muscles.
"I agree! This attack will decide the battle!" Lee exclaimed as he too prepared. Tenten and Neji waited with baited breath for the outcome of the fight.
Lee and Naruto charged one another, each releasing a fierce battle cry. Lee however was shocked to find that when he swung, his punch went right through the Naruto in front of him. 'Zanzôken (7)! At this speed!? But that would mean-' Lee had a shocked expression as he looked behind him, a smiling Naruto bringing his fist to meet him. The last thought he had before losing consciousness was, 'What speed, amazing.'
Naruto smiled down at Lee as he wiped his brow clean of sweat. That was an invigorating spar indeed! Easily 75 percent of his un-blood aided power, of course had he been willing to go absolutely all out he doubted if it would have been 25. Still, Lee was one of the toughest opponents he'd had in a long time; and, Lee would only continue to increase in strength with every spar they would inevitably have. Lee reminded him of a Saiyan. Looking up he saw a shell-shocked Tenten and a wide-eyed Neji.
Blinking a couple times Naruto addressed them, "Whew, what a work out, eh?" The two shared a look that said, 'He's not serious right now…right?'
"Aaaaaaaaanyway, I figure he'll be out of it for awhile. Soooooo, uh, where does he live? Heh heh." Naruto chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. Neji sighed and shook his head.
"Shikamaru was right, you are troublesome. I'll take him home. Tenten and I will inform Gai-sensei of his condition tomorrow." Neji proceeded to pick up the unconscious Lee, nodding to Naruto and Tenten and then leaping into the trees. Naruto fell back onto his behind and sat there with his goofy smile on before looking at Tenten, who was starring at the tree that was split in half.
"Ne, Tenten." The girl turned to look at him; he had cuts, bruises, and smudges of blood and dirt all over his visible body. He looked like a little kid who had just finished playing in the mud, you know except for the facial hair and the height and stuff. He had a glint in his eye that she didn't like.
"Yes?" She asked warily.
"You wanna spar!?" He asked hopefully. She choked before falling back, landing so that she was sitting in-between the two halves of tree.
"W-WHAT? You and Lee just had the Fourth Great Shinobi War and you want to spar AGAIN!? I'm not as strong as Lee you know! You'll rip me to shreds!" Tenten exclaimed. She hated admiting that but she knew it was true.
"I know, but you're an expert weapon mistress and I want to practice with mine. I promise I won't go Lee on you like I just did. I won't use power-ups! Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeassssssse?" Naruto asked. He really did look like a little kid. Her self preservation was telling her DON'T DO IT, but her love of all things sharp and pointy told her otherwise. Still, she wasn't quite convinced.
"I don't know Naruto. I mean, why should I? What's in it for me?" she asked as she put her hands on her hips and leaned forward. He smiled, he might be able to get her to agree.
"I've been traveling the world for the past fi-three years, I've made a ton of new friends and seen a bunch of cool places and almost everywhere I've been I've brought back a souvenir, usually a weapon." He thought back to all his missions and his adventures. He had acquired a large armory of rare and legendary weapons; especially after that time he went to Dracula's Castle and fought alongside the Prince of Darkness's own son, Aludard. If she had caught his small slip up about his time spent away she didn't seem to notice; which was fine with him he didn't want to explain that just yet.
"So?" She asked, perhaps there was something in it for her.
"I'll give any weapon of your choosing." Naruto's head was currently spinning. Almost immediately after he had said that Tenten had stood him up and began brushing him off, he smirked, even though the world was still twirling. 'Hook, line and sinker.' That is, until he groaned in pain and fell back. Tenten had a worried look on her face, she managed to catch him and she gently laid him down on his back.
"Naruto! What's wrong?" She asked as she began to look for the source of his pain. He groaned again and she looked at his face to find a look of…boredom?
"I forgot." He said simply.
"Forgot what?" She asked hoping for an explanation.
"I forgot that I hurt."
"Hurt where?" She asked continuing her search.
"I hurt in my everywhere. But if I had to narrow it down I think that I would have to say I hurt the most in my all of me. So I need to go home and rest my everything." Tenten sweatdropped. He certainly was extensive. "Sorry Tenten, but I guess the spar will have to be postponed." Groaning he made to stand. Tenten helped him up and, much to his chagrin, she began walking him home. After awhile he managed to complain enough for her to allow him to walk under his own power. He would stumble every once in awhile but he seemed to be getting better while they walked.
They talked about nothing in particular and before long they were standing outside of his home. "You live here?" Tenten asked unbelieving.
"Yeah, with my two roommates. Why? You sound really surprised." Naruto asked, chuckling. Tenten raised her arm and pointed at the house directly to the right of his own home.
"I live there." She said.
"Oh! Wow, what a coincidence! So do you live with your parents or…" He let it her interpret his question on her own.
"No I live alone. I'm an orphan." She said, and, while she hid it well, Naruto picked up on the small amount forlornness in her voice.
