CHAPTER VI

To Look Upon the Seeds of Misery

'I'm willing to repent since I seemingly stole 'everything' from you,'

……

Repent?

REPENT? He was most definitely NOT going to give repent… tion, repenting— repent… to let Sasuke have his so called REPENT! After so many years of dealing with the pain of loosing his friend and drilling into his mind the acceptance that Uchiha Sasuke would NEVER come back— he comes back. And Naruto missed what had happened ever since, INCLUDING protecting his Sakura-chan from the claws of the Uchiha 'bad-boy' charm.

He knew that he was supposed to be happy that Sasuke came back to them with amazingly good terms, but his terms were too perfect that it drove Naruto to suspicion and jealousy. Sasuke had married Sakura under his nose, and were currently leading a perfect life together… without him. And that was just annoying.

So, very annoying.

Naruto didn't understand why Sasuke had suddenly changed; his was the BIGGEST change of all, no less, and frankly it confused him. It was absolutely ridiculous that Sasuke would unexpectedly move back to Konoha with good intentions, simply because of one person: Uchiha Itachi, Sasuke's older brother whom he had promised to kill with his own two hands. Unfortunately, everything that Sasuke had lived for was taken from him when Naruto killed that man in front of his Sharingan.

He couldn't help but remember that horrific battle which deliberately took place in the middle of Konoha. It was midnight and the sun had set deep under the horizon while everything plunged into some scenic darkness. And then three great ninjas, with totally different motives, almost consumed the village with their incomparable wrath. Two of the ninjas, both missing-nins, were fighting for their own reasons: Itachi because of god knows what and Sasuke because of his bloody ego. Naruto was simply dragged into the fight because he was just trying to protect his village at all costs.

To simply put it this way: Naruto killed Itachi because he and Sasuke were messing with his side of the world.

Was that intention wrong and unjust, or was he simply unlucky that day? Nonetheless, one of the mistakes he brought into his mind gave him goose bumps: he could've let Itachi kill Sasuke...

He remembered Itachi standing over Sasuke who could barely move his body, and precisely at that moment of suspense Naruto thrust his sword into Itachi's torso, thereby saving him from his own brother. BIG MISTAKE. Sasuke left Konoha with his broken body, promising retribution against Uzumaki Naruto. That was when he realized that he was undoubtedly caught in a conflict he wasn't meant to be involved with. It wasn't his fault! Sasuke was just too confident that he was ready to defeat his brother, but in truth he wasn't prepared for one of the moves Itachi pulled... a move which could possibly kill Naruto as well…

Naruto sighed. Revenge, retribution, reprisal… what the hell is the matter with that guy?

Nonetheless, Sasuke finally got his revenge. Naruto stole his purpose in life so he stole his as well, not because of righteousness but because of stupid, stinkin' revenge.

'Why don't you just let our differences go instead of acting all immature and self-centered?'

Immature and self-centered… perhaps he WAS being a bit self-centered for his part. Sakura-chan and Sasuke did seem happy together… so there was nothing he could do right now but accept what's happening at the moment. But if that Uchiha jackass EVER laid a hand on her, he'd be dead with his brother at any time, any day— because Naruto would be breathing down his neck SO hard, and he'd be stuck on him like a bandage.

Right now he just felt lost.

Naruto refused to go around Konoha, greeting everybody with open arms and a tub of laughs since he clearly didn't feel like it, so he reduced his activities to just lying there in some part of the forest (not that far away from the village, of course), his arms spread open to his sides so that he would feel like he was flying away out of this hell-hole.

It was easier to run than face the changes, anyway.

Although, how was he supposed to know that the place where he set his eyes on, was actually one of Rock Lee's training grounds?

Lee looked at him curiously, placing his bottle of water nearby, "Why don't you visit the others?"

Naruto shifted his head towards Lee, "I don't think I want to yet…"

"Eh? Why not?"

"It's not that easy, okay?" Naruto said sullenly, "Besides, who knows if I'm either going to be bothering them or make them happy because of my wonderful, wonderful presence?" he added sarcastically,

"That's not the Naruto I knew..." Lee said, a large smile protruding on his face,

"Well this isn't the Konoha I knew, either,"

"Hey, YOU'LL BE FINE!" Lee said with his usual energetic mode, he stood up from his sitting position next to Naruto's prone form and continued on with his jump ropes, "Everything didn't change THAT much!"

'Speak for yourself,'

"I dunno," Naruto said after moments of watching Lee count, from one-hundred to one-billion, before he died of boredom, "Everything is just going too fast for me. One day you told me that the 'Miracle of Love' has not yet 'crossed your path'…… and now you're married to the person whom I least expected…"

"YES!" Lee suddenly jumped higher than he was intended to, and landed next to Naruto, "TEN-TEN IS THE LOOVE OF MY LIFE!"

"You haven't changed a bit, I see," Naruto added, sounding uncharacteristically dull,

"You're wrong about that!" Lee said with his tone of voice a bit miffed… Naruto couldn't help but groan, "You're definitely NOT the Naruto I remembered,"

After a couple of hours lying on his back he decided to go back to his apartment and clean it, for his sake. Naruto desolately looked around him, noting everything new to the buildings which topped off another in height simultaneously, little stores which sold products which he never saw before, since he was probably out at the time it went on production. He also witnessed new faces of children who were born last year and five years before, he saw new stalks of trees which had grown out in the past few years. And by that he finally chose to take a fair glimpse the Hokage Monument for a brief instant, and saw Sasuke's face which stuck out like a sore wound… his own wound.

His face was supposed to be there…

Naruto forlornly looked at his feet, stopping in the middle of the pregnant multitude of people, sticking out in the crowd because he was undeniably different than everyone else.

