Chapter 6

"She looks happy." A long awkward pause was not what Carter had wanted here, "I'm really happy for both of you."

"John it's okay." Luka replied. Everyone at County knew the history between the three doctors. Secrets were not easy to keep within the walls of the hospital. Some how some way, they always managed to discover that which was trying to be hidden.

"No really I am. You both deserve it." He could say it, try not to let emotions hang right there on his sleeve where they could easily be seen. On the inside bitterness and jealousy, those were the emotions that were running through him.

"Yeah," Carter watched Luka answer him and glance up at him once again. "You're looking pretty good."

Carter just nodded now. It wasn't something that he was comfortable talking about but he knew he should probably say something. "I'm feeling good." A simple answer now even behind the closed doors of the lounge.

"Time with your sister was a good thing." It was Luka's turn to put in the pause now and a sigh, "does anyone else know?"

Carter shook his head, "not that I know of." He sank down into the couch there, his eyes on the tall Croatian who had crossed the room to fill up mugs of coffee returning and holding out one of them to Carter, steam rising from the cup. "Why tell anyone it's over and done." Carter spoke before taking a sip of the coffee.

"I don't know John." The more experienced doctor replied.

You could see the lines upon his face. The ones that were there from the stress of the events in Africa, "what would it accomplish? Nothing really, gain me some pity, unwanted attention. The limp so far has gone unnoticed. I just rather not talk about it anymore."

Both men were silent now for a minute as if each of them was formulating what to say.

"I don't blame you there. But sooner or later people will ask questions not just about that but they will notice that Kem is never around." There was a sympathetic look upon Luka's face as he spoke.

"Ken and my relationship really does not concern anyone here at the hospital. If they want to gossip," Carter's tone turned to one that was irritated. "Then by all means let them gossip." Carter was still bothered by the failure of his married and that he could not have kept things together.

"No signs of reconciliation then?" Luka genuinely cared about Carter and considered him a good friend after their last trip to Africa together.

"No I wish." Carter let out a deep sigh now.

"Are you even still talking?"

When Luka asked him that question his eyes rolled back and he let out a soft sarcastic laugh. "She isn't even taking my phone calls anymore." He looked down at his hands were he nervously began to rub his wrist. "She says it is too painful to go through the motions of trying."

Painful, all of this had been painful. Carter couldn't comprehend or even begin to understand why Kem didn't think that this was just as painful for him. While the pain of losing Joshua was real and cut deep, Carter sucked it up and fought every day to keep living, after all that was the way he could do great things in his eyes, in remembrance of Joshua.

"She's given up, perhaps Carter it just was not meant to be."

"Christ Luka, even you cannot believe that." Carter was getting just a little agitated and unless you really know him you probably wouldn't have seen the frustration that clouded his big brown eyes.

The older doctor softened his tone. "Yes I do." He really wished that he had some solid advice that would pull him out of the Kem funk he was drowning in.

Carter stood up and began to pace back and forth rubbing his wrists nearly raw as he ranted. "I left Chicago for her. Gave up my life here in the States because I loved her and thought that she felt the saw way." He threw his hands up in the air. "She's shut down, stopped living, and she refuses to leave Paris. All that work that she started she wants nothing." He stopped walking, tears forming in his eyes. There was a deep sadness in his voice, "nothing and that includes me." That was the kick in the head. "It's over, I'm trying to respect what she wants knowing in the end that I can't make her want to live, I can't make her love me or want to be with me."

"You are right there." Luka said, "but you need to keep living, fresh start."

No one seemed to have the words that he wanted to hear. Did he really know what it was that he needed to hear? Somewhere beneath the pain and the hurt there was a glimmer, some feeling that resembled healing. But blow after blow had left him insecure. That confident doctor, tenured Associate Professor of Emergency Medicine was no longer shinning bright. So he just nodded as if he was agreeing with him.

"Why don't we go out tonight?" Luka asked, "beer, burgers and bulls?"

Now Carter knew if he turned Luka down he'd keep asking over and over again. "What about Abby?" Use the pregnant Abby to get out of this. "Shouldn't the two of you be busy with baby things?"

"Ah," he said giving Carter a smile, "she could use some time outside of the house."

Carter's eyes got a little wide he wasn't expecting that answer at all. "You are going to take a pregnant, might I add, very obviously pregnant Abby to a sports bar?"

Luka noticed that look of sheer surprise borderline shock. "She likes to go out every now and then. She's pregnant not breaking. She likes burgers right now and taking her with us will save me from having to go out later and get them for her… maybe."

There went that plan right out of the window. Carter would have to come up with another excuse pretty quick or Luka would smell what was up and see right through Carter's rouse. "Are you sure you shouldn't discuss this with Abby first?"

Before Luka could answer a head poked into the lounge. "Dr. Kovac, Dr. Carter, MVC five minutes out."

"Thanks Abby."

Carter hadn't said yes to the offer and he was thankful for the bad drivers in Chicago. MVC to start his first shift, not to bad, but it also got him off the hook.