CHAPTER XVIII
Broodings of a Disturbed Mind
The water caused his skin to tingle quite a bit, and that particular sensation made him sigh deeply in content, yet at the same time he also felt his legs ache a bit from the intense training he and Bosatsu tackled for hours. After moments of setting his mind to relax, he realized that after a few more days he would be strong enough to tackle missions and the like, especially Sasuke. Yes, and everything will be normal again… hopefully, that is.
As long as everything goes according to plan.
But either way, he'd pretend that everything is fine even if it's not; yes… he'd pretend that it was normal.
He still couldn't help but think that telling Sakura-chan what Sasuke has been doing under her nose was wicked and selfish, but then again it was still the right thing to do. The right thing and the smart thing…
But is it really the right thing to do? Well, yes, since Sasuke chose this path for himself, and besides, Sakura would be devastated if her own best-friend from Team 7 knew about all this, and didn't even bother to tell her. This was the right thing… and the smart thing. But when did he start to doubt his judgment all of a sudden? He used to be so firm, so strong willed and sure about his actions, that he didn't even have time to regret things. He tried to keep his promises and tried to always speak the truth. He used to be righteous, selfless and… and young. Forcing his thoughts to stop going astray, he grabbed the soap and started to wash himself, the scent of it made his senses grow soft and more relaxed.
Hopefully, the technique Bosatsu was trying to teach him would catch on before anything bad would happen.
He dressed in his best street clothes and decided to visit Jinu before he'd meet with Nej' on their usual meeting place, and while putting on his dark colored jacket and tying his forehead protector around his neck, letting his hair stick up in impossible angles, he chuckled as he randomly guessed a face Nej' would pull when he'd tell him that he forgot his wallet and couldn't buy any ramen for them both.
And he didn't even bother brushing his hair through all his excitement.
Naruto walked along the Konoha roads, watching everybody's life go by, like jovial drops of water the rain brought out in the darkness. He breathed a fresh amount of air and smiled: his life will get better. He knew it would, and there was no way in hell he'd allow it to be a mess again…
"It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishment the scroll;
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul!"
… suddenly the world turned silent around Naruto as he lifted an exasperated gaze at the figure beside him, "Bosatsu," he hissed, hoping that nobody will notice that Uzumaki Naruto has finally gone insane… if they remembered who he was, of course, "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I was bored," the old man curtly replied,
"Well get bored somewhere else; I'm not your buddy-buddy!"
"But you do want someone to talk to, yes?" Yes, that was true. He wanted to laugh and run around, and burn off his excess energy by talking to strangers about nonsense and hugging everyone he sees on the streets like a madman— but of course that's not normal, so naturally he restrained himself. To make things simple: he couldn't afford to agree with Bosatsu.
"… I hate you,"
Strangely, Bosatsu didn't say anything else after that, so both of them continued to walk towards Naruto's destination. The blonde couldn't help but think, however, that Bosatsu declared some kind of poem to fulfill his usually glittery kind of entrance. This man, Naruto thought, is just too melodramatic for his own good.
Naruto sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Look who's talking," Bosatsu said nonchalantly. Naruto's eyes widened in surprise,
"You heard me?"
"… no."
"Then how…?"
"Don't speak to yourself now, Naruto-kun, you don't need to be reminded that other people cannot see me, yes?"
The irritated blonde scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Why are you bothering me, anyway?"
"Naruto-kun, you've just passed the road you were supposed to take."
Naruto huffed in annoyance and turned around, giving Bosatsu his death-glare and curling his lips which clearly shouted 'I am going to kill you'.
"I am going to kill you." he murmured,
A couple of people who passed his way stared at him after that, so he decided to zip his lips instead of rage on about killing sprees, and ignore the idiot who was walking behind him like a king.
"Now, now, Naruto-kun, you didn't mean that, didn't you?" Naruto felt his eyebrow tick in exasperation, "Besides, if you kill me now who's going to teach you THAT jutsu, eh?" Bosatsu smirked, eyeing Naruto at the corner of his eyes, and obviously enjoying Naruto's shifting expressions, "But then again, what idiot would ever learn that— THAT kind of jutsu?" the older man laughed heartily,
"Idiot, you're the one who forced me," Naruto muttered,
"Yes, it's true that I'm quite mad, but you're mad, too,"
"I'm not mad!"
"Yes you are! If you're not mad, then you wouldn't be talking to me right now…" he cheekily said,
"Do you want me to not talk to you?"
Bosatsu pouted, "But saying these silly things makes a rather productive conversation, eh?" he chuckled again, a merry contagion in the air which Naruto failed to catch,
"STOP FOLLOWING ME!"
It took time for him to realize, that when he opened his eyes, he was staring at nothing but air. He cursed and continued on his way,
"Sorry…"
A voice whispered behind him, so silent that he had to register the barely audible word that just rang in all the silence. Naruto turned around rigidly, feeling the nervous pounding in his ears and saw… oh dear lord…
"Eh? Hinata?"
Hinata's index fingers were twitching ever so slightly, and unlike the Hinata he conversed with the other day, this Hinata looked very fragile and doubtful, yet her eyes still held some strength in them.