… damn…

He forced his feet to move and walk faster so that he could reach his destination before he had a mental breakdown-- when he saw something white and brown to his left… what? Naruto jerked his head towards the man with seemingly snow-white hair, and dusty-brown cloak which he wore on his shoulders…

Gone? But… he knew he saw that old coot before… right before he blacked out…

'Ugh, you're just seeing things, Naruto,'

He was so distracted by that little sight he just saw, when somebody accidentally bumped right into him with a loud crash. Naruto was thrown to the ground with a soft thud, but considering the other guy who bumped him… it was better for him to say sorry than otherwise.

"Iruka-sensei?"

"Naruto!" Iruka exclaimed, "I was looking EVERYWHERE for you!"

Naruto smiled at him, but his small grin disappeared as he looked down at the asphalt in utter silence. Iruka noticed his troublesome behavior and so decided to take everything in his hands.

Naruto's old sensei took out his hand and helped him off the ground, "Why don't I buy you some Ramen, for old time's sake?"

… that certainly made his day. It was one of those times when he couldn't help but forget his problem and smile…

"Iruka-sensei…"

"I don't know, Iruka-sensei, I don't think I can take this anymore."

"Look, Naruto, you've faced some… okay, this may be the toughest thing you've ever faced, but you mustn't give up yet since... it's just not YOU. Everytime you fall down you always manage to get back up--"

Naruto swallowed the food in his mouth and said, "I can't be 'Naruto' all the time, you know! And besides, whenever I look at that poor excuse of a monument which used to be by inspiration, for some reason I suddenly want to kill myself…"

"NO! Don't say something stupid like that!"

"What?"

Iruka breathed deeply, "Don't reduce yourself to an idiot, Naruto. You need FIGHT first before you die, that's one of the ninja ways of survival..."

"Of course I remember that! I didn't even witness what happened in all these five years!"

Iruka cuffed the back of his head in annoyance, "That doesn't matter, idiot!"

"Ow..." Naruto whimpered, rubbing the bruise his 'friend' just created. The blonde huffily pointed at the shiner (which was barely visible because of his hair) and said: "Did you hear about the guy who DIED because of something like this?"

"Don't even think about changing the subject, Naruto."

"Well-- I... I should've died when I was already dead. Everything which reminds me about either Sakura-chan or anything about the past gives me a headache… can YOU take a headache like that? I can't."

"Are you talking about your apartment?"

... wow...

Naruto slumped on his seat and started picking on his Ramen bowl, "You know me too well, Iruka-sensei,"

"If you're uncomfortable of your own home, then why you won't move to another place? Like mine for instance."

"Because," Naruto stuffed a chalk-full of noodles in his mouth before he replied: "Moving to another place is useless if you don't have that much money. PLUS it's safer for me to live alone since you might give me some brain trauma or something."

"Well then, I'll lend you some money…"

"Look, Iruka-sensei, it's just memories. That's some poor excuse to move out of my own apartment… the apartment where I grew in before all this crap happened. All I have to do is just visit the outskirts often, and voila! No more apartment-moving because I just MOVED out of it without any trouble… IT'S PERFECT!"

Iruka looked at him and smiled softly like a father would to a son, "Why don't you think about it, huh?"

"I guess—I'll consider it…" Naruto fell silent for a few more minutes, contemplating about what Iruka told him just now.

Move out of his apartment?

Truthfully, his apartment was now the reminder of what used to be his life… plus it was dirtier than before, so he guessed that that extremely added to his grief along with his pictures with Sakura, Kakashi, and his other friends who grew on him.

Damn it…

"All right," Naruto murmured after gulping down his last bit of Ramen down his throat, "I'll do it…"

So, after both of them went back to their respective abodes, Naruto to his lonely and chaotic excuse of an apartment and Iruka to his… ugh… date— Naruto found himself looking around his home, exploring every nook and cranny when he finally sat down, exhausted by the differences around him.

There-- a picture of him and Sakura posing for a team picture… after that sentimental moment was the beating, the horrendous yet precious beating. Sakura totally mopped the floor with his face after he groped her because of his usual reckless banter…

'Sakura-chan…'

This time he let himself become distracted by her. He suddenly realized that the Hokage title wasn't that important to him anymore. As long as his friends and loved ones were there to cheer him on, he'd be their personal Hokage.

'I guess I have to visit them sometime…'

Instead of packing up all his things he removed all the pictures from its natural places and put them all in a box labeled: 'Happy Memories'

Another wave of nostalgia made his chest waver and his eyes water… no, he won't cry. He wasn't supposed to cry. He was only supposed to cry when he was happy, and he was supposed to be happy for everybody because it's the most noble thing to do. As long as his friends and loved ones were there and as long as Sakura would forgive him for not giving her their second kiss… he'd be happy.

He decided not to run away anymore...

And he decided to put all the pictures up to their natural places again after he mellowed out about everything... might take a couple of years. Twenty or so...

A tear crawled down his cheek and onto his dust-ridden floor…

But—it hurts…

OH MY GOSH! Sorry about this, but I editted it since that last chapter wasn't supposed to be the Chapter six I posted :sheepishly scratches head: Soorry. Anyway, I hope this is better than the last. I'm very, VERY sorry, it won't happen again.

AN: Eheh... sorry that this took so long. I guess that this chapter dwells on Naruto's coping with his new life. He's just... doing nothing... what would you guys do when you find out that you have no purpose in life? Anyway, I don't need to say the things I just said in the last chapter so meh! That includes: no flames, please review, and I don't own . The next chapter's hopefully gonna be cool!