You know you're obsessed with Grey's Anatomy when you can recognize Kate Walsh as the actress playing Ophelia in a teensy little black and white photo inside your edition of Hamlet even though her face is like the size of a skittle and she's in profile.

Actually, you know you're obsessed with Grey's Anatomy when coming across a teensy little black and white photo of Kate Walsh back in the day, in the middle of reading Shakespeare, actually causes you to squeal.

Chapter Twenty: One Way or Another

Stupid. Stupid.

Addison paced her hotel room, twisted the hem of her robe in between her hands.

What is wrong with me? Why do I keep hurting people?

Alex's frustrated sigh echoed in her head.

Mark's broken voice,

"You can't right now or you can't ever?"

They hadn't spoken in the car.

He'd walked her to her room, silence hanging over them as the elevator ascended twenty-two floors, and hovered outside her door as she searched for her keys. She hadn't been able to meet his eyes.

As she finally got the door open he'd taken a deep breath and muttered,

"You're gonna have to give me some time to uh... get over you. I'll call you when I'm ready." Then he had turned and walked away, down the hall and towards the elevators.

She watched him go, watched her best friend walk away from her, and wondered if he'd go to his room first or straight to his car and then the nearest airport. Mark hated Seattle.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she turned and entered her hotel room alone.

As soon as the door shut behind her a fresh wave of guilt washed over her as she thought of the person she would have to face tomorrow, thought of what she'd done to him.

Alex.

She wearily peeled off her clothes and stepped into the shower, hoping to rinse off the physical evidence of her actions, hoping to wash away the oily coating of guilt that seemed to seep from her pores, hoping the pounding of the water against her skin would drive the sound of Alex's voice from her head.

But fifteen minutes later, though she'd scrubbed herself raw, she still felt anything but clean, and his words still echoed in her skull.

"Did that mean something... or were you just using me?"

It certainly must look like that was what she was doing.

"I'm willing to take the chance that this can somehow work out, but only if you're willing to take that chance too."

Addison sighed. To make a statement like that to his boss was a huge risk on Alex's partand she'd responded by running away.

Stupid.

No, it wasn't stupid. Behaviour like that went beyond stupid. To turn and walk away from the person who made you feel likethat, when he was laying himself on the line and saying all the right things, was nothing short of detestable, cringing cowardice. All Alex had asked for was an answer, one way or another, and she hadn't even been able to give him that.

And now, instead of attempting to fix her mistake, instead of giving Alex the least he deserved, she was wallowing in self-loathing and wearing holes in her carpet.

"This is pathetic." She spoke the words aloud, tossing them out to the empty room.

"Pathetic." Her steps slowed, dragging towards a halt.

"Pathetic." She stopped.

For a moment she stood in the center of her room, frozen, teetering between resuming her pacing and some other, undefined course of action. She drew a deep breath.

Then she crossed the floor to her closet, threw open the doors and snatched the first piece of clothing she laid eyes on, a black dress. She laid it on the bed and returned to the closet for an appropriate pair of shoes.

Five minutes later she was dressed and digging through her purse for her keys.

This is insane. You don't even know where he lives.

Her fingers brushed metal.

Suddenly, there was a rapping on her door, three sharp knocks.

Keys in hand she pulled it open mumbling,

"Mark, I don't really have time to... Oh."

Alex stood in front of her, fists thrust deep into his pockets, eyebrows furrowed, glaring. And for some reason the first words out of her mouth were,

"Did you follow me home? Or how did you..."

"You didn't answer my question," Alex cut in.

She swallowed.

"Don't I get time to think about it?"

Alex sighed.

"You've had time to think about it. Addison, you've had weeks to think about it." He jammed his fists deeper into his pockets and continued in clipped tones. "So I get to have sex with you and he gets to drive you home afterwards and bring you coffee tomorrow and have lunch with you? Is that how you think this works?"

"Alex, can we please, please not talk about Mark?"