"No, no, no! I was… just, err—" how to explain… how to explain… damn. He'll kill the old geezer later, "Talking to… myself?" he stupidly said,
"Oh," Hinata said, her face relieved as she sighed, releasing that frightful breath contained in her aching lungs. It's strange that she didn't run away from him with fear. She walked beside him and smiled, "Where're you going to?"
"I'm meeting Nej'—ee later," he replied, "Don't tell me that he turned chicken on me and sent you instead. Hah, I mean, I always forget my wallet whenever we meet,"
Hinata twittered, "So he said."
Naruto nervous smiled at her and said: "You don't mind, do you? I can pay you guys back later when I recover…"
"No, no, it's fine with me." Hinata replied, waving an assuring hand,
"Hmm, seems to me that you're the half who wears the pants in your relationship,"
She nervously chuckled and went to walk with him.
'Oh well,' Naruto thought, 'I'll visit Jinu later, instead.'
"… then I saw him naked, running around the dojo, and that's how it started."
A loud laugh enlightened the empty street behind them as the strong smell of ramen escaped his senses, his mind fully turning its attention to her little story. My, my, this is some information which he can use to tease Nej' later. What joy…
"I started to avoid him a bit, ever since I saw him running naked and all, then he told me to grow a backbone."
"Peh, typical Hyuga Neji. He's a friggin' ice-sculpture, arrogant… and arrogant."
Hinata laughed along with him merrily, the ramen bowl in front of her growing cold as her chopsticks picked on it lightly, "… at least he's truthful,"
A curtain of stillness slightly surprised Naruto, but either way he never felt calm like this, ever since he woke up from the nothingness and heard of the devastating news which was lost time. He clasped his hands together; his elbows both on the table, and put his chin on his intertwined fingers, gazing ahead thoughtfully. He never expected to think that Hinata would even bother talk to him like an old time friend, considering that he barely even knew her before. He just never considered her as his close friend since he rarely saw her around before.
But perhaps… perhaps he could've been close to her if she was this bold.
Pushing all thoughts aside, he decided to dwell on the present instead of what used to be. That painful clench in his chest was still unbearable, and all he could do whenever he thought about things like that was force his mind on what he must do today.
Even after all his thinking, he didn't even notice that a bowl of ramen was waiting to be eaten right under his nose.
"He gave me a reason to live," he whispered, "And for that I wanna thank him. I could've killed myself, you know? And instead of ignoring me like the others did, he…"
He paused.
A couple of birds took flight behind them, yet he heard and concentrated on them so distinctly that he failed to suppress a small sob. He pursed his lips together and hardened his eyes, forcing his tears away and letting in a strong wave of confidence.
Hinata's eyes widened. She never expected Naruto to ever show even a hint of weakness, but then again, he's only human. A broken one nonetheless, "Naruto-kun…"
"I never felt so alone in my entire life."
They just sat there after a couple of minutes, the joyful atmosphere which used to toy with them earlier disappearing into thin air, as Naruto's gaze turned to the distressed girl beside him.
"You've felt that before, haven't you? We all did. I used to feel this way until everything changed. Sometimes I just want to turn everybody out of my life and not even try to force them to talk to me, but I always reminded myself about how lonely I'd get, and that I might even do some things which I'll regret later on." His eyes darkened, cutting a deep wound in her heart which thumped madly in her chest with trepidation, "So I stopped myself before I tore off my arm to ribbons with a bread knife."
A sharp breath resounded near his left ear, and he felt Hinata look down her hands with her eyes growing distressed, her head turning towards him to stare at the disturbing expression on his face. He never expected to share that bit of information which he strongly told himself to keep a secret until his dying day. He guessed that he was wrong, or maybe his dying day was coincidentally today.
That small sentence he just said immediately changed her mind about him: a buoyant, 'I-can-take-anything' type of a man who cared not about pain because he was either used to it or he just didn't care at all. Now she knew that people like Naruto can also be broken after a wild ride in the carousel of gloom.
"I've never done something like that before…" he said nonchalantly, "But it just felt so… right. For a moment everything disappeared, and all that was left of what I can see is a bloody arm and a bloody knife. For a moment I felt…" Naruto's chest heaved with some strange excitement, "I liked it— "
That strange excitement turned to shock…
And that shock turned to absolute horror…
At first he didn't know what was happening: the softness, the unexpected tingling and sensation on his lips which grew hot and wet as seconds passed by. At first he failed to discern what was happening to him at the moment. It felt pleasurable yet strange at the same time. It felt wrong yet it made his heart thrum so wildly.
No, this was wrong. Sakura-chan wasn't here. She was on a mission, yes? And the lips which stayed pressed on his so tenderly weren't hers…
It was then that he realized… that he was kissing his best friend's beloved wife.
A/N: Augh, I'm so exhausted. Well, there're reasons as to why I'm late:
1. I'm busy
2. I was on a writer's block.
Well, I do admit that this chapter's too short, but I hope that the cliffhanger makes up for everything. Thanks to StarlightAngel for giving me the heads up I needed, and thanks to all my friends back at H&E (thanks guys ).
Eh? 76 reviews? Cool :lol: I never even got the chance to thank you all before. Thanks, guys! Although, I do hope that I reach 100 reviews before I finish the fanfic (not chapter, so sorry, but I was exhausted)... so please, R&R!