"I'm sorry." Naruto apologized, he knew how it felt.
"No it's okay! Really! My mom died in childbirth and my dad died in a mission while my mom was pregnant. I lived with my grandparent's in their weapon shop for awhile but I moved out when I became a gennin." She said waving her hands. Naruto felt relieved; at least the Kyuubi didn't kill them. That would have sucked.
"It's okay I know it hurts to talk about them, especially if you didn't know them. I'm the same way…'cept I don't know anything about mine. At least you have your grandparents though!" He said trying not to sound like the biggest pity-partier ever.
"Yeah, they're great. I still have dinner with them every Sunday. But, and I hate to pry about the subject, you don't know anything about your parents?" She asked, wary about talking about such a personal subject.
"Yeah. I don't know if they're alive or dead or whatever. But I've made this far without parents. I mean, I wouldn't mind knowing but I've Iruka-sensei, Obaa-chan, Ero-sennin, and you guys so it's not like I'm alone anymore." He smiled as he finished, letting her know that he really meant it.
"That's great." She said as she smiled up at him as well. They stood there for awhile before they realized that they were still just standing outside their houses, looking at each other. Quickly turning away from each other, they were each blushing and mumbling apologies for starring.
"So, uhm, would you, ahem, would you like to c-come inside?" Naruto asked, tumbling over his own words. There was a crash from inside his house followed by a string of explicatives. Naruto, who had motioned to his door with both hands just let his arms and his head drop.
"Ah, uh, sorry, Naruto, but I've got to go home and get ready for dinner." She said, they still weren't looking at each other.
"Oh yeah, it's Sunday! Well, then I'll let you go. Say hi for me. Although, since I don't know them personally that would probably be weird." He laughed a little and Tenten just chuckled while shaking her head. "Well, if you ever need anything you know where to look for me."
"The same goes for you Blondie." Tenten said with a smirk.
"See you tomorrow, Tenten." Naruto said waving as he went for his door.
"See you Naruto." Tenten replied. Naruto smiled at her and the turned back to his door. Opening it, he began yelling inside.
"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LETTING ZABEL BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!?" He screamed into his house.
"I DIDN'T BURN ANYTHING I JUST BROKE SOME SHIT!" Was the answer.
The rest of the argument was just muffled shouts and crashes as the door was closed. Tenten giggled as she headed for her own house. Things sure had gotten interesting. And the neighborhood would definitely be less boring now.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Kyuubi let out a sigh of relief. He had finally managed to get his break and was standing by the water cooler. It was Friday and even though he was being punished he still got the weekends off. NOBODY was that cruel. Taking a gulp of cold water he spotted a dreaded sight, one that chilled him to the very core. Bill, his manager was walking down the hall straight for him. He looked away and covered the right side of his face with his paw. And began mumbling to himself.
"Walk by, just walk by, just walk on by, don't look at him and he won't look at you, just ignore- Bill! What can I do for you, sir?" Kyuubi asked, his artificial smile tearing his face in two. Bill walked up to him and took a swig from his coffee mug.
"Hey there, how's it going? Got any plans for the weekend?" He asked as he looked at his watch.
"Well, yeah actually I-"
"That's grreeeeeat. Yeeeeeeeah, well, I'm gonna need you to come in on Sundaaay. Can you make it?" Bill said, not even paying attention to Kyuubi.
"Uh, I actually-"
"Greeeeat." With that Bill walked away to harass another employee. Kyuubi bashed his head against the wall and let the tears flow.
"Damn."
A/N: Done! FINALY!!! Jesus Christ. You see my friends have taken over my basement and have set up an impromptu LAN center. Its actually pretty sweet, except, my best friend can't take his own computer from his house 'cause it's the family comp. SOOOO he uses mine. Meaning: I have to sit and play PS2, Wii, and 360 while my three friends use the comps to play WoW. This also means that I don't get any privacy even if one of them falls asleep, and I like typing in private. Buuuuuut, because I'm leaving for Florda for a week my friends have filed out. But this also means that I won't get any writing done unless I can get a laptop(not happening). I have plenty of plans too. The only reason I got this done was because I started it the day before summer started and I finished it today because my friends have left a couple days early, allowing me privacy. Yes, This was over 3/4 written for about three weeks. THE VOTING FOR GIRLS IS CLOSED. Terribly sorry if your girl isn't in there, and by there I mean go to my front page and see the six girls in the harem. Hawk Eyes and Motherf-ing Invitation will be updated before I update this again. I hope I can get some time to myself. Anyway, read and review.
1: Lame, I know but I needed it for a joke.
2: Hidden Leaf Secret: Taijutsu Supreme Technique: Thousand Years of Death
3: Body Replacement.
4: Bloody Leg. From One Piece.
5: Strong Fist
6: Fist of the Worlds. From DBZ.
7: Double Shadow Fist. After Image. Name from DBZ but every anime character knows it.