"No. Listen to me. You let him act like your boyfriend and-"

"Stop."

"You let him act like your boyfriend and you think that because you're not sleeping together it's okay for you to have sex with-"

"Stop it."

"You think you can use me for sex and then he can be there to take care of you afterwards."

Addison snapped.

"Mark's leaving Seattle! Okay? So you don't have to be jealous. Happy? Do you feel better now?"

"I..." Alex shifted uneasily and glanced at the floor.

"You think I'm using you?" she continued in an angry whisper. "Do you think I enjoy this? Do you think I've enjoyed feeling guilty for the last three weeks every time I look at you? You're not the only one who's suffering here. I ask you to leave me alone and you come back and tell me that things haven't gone away and you expect me to have answers to all these complicated questions."

"They're not complicated questions,"

"Alex!" Addison's hands flew up in exasperation.

"It's not complicated," Alex insisted, softening his voice. "You're just over-thinking it." He took her hands out of the air and folded them in his own, surprised when she didn't pull away. "When we're together how does it feel?" he murmured. "Or this..."

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, felt her soften under his kiss. "How does this feel?" he whispered against her skin.

Addison pulled away from him breathing shakily. Her eyes rose to met his and she whispered softly,

"It feels like I'm falling in love with you."

Alex gulped.

"Then I think it's a hell of a waste if we don't at least give this thing a chance," he said, a little nervously.

A delicate smile tugged at the corner of Addison's mouth, despite her last, lingering uncertainties.

"What if I fuck it up?" she whispered.

Alex chuckled.

"Well it's already pretty fucked up. I doubt you could make it much worse."

"Not funny." Addison pursed her lips. "But I appreciate the optimism." She broke into an almost smile.

"Yeah, well I'm trying really hard here to get you to give me a chance here," Alex smiled. "Are we really going to have to go through the whole thing again? Because I'll do it. But I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to get through to you."

"I think you're starting to get through."

"Good," Alex sighed. "Because I would really like to actually make some progress here."

Addison suddenly found herself grinning like an idiot.

"Yeah, I'd like to make progress too."

"Well until just now, you didn't seem to want to."

Addison rolled her eyes.

"So, I guess I'm making progress."

"I guess you are." Alex took a step towards her and suddenly they were breathing the same air and he was toying with her fingers and neither was really meeting the other's eyes. "So, um..." he darted forward and pecked her on the cheek. "See you tomorrow?" He dropped her hand and took a step back.

Addison's jaw fell open.

"Don't you want to… Do you want a cup of coffee?"

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"You want to have coffee at two in the morning?"

Addison rolled her eyes a second time.

"Alex, I'm asking you to come inside. Offering you a glass of warm milk isn't an exceptionally sexy way to do that."

"You want to have sex?" Alex's eyebrows rumpled in confusion.

"No!" Addison sprang backwards involuntarily. "I mean, not necessarily. I want to spend some time with you... give this thing a chance... that kind of thing."

She tilted her head to the side and bit her lip.

Alex smiled.

"Oh. So is a kiss okay?"

Addison nodded.

"A kiss is okay."

THE END

(Except not really. There's an epilogue.)

Wow. That got really cute towards the end. I wasn't expecting that. Oh well. Anyway, I think this works better than if last chapter Addison had been like, "Well, last time I said no, but gosh, you just asked so nicely, I guess this time it's suddenly a yes."

Now how much would you have hated me if I'd had him going up in one elevator while she was going down in the other? Hahaha.

P.S. My family went to the beach. Without me. And they must have taken all the food with them because all I can find to eat is a box of Kavli, a low-fat, cholesterol-free crisp bread (oh joy!) made of whole rye flour, wheat bran, mixed cereals (oats, wheat, barley, rye, millet), water and salt. It's also made in Norway, which is a pretty good indication that it's going to be healthy and taste like cardboard. Anyway I'm feeling lonely and unloved.

Reviews would help with that.