American Cheese

A fan fiction by LM Simpson

Disclaimer: Wallace and Gromit were created by Nick Park and first appeared in the short "A Grand Day Out." This fanfic, however, was created by yours truly and is therefore not considered canon. No copyright infringement is intended, Mister Park!

LM Simpson's tidbits (A/N): I know, I know, it's been a while. But, to make up for it, I'll submit the next two chapters at the same time.

Enjoy!

Chapter Five: Pilot

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The phone rang at six in the morning. Wallace sleepily answered it. "Hello, this is Wallace P—"

"Park!" Bancroft barked. "Are you getting ready?"

"Getting ready for what?"

"To go to the studio to prepare for shooting, of course!"

"Oh, dear, why are we going to do shooting practice at the studio? We aren't going to hurt people, are we?"

Bancroft sounded irritated as he explained, "We're not doing shooting with a gun, Park, we're going to shoot the pilot to your show? Remember?

"Now get going! Be here by six-thirty sharp, and be on time!"

Click.

Wallace yawned before looking at the clock; it read six ten AM.

"AAAH! Gromit, wake up!' He yelled, waking up his dog. The duo then got ready for the day by hurrying up with the necessities.

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Wallace yawned, his chest straining from his seat belt. "So where are we going again, Mister Bancroft?"

"The apartment of the guy that's going to be showcased. He's the cousin of one of the guys that works at the studio. His name is… Well, I don't really know, but I know it was something German. Go figure—we are in Milwaukee, after all…"

Finding out more than he wanted, he simply nodded and took another sip of weak tasting coffee Bancroft swiftly brewed before they left; Gromit was barely awake in the back of Bancroft's car, a beat up blue 1987 Ford Crown Victoria.

Along with a van carrying the camera crew, Bancroft stopped his vehicle in front of an apartment complex. Without any expression on his face, he said, "We're here."

It took some time for the cramped little rented space to be ready for the cameras. When they were set up, Bancroft said to Wallace:

"You remember what to do, right?"

"Yes, sir…"

"Good! Just take a deep breath and relax, okay? All you're doing is reading a moving screen at the beginning. We'll do the narrations back at the studio later."

Wallace did as he was told, and Bancroft got into the director's chair as he was the director as well as an executive producer.

"GET READY! LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!"

Wallace tried to read the fast moving screen at the same speed as it was scrolling down. He failed miserably, saying to the camera, "Hello, everyone! I am Wallace Pa…, and this is me…uh, best friend Gromit. Today we are just out, uh, Mil… WILL YOU PLEASE SLOW THAT THING DOWN! It's going too fast!"

"CUT!" Bancroft yelled. "Herman, try to slow that dang screen or else I'll personally see you without a job by the afternoon! We need to start over at the top!"

And it was done. The only problem was that once the cameras started rolling, the inventor was completely silent. He looked nervous.

Bancroft groaned. "What is it this time, Park?"

"It went even faster than last time!" he squeaked.

"HERMAN! ..."

The process was repeated. Apparently, the third time was a charm as everything went smoothly for once.

"Hello, everyone! I am Wallace Park, and this is me dog and best friend Gromit. Today, we are in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, with our fellow cheese lover Wolfgang Wagner.

"So, how are you today, Wolfgang?"

A man in his mid twenties with sandy blond hair and squat build shrugged. In a slight German accent that went more to an American one replied, "I'm fine. And you?"

"Quite smashing, actually… So, what's your favorite type of cheese?"

"Brie, followed by Wensleydale…"

Wallace gasped. "You don't say! I too am a fan of Wensleydale! Were you also at the factory opening?"

"But of course!" Wolfgang replied, slightly changing the topic shortly afterward by asking, "Have you ever eaten a ham and Wensleydale grilled cheese sandwich? I've found it better to use than American!"

Wallace winced at the thought of American cheese the only cheese he ever hated, and replied, "No… It sounds good, though."

Wolfgang's eyes widened as he gasped. "Then come! We need to make a couple of them now!"

"Okay… Come along now, Gromit, lad!"

The guest took out a grill from his cupboard and placed it out on the kitchen counter. He plugged it in, turned it on, and once it warmed up, spread some butter onto the surface. Wolfgang took out the bread, some Wensleydale cheese he had obtained from the grocery store, and gave a butter knife to Wallace.

"Here. Buttering the bread shouldn't too hard, right?"

"Of course not!" Wallace replied as he grabbed the knife and began buttering a piece of toast.

Wolfgang was slicing the cheese when he heard a scream; it did not take long before he realized the source of the scream. He surveyed Wallace and said:

"You want me to get you a band-aid?"

Wallace sucked on his injured finger and nodded. With the finger still in his mouth, he told him: "I'm so sorry! This normally doesn't happen…"

"I swear I thought you didn't get a cut from a butter knife…"

"Actually, it wasn't from that knife. It was from the one you set up for your lunch later…"

Disaster struck again as the bandaged Wallace went over to the sink to wash his hands. Upon turning on the faucet, he moved his hands forward and without warning yelled, "AAH! HOT!" While waving his hand, he grabbed the nearest hard surface to keep himself from falling; unfortunately for him, the surface was particularly hot...

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Wolfgang walked over to Wallace. "Is this too much for you? We don't have to do this…"

Wallace looked up. "Oh, no, it's not… I just didn't get enough sleep. We can start over…"

Apart from those two accidents, everything went fine for the rest of the taping period; as the cameraman was shooting footage, Bancroft thought, This is gold! Pure gold! I hope I get a better paycheck for this…

End of Chapter Five

A/N: Keep reading!

Ja Ne!

LM Simpson