American Cheese
A fan fiction by LM Simpson
Disclaimer: Hint: Nick Park is male, I am female…
LM Simpson's tidbits (A/N): Here's the latest chapter! Along with this being a description of the next five episodes of Wallace and Gromit's television show, but it also contains the debut of a new original character; she will play an important role towards the end of the story.
Enjoy!
Chapter Seven: More Episode Tapings
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With the Wisconsin episode under the episode belt, Bancroft sent Wallace and Gromit to the residences of five different cheese lovers in the Midwest.
The first participant after Wolfgang Wagner was Petunia Jessup from Saint Paul, Minnesota. Everything went well until Wallace introduced Petunia to Gromit.
"AAH! You call that thing a dog?" she screamed, dropping her string cheese onto the floor.
"Of course he is!" Wallace replied, looking a little confused. "Gromit doesn't look like a cat… or a monkey…"
"I'm sorry, but that cannot be a dog—it doesn't have a mouth!"
Gromit was obviously insulted at this. He gave her a mean look.
As Wallace stammered to find a decent explanation for the woman, Bancroft though, Yes! It's the moneymaking scene—Mister Park being stupider than usual!
"You make f-fun of m-me f-fr-friend, miss, and I will, uh… call you a bad name!"
Every single guest was thrown out of the house. Petunia placed a cellophane wrapped wheel on the doorstop and said, "Now stay out of here, and take your stupid blue cheese with you! I told you idiots I only like string cheese!"
SLAM! The door closed, leaving the crew on the front lawn.
Before they left the area, the camera caught this line from Wallace, who knocked on the door: "Please let me in! I want to say sorry for calling you a lampshade!"
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To film the next episode, they traveled to Detroit, Michigan, to meet the bald, portly, and cheese loving Milton Hornet.
Little did they know, however, just how obsessed Hornet was with his dairy products. Every room and closet, regardless of its area, was a shrine to a certain type of cheese. In his mozzarella themed bedroom was a certificate from the Guinness World Records that described his record as "the largest cheese memorabilia collection, with 1, 599 items."
Wallace and Gromit's eyes were twitching as Hornet talked to them in a voice that resembled Alvin and the Chipmunks on fast-forward. "Hi, so you're based in Milwaukee? I'm from Eau Claire! Are you from England? You sure don't sound like you're from here? 'You have cheese scented underwear, right? Tell me you do; I have mine on right now! ..."
Except for Gromit, who ran without screaming as he lacked a mouth, Bancroft, Wallace, and everyone else ran out of the house screeching in terror as soon as taping was finished.
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Springfield, the capital of Illinois, was the location of Elias Lincoln, the next guess. His favorite cheese was cheddar, and was thirty years old.
It should be noted that everyone but an annoyed Wallace wanted to take out their anger on him by the end of taping. The reason for this was the questions he asked Wallace throughout the taping. They included but were not limited to:
"Do I get free samples? Where are they then?,
"Can we stop talking right now? My show's about to start.,
"How much money will I get from this?,"
And, "Wanna see my goat Barry? He's out back…"
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Stop number four was Evansville, Indiana, home of Marcia Webster and, as Wallace and Gromit would soon find out, the basketball and cheese sandwich.
"Mmm… It's a little tough. What is this?" Wallace asked her after taking a bite from what appeared to be a roll of dough with orange colored pieces and a hill of melted cheese on top of it.
"A variation of a local favorite—pig brain sandwich! But since, I didn't want to freak you out, I decided we can try to eat basketball and cheese sandwiches today! You know, cheese is great on a lot of stuff!"
Wallace, however, did not get past "basketball and cheese sandwiches." He swallowed what was left in his mouth. His face took on a shade of green.
Bancroft was angry for Wallace throwing up, as it would have to be cut out in the final version of the episode.
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The final state they traveled to before going back to Milwaukee was Iowa. To be more exact, they went to Des Moine to visit Marcus Stevens; except for Wallace smelling horrible after using cheese scented soap with real grated cheese everything was, for once, fine. Needless to say, Bancroft was not exactly pleased…
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On the way to the hotel, Wallace and Gromit stopped at a twenty-four hour diner.
"I'll got see if there's a take out option. 'Be back in a second, Gromit!"
Wallace got out of the car and walked into the white tiled and walled restaurant. He went towards the counter and waited for someone to talk to; a few moments later, his wait was over, and he took his order.
"Hmm… You look familiar…" the woman that came the counter said as his food was being packaged.
"Really?"
"Uh-huh… Oh, yeah, you were that guy that got to open Wensleydale USA's gates! My name is Nelly Jackson, by the way."
"Okay, Nellie…"
"Do you also do that new show on PBS? The one with the mouthless dog?"
"Yes, m'am. That's Gromit."
"May I see him next time you are here?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Thank you!" she said, giving him his dinner. "That will be ten dollars and fifteen cents."
Wallace paid in exact cash and change and left the diner knowing just when she would get to see Gromit; the waiting time would not be long, that was for sure…
End of Chapter Seven
A/N: Chapter eight will be coming soon. Until next time, have a great day!
Ja Ne!
LM Simpson