Hmm. Lots of people seem to think Meredith is more pathetic than Addison. Can't say I agree. I mean, when Meredith wants to have rebound sex she actually makes the effort to make herself look okay, go out to the bar, and pick up a guy. She then promptly discards said guy when she's had her way with him. Give Meredith a break, people. Can't say I'm that fond of her, but the girl is tough.

Addison on the other hand, when she finds herself in need of rebound sex, mopes around in a revoulting sweatsuit all day eating muffins, then calls up the one person she has the most painful and complicated history imaginable with, waits around in her hotel room until he shows up, has sex with him and then proceeds to carry on an emotionally destructive relationship with him for a period of monthes.

Compared to Addison, Meredith is a shining beacon of emotional stability.

This is why I love Addison.

Anyway... The orchid... Totally Addison. Don't let the satanic persona fool you. I mean, this woman tried to stick it out with a guy who actually told her he loved someone else. She practically spent the entire second season begging Derek to notice her. That says needy to me. Of course this only makes me love her more. I love how she can kick all kinds of ass and then be totally sad and pathetic at the same time. Reminds me of this metaphor I heard where someone compared Addison to a flower that looks totally awsome at first glance, but then when you take a closer look you realize it's a little needy. Hint: watch what happens to the orchid in this chapter.

Speaking of this chapter...

I give you...

Chapter Eighteen: Hasn't Gone Away

Alex left Izzie with Meredith and said he was going for a walk. He gave an excuse, something about needing fresh air, and then left the reception and went out side to look for Addison. She'd been conspicuously absent for most of the evening.

I just need to know she's o.k. That's it. I find her. I make sure she's alright. I go.

He found her near the back of the boat, wearing nothing but that flimsy white dress despite the fact that it was quite cold now the sun was down. The wind was picking up too, tugging pieces of her hair out of place and whipping them around her face. She was distracted, tearing something white into little bits and tossing the pieces into the water without seeming to realize what she was doing. She obviously had something on her mind.

He meant to walk away and let her think but instead found himself drawing nearer, then saying,

"Hey. It's getting cold out here," and wrapping his jacket around her shoulders.

She blinked at him, startled, and for a minute, before she could mask herself with a forced smile, he saw fear and panic and hurt in her eyes, the look of an animal caught in a snare. And then it was gone and she let him help her slip her arms into the sleeves of the jacket, ridiculously loose on her narrow frame, and turning back to the water continued to pick at the something white. He realized it was the corsage she'd been wearing earlier.

She rolled the last of the pieces between her fingers before flicking it over the rail and then said,

"How do you always show up when I just want to be alone?" and her voice, drained, exhausted, a hoarse whisper gave away the fact that she'd been crying.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

He had enough experience with concealing his own vulnerabilities to know she was lying. And now he noticed an unusual palor to her face and traces of mascara under her eyes that she hadn't been completely successful in wiping away. Her tried to say that no she didn't look fine, but it came out,

"Well you look... really beautiful."

She laughed, but it sounded hollow, and responded, "How's Izzie? She seems to be handling this whole wedding thing pretty well."

He let her change the subject.

"Yeah. She's doing good. We're... um... We're not... We're just here as friends."

"Just friends. Where have I heard that before?"

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I don't know." She turned to him and now her eyes were pools of sadness, dark and soft and glistening with fresh tears. "My best friend says he's in love with me. So... No." Her voice broke. "Not okay. This is so far from okay." She bit her lip in an effort to keep from crying in front of him.

"What are you going to do?" he whispered.

Way to go Karev. Very supportive.

She sighed.

"He's going to try to get over it. I don't know what I'm going to do." She drew a ragged breath and repeated, "I don't know what to do."

And then she turned towards him and her head landed on his shoulder as if drawn there against her will by some freak gravitational pull.

He wrapped her in his arms and drew her against him and after a minute she relaxed in his embrace and he felt tears soaking his shirt. She cried silently and first but soon she was trembling violently in his arms and clutching at the front of his shirt, muffling her sobs in his shoulder. Her breath came in short choked gasps or giant gulps of air and he started to worry she was going to pass out. He'd never seen anyone cry like this before and he had no idea how to handle it. He rubbed her back and whispered that everything would be all right, and hoped to God she found it more convincing than he did.

Eventually her breathing returned to normal and she sagged against him and whispered,

"Thank you."

He pulled her closer to him and she sank into his chest leaving her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his neck. He stayed as still as he could, listening to her breath, and hoping she couldn't feel his heart hammering in his chest. Time passed. Maybe three minutes, maybe thirty. And then, almost without premeditation, he took a deep breath and said,

"You know how you said it would go away? It hasn't gone away."

She immediately pulled away from him sighing,

"Alex, that is really, not what I want to hear right now," and started to walk away.

But she only made it three steps before turning to face him again.

She took a step towards him and hesitated. She bit her lip.

Then two more steps and she was in front of him and her hands were on his face and she was kissing him. Softly, cautiously, kissing him. And he was wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

And she was actually letting him.

And... Now you all hate me for withholding Addisex. Well, would you rather have a cliff hanger now or a long juicy chapter later? And since I'm about to start exams, we're talking MUCH later.

Anyway, I kind of undermined the symbolic end to needyness (destruction of the orchid) what with having Addison clinging on to Alex and all. But at least she did not jump on Mark the second he declared his love. No. She saved that for Alex. This may lead to complicatedness in future. Although I would like to see Addison get a little stronger. I'll have to see what I can do. Perhaps the destruction of the orchid can symbolize a conscious decision to embark upon a journey towards less needyness, more self reliance, more letting emotions out in a healthy controled manner and less botting them up until they explode in a sobbing fit and cause Alex to worry that you are going to pass out. I'll have to see what I can do.

Next time: It's a surprise. I will probably be wrapping up it up with two more chapters and an epilogue if all goes according to plan.